Episode Transcript
[00:00:03] Speaker A: Welcome to youo Odyssey Podcast, where your guides, Tara and Karen invite you on a transformative journey toward wholeness and personal growth.
Each week we'll discuss topics related to the human experience and offer insights to help you along the way.
Please note this podcast should not replace medical care or advice. We are not licensed healthcare professionals or mental health therapists.
If you enjoy enjoyed today's episode, subscribe so you don't miss out on our future discussions.
So, explorers, let's dive into today's episode.
Welcome, explorers. It's Tara here and I am excited to be back with Karen as we wrap up our Radiate Charlie Social Wellness series. We've journeyed through connection, honesty, acceptance, and respect.
And today we're discussing mindfulness, another important building block of healthy relationships.
[00:01:16] Speaker B: Mindfulness. Not mindfulness, but mindfulness. Yes, presence.
[00:01:24] Speaker A: Mindfulness is definitely about tuning in and being fully present. It helps us connect with others on a deeper level and empathize with them sincerely and and possibly even understand each other better.
[00:01:37] Speaker B: Now wouldn't that be a lovely world?
[00:01:40] Speaker A: That would be the most lovely world if we actually did that, actually got.
[00:01:46] Speaker B: Present to connect and understand one another.
[00:01:51] Speaker A: Yeah, that was my wish for the world. So, explorers, I encourage you all to reflect on your experiences with mindfulness. How has being present shaped your connections?
What instances come to mind when being fully engaged transformed a conversation or deepened a connection? As we explore today's topic, let's uncover how incorporating mindfulness can enrich our lives and the lives of those we cherish. So grab your favorite beverage, find a cozy spot, and take a moment to appreciate the power of mindfulness in your relationships. Let's go.
[00:02:23] Speaker B: I love it. She's so good at that part. Wrapping and getting us moving forward. Meanwhile, the thing that popped in my head as you were saying about the examples of we're present presence helped all I was thinking of. Well, I can tell you where lack of presence totally decimated relationships. Like, I can think of conversations with my kids.
I'm just thinking about the 10 things I need to do and they are maybe not moving fast enough or asking me a question and I was not present and it did not go well. It's not good.
[00:02:51] Speaker A: Yeah, you know what I mean?
[00:02:52] Speaker B: Like all of these situations and scenes are popping in my head. Oh, okay. Let's think about some of the positive and some of the actual present.
[00:02:59] Speaker A: We do that a lot. Like we can quickly rattle off all of the negative, all the bad stuff and then be like someone asked me, well what?
Well, see, what had happened was one time I Can't remember.
[00:03:11] Speaker B: So true.
[00:03:12] Speaker A: Okay, so our lives are super busy and we often miss out on meaningful connections because we get distracted.
How many times have you been with friends or family and were more focused on your phone or notifications instead of the people right in front of you?
So often, yeah, that means we're physically present, but mentally miles away. Let's dive in to how being truly present with others and letting distractions not take over.
All right, what are some common distractions that you notice during your conversations?
[00:03:51] Speaker B: I mean, sister friend, you are talking to the spicy brain. The nervous spicy. Literally, almost like everything. If I'm in a crowded space and someone is trying to talk to me one on one, I'm just like working so hard at filtering out what's happening here that I am just holding on by the thread.
I think I know what you're saying, but wow, there's a lot of noise. So, yeah, that's a challenge for me. Creating this space and intentionally going one on one walks with people or being somewhere with someone where there are those distractions is very helpful for me. What was the question?
[00:04:30] Speaker A: What are some common distractions that you notice during your conversations? I'm going to say one right now. Inattentiveness. At times, we may just zone out, making it difficult to engage in meaningful dialogue, which is what I think you were saying.
In certain environments where you're trying to hone in on that, it's not even.
[00:04:49] Speaker B: Necessarily lack of trying zoning out, but.
[00:04:53] Speaker A: It'S like your brain is like, absolutely not. I'm not doing that.
