Episode Transcript
[00:00:03] Speaker A: Welcome to youo Odyssey Podcast, where your guides, Tara and Karen invite you on a transformative journey toward wholeness and personal growth.
Each week we'll discuss topics related to the human experience and offer insights to help you along the way.
Please note this podcast should not replace medical care or advice. We are not licensed healthcare professionals or mental health therapists.
If you enjoy enjoyed today's episode, subscribe so you don't miss out on our future discussions.
So explorers, let's dive into today's episode.
Welcome explorers. It's Tara here. Karen and I are thrilled to have you with us as we dive deeper into our Radiate Channel arm Social Wellness series.
As we've explored over the past few weeks, we are examining five essential elements of healthy and fulfilling relationships. Connection, honesty, acceptance, respect, and mindfulness. Today, we're focusing on acceptance, a cornerstone of not just our relationships with others, but also our relationship with ourselves.
[00:01:30] Speaker B: Present and accounted for. Ready to go on self acceptance and acceptance in all the relationships? Yes.
[00:01:38] Speaker A: All right, so let's get started with self acceptance. You ready?
[00:01:42] Speaker B: Oh, most definitely, yes.
[00:01:47] Speaker A: Acceptance in general is about acknowledging and embracing the uniqueness of ourselves and those around us.
By accepting ourselves, flaws and all, we pave the way for personal growth and self improvement, which allows us to show the same grace, care and compassion to others.
[00:02:07] Speaker B: So the idea of presenting a perfect demeanor or view of your life to impress others or whatever the motivation is, there's no such thing as perfect. And when we really dive into what bringing it all, even, you know, in the messiness, we can be more deeply authentic.
We love and accept all the parts of ourselves so that we can do that for others. It's such an important step. And so often people will see the best in others and look for the best in others and also accept their flaws way before we accept our own goodness.
[00:02:51] Speaker A: Yeah.
Acceptance is very integral to our personal growth because it frees us from unrealistic expectations. When we practice self acceptance and extend that acceptance to others like we fully embrace that everyone has their own quirks, their own journey. We are not by any means carbon copies, nor should we want to be. We free ourselves to, I think what you just said too, from the judgment, the comparison. And we cultivate more empathy in our relationships and within ourselves emotionally.
[00:03:25] Speaker B: Wow, you said that so beautifully.
[00:03:26] Speaker A: Let's talk a little bit about how self acceptance factors into our self esteem and.
[00:03:34] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:03:35] Speaker A: How that in turn affects the quality of our relationships. When I say self acceptance and self esteem, what's the first thing that comes to mind for you?
Because there Was a. Oof.
[00:03:45] Speaker B: Oh yeah. I mean it's a direct correlation. Because if we cannot love and accept all parts of ourselves, there is always something about ourselves that we feel we are hiding or trying to change. I think that directly affects how we present ourselves to the world. Our self esteem is externalized in our confidence and how we show up in the world.
And if we are not loving and accepting ourselves, then that will show up in our self esteem which then shows up in how we show up in the world.
[00:04:25] Speaker A: Because I know that I have lived the life of external validation, being weighing more than who I actually am internally. And it's very common.
[00:04:35] Speaker B: I mean most of us do this.
[00:04:36] Speaker A: And there's this freedom that happens in going inside first before I go outside. And I find now showing up authentically, it makes it easier for connection and also like I'm more grounded in who I am.
[00:04:53] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:04:54] Speaker A: Because I've started with me first.
[00:04:56] Speaker B: Exactly, exactly. Right. Like if we can't love and accept ourselves, we always carry around this little deep dark shadow place of well I don't. And so no one, why do I expect anyone else to? And that's really what you're putting out, right? That's the energy and the exchange that you're putting out.
[00:05:13] Speaker A: Yeah. And I've talked about wearing the mask and how that kind of robs us of true vulnerability and openness in our relationships. So once I accept myself with this freedom from comparison, freedom from unworthiness, inadequacy in whatever those things are, like there's.
