Episode Transcript
[00:00:03] Speaker A: Welcome to youo Odyssey Podcast where your guides Tara and Karen invite you on a transformative journey toward wholeness and personal growth.
Each week we'll discuss topics related to the human experience and offer insights to help you along the way.
Please note this podcast should not replace medical care or advice. We are not licensed healthcare professionals or mental health therapists.
If you enjoy enjoyed today's episode, subscribe so you don't miss out on our future discussions.
So Explorers, let's dive into today's episode.
[00:00:53] Speaker B: Welcome explorers. It's Tara, Karen and I are thrilled to continue our journey through the Radiate Charm social wellness this series. Over the past few episodes we've explored connection, honesty, acceptance, and today we're turning our focus to respect.
Reflecting on my life, I've noticed how little consideration or respectful conversation has transformed potential conflicts into opportunities for understanding.
[00:01:24] Speaker C: Yeah, for sure. Engaging with your children at any age, if you come with to them with mutual respect, I feel like it really affects how they feel treated and how they receive absolutely right the message and share.
[00:01:39] Speaker B: Explorers, as we travel through this episode, we invite you to consider your own experiences with respect. How has it shaped your relationships? What moments stand out when someone's respectful behavior made a difference?
So let's get started. What exactly is respect?
At its core, it's recognizing the inherent worth and dignity of ourselves and others.
[00:02:05] Speaker C: Which feels like such a natural next step. After our acceptance episode, we talked about finding your own worth and finding the worth in others. And now that respect. I love it.
[00:02:18] Speaker B: It's Building respect is essential in nurturing healthy relationships because it creates those safe spaces for open communication, understanding and growth.
[00:02:29] Speaker C: If someone feels respected, they feel safe. I feel like no matter what I say, I can bring it and I will be respected and heard. If not agreed with, of course, then just, you know, right there becomes a conversation or a debate.
[00:02:42] Speaker B: Yeah, it definitely builds the trust for deeper connections and allows our relationships to flourish 100%.
Okay, so here we are. I do have some questions as we start this episode about mutual respect and understanding mutual respect and how that's shown up in our lives. Let's start with how mutual respect has transformed your relationships.
[00:03:09] Speaker C: Part of me wants to let you answer that first because there's so much I could say about it, but I want to come up with really concrete examples of mutual respect. What I really want to lean into is none of those conversations were even able to be remotely realized until I knew with deep awareness and respected myself. Because it's only when you are wholly bringing your own value to a conversation And a relationship that you can have that conversation.
[00:03:42] Speaker B: In my relationships in particular, when there is that safety, that trust, it speaks to the potential longevity of that relationship. If I don't respect you, then we don't really have much to keep. In doing this dance, we don't have to do that.
[00:03:56] Speaker C: You're pretty straight up. We talk about acceptance of others. Yes. Acceptance for who you are. It does not mean I necessarily want to be around and develop.
[00:04:06] Speaker B: That is who you are.
That person is not for me.
[00:04:09] Speaker C: I can respect who you are, and that's your view and that's your whatever, and I don't need to invite it into my living. So there's a difference. The discernment involved and then like the.
[00:04:21] Speaker B: Okay, so like, let's say we talk about, like, mutual respect, how it shows up in our relationships. There is open communication. We share our feelings, we discuss our issues, we express our needs.
This question is going to sound like, really, it's okay, how.
How do you show that in your relationships? And how do you better recognize or express it if it is a challenge?
[00:04:46] Speaker C: I just had an opportunity where communicating respectfully and holding my boundaries and not taking on someone else's view of a situation, letting them hold their truth and not getting sucked into it while so still holding my truth and letting those things coexist, I really believe is a sign of respect, love, and support. I see you. I hear you. I'm actively listening to what's going on for you, and I'm not taking responsibility for that.
[00:05:15] Speaker B: There's a layer of empathy involved. I don't have to agree with that being the totality of this experience. But I understand that that's your view in this view. And I don't have to argue your view. I don't have to like, well, that's not what happened. Did it? Da da. Like, you don't have to go back and forth.
[00:05:31] Speaker C: I think when there's an element of defensiveness, then that's not what the dichotomy can exist between what you're saying your experience is and what I perceive the situation to be. Which is my view or my experience of it.
[00:05:45] Speaker B: You said a little bit about our children and respect, which made me think of the difference between earned respect and inherent respect.
[00:05:55] Speaker C: Oh, this is a great point.
[00:05:57] Speaker B: So when I say earned respect, it's the respect that we gain through our actions, achievements, and character traits.