[00:04:56] Speaker B: I'm just going to.
[00:04:57] Speaker A: All right, so we gonna go with what I wrote down on this little list. So there is inattentiveness, physical discomfort. So being too hot, too cold, that can draw our attention away from the conversation. On a trip, like when you're too hot, like in the beach, I can't even function. My brain is just like, there are words, but it sounds like Charlie Brown. I can't do it.
[00:05:14] Speaker B: I'm melting.
[00:05:16] Speaker A: Exactly.
I already mentioned about our smartphones, all of those notifications. My phone has been on silent probably for about 10 years.
[00:05:29] Speaker B: How stressful it was.
[00:05:30] Speaker A: It was the ringtone. Every time I heard the iPhone default ringtone, I was like, oh, my gosh, I gotta grab it. And I was like, this is not good. I'm Pavlov dog. And I'm like, nope, absolutely not. Turn this off immediately.
Sometimes it could be like tv. Like, if I'm intent, watching a show and then someone in the family or whatever comes up trying to talk to me, or I get a phone call. I want to watch the show, so I'm only half listening to what they're saying, and then I'm missing parts of the show in that situation.
[00:05:59] Speaker B: Right. The options are I can kindly respectfully set a boundary and say, can we.
[00:06:04] Speaker A: Speak about this after my show?
[00:06:06] Speaker B: Right. Or you pause the show and turn your attention to the person you love and say, what is it? How can help you. But you have every right to not pause the show.
[00:06:16] Speaker A: More likely for me, I'm not answering the phone.
It's going to ring, and I'm like, I'm not available because I'm watching my show.
[00:06:22] Speaker B: But that's if somebody physically walks.
[00:06:24] Speaker A: Yeah.
Give me a moment to transition.
In this space with you, there's also general multitasking. So you're, like, cooking or cleaning or whatever it is, and someone comes in, and then our attention is split, and I'm not connecting with the person because I was already in the zone doing the thing that reminds me of when I'm hosting Thanksgiving and I'm doing all of the stuff to prep for dinner. Most everyone that comes over for Thanksgiving now, it's like, out of the kitchen. I have a zone of focus where I'm getting things so we can eat on time.
Do not cross line. But everyone knows it. They're like, all right, I just popped in to say hi, and I'm gonna go back out because I know you're in the zone right now.
[00:07:01] Speaker B: Don't mess. When Tara's putting on an event, trying to keep up that stuff happening, it's so interesting. I've learned. I mean, I've said with my kids, like, I've learned so much about putting the thing aside, you know, if I'm able to, and just focusing on, you know, what do you need? What is it you'd like to talk about? How can I support you if I'm of the bandwidth? And also, they know now I need transition time. So I've done this, and I'm joking about saying, train them to know that. They come in and I say, can you hang on a minute? Yeah, just give me a few minutes.
[00:07:35] Speaker A: It's not even really about training them. You teach people how to treat you. We just did this yesterday as I was working on our product, and I was like, what are you doing? And then you got back to me, and you're like, well, I just got in. Give me a few moments. And I'm like, yeah, take your time. Take your time.
[00:07:51] Speaker B: That's new for me, by the way. Actually being aware and saying, this is what I need.
[00:07:57] Speaker A: Instead of rushing, you were giving yourself that margin.
[00:07:59] Speaker B: I was giving myself a little time.
[00:08:01] Speaker A: I had to go find some research to support it because Karen and I can talk about mindfulness all day long. And you'd be like, what these two ladies talking about all day?
There is a study by Pew Research Center, American Trends panel. I think it's a few years old now, but it was talking about relationships in the digital age, and it was talking about couples. But I think this applies to, like, any relationship. It said 40% of partnered adults say they are bothered by the amount of time their partner spends on their cell phone. 40%.
[00:08:33] Speaker B: I actually thought it'd be higher.
[00:08:35] Speaker A: It is higher for women in my world.