[00:05:38] Speaker B: This just those hard high level, oh, cannot meet expectations, goodness.
[00:05:43] Speaker A: So our self acceptance is most definitely connected to our sense of worth and self esteem. There is a beauty in accepting ourselves and opening ourselves up and being vulnerable with people. When we bring back to like how that affects our relationships with others, like when we do that, when we're comfortable in our own skin, flaws and all hot mess express however it is that you were showing up, it's easier for us to communicate what we want, what we desire, what we need, our boundaries. Which makes for a healthy relationship.
[00:06:20] Speaker B: Yes, I love that. And I have seen that firsthand most recently in our relationship. Because you now understand.
I think because I'm now sharing and showing all the parts of me that I've hidden for a lot of my life because I was like, I know I'm different and people don't seem to get it. So I'm going to be this way so that I can be more palatable to the general population. And now it's more like oh no, this is who I. I am. This is how I operate. When I do that with you, you're like, yeah, I know. You're just being you. You're like, I know. There's no explanation necessary.
[00:06:54] Speaker A: You know, this is how you're showing up. When you said more palatable, I saw a real recently where someone was holding up a sign. It's like, don't shrink yourself so that they can swallow. Said, let them choke. Like, let them choke.
[00:07:09] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:07:10] Speaker A: So when you said more palatable, like shrinking yourself to fit into whatever it is. Yeah, let them choke.
[00:07:16] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:07:16] Speaker A: I love that. I'm very much in the let them choke mentality. I'm not for everybody. I know that, and I'm okay with that.
[00:07:22] Speaker B: Yeah. And that has been a big piece of both of our self acceptance journeys. Realizing, like, we're good, like, we're good with who we are, we can love and accept ourselves deeply and completely with all the flaws. And whether that resonates with someone else is not our business. That is not our job. That is not our concern.
We. We be as best as we can all of. All of who we are.
And that's all that we can expect.
[00:07:50] Speaker A: That's it.
[00:07:50] Speaker B: That's the whole period. That's the end of the episode. That's the whole thing.
[00:07:54] Speaker A: Thank you. Good night.
[00:07:56] Speaker B: That's it right there.
[00:07:58] Speaker A: Okay, so we love ourselves. I don't know if you guys can pick up on that. From how passionately we speak about how much we embrace all the parts of us, but let's extend that beyond to others and what that looks like as we navigate our relationships, we recognize and celebrate.
Okay, pause. Back this up because I feel now, like, now passionate. I'm about to get on soapbox.
[00:08:23] Speaker B: I can feel it. I feel it.
[00:08:24] Speaker A: Hold on. Put your seatbelt on. Now more than ever in this divisive, selfish culture, I think it's more important now than ever to embrace and recognize and celebrate the many different qualities that all of us bring to the table. Whether you look like me or not. That's it. I'm gonna pull back into the episode. But I had to say that.
[00:08:49] Speaker B: And it's so true. And that really extends to even, like in relationships, in the workplace, in community, globally, if we can be.
[00:08:56] Speaker A: Diversity is not a dirty word.
[00:08:58] Speaker B: Exactly. And we all have particular zones of genius. We all have particular areas that maybe might be a little more toddlerish, but it's all parts of us, and we all have that. Can we not realize and see, please, on some level that we are all the same in that regard, we all.
[00:09:18] Speaker A: Have our flaws, but that does not mean that we can't use our strengths together to build deeper, meaningful connections, to build a more beautiful world out of that. It takes all different kinds to make this piece. Okay?
[00:09:36] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. That's all I'm saying.
[00:09:39] Speaker A: And I feel like there's something like, when we think about how children play together, they're not inherently coming to the world, saying, well, you don't look like me, and so I'm not gonna play with you, because I'm just looking for somebody to play with.
[00:09:50] Speaker B: They're not biased on external factors or, like, do we vibe? Do we. Are we playing from the same imagination area? Can we, like, roast sand at me, or do you, like, build something different?
[00:10:01] Speaker A: Right, right.