[00:06:03] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:06:04] Speaker B: It comes from demonstrating our integrity and competence, kindness. We did a thing. Now we've earned respect. While inherent respect is the respect that we deserve simply for Being human.
[00:06:17] Speaker C: Yeah. Inherent respect.
[00:06:18] Speaker B: There is intrinsic value in everyone, regardless of their status or accomplishments.
[00:06:25] Speaker C: Yes. The earned respect is very much a representation of the capitalist, oh society and the hierarchy and the patriarchy, where, like, if you do this, then I will commend you and reward you in some way. And it feels almost competitive and a little bit dirty.
[00:06:41] Speaker B: If you have this title, then there is respect that this title brings that everyone should recognize. Last time I checked, you put your pants on the same way that I do. They don't magically appear on your body.
[00:06:53] Speaker C: I am like, between the two of us, it could not be more. We're like, what?
What?
[00:07:00] Speaker B: Good for you. I celebrate your accomplishment, but that does not make you any better. More deserving.
Right.
But inherent respect sometimes missing. When we are interacting with people, there is a certain layer of dignity that everyone should receive regardless of their status in life. You can use your earn respect to broker relationships or build what I would hope you're using your own respect to build relationships, to foster harmony.
But I have a question specifically about inherent respect, especially for those of us who may feel undervalued. Why do you think inherent respect and the knowledge of it is critical?
[00:07:46] Speaker C: Well, I do feel that the concept of inherent respect and everyone being deserving of inherent respect will help to close divisive gaps.
If people aren't aware of it or they don't understand the concept, or that's not how they've approached relationships or any kind of connection in the past, then it's going to be really tricky.
Once everyone internalizes and understands that every being, and I'm talking about animals and all the kingdoms and all the phyla, everything has this inherent respect that they deserve and that will impactfully bring us closer and close some gaps.
[00:08:30] Speaker B: I think inherent respect is crucial for undervalued people when it comes to empowerment.
[00:08:37] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:08:38] Speaker B: When we treat each other with that foundation that you are valued for being you, we don't have to do anything.
[00:08:47] Speaker C: Yeah. I feel like, have you seen this in coaching relationships or mentor discussions where as soon as you give that to someone, not even verbally, but as soon as you show someone the inherent respect they deserve, there is a shift in.
[00:09:01] Speaker B: Their body openness that happens.
[00:09:04] Speaker C: They're like, oh, I feel safer. You have, You've seen that and felt that?
[00:09:09] Speaker B: Yes, I have too.
[00:09:10] Speaker C: Like every time.
[00:09:11] Speaker B: Which is a good point. Giving that inherent respect encourages participation. You get to participate in this life. You get to do these things. You get to show up.
[00:09:21] Speaker C: Right. Like, I'm here for you. And even though maybe you don't inherently respect yourself. Yet I am showing you this thing to know that it is yours, it is your gift, it is your.
[00:09:33] Speaker B: Let me help you find it, let me help you dust it off, let me help you bring it off the shelf.
[00:09:37] Speaker C: And then it just brings a little twinkle to the eye.
[00:09:39] Speaker B: Oh my goodness, that does feel so good when that happens, let's say, oh.
Embracing mutual respect enhances our ability to engage with others authentically, creating a more compassionate and supportive world.
Because we all have value, we all have worth. We're all just here doing the best that we can with the time that we have here. And part of our responsibility in that is spreading more love, more joy, more positivity instead of the things that divide us.
[00:10:09] Speaker C: Right.
[00:10:10] Speaker B: So when you think about your relationships, your personal growth, how has receiving earned or inherent respect contributed to your self esteem and resilience?
[00:10:23] Speaker C: Well, I think that we begin to understand that when we love and accept ourselves, we have that baseline of respect, of inherent respect. We start to get a taste of it, right? Wait a minute, I am worthy of all of that as well for myself as well as coming from others. And you begin to raise your expectations for what you deserve.
[00:10:48] Speaker B: Yes. It encourages us to advocate for ourselves. That's how it builds our self esteem. That's how we're more resilient because we're like, well, I can take this, I can't take that, I will do this, I won't do that. A big piece of self respect is boundaries.
Boundaries are very, very, very, very important.
Very important when it comes respect in our relationships, when we communicate our needs and our values encourages others to do the same.
[00:11:20] Speaker C: The boundary is set not just for you, but for the other part of the relationship.
