Episode Transcript
[00:00:03] Speaker A: Welcome to youo Odyssey Podcast, where your guides, Tara and Karen invite you on a transformative journey toward wholeness and personal growth.
Each week we'll discuss topics related to the human experience and offer insights to help you along the way.
Please note this podcast should not replace medical care or advice.
We are not licensed healthcare professionals or mental health therapists.
If you enjoyed today's episode, subscribe so you don't miss out on our future discussions.
So, explorers, let's dive into today's episode.
[00:00:53] Speaker B: Hey explorers, it's Tara. Karen and I are so glad that you pressed play today. This month we've been exploring joy and aliveness, what it means to reconnect with ourselves, make room for joy, and remember that being fully alive is about more than simply getting through the day.
[00:01:10] Speaker C: Lord, that just sounds depressing. Getting through the day. Gots to have the joy.
[00:01:16] Speaker B: So I'm curious, explorer, how often do you find yourself answering these questions? What needs to get done? Who's counting on me? What's the responsible choice? What's next?
But as soon as someone asks you what brings you joy, you're frozen like a deer in the headlights. Not because nothing is joyful, but because you've spent so much time responding to life that you've stopped listening to yourself. So that's what we're exploring today with love and kindness.
[00:01:48] Speaker C: We going to break this up?
You're going to break up with your task list and your spreadsheets, or you're going to add one to it, which is what does bring me joy? And how can I take myself on a joy date every week? Or how can I spend time with myself every day doing something joyful, right?
[00:02:05] Speaker B: That's. It doesn't take too much. Over our lifetimes, we, many of us become experts at responsibility. We know our obligations, we know the roles that we play, we know our routines, we know who's waiting on us. But struggle to answer that question of like, what do I enjoy? What energizes me? What am I curious about?
It like happens so so behind the scenes that somewhere along the journey to and through adulthood, we've become these caretakers of our lives rather than active participants in our lives.
[00:02:44] Speaker C: Oh my God, I love.
[00:02:45] Speaker B: That is a problem.
That is a problem.
[00:02:48] Speaker C: Caretakers, right? As opposed to participating. So watching the scene, seeing what needs to be done, what needs to be addressed, who needs what? And forgetting that you are also in the movie, right? You are in the movie of your life and it's important for you to stay connected to what brings you joy, what fills your Cup. What do you dream about? What do you. What do you envision for your life? You know, everything in those arenas.
[00:03:16] Speaker B: So important question for you, Karen.
What do you see happens in your life or in the lives of clients, friends, family, whoever? What happens when we become disconnected from our wants, joys and desires?
[00:03:33] Speaker C: We die.
We slowly die inside.
I mean, that is extreme.
[00:03:39] Speaker B: But all to be dramatic about it
[00:03:41] Speaker C: or anything, all dramatic intensity aside, when we disconnect from what fills our cup, what brings us joy, what gives us peace, what puts a smile on our face, what helps us exhale, then we are just adding to the stress of life, the anxiety of life, the to do list, and the external stuff that really isn't as important as we think it is. As human beings, we often look outside of ourselves, taking the temperature on how am I doing?
How am I doing? Am I getting everything done? Am I being acceptable? Am I fulfilling my role, my duty as society member, spouse, partner, parent, child? We're looking for all this external stuff and we forget to take the time to look within and to ask ourselves those questions of what do I want? What do I see for my life? What do I dream about? What do I desire?
And truly, at the end of the day, that disconnection makes us so unhappy, it makes us so miserable, and it causes us anxiety, it causes depression. Anytime we can't express who we are either verbally or creatively or emotionally, then we suppress it and push it down inside. And that really, honestly leads to illness and disease in all the ways.
[00:05:05] Speaker B: It's not good, explorers.
[00:05:06] Speaker C: So it's not good. That's a long way of saying it's not good.
[00:05:09] Speaker B: It's not good for you.
I was also thinking too, how easy it is for us to express our responsibilities, all of the things that we have to do, all of the checklist, things that we keep in our lives. But I remember the most obvious moment for me that I realized I was disconnected. And Joy was waiting for me over in the corner, was in a session. I was asked, what do you want?
And I led with what I didn't want.