[00:10:02] Speaker B: And they're just very clear and simplistic. Straight ahead.
We get along. So let's do this. It has nothing to do with. We're not saying everybody has to be your person. Right. Because that. That's a great example. There are the ones that are throwing the sand. You're like, that's cool, man. Throw that over there. I'm gonna be over here.
[00:10:18] Speaker A: How long it's gonna take me to get the sand out of my hair? Like, I. Oh, my goodness.
[00:10:22] Speaker B: Like, I cannot play with you not.
[00:10:24] Speaker A: Doing that over there. I'm gonna be.
[00:10:26] Speaker B: I respect your space.
I'm gonna be over here with this one.
[00:10:30] Speaker A: So when we shift our perspective to see what people have labeled as imperfections, we open ourselves up to appreciating these traits as distinctive qualities that add to our relationships, make it exciting, make it.
[00:10:47] Speaker B: Something to explore, something meatier. Right.
[00:10:51] Speaker A: And when there are these things that are not quite how we do, it expands us.
It expands how we. Maybe like, oh, I like how you do that a little bit differently. Maybe I'll try that way.
[00:11:05] Speaker B: I don't want all of my relationships to be like me. Get out my head.
Like, let's have it be more of a complimentary.
[00:11:14] Speaker A: Like the puzzle pieces that fit together.
[00:11:17] Speaker B: Yin yang peoples. Yeah.
[00:11:20] Speaker A: Let's explore some practical exercises for building our acceptance. Because we know that real growth comes from action. We can talk about it all day long, but what does that serve our listeners? So let's take a moment to consider some exercises that can help us foster a greater sense of acceptance from ourselves and others. One of those ways is an affirmation. Challenge. Listeners, I encourage you to write down three things that you appreciate about someone.
[00:11:50] Speaker B: That's not you, that's not you. Okay? Yeah.
[00:11:55] Speaker A: And then we can bring it back into ourselves. And spend a few minutes in reflection writing about the aspects of yourself that you are proud of.
[00:12:04] Speaker B: Right.
Meaning starting with this might be a hard phrase for somebody. I love that I blank. I love it. Like, I'm so happy and excited about this aspect of myself.
Yeah. Some like, really strong words. Use powerful words. I love blank about me. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:12:26] Speaker A: One way that I'm super excited to explore right now on the POD is asking Karen to guide us through a brief meditation on self acceptance.
We invite you. You don't have to do this right now, but maybe you will do it right now and join us in a brief moment of quiet.
I ask that you turn inward and reflect on your journey.
[00:12:48] Speaker B: Oh, beautiful. I'm so honored. Do this. I love it.
This is something near and dear to my heart.
So I'm just going to invite you to close your eyes. Unless you're driving or just pull over, close your eyes and as Tara said, begin to go inward and just settle into some stillness.
Begin breathing in through your nose, out through pursed lips as if you're blowing through a straw or blowing out birthday candles slowly.
Just invite in a little bit of inner calm, that state of relaxation.
And I want you to imagine showing yourself love. I want you to just feel the feeling of love towards yourself.
If that is challenging for you to do, if it is not necessarily something you do. Often by expressing love and appreciation for yourself, you can take the feeling of love that you have for someone else, a partner, a child, a pet, and then turn that feeling inward, turn it back to yourself.
That's how you can exercise that muscle of self, love. And imagine filling your body with that feeling of self, love and appreciation, of valuing and accepting all of who you are, perhaps even adding this mantra.
I love and accept myself deeply and completely, just as I am in this moment.
I love and accept myself deeply and completely, just as I am in this moment.
I love and accept myself deeply and completely, just as I am in this moment.
And allow yourself to soak that in.
Really feel that, accept that. Allow that love toward yourself to flow.
Remember the unique, magnificent brilliance of who you are and remember to show yourself compassion.
Be aware. Become aware. Monitor the inner dialogue that you have and call it out and turn it around.
[00:15:10] Speaker A: Thank you.
[00:15:11] Speaker B: You're welcome.