[00:08:37] Speaker B: I'm like, that's about a 70%.
You know, I'm like, that is my pet peeve, man. If we are spending time together, throw that out the window.
[00:08:48] Speaker A: Just get rid of it.
[00:08:49] Speaker B: 17 pillows. Turn off all the things. Do this. This is what we're doing.
[00:08:55] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh.
So how do you think, like, being present affects the level of trust and intimacy in relationship? As we see by this stat, like, 40% are bothered by the amount of time. Like, how do you think being present affects trust and intimacy?
[00:09:09] Speaker B: Oh, my goodness. We were talking about this recently, too. Eye contact.
Right? And active listening can only happen and can only feel good when the, you know, the people are engaged, they're present.
So it affects how the other person feels safe or not. If they feel heard and received, if they feel loved, if they feel cared for, if they feel important, valued. Like, it affects every aspect in your.
[00:09:39] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. Like, when we are fully present, it shows the other person that we care about what they think and we care about how they feel.
[00:09:46] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely.
[00:09:47] Speaker A: Which, I mean, if that doesn't spell intimacy and the foundation of trust, I don't like, I don't know what we building with.
[00:09:55] Speaker B: Care about how you think. I care about how you feel. I'm here, here, I'm present. And if you're doing other things, then you're not here in present, no matter how what. Even if you think you're the most.
[00:10:05] Speaker A: Amazing multitasker in the world, not really your brain.
[00:10:08] Speaker B: Not even really, first of all. Second of all, not acceptable.
[00:10:14] Speaker A: All right, so we.
In the intro, we were talking a little bit about, like, the memories that come to mind when we're being fully present and mindful in a relationship and being focused on the bad ones. So have you had a chance or is there an instance of where Being fully present made a difference in the conversation for you or relationship in general?
[00:10:36] Speaker B: Yes. Yes, for sure.
May I. May I state where someone else did that for me? Yeah. Okay.
[00:10:43] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:10:44] Speaker B: So it was a phone conversation.
I'm not going to mention names.
[00:10:48] Speaker A: Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
[00:10:52] Speaker B: Where the person was really listening to me and asking me very specific questions related to exactly what I was sharing and then reflected back to me and even asked me, what do you need from me in this?
[00:11:07] Speaker A: I know who. I know who you are. I know who it is.
[00:11:10] Speaker B: And I was like, I literally think that was the first time anyone said. I didn't even know what to do with it. I said, hang on.
[00:11:18] Speaker A: Something's happening in my body.
[00:11:20] Speaker B: I need to. The question is, how do you reach over? Okay, this is what I need. I want. I want you to listen, and then I would like your perspective and advice.
But I was able to access that because that person gave me the space and asked me the question.
[00:11:36] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:11:36] Speaker B: I was like, oh, my God, is that all it takes? Like, even for me in my relationships? So I slow down now in my phone conversations with friends. Maybe I haven't talked to them for a month or two or six. And I'm just very mindful of just being present and to slow down and really hear and reflect and ask questions.
[00:11:57] Speaker A: Yeah, I love that. Yeah. Mindfulness in relationships is truly transformative.
There are countless instances where, to your point, someone just asked me, like, what do you need? How are you feeling? How can I help you if I'm explaining the situation? And I'm like, oh, snap. Like, you're listening to me. Like, you want to help me or you want to coach me through this thing and.
[00:12:20] Speaker B: And be supportive.
[00:12:21] Speaker A: Be supportive. And you want that. Right? There is, like, connection, like, that's. That's deepening our connection. That's strengthening our bond. No doubt.
[00:12:28] Speaker B: Right, right. And you do that for people. You do that for others.
[00:12:32] Speaker A: I try to hold space.
[00:12:34] Speaker B: Yeah, she's a good space.
[00:12:35] Speaker A: Try to hold space. One of my lines is, like, especially with people come to me venting and saying all kinds of stuff, and I'm like, I'm very good at not picking up bags that don't belong to me.