So they stopped me. And I was like, you started with the negative, what you didn't want, when the question was, what do you want? And I was like, I was that deer in the headlights, frozen, like, I don't know, I don't know. That's why I'm here. Please help. And it was alarming and scary, but also like, it was this beautiful challenge to really get back to, what is it that I want? What are the things that Bring me joy. What are the things that I'm curious, curious about? And that shifted so many things. So moving to like this beautiful, full and joyful life was a challenge, but something that I welcome because I'm like, I don't want to be like a quarter of me or half of me. Joy is the thing that fills us up and allows us to be the best, most beautiful expression of ourselves. And when I found myself living more and more in alignment, like, joy became a natural byproduct of that.
[00:06:40] Speaker C: Oh, I love that. And it is, it's so enlightening, right? It's so telling when you can more easily delineate what you don't want.
And that's like a fear based lack thing. I don't want this, I tell you that. But what do you want? And if you explore, hear that question and go, I have nothing, I don't know, then sit with it. Not just today, not just tomorrow. Allow yourself time to feel into that.
There's no competition. Like, we're just asking you to start reflecting on what it is you do want for your life. What are the things that do bring you joy, and then begin to slowly cultivate that, incorporate that into your life so that it balances out. Boy, those have to's and those must dos.
Honestly, that's smoke and mirrors, man. That's keeping you from looking at yourself deeply and asking yourself the question of what do I want?
Well, I have to do this and well, I gotta do that and well, I have enough time for that because obligation, expectation, and then you're empty and you're like, well, that doesn't feel good.
And if we're looking outside ourselves and looking at all the have to's and the must do's, we are missing out on a real deep, joyful connection with ourselves.
[00:08:01] Speaker B: Sometimes, like when we sit with the question or the lack of answer to that question, we might feel joy has been hiding or joy is not, not available to me.
But I want y' all to hear this with everything that I have, I want y' all to understand whatever it is you got to do to remind yourself that joy is not hiding from you. And I promise you, it has been leaving you breadcrumbs all along. Like it's not lost. Joy is not the thing that is lost.
The easiest way that I found to get back to joy is picking up those things that I put to the side because of the responsibilities and external factors, like picking the things up that I abandoned for those responsibilities.
[00:08:45] Speaker C: Joy is waiting for you, right? Joy's Waiting. Joy is very patient.
[00:08:50] Speaker B: Oh, I love that about Joy.
[00:08:52] Speaker C: He's like sitting in the corner like, I'll play solitaire. I'm fine until you figure out that you actually want to play with me.
[00:08:59] Speaker B: So, guys, to see Joy over there, because we've talked about in this series and in other episodes about the movie Inside out and Joy, like, I imagine the cartoon character Joy now sitting there playing solitaire. Like, well, I'll just be here until. Until you come get me.
[00:09:14] Speaker C: Having fun. Like, I'm having fun. I don't know what you're doing over there, but I'm having a blast. You know, maybe someday we'll connect. I don't know.
Be great.
[00:09:23] Speaker B: So. So maybe the more digestible question would be, what are the things that you do? And you actually feel like more energized after you do them than when you started it.
[00:09:36] Speaker C: And they could just be reading a book, right? Like, it doesn't have to be big. If you feel more like yourself and more connected when you are finished doing something that's a good thing to be doing it.
[00:09:48] Speaker B: It often is simple. Like we, we. I said this, I think yesterday in a class, I was like, I often over complicate the most simple things. Simplest of things, like joy is one of it. It's not complicated if we choose to follow the breadcrumbs, be it, you know, take the class, put on the music, dance in the kitchen, whatever it is, call the friend.
It is not really a requirement that you know what joy or where joy, the path that Joy is leading you on. All you have to do is show up for it and be willing to take the next joyful step.
It's not this dramatic overhaul and reinvention of your life to be more joyful. It's not.
[00:10:34] Speaker C: It's really not. It's so little. It's so subtle. It's like a little bloop, bloop noticing a little like, oh, if I have 10 minutes, what would be the most fun, best thing I could do? Maybe it's taking a nap. Naps bring me joy. Tell you what I mean. You know, let's talk about simple. And starting there, just sitting still, closing my eyes.
[00:10:57] Speaker B: That sounds amazing, right? It just be like, I just want to be. Please just let me be for a second.