[00:15:11] Speaker A: Thank you for that. I did. I was like, let me just ask permission before I just bring it on you while we record him. But that was beautiful. You wonder what our listeners felt in those moments when you were calling in love to yourself, when you were calling out love for yourself, like, where in your body you would feel that. And in those moments that self doubt creeps in or the negative talk track, remember to return to that moment of stillness, of accepting who you are as you are. In that present moment. You can close your eyes, breathe in deeply and just use that affirmation to reaffirm your worth. Know that you deserve love and kindness and compassion. And it starts with you. So we hope that you return to this practice whenever you need it and you use it to find peace which allows you to move forward gracefully and confidently.
[00:16:06] Speaker B: It's always fascinating to me how ready and able we are to give that to other people.
And it's just a little more challenging for some of us when we turn inward to stop that negative self talk, to stop the self deprecating reaction, thought patterns we have to quell the limiting beliefs and the feeling of being less than or not feeling valued and loved.
Those are the things that we must speak and internalize and give to ourselves.
Taking time every day to practice that, it's like a muscle. You build this routine up where you start to do this every day and the more you do it, the easier it gets.
[00:16:51] Speaker A: Alrighty, got my questions.
[00:16:52] Speaker B: I feel a little bit high after doing that.
[00:16:54] Speaker A: I was warm for a second.
How has your understanding of self acceptance evolved over the years?
[00:17:04] Speaker B: Huh. From a young age I remember feeling different and therefore I internalized a non acceptance or a judgment or a hide yourself kind of a mentality fit in because you don't.
And it took me a long time. It was just only been in the last five years that I have really dove into.
Holy cow. There are so many parts of myself that I have just squashed and limited and not let out of the cage. And once I realized that, I started to define for me what that looks like. How do I welcome all of my parts? How do I encourage and increase my self worth, right. My self esteem and how do I then bring that out into the world while providing safety for myself as I do that. Right. It's almost like a newborn, like a baby learning to walk. Right. It's gonna be a little wobbly at first. How about you?
[00:18:05] Speaker A: I think back in relationships, I feel like as a child I was wild and free, like you couldn't tell me anything. I was the most amazing thing ever. But then of course as I got older and try to fit in with this crowd and fit in with that crowd or become this person for this relationship and like it, it became very much chameleon, like, well, I'll be this person here and I Will say early in adulthood, primarily because I had my kids very young, where it's just like, I don't want them to have to be chameleons. I want them to be very comfortable in who they are and how they show up in the world. So it's like, let me learn from my children and remember who I am and let go of the idea that it has to look a certain way, that I have to be a certain way, that I have to show up a certain way. When if some days I'm low energy, I'm low energy, that's how I'm gonna show up, Right. If I'm overwhelmed, if I need a nap, I'm gonna take a nap.
[00:18:52] Speaker B: And no apology. This is what it is.
[00:18:55] Speaker A: Yeah. Because I think specifically about a relationship where it's like, I thought that I wasn't enough, then the switch flipped and I was like, oh, I've always been enough. You just can't handle it.
[00:19:06] Speaker B: That's a big moment.
[00:19:07] Speaker A: It was like, what am I doing here? This is, this is not much bigger than. This was never about me. It's always been about you and what you're able to handle. And I'm like, well, you know, let me just make it easy for you. Don't worry about it. I got it. I got me. I'm going to be on my way now. Thank you.
[00:19:21] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:19:22] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:19:22] Speaker B: Thank you very much. Tip of the hat. And see here.
Yeah. Those moments when we really lean into our power, right? Our confidence and accepting all of who we are, you know, like, we're not for everybody.
We're not for everybody and that's okay.
[00:19:42] Speaker A: How do you think societal expectations impact our ability to embrace self acceptance? And how can we challenge those expectations?
[00:19:51] Speaker B: I like to believe that it's getting better than it was 20, 30 years ago.
I like to believe that people are more open minded and that organizations and communities are more open minded. I like to believe that there's a bit of a shift into higher states of consciousness. It's not always overtly present. You have to look for it sometimes.