[00:12:46] Speaker B: Ain't my bag.
[00:12:48] Speaker A: Not my bag.
[00:12:48] Speaker B: I look at it. I can help you look through it.
[00:12:51] Speaker A: I can tell you that that probably go over there, but I'm not my bag. My bag is full enough. Thank you. Thank you kindly.
All right, so let's switch gears just a little bit. But it's a flow through how being mindful also enhances empathy and understanding. Touched on the understanding piece a little bit, but I really feel like mindfulness and empathy are so intertwined and connected to each other because they help us.
Yes, for sure. What is the. The medical thing, the Hippocratic O Snake thing? Going up first. Do no harm. Yeah. If we are bringing mindfulness and empathy into that, we are first doing no harm because it's. We're more aware of ourselves and others, and we can sit in the present moment. There's this piece about your thoughts and feelings in the moment and not bringing judgment into it or history. Oh, child. Oh, wait till we get qotd. Because it's gonna be.
Be some stuff in there. But, you know, mindfulness, especially as it relates to empathy, helps us notice what other people are experiencing.
[00:14:01] Speaker B: Yes, yes. You become. It's the walk in their shoes. You're right there with them. You're walking next to them. You're walking in their shoes. You're experiencing it through their eyes and their feelings and explanation, and you then can empathize. And you can only do that when you're present with them.
[00:14:17] Speaker A: And then there's a piece of it, too, where mindfulness boosts our empathy. We did an episode before about, like, the loving kindness meditation where you start with yourself and then your inner circle, then outer circle and community and city, and where you're just pushing that out into the world and also taking the empathy code with you. Like, okay, I'm thinking of you. I'm sending love. I am concerned. I am concerned about the lack of. Lack of empathy in some conversations and things that I witness in relationships. Especially like when we're talking about being in conflict, like removing yourself, your past story from the situation, and focusing on the moment. Because if somebody is losing they stuff, it probably ain't got nothing to do with you and what's going on. Like, there's something deeper inside of them. And then when you flip that switch, you're like, oh, this is not really about me.
[00:15:13] Speaker B: You can have like, that safe distance disconnect. And also you can then if you're separate from it, if you're witnessing it and having that empathy, you can have just more compassion for it.
[00:15:24] Speaker A: Right?
[00:15:25] Speaker B: Yeah. Even if they're in their own swarm.
[00:15:27] Speaker A: To, like, to that point, it just sounds like mindfulness is like a really good mediator in for conflict resolution.
[00:15:35] Speaker B: It feels like it's like the, like the tightrope of all of it. Like, you just, like, if you're mindful and you're stepping mindfully with care, and you're present and everything else will take care of itself.
[00:15:47] Speaker A: Yes, that's often. That's often what happens.
[00:15:51] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:15:51] Speaker A: All right, so we are talking in this episode about how mindfulness helps strengthen and is a key component of healthy relationships. So let's talk about a few techniques, and then maybe you'll do, like, a little activity after we get through the techniques. So some mindfulness practices that you have used that have worked for you and your relationships. Think of options that people can do individually or with their people.
What you got?
[00:16:19] Speaker B: Oh, you're asking me, like, list them.
[00:16:23] Speaker A: I can list them. I just want.
[00:16:24] Speaker B: Ask me what are some techniques that I do. Okay, I got you.
First of all, I limit distraction, and I set up an intentional time and space so that I know my plan is to focus and be with that person. Oh, yeah, that's probably the biggest thing. Setting it up for success.
[00:16:44] Speaker A: Yeah. One of the mindfulness things that I wrote down was that I really do, and I know you do individually is like journaling.
And when I was writing, I was like, oh, you can process through your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions. We all know, like, I'm a process through writing. And what popped in my head when I wrote journaling down was like, it's like, dear Diary, today I. Blah, blah, blah. Or the other version of are you there, God? It's me, Margaret.