[00:11:02] Speaker C: I love it.
[00:11:02] Speaker B: What you just said something about joy. I don't know the question went. But like, oh, it was on the complication of joy. And it had me thinking about this question. How. How do we joy without making it just another thing that we have to do or experience.
[00:11:23] Speaker C: That's a great question.
Because you know what? The last thing you want to do is put joy on your to do list and be like, I have to experience joy.
That defeats the whole process.
[00:11:35] Speaker B: It's on my list.
[00:11:36] Speaker C: I gotta do it. And then like pressure yourself and feel anxious about it. Right?
We don't want to put it on the to do list.
We want it to be. I think the best way to start really is to just etch out some time in your calendar. Especially like if you're a planner or if you're an overdoer or an over giver. Just pull out some time for yourself. It can be an hour, it can be 10 minutes. And literally put it in your calendar and just reserve that. Just write joy. Just reserve that space for. And maybe in the beginning, joy is going to look like you taking a nap or you sitting still or you just go into a coffee shop and treating yourself to your favorite beverage. Maybe that's what it's going to look like. And eventually more things, you're going to remember more things about yourself and you'll be like. And then you're on that joy day and you're like, maybe you're writing something down. Like, maybe you're ever journaling. Maybe you're giving yourself some time and space and you're like, oh man, I remember when I said I wanted to learn how to embroider or and be like, okay, I think I'm going to look up a class and then see, you know, it doesn't. It's not. You don't want it to be like this Herculean effort. You want it to be something that sort of organically, naturally evolves out of the first joyful thing that you decide to do.
[00:12:53] Speaker B: Yeah, I love it.
A joy date.
I realize it's probably what I do with my time now. Like, especially when I am slower and more intentional some mornings. That just sets up my day to recognize and remember that there is joy ever present. So if I'm not like immediately rushing to the next thing or rushing to the next thing, maybe that's. Maybe that's the joy day. Give yourself some spaciousness and margin.
[00:13:22] Speaker C: Build in the margin. You are so good at that. I've learned that from you. You think you need 10 minutes. Put in a half hour. Yeah, you actually need a half an hour, maybe even a whole hour. Transitioning between meetings or obligations or whatever it is. Gotta build in that time. Brilliant.
Let's talk about like looking back a little bit. Let's talk about Okay. I feel like when we're children, and I know we discuss this a lot in all the ways, but I think when we're children, we just know how to have fun. We just know what makes us laugh, giggle, smile, what makes us feel free. Just running. Maybe you're holding a kite. Maybe you're on a bicycle. Maybe you're just running. Whatever it is, we just know it and we just do it. We're not like, I don't know, does that feel good? I don't know. We just go with it. So maybe as adults, we can get back to what feels good. Like, what can I do right now that would feel good? And just do it. Don't think too much about it. Just do it and see what happens. I feel like if we could reconnect to that, the ability to take action with something that we think will bring us joy and just see how it feels and then move from that place, that could be a really fun exercise.
[00:14:40] Speaker B: I think that would be a fun exercise. When you first were listing out the things for half a second, I was nervous because I thought you were going to bring up the dreaded skipping, not one of the things that brings me joy.
But you didn't, and I did, because I was like, oh, wait, please don't say skip it.
[00:14:57] Speaker C: You're like, I know what doesn't bring me joy, and that's skip it.
[00:15:00] Speaker B: But I like your.
It's a tenacious approach to, like, just do it. Like, try all of the things. Sit back with your younger self and be like, hey, what did we do? What was fun for us? What was fun for us? And how can I incorporate that into my life now, too? Invite in more joyful experiences. That's just, like, be intentional and be tenacious about reclaiming your joy.
[00:15:29] Speaker C: Yeah. I mean, even taking three to five minutes in the morning, like, as you're getting dressed or showering or whatever, and just say to yourself, how do I want to play today? Where am I going to bring in play today? And just ask that question and see what comes. Don't think about it too much. Feel it.
[00:15:44] Speaker B: First thing, first thought, there we go.
[00:15:46] Speaker C: Put your hand on your heart. Like, how do I want to play today? Oh, my gosh, I would love to toss the Frisbee around, or I'd love to play fetch with my dog, or I'd love to go swing on a swing, whatever it is, and do that thing and see what happens.