[00:20:16] Speaker A: Or you know what you're looking for.
[00:20:17] Speaker B: I like to believe, like I look at Gen Z and I'm like, okay, they at least know what they will and will not accept in some ways. Right. Even if some people may look at them like, oh, they're so entitled, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, well, could be that they know their worth and they are not gonna accept the constraints and the norms that have been in our cultures. I honestly am hopeful. I'm Optimistic.
[00:20:43] Speaker A: A lot of us who are aware are distancing ourselves from the unrealistic expectations of society. Like, oh, women should be this and men should be that, or you should have this career to be successful. Redefining what success looks like on our terms. It's part of the shift and the awareness that happens when we are fully in ourselves and accepting ourselves for all of who we are. The biggest impact on society when it comes to self acceptance is the comparison culture.
There's always been the saying about keeping up with the Joneses, but with social media and the influence of technology in our lives, I have concerns.
[00:21:26] Speaker B: A lot of pressure. You gotta be real careful not associating with your identity or the knowing of who you are are. Even if you're posting things about your life or things that you want to share that are uplifting, we just want to be mindful that it doesn't become your identity.
[00:21:42] Speaker A: Exactly.
[00:21:43] Speaker B: Because then that's not really realized.
[00:21:45] Speaker A: Okay. And finally, what role does vulnerability play in accepting ourselves and others?
Two words, authenticity and connection.
If you are not able to fully be yourself and fully be vulnerable in your relationships, you're not being authentic. People don't really know who you are, so they can't truly connect with you.
[00:22:11] Speaker B: Yes, for sure.
Vulnerability is like the leading actor without vulnerability, without being aware of all of who you are and being vulnerable and sharing that, then you can only go so far in those relationships and connections.
[00:22:28] Speaker A: Yeah, we can dig a little bit, but oh, that's the limit. Yeah, we had a little kid shovel. There's something beautiful in sharing our flaws, our struggles, our challenges. Like you said, the leading actor, the vulnerability that leads to authenticity, that allows us and frees us to show up unashamed and unfiltered.
[00:22:48] Speaker B: Oh, wait, say that again. Unashamed and unfiltered.
[00:22:52] Speaker A: Like those filtered versions of ourselves.
[00:22:54] Speaker B: The watered down, acceptable, palatable.
[00:22:58] Speaker A: I'm a strong.
I'm a strong drink. Okay.
[00:23:01] Speaker B: Okay. I mean, I'm a shot of something.
[00:23:03] Speaker A: Okay. Straight.
[00:23:04] Speaker B: No chaser.
[00:23:05] Speaker A: Yes. Allows us to show up like it leads to the authenticity that allows us to show up unashamed and unfiltered.
[00:23:11] Speaker B: I love that.
[00:23:12] Speaker A: Okay.
I don't know what the song is going to be. We have a couple of tinders.
[00:23:17] Speaker B: It's going to be your song.
[00:23:18] Speaker A: It's going to be my song.
[00:23:20] Speaker B: Yes, it is. What I love is it's strong, but it's also vulnerable.
[00:23:22] Speaker A: It is a beautiful ballad.
[00:23:24] Speaker B: It's like a vulnerability that she is really putting out in a strong way.
[00:23:28] Speaker A: So, yes, this song Encourages us to stay true and accept ourselves, flaws and all, by one of my favorite artists, Jessie J. Who you are.
Check out this week's song on the YO Podcast playlist on Spotify.
[00:23:51] Speaker B: I was doing. That was good.
[00:23:53] Speaker A: Real talk, real life.
[00:23:56] Speaker B: I love that we are all on the human journey. We are all, some days cruising, some days bruising, and it's okay just to be right where you are.
Also was thinking about self acceptance a lot, but turning that to others.
Something that I strive to do in my life every day is to connect with someone, look in their eyes and really see them as another version of me, another person doing their best to take in a moment at a time and working on all of these things, expanding, growing.
[00:24:29] Speaker A: So today's question, how has acceptance changed how you interact with others?