[00:17:11] Speaker B: You can learn about yourself when you journal, when you're writing your diary, it's, like, astounding. It's like, oh, this is. This is how I feel about this.
[00:17:20] Speaker A: This is who I am.
[00:17:21] Speaker B: It's a safe space to just say all of it, you know?
[00:17:23] Speaker A: Another technique that I use about for mindfulness is like, body language awareness, the crossed arms or whatever, making sure that I'm open to what's going on. So open posture, whether sitting or standing or being mindful of the posture, if I'm standing and the other person is sitting and I'm not doing, like, power poses trying to assert my dominance over them, especially if it's like, a heated conversation.
My least favorite thing, let's say mindfulness pausing before we respond. The pause, the power of the pause.
[00:17:53] Speaker B: I'm telling you, that's probably maybe even bigger than setting up the space and connection is taking that pause. Because sometimes it's not like your best friend that's coming. It's like.
[00:18:06] Speaker A: It's like random people right on the.
[00:18:09] Speaker B: Street or from work or whatever, from the grocery store who just want to have a debate or a conflict. And, like, you just, like, taking that breath and taking that pause so that you remember, I do not need to engage with this person. Or if I do, I'm going to come from a loving place.
[00:18:25] Speaker A: Yeah. And then to starting off on the right foot. And by that I mean, like, set your intentions for the conversation, especially if it's one that, you know may be high emotion, crucial even.
And do you said that within yourself.
[00:18:40] Speaker B: Or with the other person?
[00:18:41] Speaker A: Either. Or.
[00:18:42] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:18:42] Speaker A: I want to start with you if you're not comfortable saying it out loud, but just making sure that you're clear on what it is that you're trying to get out of that conversation or in the company of this person.
[00:18:51] Speaker B: Yeah, good. Yeah, good.
[00:18:52] Speaker A: We all can bring, like, mindfulness practices, some of the ones that we mesh just to mention, into our daily lives to help build our relationships, help us communicate more effectively, understand our emotions, and just at the end of the day, feel more connected. I have 9 million examples of how this can show up in different settings. Nine million.
Big number. All right.
[00:19:15] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:19:16] Speaker A: I'm not even going to do the categories. Right. I'm not even going to do the categories because it can apply for whatever your relationship is. So enjoy mindful meals. That means have meals together without the distractions. We're focusing on the flavors, the smells, the textures of the food while engaging in meaningful conversations.
[00:19:35] Speaker B: It's one of the reasons why I love to go out and eat. Like, meet a friend.
[00:19:38] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:19:40] Speaker B: You have the atmosphere. You're, like, having this enjoyment, this shared experience, and then sharing.
[00:19:46] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:19:46] Speaker B: Whatever it is, you know, that you want to engage and talk about.
[00:19:50] Speaker A: Another is, I don't do it well at home. You don't really.
[00:19:54] Speaker B: Oh, me and my son. Oh, my God. Gosh.
[00:19:57] Speaker A: Make the meal and then we go to your corners. We do that, too.
[00:20:01] Speaker B: You want to watch a show together while we're eating?
Like, that's.
[00:20:04] Speaker A: That's the default dinner setting.
[00:20:06] Speaker B: Sweet. It's. I actually love it.
[00:20:08] Speaker A: Another option is to go on mindful walks, focusing on the sights, sounds, and sensations of being outdoors and sharing your thoughts.
[00:20:16] Speaker B: The walk and talk. It's my favorite. Walk and talk is my favorite way to process. It's my favorite way to talk through stuff, especially if there's a conflict or disagreement.
Absolutely. You're not looking at each other. You're walking next to each other. So that symbolizes compadre. Right. Like, it symbolizes togetherness. And then you're talking and exploring, even if it's not between the two of you. Something that you want to share that makes sense. May be.
[00:20:39] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:20:40] Speaker B: Tricky.
[00:20:40] Speaker A: And then the final way that we can bring it into our daily lives is to have story time conversations.
