Episode Transcript
[00:00:03] Speaker A: Welcome to youo Odyssey podcast, where your guides, Tara and Karen invite you on a transformative journey toward wholeness and personal growth.
Each week we'll discuss topics related to the human experience and offer insights to help you along the way.
Please note, this podcast should not replace medical care or advice. We are not licensed healthcare professionals or mental health therapists.
If you enjoy today's episode, subscribe so you don't miss out on our future discussions.
So, explorers, let's dive into today's episode.
Hey, explorers, it's Tara. Karen and I are so glad you're here. Quick check in.
How's your energy?
Are you running on fumes? Running on autopilot, or actually running your life?
Take a breath, unclench your jaw and know this space is for you.
[00:01:13] Speaker B: Yeah. This life thing is not a race.
It's not a race. And I gotta tell you, explorers, hopefully you checked out last week's episode, because I'm feeling so good after it that I'm just really hoping you get out of it something amazing. So go back and listen to it. If you haven't checked it out yet, it was damn good.
Yes.
[00:01:37] Speaker A: And today we are talking about Superwoman or Superman or whoever this superhuman is.
[00:01:46] Speaker B: I call her super doer, super doer.
[00:01:49] Speaker A: You know, always capable, always strong, always the one holding everything together.
And that cape looks so shiny from the outside.
[00:01:59] Speaker B: Look at all the things I can do.
[00:02:02] Speaker A: But inside, it's heavy, exhausting. And if we're honest, it's slowly draining us dry.
[00:02:10] Speaker B: You know what that cape is made out of? It's made out of the thing that they put on you at the dentist office. That lead vest. That's what the cape is actually made out of. It's so heavy.
[00:02:19] Speaker A: This episode is about breaking up with that version of ourselves. And because this superhuman might be admired by the world, but they're killing our joy, our peace, and our sense of wholeness.
[00:02:32] Speaker B: They're exhausting. They're exhausting. They just are.
I don't want to be with you anymore. Yeah, here's the truth.
[00:02:38] Speaker A: You don't have to prove your worth by over functioning. You are right here, right now, cape.
[00:02:47] Speaker B: Or no cape, just as you are.
No superhero necessary.
[00:02:52] Speaker A: No superhero. Put that on the T shirt. No superhero necessary.
[00:02:57] Speaker B: No.
[00:02:57] Speaker A: All right. There are a few core lies that keep us playing superhuman.
[00:03:03] Speaker B: I've been living all I done, lived all of them and walked away from all of them. So let's hear it.
[00:03:09] Speaker A: I'm the only one who can do it right.
[00:03:12] Speaker B: That one led to utter exhaustion and breast cancer. Go Ahead, check. Next.
[00:03:16] Speaker A: Rest is weakness.
[00:03:19] Speaker B: Well.
[00:03:21] Speaker A: Or if I stop, everything will fall apart.
[00:03:26] Speaker B: Yeah, right. Didn't you feel I felt that way? I think it comes from our chaotic childhoods where we just felt like we were holding it together, just barely. And then we just.
[00:03:36] Speaker A: I mean, it was like the holding together, the facade is exhausting. Like I'm stretching.
[00:03:40] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. There's duct tape and there's all kind. Like. Yeah, all kinds of stuff.
[00:03:46] Speaker A: Those lies may look noble, but they cost us connection, peace, joy, and sometimes even our health.
[00:03:57] Speaker B: I was gonna say our health, because any kind of adaptation of that is very stress inducing, which will exhaust you and decline your health. You can trust me on that.
[00:04:08] Speaker A: Yeah. I remember seasons where I picked up every responsibility, convinced that I was being strong, when really I was just scared to let go.
[00:04:17] Speaker B: And we're just like. I think on some level, for me, I was trying to prove myself. Like you said, proving your worth. Because that was a long held. Oh, I'm definitely not worthy. So I better pony up. I better step up. With all the action and all the doing. Yeah.
[00:04:31] Speaker A: And the truth about those seasons and the reality now is that other people are fully capable of stepping in. My need to control was less about love and more about fear. Karen and I were talking briefly before this episode, and I said, you know the feeling when it's survival and you're. It's masking as control, like the desire, the drive, the urge to be in control.
It's actually survival. That hyper vigilance.
[00:04:59] Speaker B: Exactly. And that sort of holding on, clenching the. The tense posture, all of that is absolutely from that sense of fear.
And we control because we're afraid.
