Episode Transcript
[00:00:03] Speaker A: Welcome to youo Odyssey Podcast, where your guides, Tara and Karen invite you on a transformative journey toward wholeness and personal growth.
Each week, we'll discuss topics related to the human experience and offer insights to help you along the way.
Please note, this podcast should not replace medical care or advice.
We are not licensed healthcare professionals or mental health therapists.
If you enjoyed today's episode, subscribe so you don't miss out on our future discussions.
So, explorers, let's dive into today's episode.
[00:00:53] Speaker B: Hey, Explorers, it's Tara. Over the last couple of episodes, Karen and I have talked about what it looks like to say it anyway and what not saying it actually costs us. And today we're talking about what happens after those seasons because there comes a point where we realize, I don't want to stay quiet anymore, but maybe you're not exactly sure how. How to find your way back. So that's what we're getting into today.
[00:01:22] Speaker C: I was talking with somebody recently. I'm just going to add on here, Explorers and Tara, I was talking to somebody recently about how when we don't say something that is on our heart and that is true for us, or when we swallow our emotions about something, our authentic reaction and emotion about something, we do such a disservice to our body because our body has to hold that.
And our body is so intelligent and our body will hold it. It will hold it for us until we're ready to bring it back. And so as we're exploring this idea of coming back, reconnecting, so much is going to be processed and healed. Like, it's like just even as you start speaking from this point forward, it's almost like retroactively, it sort of ancestrally kind of heals all of the things, like, in your life that you didn't, you know, you start to get the stuff, stuff out.
[00:02:14] Speaker B: Because the truth is, our voice doesn't just disappear. It adapts. It quiets. It protects. And sometimes it goes silent because something in you needed safety more than expression.
[00:02:29] Speaker C: Oh, I am already gonna start crying.
[00:02:32] Speaker B: This.
These next three episodes are gonna be on the floor. So go ahead and prepare yourself accordingly.
[00:02:37] Speaker C: Oh, Lord have mercy. Oh, wow. Yes.
[00:02:41] Speaker B: So explore. If your voice has felt quiet, quiet, distant, or harder to access than it used to, you might be disconnected. And that awareness matters because if your voice quieted to protect you, then reconnecting with it isn't about forcing it back. It's about rebuilding trust.
[00:03:03] Speaker C: Yeah, you have to welcome it. You have to, like, talk to it like it's a little baby like, it's that little squirrel in the woods. You got to be like, it's okay, it's okay. We can do this. You know, it's. You gotta be super gentle with yourself, super compassionate. It's. It's been a long time and it needs that loving support.
[00:03:20] Speaker D: Right?
[00:03:20] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:03:21] Speaker B: Well, since you're already on the verge of tears, I have a question.
[00:03:24] Speaker C: I have to go explore.
[00:03:26] Speaker B: When do you think about your voice, Karen, as something that adapts and protects? Like, what comes up for you? Like, what. Where did you go?
Come out swinging. You know, this is. This is.
[00:03:38] Speaker C: All right, all right, all right. I feel, I feel.
Yeah. I mean, I was misunderstood and too much, man, right from the get go as a kid. So I did not display my whole self. I mean, I was probably three or four and didn't feel understood and safe and loved for just who I am. Right. I just. You're so sensitive, you know, all the things that you hear.
[00:04:06] Speaker B: Right.
[00:04:07] Speaker C: And that was the beginning of my silencing. I mean, you know, I talk about that moment where I wanted to say to my dad, like, don't hit my brother. Right when he got. When he got in trouble.
And I thought that's when it started. But the reason that was so hard for me was because it had started five years prior. Like, I was like, oh, no, we don't already learned.
Yeah, yeah, learned, absolutely. Behavior for perceived safety now. Right. I'm not saying that it wouldn't have been received if I spoke up. I just didn't have the tools. I didn't have the knowing as a little kid.
[00:04:41] Speaker B: Like, the past experience data, so to speak. Like, if I speak up, then this will be a good thing or this will be safe or whatever that observation is.
[00:04:50] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah.
[00:04:52] Speaker B: I think about you. Oh, my goodness. We've talked about across the journey of this podcast, like, I came into the world a sassy speaker. Like, I get it. Honestly, genetically, if you know my family and you see the women of my family and you're like, oh, this apple
[00:05:09] Speaker C: in this tree, it was not a pear tree. It was an apple tree. And she is one of the apples.