It's same with teenagers. Like when you set the boundary, they respect it and they actually need it. There are people in your life who will need you to set and hold said boundary. And also brings people closer together. If you feel safe enough to even share, like, this is important to me, this is a boundary. And to hold it, then that other person's either going to be like, yeah, cool, or I can't do that. I'm gonna go, yeah. So it's really, it's very telling.
[00:11:55] Speaker B: I love that you said and hold our boundaries.
[00:11:58] Speaker C: You can talk them all day, you.
[00:12:00] Speaker B: Can have all of these boundaries, but if you are not communicating them clearly and directly, then you are doing yourself and the people around you a great disservice. It's not the, I feel like it's, I need this.
This is Important to me. I prefer and maybe you're thinking like what even are my boundaries? How do I get to the point where I'm setting boundaries? It starts with knowing your limits and the things that you do value. So maybe that starts with a self reflective exercise. What are the things that are important to me? What are my non negotiables?
[00:12:34] Speaker C: What are the facets of my life that I need or want to be this way so that I can best.
[00:12:41] Speaker B: Show up in the world or thinking through some of the situations that made you uncomfortable or the ones that make you comfortable, like more of this, less of that.
[00:12:50] Speaker C: Right. And just becoming clearer about what is important to you and what you will and will not accept.
[00:12:56] Speaker B: And when we are talking to others in our relationships about what that looks like when we are communicating our boundaries, it's y' all heard us say it before, we gonna say it again. It's I statements. It's not right.
You need to do this or you need to stop doing that. It's like I feel blank when this happens.
[00:13:17] Speaker C: I want blah blah blah.
[00:13:20] Speaker B: And the piece too. When you said hold your boundaries is staying consistent because if you let it slide one time then it's like, well that won't even really a boundary. So why should I care about the thing that they said with the boundary that they're not even enforcing? They're not standing on it.
[00:13:33] Speaker C: There's the mutual respect of this is my boundary and I'm holding it and the other person's respecting it. And then there's this is my boundary but I'm not even respecting myself to hold it. And so why should you be very clear about what's important to you and be very consistent standing confidently in that we all know people who have just don't like are just burnt out because.
[00:13:54] Speaker B: They'Re just boundaries violated all over the.
[00:13:57] Speaker C: Place and just being taken advantage of, not recuperating, not resting, not taking care of themselves, not even knowing what they need. It's not pretty.
[00:14:06] Speaker B: All right. I don't have anything else. This is just really quick, I feel like it reminder of the importance of having mutual respect. How that looks, how that shows up in the boundaries that we set and hold in our relationships. The things that we are willing to tolerate and not willing to tolerate in our lives.
[00:14:26] Speaker C: And I think being clear about it is such a gift to the relationship. It's a gift to the other person because if they really do love and respect you, they're going to be so grateful shared this thing that's so important that they Would like to respect and hold with you because it's important to you.
[00:14:44] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:14:45] Speaker C: Let's all shoot for those relationships.
[00:14:49] Speaker B: Yes, please.
All right. You want to dance?
[00:14:52] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:14:52] Speaker B: Do you want to dance to a song? Like, I feel like it would almost be an insult to an episode on Respect and not have what I just found out is not the original version of this song, Respect by Aretha Franklin.
[00:15:09] Speaker C: Yes. We learned that Otis Redding wrote it and did the first version, and it's been covered many times over.
But Aretha, Aretha, need we say more?
[00:15:22] Speaker B: Check out this week's song on the YO podcast playlist on Spotify.
[00:15:32] Speaker C: Say it, tell it like it is. Aretha, please.
[00:15:35] Speaker B: Woo.
[00:15:36] Speaker C: Love it.
[00:15:38] Speaker B: Yes.
Okay, I have a couple of options for this qotd. So I'm trying to figure out which way I want to go with this. Which maybe we can weave.
Yes. Because we didn't really talk too much about mutual respect.
[00:15:51] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:15:52] Speaker B: So we were talking about mutual respect among our relationships. What role does active listening play in that for you?
[00:16:00] Speaker C: Oh, that's funny. You actually said that before. I said, when you show up, up and you have mutual respect, you both feel safe to share, safe to engage, and you feel.
What was the. What did you say? What world is it? Oh, my God.
[00:16:22] Speaker B: Actively fostering listening. Oh, my God.
[00:16:24] Speaker C: I was like, he's like, we're talking about, like, when you see, when you show up and there's a sense of safety, the mutual respect, I automatically want to be present and really be actively listening for what this person feels and or desires, needs just rolls right into boundary setting. So I think active listening is super important in terms of normal conversation and boundary setting.