[00:15:59] Speaker B: That is one of the memories we had with previous neighbors. Like, we went to the park and swang Swung, swung, swinged. We sat in the swings and did the things that made us swingable.
[00:16:13] Speaker C: We done swung.
We swung. We swung it, swung it hard. We swung. It's the greatest.
[00:16:18] Speaker B: Going to the park as adults and getting on the teeter totter seesaw thing and just, like laughing and not caring. We, the big kids at the park, like, we don't care.
[00:16:29] Speaker C: Just give it. Just give yourself that. Yeah. Give yourself that freedom. That ticket. It's the golden ticket. Just play.
Yeah. I love it.
[00:16:37] Speaker B: I have a song for this episode.
So there is something about this song that feels like the purest essence of joy, but not joy that's extravagant or extraordinary. The ordinary day in, day out. Joy that shows up when you are present and in the moment. The song is Dancing in the moonlight by King Harvest.
[00:17:07] Speaker A: Check out this week's song on the YO Podcast playlist on Spotify.
[00:17:16] Speaker C: I love that song so much. That is one of, I don't know, a handful of songs where I hear the first two notes and, like, big smile, everything melts away. Like, it's just. That is, to me, is like joy in a song.
[00:17:34] Speaker B: It is.
[00:17:36] Speaker C: That is joy in a song. Holy canoli.
[00:17:41] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:17:41] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:17:42] Speaker B: Oh, my goodness. That was so much fun.
[00:17:44] Speaker C: That was great.
[00:17:44] Speaker B: All right, it is now time for the question of the day.
Today's question. This is a very practical question.
[00:17:54] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:17:55] Speaker B: What breadcrumb of joy are you following this week?
[00:17:59] Speaker C: Music.
I really? Yeah. Like, playing music in the car, sitting back at my piano again after having a couple weeks where I was just not able to like, seemingly find the time and just like, singing and dancing. Music, for sure.
[00:18:16] Speaker B: Music. I love that. My breadcrumb of joy this week is I want to wonder as I wander.
[00:18:27] Speaker C: Say more, please.
[00:18:29] Speaker B: Yes. So, like, we walk in the mornings and it's always the same path because it's mapped out, like, how long it is. But I want to go on at least one walk where it's not the same. Like, change up the past and then just think. So this morning was definitely a quiet morning, a cool morning. And to just think and be and exist in nature. So to be able to wonder as I wander. I want to amble about. I want to go on a stroll.
[00:18:56] Speaker C: Yeah, stroll. Just a stroll on a different path. Yeah.
[00:18:59] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:19:00] Speaker C: There's not a time frame or it's not mapped out. You're just like, you're exploring, wandering.
[00:19:06] Speaker B: That's what I want. That's my breadcrumb for this week.
[00:19:09] Speaker C: Love it.
[00:19:10] Speaker B: Today's quote is from American theologian, philosopher, educator, and mystic. I never really know what mystic is. I still don't know it's what you think it is.
Okay, that implies that I think mystical things.
Yeah, but it threw me because it says theologian and mystic. But anyway.
[00:19:28] Speaker C: Oh, right, right, right. Okay.
[00:19:30] Speaker B: Howard Thurman.
Don't ask what the world needs.
Ask what makes you come alive and go do it.
[00:19:40] Speaker C: Truer words never spoke.
So true and so simple.
What? What brings you alive? Go do it.
I think that's literally the name of this episode because that's what we've been talking about.
Great.
[00:19:56] Speaker B: Thank you so much for joining us for this episode, Explorer. Until next time, I pray that you pay attention to what sparks your creativity and trust those whispers of joy before the path is even clear. And remember that the thing that make you come alive is trying to tell you something.
[00:20:18] Speaker C: Oh, come alive, friends. Just find one little thing that brings you that spark and then follow those breadcrumbs. So glad you're here entertaining the idea of what joy is for you. We love you. We'll see you next time. Take good care.
[00:20:37] Speaker D: Thank you to Queenies in downtown Durham for the use of their community podcast studio and for welcoming us so warmly. Each week
[00:20:46] Speaker C: we'd like to give a
[00:20:47] Speaker D: shout out to Coco Cinnamon, the birthplace of 1023 Media and the yo podcast.
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