[00:05:13] Speaker A: David Allen, author of Getting Things Done, says, you can do anything, but not everything.
[00:05:21] Speaker B: Yeah. I wish I would have heard that, David, like 15, 20 years ago.
Yeah.
Yes. May I have that again?
Loud.
Yeah. That's freeing.
[00:05:35] Speaker A: This superhuman mode looks powerful, but it really does leave us hollow.
[00:05:41] Speaker B: Yeah. It is 1,000% exhausting. And really, it just begs the question, why? Why are you going so hard and so fast? What are you afraid of pausing for, looking at, like, what are we running from?
And what are we trying to control?
Trying to prove.
And I say that with love because I am that person. Exactly.
Absolutely.
[00:06:04] Speaker A: Let's look at three costs that come from this superhuman mode. The first being the relational cost.
When we're doing everything or when everything was done for us, the people around us and us, we don't get a chance to step up or show up.
[00:06:23] Speaker B: We can't develop capability.
Such an important and Resilience, Those are such important aspects of growing up and just growing as a human. That developmental area is crucial.
[00:06:37] Speaker A: And the physical cost, our bodies pay the price in chronic exhaustion, headaches, stress and burnout, period.
[00:06:47] Speaker B: Yeah, and stress is the number one leading cause of any sort of disease.
Full stop.
[00:06:53] Speaker A: Yeah. And then there is the emotional cost.
Resentment builds when we're giving from an empty place.
[00:07:01] Speaker B: Oh, hear that, explorers? Resentment builds when we're giving from an empty place. Like it's already empty, in fact, it might be a little rusty. And there is nothing that can come from that place.
You, you must fill your well, rest, take care of yourself to be able to be a functioning part of your own life, your family, your community, etc.
[00:07:31] Speaker A: And Karen and I both have lived that story of holding it all together while quietly unraveling. That superhuman mode isn't strength. It's survival. And survival mode is not, not the same thing as living.
[00:07:45] Speaker B: Survival is feeling like you are on that tight rope and there is no net.
And you got across that canyon and there's lions, tigers and bears under there. There's just threat after threat after threat. Everything feels like a threat.
And that is just that hyper vigilant, disregulated nervous system, that fight or flight panic kind of mode to be in. And that is not sustainable.
[00:08:14] Speaker A: Okay, so let's trade our superhuman for something better. Breaking up with our superhuman doesn't mean weakness. It means wholeness.
[00:08:25] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:08:26] Speaker A: So what do we replace them with? Three little ways. Three little quick.
Pin number one, asking for help without shame.
[00:08:38] Speaker B: Imagine that.
[00:08:40] Speaker A: Pin number two, saying no without guilt.
[00:08:43] Speaker B: Practice that one.
[00:08:44] Speaker A: Pin number three, embracing rest as resistance.
[00:08:49] Speaker B: I love all of those so much.
Those are all. Listen, that's really good advice right there. Just start there, see what happens.
[00:08:59] Speaker A: That was quote by author, philanthropist John Lubbock about rest.
We've done an episode recently about rest is existence as liberation, as freedom.
[00:09:09] Speaker B: We love our rest.
[00:09:10] Speaker A: And he said that rest is not idleness. And to lie sometimes in the grass, under trees is by no means a waste of time.
[00:09:19] Speaker B: I believe that's one of the greatest actions you can take, is to lie on the earth, be still, and just feel supported by the earth.
[00:09:27] Speaker A: And this wholeness that we are inviting you to enter into means that we're building a life where we're not just surviving, we're not just functioning, but flourishing.
[00:09:40] Speaker B: Right? The thriving, flourishing self. The well rested, joyful, peaceful, whole self.
Just like we're. I'm not. I don't want to be with you anymore, superhero. We are breaking up.
No, we don't. It's me. It's not you. I don't even know how you want to say it. However you need to say it, I think. Go back. Let's go back over those three pins because I want to explore what that means. Let's dive into that.
Yes. Asking for help with shame. So when we were little, we would ask for help. Yes. We were like, I don't know how to do this. Hey, mommy, daddy, whoever. Grandma, can you help me? I can't reach the thing on the show. Right. And then hopefully some guidance of, well, here. Here's this little safe ladder. Or let me help you with that. And when you get taller, you know there was no shame. Or I asked, when did it become shameful to ask for help? Probably middle school, where you start feeling like you have to have it all together and you're embarrassed to show any sign of weakness or neediness, and then it just balloons from there. But it is not shameful to ask for help, and it does take practice. If you're used to taking care of everything just today, or maybe even just once this week, try asking for help with something. Start small and just ask for a little bit of help and see how that feels.