[00:05:15] Speaker B: Very clear. Like, because, like, that is what was modeled for me. So my silencing didn't really come in those formative 0 to 8. I was an only child for eight years. I was a center of the universe for everything.
So I'm like, I'm like the oldest granddaughter on one side of the family. So it's like all of this, it's almost like the Matrix. Like, oh, she's Here, she's made it, and we are so happy that she's here. So it didn't happen in that way. But over time, it became obvious that no one was listening. And immediately, oh, you'll say the things, you'll speak up, but nothing will change. Or in the course of relationships where you say something and nothing will change, and it's like, well, why am I going to keep talking?
Why am I continuing to say anything? Because if I use my voice, nothing will change it. So that means it doesn't matter. So that was the adaption. It's like, well, we're going to save our energy and we're going to move in a different way.
It came later.
[00:06:06] Speaker C: What I'm hearing is that your frustration was with the right, the non action, the non reaction of others. You're like, I, I said, I pointed it out. I, I red flagged that stuff. And nobody's doing anything.
[00:06:19] Speaker B: Nobody's doing it, so why am I
[00:06:21] Speaker C: gonna waste my breath? That still is so sassy. That energy and that response, right? That's like, even down to that, Even down to the quieting, it's sassy. You're like, no, you don't care.
[00:06:31] Speaker B: All right? You'll figure it out on your own. You'll find out. All right? Yeah. Like, very distinct memories of being young, probably like 8, 9 years old, and remembering the first time that I spoke up in the way. And then someone came through. My aunt asked the question, how are you doing? And the, the canned response was, oh, everything's fine. And me as a child is like, everything is not fine. I'm like, fine. What is your definition?
[00:06:57] Speaker C: Different? No, ma'. Am. How do you. How do you think this is fine? This is not fine.
[00:07:01] Speaker B: No, ma'. Am. And I'm gonna tell her. And she came through. And that was, again, there's still that seed, like, if you do speak up. So someone who is willing and able will listen. But over time, the instances of that happening was less and less, which means I'm like, well, y' all figured out. You got it. I.
[00:07:18] Speaker C: So even after that first time where the ant came, you still started doing it less and less because. Oh, wow. Okay. That wasn't like a magical turning point where all of a sudden it was
[00:07:28] Speaker B: no, again, speaking up, like saying the things.
Okay, we'll do that.
[00:07:34] Speaker C: Yeah. Okay.
[00:07:35] Speaker B: Yeah. All right.
[00:07:36] Speaker C: All right. Wow, that's really wild. Our experiences are so different, but so similar. Yeah.
[00:07:41] Speaker B: The results are the same. The method's a little bit different. And so I think too, there's this really big misconception or this phrase that I hear people say, like, I lost my voice when I don't believe that's really true. I don't believe, like, we lose our voices. We just learn or we're shown not to use them.
[00:08:02] Speaker C: Absolutely. Yeah. You don't actually lose it. I mean, literally, unless you're mute or you have laryngitis. You have your.
[00:08:07] Speaker B: But that's just you losing your physical voice because your voice. Don't. Don't get us started.
[00:08:12] Speaker C: Oh, boy.
Yep, there's that Cam.
[00:08:16] Speaker B: So it's like, not that you lose it, but you speak or you spoke and you weren't heard, you spoke, and, like, there was tension or conflict that resulted or you spoke in it. In my case, it didn't change anything, so. So our brains, Our beautiful, beautiful brains and our nervous systems did exactly what they were designed to do. They adapted.
Yeah.
[00:08:40] Speaker C: That's what.
Pretty amazing if you think about it. Also.
What. Like, it's. The stuff that's going on subconsciously is wild. And it's all designed to keep you safe and alive.
And your nervous system, when it gets a message that this is what needs to happen to keep you safe and alive, it's going to do it. This is what. Forever and ever, amen.
Until you decide, you know, to rewire. Right?
[00:09:05] Speaker B: Yeah. So that means you have to become more agreeable. You have to be a little bit quieter, or you just have to be easy to be around.
That's what's gonna happen. And your voice didn't disappear. You didn't lose it. It just got quieter so it could protect you.
I have another question.
[00:09:26] Speaker C: Oh, geez.