[00:16:51] Speaker B: Actively listening reduces the chance for misunderstandings. Like what I heard you say was, I've communicated my boundary. Can you repeat it back to me? What did I say my boundary was?
[00:17:01] Speaker C: And then the person listening can be, how can I support that communication that will show you that I'm respecting that boundary.
[00:17:07] Speaker B: Okay, so now the real Q OTD Today's question.
What advice would you give someone looking to cultivate more respect in their relationships?
[00:17:19] Speaker C: I would advise someone to do the inner awareness work to pull up from your innermost self. Pull up, up that knowingness, that confirmation that you are worthy of respect and that you respect yourself enough to know what that looks like.
And then being able to communicate that knowingness and empowering yourself to feel that worth, validation, and value that you bring that is inherently yours.
And then that rolls out into how you show up, how you ask, and how you present yourself.
[00:18:08] Speaker B: I'm gonna build on some things you said earlier in this episode. The first thing would be to choose wisely. You spoke about discernment. Surround yourself with people who uplift and show that they respect you. Certain relationships that consistently bring negativity or disrespect. Consider whether they're worth maintaining. I would start by choosing wisely. Use discernment.
[00:18:34] Speaker C: They are not worth.
Like if somebody is constantly being negative or disrespecting you.
[00:18:42] Speaker B: Yeah, just. It's not that. That is the takeaway message. It most likely is not worth it. And then the second thing that I would say if someone's looking to cultivate more respect, is to stay true to your values. Don't compromise your values just to please others.
[00:18:58] Speaker C: Yep. Have a. Have a hard and fast view and knowledge of your values and be able to express them. I didn't mean to take that.
[00:19:07] Speaker B: No, but stay true to your value.
[00:19:08] Speaker C: Staying true and rooted in your values.
[00:19:11] Speaker B: So that would be the two things that I would say.
[00:19:12] Speaker C: Oh, that was a great answer. Yours was way better than mine. Those are such important components.
[00:19:18] Speaker B: All right.
[00:19:19] Speaker C: Respect yourself enough to know when something is serving you and when something is not right. And then pursue the things that feel right in your gut and in your heart. Love it.
[00:19:33] Speaker B: Good.
[00:19:34] Speaker C: Bring it back.
[00:19:36] Speaker B: It is.
That's why I was late to our meeting earlier. Because I was in here, I was like, wait, hold on. I gotta capture this. Explorers, remember that respect is the foundation of meaningful relationships. It starts with understanding our values and priorities, perspectives, and appreciating when they differ from others. We are not carbon copies.
We can have and hold diverse thoughts.
[00:20:01] Speaker C: And feelings and still be in a healthy relationship.
[00:20:04] Speaker B: And still be in a healthy relationship. All right. I found a quote from Chinese philosopher Confucius.
[00:20:12] Speaker C: Love that guy. So wise.
[00:20:14] Speaker B: Without feelings of respect.
What is there to distinguish men from beasts?
[00:20:21] Speaker C: Confucius. There's part of me that's like, do animals not respect each other? But I get it. There's that primal survival.
Right? And then if you layer up to respect, there's like an acknowledgement of dignity.
[00:20:35] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:20:35] Speaker C: Right.
[00:20:36] Speaker B: Either you my lunch or you not.
[00:20:42] Speaker C: Oh, my God, Tara, that's hilarious. Because energetically, people like, yeah, yeah. You be like, I'm either going to eat you up and spit you out, or I'm going to respect you. That is hilarious.
Either you're my lunch or you're not. There it is. Mutual Respect 101 drop to either you.
[00:21:03] Speaker B: My lunch or you not.
[00:21:04] Speaker C: Oh, my God, I love that.
[00:21:07] Speaker B: If you enjoyed today's episode, please subscribe and share it with your friends.
Until next time, let's continue to practice respect in our lives and positively impact the world around us.
[00:21:21] Speaker C: Respecting ourselves, others, our values, relationships, boundaries. All of these beautiful ways that we can show up and show respect.
We respect your time. We respect your energy. We thank you for being here with us. Take good care.
[00:21:42] Speaker D: Thank you to Queenies in Downtown Durham for the use of their community podcast studio and for welcoming us so warmly each week.
We'd like to give a shout out to Coco Cinnamon, the birthplace of 1023 Media and the yo podcast.
[00:21:57] Speaker C: Please support your local women owned minority owned coffee shop in Downtown Durham.
[00:22:08] Speaker D: Brought to you by Durham based 1023 Media, a heart centered woman owned multiple multimedia company.