[00:11:01] Speaker A: Let your people come through for you.
[00:11:03] Speaker B: Let your people support you. They want to support you. You won't let them because you're so good at everything and you just do it all yourself all the time. Give them a chance to show you how much they love you.
[00:11:14] Speaker A: Yes. Saying no without guilt.
Have y' all ever been around toddlers?
Once they learn how to say that word, you ask them for something that you know that they want or want to do.
[00:11:25] Speaker B: When they answer no, and then they probably run away at the same time, no.
[00:11:29] Speaker A: Like, there is not an ounce of guilt, remorse, whatever. When they said when they. They hold the power in there, though, I mean it.
[00:11:38] Speaker B: But it's there, and I mean it. They hold it and they're like. They're just right there. There's no hesitation, no pause. Asserting independence.
[00:11:45] Speaker A: Right. Reasoning with a title. Who said no? Listen, Impossible. They are firm on the no.
[00:11:52] Speaker B: Yeah. So try a little no sesh this week.
Somebody asked you for something. If it doesn't resonate in your body. We've talked about this, too. On the. On previous episodes. If it doesn't resonate in your body as a resounding yes, it is a hard no. If you don't feel it in your cells, like, yes, I want to be involved. No, thank you.
This is not a great time for me. I can't do that for you right now. Thank you for asking. Maybe another time.
There are lovely ways to say it. You don't have to say no like a toddler and storm off.
I mean, you could do that. I mean, maybe it depends upon what the situation is, but yeah.
[00:12:30] Speaker A: And then resting as resistance.
[00:12:33] Speaker B: We talk about. I mean, I love a good nap. We talk about and doesn't have to be sleep, but just resting. Meditation for me is rest and taking time away from the hustle. You're not in a race, you don't have to keep going. Life and circumstances around you will not fall apart. As amazing as you are, things will keep going if you take a moment, take a pause, go get a massage, go take a walk, have a little nappy little rest time.
[00:13:07] Speaker A: All this talk about lies, costs, and the better way forward comes down to this.
We are not machines.
We were never meant to be superhuman.
So before we keep going, let's take a breath together.
This song remind us of what we so often forget. That being human is enough.
This is Human by Christina Perry.
[00:13:42] Speaker B: Nice.
[00:13:46] Speaker A: Check out this week's song on the YO Podcast playlist on Spotify.
Blame the fact that claim it. We are only human.
[00:13:59] Speaker B: We cannot keep going at that pace.
We are but one person.
[00:14:05] Speaker A: That song is right where it needs to.
[00:14:09] Speaker B: I got goosebumps head to toe on that one.
[00:14:13] Speaker A: We weren't built to do it all, hold it all, or fix it all. We are human and we're allowed to be human.
[00:14:22] Speaker B: Yeah. And we're social animals and community matters and is important and leaning into that and. And being part of it as opposed to what you think is the head of it.
[00:14:34] Speaker A: All. Right, so that song, our reflection on it, sets us up perfectly for today's question of the day.
[00:14:41] Speaker B: Yippee.
[00:14:46] Speaker A: I'm on the step of my own toes.
[00:14:54] Speaker B: Oh, my God. That was great. I enjoyed that very much.
[00:14:59] Speaker A: What's one area of your life where you've been trying to be superhuman? And what would shift if you let yourself just be human? There one area.
[00:15:13] Speaker B: I'm just sitting back and watching this, my friends, because this is good for me.
[00:15:19] Speaker A: Historically challenging. Every day is trying to keep. Keep every ball in the air. The work ball, the family ball, the leadership ball, the relationship ball, the friendship. Like all of them balls, so many balls all at the same time, all of them. And the feeling that if one of them decided to go off on it, like if I drop it, oh, my God, it's gone and it's broken like they're glass. Like, right, right.
[00:15:45] Speaker B: You know they're made of rubber, right? They're just going to bounce on back.
[00:15:49] Speaker A: Not the special ornament on the Christmas tree. But if you're not, it's like, if you drop this ball, I promise it's gonna be okay. So the truth and the freedom that I'm learning and actively pursuing child, it's a struggle every day.
[00:16:05] Speaker B: Embodying that is if I admit to.
[00:16:09] Speaker A: Myself that I can't do all of it, something really amazing happens.
[00:16:15] Speaker B: Do tell.