When you look down, I was like, she's either gonna. She's either gonna share something so deeply personal and she's gonna start crying, or she's gonna make me cry. I know it's coming.
[00:09:37] Speaker B: So this could be, like, you answering yourself or like what you've seen in clients or relationships. Where have you seen it show up as, like, that awakening when people reclaim their voice? Or what does that look like? Where have you seen it? Or is there a great awakening? Or is it something that happens slowly over time?
[00:09:59] Speaker C: I do think it's a process that happens over time.
However, I have witnessed someone who either says they can't sing or has disconnected from their voice in an. In a disempowered or very unempowered way, connect to it. And there is a visceral shift.
So there's an energetic shift, but there's also a physical shift.
They look completely different to me.
Like, face is brighter and eyes are clearer and posture is, you know, stable, strong.
It's wild when someone allows themselves to really reconnect with their voice and they allow themselves to make either big sound or even just like letting out like a. A yell or the siren sound that we work with.
Like, people are like, what just happened? You know, but it feels good. Like, it feels. They know it feels good, but something happens and I can see it. But maybe you don't cognitively know what just happened.
[00:11:13] Speaker B: Yeah. As you were saying that I was reminded of the mini experience that we just did.
Was that a week ago?
Is that. What. Is that when that was? My goodness. Yeah, just.
[00:11:25] Speaker C: In fact, yeah, just over a week ago.
[00:11:28] Speaker B: When at the beginning you could see there is a little bit of guardedness, a little uneasiness. But then after we went through the vocal exercises, after we went through some of the journaling, you could see from beginning to end if we did a snapshot, like, group photo at the beginning and a group photo at the end, energy shifted, postures had changed. There was so much openness at the end of it that was not as noticeable in everyone at the beginning. So I agree, like, once, once you go through the process, I see, like, it is a process and also there's awakening. So as the things start to shift, as you move pieces, then it's like the big reveal of, oh, wow, this is what it feels like. This is what it looks like to be connected in this way.
[00:12:09] Speaker C: Right. I fully agree with you. I. I hadn't reflected on that in that way, but absolutely, there was an opening that happened in the room, and I think for each individual. Yes. That, yeah, was really beautiful.
[00:12:22] Speaker B: All right, so.
[00:12:23] Speaker C: Ah, so good.
[00:12:25] Speaker B: Let's talk a little bit about why it feels hard to access now when you're in that awareness space where you're like, okay, I'm ready to speak up, but it's a little bit unfamiliar. There might be questions of do I even know what I think or how do I say this and can I trust that what I'm feeling and how I say it is going to be quote, unquote. Right.
And we inherently know, like, we do know what we think, but saying it is what's unfamiliar. It's like when you're trying to use a muscle that you haven't used in a while. Like when. Like now, as since it's warming up outside again and my husband and I are about to go back on our morning walks, I'm like, my legs are going to refuse the first week, they're going to be like, absolutely not. Like, we walk regular every day to get ourselves around. But this on top of it is a bit excessive of bringing it back to why it's hard is that this reconnection, this re. Building of trust doesn't feel like confidence. Like we want it to feel like confidence. Like once it comes back, like, I'm confident, sure of everything that I'll say is the right thing to say in the right way to say it.
It's not that at all. It's like remembering that your voice, what you came here to say, is important, it is worthwhile, and you can trust it.
[00:13:37] Speaker C: Right. It's not gonna happen the first time.
[00:13:40] Speaker B: Friends as much. I mean, I would want it to be for everyone.
[00:13:44] Speaker C: It's a practice. It's a practice. That's why I start every session. I start with a client. We start with a grounding exercise, a meditation, a visualization to just help them go inward, to. To connect with that inner voice, the one that does know and that they can trust, so that they can then bring that out right during the session. Yeah.
[00:14:08] Speaker B: That is definitely where it starts. It starts internally because this finding your voice again, we're not asking you to, like, shout from the rooftops and just be loud and obnoxious. We're asking and even modeling how it's about making it safer. So before you say anything, you have to feel safe in yourself to tell the truth.
[00:14:31] Speaker C: Yeah. That inner safety is key, and that starts with slowing down and going inward and just breathing and becoming aware of your inner self. Right. Become the witness observer. Michael Singer talks about that in his book the Untethered Soul. You become the witness observer, sort of the being behind your eyes. And just remember you rem. It's a remembering. Right. That happens.