[00:24:37] Speaker B: I feel like I just said that you did. Right. Because it did. That did come about as a part of me loving and accepting myself in the wholeness, the fullness of who I am and realizing, oh my gosh, we are all.
We're more similar than we are different. We're all made of the same energy. We're all doing this human journey thing. And I began to look at others through those eyes of love and compassion and acceptance. It changes how I connect with people, even strangers.
[00:25:08] Speaker A: Yeah, acceptance for myself, it changes how I connect with self, which then changes how I show up with others. Like, part of that was owning my story, all of it. And being willing to share, to be vulnerable instead of hiding those not so pretty pieces, places or situations, and be like, yep, this is me. When I accept my total story, the whole story, then I am better able to accept and acknowledge those not so nice bits in other people. We all are masterpieces that are not yet complete.
[00:25:46] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. And there's something about that. Realizing that we all come from a history.
We all come from experience and a story. And it's not necessarily that we're. That we're hiding it, but if we. But if we are keeping parts in the dark, then we are potentially not being completely on. Right? Yeah. And the more that we can share that with others.
I don't know, I just feel like connections and relationships go deeper. Yeah, they should.
[00:26:19] Speaker A: I mean, that is what makes our life rich and robust.
And we're not just existing. Like, we're not just here. Right.
[00:26:27] Speaker B: We're not just robots working at a job, like, not having any fellows.
[00:26:32] Speaker A: We have layers, we have depth, we have quirks, we have flaws, we have beauty, we have ashes. We have, like, all of that is a part of our Stories.
[00:26:42] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. And I think if we're. I think when people try to hide maybe their history or their beginnings or their story, their origin story or their even trauma or difficult and ch. Difficulties and challenges that they've encountered, I think when we try to pretend that that didn't happen or hide the repercussions of that, then we. We can't be all of who we are.
[00:27:05] Speaker A: We minimize our own story. All of the things that we've overcome to be here and who we are, all of that has made us who we are and who we are.
[00:27:14] Speaker B: Exactly. I was just thinking that.
[00:27:16] Speaker A: And their acceptance is really this like, abstract concept of like, you know, maybe, you know, you could do it and you could try it. I feel like it's essential, especially when we talk about relationships with ourselves and others.
[00:27:28] Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
[00:27:28] Speaker A: And acceptance is based on lived experiences transforming how we interact and how we show up.
[00:27:35] Speaker B: Yeah, agreed. Agreed.
[00:27:37] Speaker A: Okay, so I found a quote from a retired Canadian American actor and activist, Michael J. Fox.
Yes, My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance and in inverse proportion to my expectations.
[00:28:00] Speaker B: Ooh, I love that. I love that so much.
[00:28:05] Speaker A: He's just telling us that when we accept ourselves, our friends, our family, we are creating safety spaces that encourages open communication, deeper bonds, and it's happiness.
[00:28:16] Speaker B: Right. And when we have expectations of how we think we should be or it should be the relationship or they should be or whatever it is, that just creates unhappiness, that creates like a. Just like a difficulty, a level of tension.
[00:28:30] Speaker A: So, explorers, we invite you to celebrate the beautiful differences that make us all unique.
[00:28:37] Speaker B: You are amazing.
[00:28:38] Speaker A: Be sure to tune into next week's episode as we continue continue our Radiate Charm series. And we're diving into the next element, which is respect.
So until next time, keep radiating kindness and compassion in every connection you make.
[00:28:56] Speaker B: And remember, my friends, you are so beautiful. We love and accept you exactly as you are. Please give yourself the same gift. We'll talk to you soon. Take good care.
Thank you to Queenies in downtown Durham for the use of their community podcast studio and for welcoming us so warmly. Each week we'd like to give a shout out to Coco Cinnamon, the birthplace of 1023 Media and the yo podcast. Please support your local women owned minority owned coffee shop in downtown Durham.
Brought to you by Durham based Tender 23 Media, a heart centered woman owned multimedia company.