[00:16:15] Speaker A: The other people around me actually step in. I get to breathe and get this, y'.
[00:16:23] Speaker B: All.
[00:16:23] Speaker A: The world don't stop turning and it don't fall apart just cuz I do it.
[00:16:29] Speaker B: Those balls are just still right there at your feet. Like somebody else is going to pick it up and it's going to be fine.
[00:16:35] Speaker A: It's always fun. It's always fun, right?
Ice on my feet. Because it's dead.
[00:16:41] Speaker B: All of them. Until.
Yeah. As soon as I was like, oh, she's gonna ask herself and answer herself and it's gonna be good.
[00:16:51] Speaker A: Pardon me.
[00:16:52] Speaker B: I remember that day when I was like, I can't do this anymore.
I know exactly what you're talking about and it's okay. The people around you are capable and can learn for sure.
They want to be helpful. Hit me with the question one more time so I can.
[00:17:10] Speaker A: One area of your life where you've been trying to be superhuman and what would shift if you let yourself just be human there, not the giggles.
[00:17:22] Speaker B: I'm laughing because certain parts of my superhero I let down a decade ago and then it still rears up. Right? Like we had a conversation before the podcast and I was like, but I gotta end this and I don't want to miss. And you were like, you know I'm right here, right? And I'm like, yeah, but I gotta. She's like, yeah, but I'm part of it and we're supporting each other. I was a solopreneur for so long, and now I'm in this amazing partnership, not only with a business partner that I trust and admire and look up to, but a sister friend that I feel so safe with and seen and heard. All I had to do was say that. And she was like, what are you talking about? That's not real anymore. This is what's real. This is what's happening now. We're a team and we all work together. And I'm like, oh, that's what that means, to be on a team and to work together.
Because I was a solo artist most of My life.
I was the composer, producer, arranger, and conductor.
And I don't want to do all of that. Those things anymore. So. Yeah. Happened just, what, like an hour ago?
Yeah. And she called me on and I was like, oh, you're right. That's my knee jerk habit. It's like, I gotta do this because if I don't do it, it's not gonna get done. And that's not true.
Leaning into community.
[00:18:43] Speaker A: That's part of how you break up with being superhuman.
[00:18:45] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:18:46] Speaker A: So, explorers, we invite you to take a moment with today hqotd.
It's not about shaming yourself. It's about freeing yourself.
Breaking up with your superhuman is choosing rest, asking for help, and remembering that your worth isn't measured by what you produce.
[00:19:08] Speaker B: You are so inherently worthy just by the fact that you are here.
[00:19:13] Speaker A: Okay, I have a quote.
[00:19:18] Speaker B: Zippity doo.
[00:19:18] Speaker A: Doo, from author and speaker Anne Lamont.
[00:19:21] Speaker B: I love Anne Lamont once said, almost.
[00:19:27] Speaker A: Everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes.
[00:19:31] Speaker B: Oh, including you.
Oh, my God, I love that so much.
Oh.
Honor those moments where you're just feeling like, why is nothing working? Nothing's slowing. Can you just sit down for a minute and like, just breathe and take a rest and take a moment and then plug back in. I love that. It's true for your toaster, it's true for you. It's true for your cell phone and your computer. It's true for you.
Reset.
Reset.
[00:20:00] Speaker A: Let that be your reminder this week. The cape was never meant to be permanent. It's not a second scan.
The cape may look shiny, but it doesn't belong to you.
Breaking up with your superhuman is choosing to live as a whole human, not a machine.
[00:20:19] Speaker B: Flesh and blood, whole human.
Yes.
[00:20:23] Speaker A: Explorers, thank you so much for pressing play today. If this episode spoke to you, share it with a friend or tag us on Instagram at yourodysee Life. So if you keep this conversation going and don't miss next week as we continue our journey through Emotional Wellness Month. Until then, stay human, stay brave, and keep choosing wholeness over the cape.
[00:20:47] Speaker B: Yes. What she said. Choose you.
We're so grateful for you.
We see you. You are worthy. We love you. Thank you for being here. Take good care of.
Thank you to Queenies in downtown Durham for the use of their community podcast studio and for welcoming us so warmly. Each week.
We'd like to give a shout out to Coco Cinnamon, the birthplace of 1023 Media, and the yo podcast. Please support your local women owned, minority owned coffee shop in downtown Durham.
Brought to you by Durham based 1023 Media, a heart centered woman owned multimedia company.