[00:14:55] Speaker B: Yeah. And practically that could look like. Or starting with journaling your feelings, maybe reflecting on an experience and talking through with yourself in written form what you felt in that moment. In those situations where you are speaking up, noticing where you're editing yourself, just be aware. Not saying like, oh, I didn't mean to do that, or whatever, but just noticing where you're editing yourself and also starting small, saying the little things. I can't remember if it was the last episode or the episode before where I'm like, my husband and I were watching tv and I'll say out loud, I don't like that.
[00:15:30] Speaker C: Oh, yeah.
[00:15:30] Speaker B: I love watch, like, for something that's completely detached from me. It's like, I don't like that. But getting in the Habit of saying it like, that's low stakes. Like that. What?
It's not me in the experience, but just acknowledging that I don't like that is small enough and safe enough.
[00:15:45] Speaker C: Connecting you to how you feel about something. And then you say it. And like you said, it's low stakes because it's about a movie or something that you're watching. It's not your. Your direct experience, but you feel something in your body when that's happening and you notice it. And then you say that. I don't like that. Oh, it's so you guys. If there's nothing you else you take away from this, this one episode, that is a brilliant, absolutely beautiful practice to implement. Just notice what you're feeling in your body as a reaction to something that's going on around you that you may not even have anything to do with. And then just say out loud, like I've said recently, that doesn't feel right.
You know, like, that doesn't feel right. I don't think that's true. Like, you know what I mean? Like, just a reaction to, like. Because that's what my body was saying was receiving. Like, that feels weird. I don't think that's. Yeah.
Yeah. Beautiful.
[00:16:37] Speaker B: And then also to, like, a reminder to explore is like, if your voice doesn't feel safe with you, it's not going to feel safe anywhere else. Like, you can't outsource your safety.
[00:16:48] Speaker C: So good.
It's so good. Inner safety can only from you be gained and. Yeah. Validated and internalized from you. Yeah.
[00:17:00] Speaker B: And when we start small and keep practicing and rebuilding that voice muscle, rebuilding that trust, your voice will start to come back through each and every one of those small acts that compound over time.
[00:17:14] Speaker C: Absolutely. It's like having a savings account in a bank.
0.1% interest. You're like, it's coming, it's coming.
[00:17:21] Speaker B: All right, so there's a song that feels like this process that we've been talking about, and it's slow and it's honest, and it's about returning and listening to the lyrics. And the two singing the song are absolutely phenomenal. Let's just start there.
[00:17:38] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:17:39] Speaker B: But the song is a beautiful noise by Alicia Keys and Brandi Carlisle.
I will say, the first time I heard the title, I was thinking about Neil diamond, because that was. Didn't you and I go see that play together?
[00:17:52] Speaker C: Yeah.
Beautiful noise.
[00:17:54] Speaker B: But anyway, so. Okay, here we go.
[00:17:56] Speaker C: Here we go.
I love it.
[00:18:01] Speaker A: Check out this week's song on the YO Podcast playlist on Spotify.
[00:18:09] Speaker C: Is that a live edition or is that a studio?
[00:18:12] Speaker D: I.
[00:18:14] Speaker B: I think it's studio, but either
[00:18:17] Speaker C: way, I got chills at the end there. Right now.
[00:18:19] Speaker B: Alicia and Brandy.
[00:18:23] Speaker C: Yeah. So good. The lyrics are great.
[00:18:26] Speaker B: Hey, the lyrics are amazing. So many points in it. Where was it? From the mouths of our mothers to the lips of our daughters.
[00:18:34] Speaker C: Exactly. The phrase I pulled out. I was thinking about that.
[00:18:38] Speaker B: Yes. And then, like, using your voice to heal, when you use your voice alone, like, what is it?
[00:18:45] Speaker C: The quiet breeze.
[00:18:47] Speaker B: Yeah. But when we stand together, it's a choir of thunder and rain, and it's the learning to use your voice. What we said a little bit before in the pre for this episode, it's like, it's not just for you. Like, it's for others, those who may not be able to speak up, but using your voice in that way to, you know, cast down fear, to call out fear, to cancel out fear, to invite someone into belonging and into community, for calling out wrong. Like, that's how you change things. That's how you shift things. So even if your voice is a whisper, as it said in the beginning of the song, it can turn into a scream. That beautiful noise.
[00:19:29] Speaker C: Yeah. And don't. And yeah. And, like, not to discount, like, how much power your voice has to help someone else be brave.
[00:19:39] Speaker B: You know what I mean?
[00:19:39] Speaker C: To help someone else speak up, even just a little bit, you know?
[00:19:43] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:19:44] Speaker C: Yeah. What a beautiful example.
[00:19:46] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:19:47] Speaker C: All right.
[00:19:48] Speaker B: So good. After that beautiful noise, it's time for our question of the day.
[00:19:55] Speaker C: We've already done questions on.
[00:19:56] Speaker B: We've done questions, definitely.
[00:19:59] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:20:00] Speaker B: Oh, I mean, well, just buckle up, Karen.
Oh, today's question.
Where have you felt disconnected from your voice?
[00:20:11] Speaker C: I'm always laughing because I feel like I keep telling the same stories over and over, but I'm going to ask you, where have you felt disconnected from your voice?
[00:20:19] Speaker B: Where have I felt. The disconnect for me has come from the very rigid walls that I would put up between the voices.
Like, the walls of, like, this voice is for this instance, and this voice is for this instance and that. Like, not letting all of the pieces fully. Like, yeah, they. They in the same city, but they don't live together, not fully believing or trusting that it's all part of this same beautiful, broken vessel. It's just a different room. Like, how my voice shows up here can spill over or show up in another instance and that be okay, because it's all coming from the same authentic, true place. And, like, the disconnection for me has come from, like, tearing down those walls. Like, oh, it has to look a certain way here, it has to look a certain way there. When in truth, I choose how I show up and how I use my voice for whatever the situation is. But it's all coming back to me.
[00:21:16] Speaker C: So, yeah, it's not like outside of you. It's not in separate locations.
[00:21:21] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. Or not letting the outside determine how my voice will show up in that moment. Being secure and firm and grounded. When whether the voice is a whisper or a scream, like, yeah, whatever my body, my feel, my soul is requiring for that moment, that's the voice that will show up. And if it needs a scream there, then that's what's going to happen. Like, there's.
Yeah, yeah, that's my answer.
[00:21:45] Speaker C: Yeah, that's a great answer.
I just think for me also it's a body experience. It's knowing, it's being aware when I'm experiencing something, you know, somebody, a conversation or an action or something. And it doesn't feel good in my body.
And that's the cue to me that there's something I want to say about it. And now I've had feeling that body feeling like my whole life, but I purposefully stalled it.
[00:22:16] Speaker B: Right.
[00:22:16] Speaker C: Purposefully suppressed it. So now it's like coming back into that connection with my body helps me to know exactly how I feel and what I want to say, you know, with that body. Awareness has been huge.
[00:22:33] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.
All right. I have a quote from Rumi. What you seek is seeking you.
[00:22:45] Speaker C: Your voice is looking for you.
[00:22:47] Speaker B: Your voice is waiting for you to come back. And your voice isn't something that you have to create from scratch. It's something that you come back to. It's something that you remember. It's something that you trust and it's something that you've always had
[00:23:02] Speaker C: and it's unique to you. So that's why it's important to use it, to strengthen it, to practice with it, to share it, to learn to love it because it is yours and it. And it's important and you're the only
[00:23:15] Speaker B: one that can use it. So until next time, explorer. Be gentle with the parts of you that learn to stay quiet and patient with the parts that are learning to speak again.
[00:23:29] Speaker C: Just know that it's a process. But now about 10 years in, for me, reconnecting, it's profound. It's life changing in the most beautiful way and it's very empowering and it feels very like I feel very whole since beginning to reconnect. And that's a beautiful thing.
So explorers, we love you so much.
Continue to love and nurture your voice and until next time, take good care.
[00:24:00] Speaker D: Thank you to Queenies in Downtown Durham for the use of their community podcast studio and for welcoming us so warmly. Each week.
[00:24:10] Speaker C: We'd like to give a shout out
[00:24:11] Speaker D: to Coco Cinnamon, the birthplace of 1023 Media and the yo podcast. Please support your local women owned minority owned coffee shop in Downtown Durham.
Brought to you by Durham based 1023 Media, a heart centered woman owned multimedia company.
Sam.