I love when my kids do this. So it's like they're sharing something that happened in their day or recently. They talk and then you ask questions about, like the story that they just shared about their lives. Maybe your kids are a little bit younger and it's actually you're reading them a story and asking them questions. Comprehension is key, you guys.
Whatever it is that you're reading with your child or whatever it is the person with you is sharing with you. So it's comprehension that's being present and mindful in that conversation.
All right. And then of course, there are a couple of apps and resources that I to use occasionally. Not as much as I want to, but I think I'm going to get better at that. This morning I Woke up at 6:30. Yesterday I woke up at 6:30. I might be at 6:30am Girly. We'll find out.
[00:21:31] Speaker B: More hours in the.
[00:21:32] Speaker A: Day than you thought.
[00:21:33] Speaker B: I love the early morning.
[00:21:36] Speaker A: Two apps are Headspace and Calm.
So check this out if you don't already. Mindfulness moments on calm that are different lens, but special surprise for you. Right now, I'm gonna ask Karen to walk us through mindfulness meditation.
[00:21:53] Speaker B: This will be good for everybody. Yeah, let's just get comfy in our seat.
And I invite you to close your eyes if that feels good.
Don't do this while you're driving or taking care of small children or animals.
What? I don't even.
Anyway, okay, see what's happening? Okay, so invite you to close your eyes.
Yeah. Go inward. Take a nice deep breath through the nose.
Inhaling, exhaling through that circle. Mouth that pursed lips. Just kind of breathing in through the nose slowly.
And we'll do one more together. Maybe placing your hands on your belly or one hand on your heart, feeling that connection with yourself, with the present.
I would love for you to now focus on what you are hearing.
What are you hearing? What are the sounds around you?
When we tap into our senses and connect to our senses, we become very present, very mindful.
So just notice the sounds around you.
You don't have to judge them or just notice them. You can even list them sort of inside your head. Oh, I hear those birdies now. Oh, and that was a loud car horn. And now move to sight. Whether your eyes are open or closed. What are you seeing?
Are you seeing the back of your eyelids? Are you seeing shadows and light? Are you. Are you seeing a particular scene? Perhaps you're sitting at the beach and you're watching the ocean, whatever it is. What are you seeing in this moment?
What are you smelling? What are the smells that are wafting around you? What are you noticing about the smells? Is there something that you don't recognize?
A smell that you're like, I don't know what that is.
And now moving to taste. What are you tasting?
Perhaps there's morning breath.
Perhaps there's midday coffee or lunch. Perhaps it's you've just brushed your teeth. What are you tasting and noticing what's happening?
And the flavor senses in your taste buds, in your mouth.
And now what are you feeling? Are you sitting on the floor? Are you sitting on a cozy chair, a hard chair?
Can you feel the clothes touching your skin? Is there a breeze or something moving your hair? Can you feel some cool or warm wind on your skin, on your face, on your arms, your legs?
What are the textures?
What is the coziness?
Is there something that's bothering you that's rubbing against or is abrasive to you?
Just noticing the feel things that you are feeling around you in this immediate and present moment.
Experiencing all of your senses from behind your eyes.
So that witness, observer perspective. What are you noticing about what you're experiencing?
What is the person inside who is watching what you're experiencing through all of your senses?
And last but not least, let's move into the sixth sense.
Is there some inner dialogue? Is there some little voice, a little nudge?
Are you sort of hearing thoughts inside your head?
Are you sensing any tension or energy around you?
Just kind of deepening your connection to the present moment and noticing and being aware of the things that you do not capture with your five senses.
Just noticing how you might feel in the environment you are currently.
Yeah.
And we're going to take a nice deep breath together, exhaling, coming back into your body, maybe rolling shoulders, wiggling fingers and toes.
You are present, my friend.
[00:26:51] Speaker A: Awesome. Thank you for that. Karen. I have a song.
[00:26:55] Speaker B: Oh, yay.
[00:26:58] Speaker A: I'm actually really excited.
[00:27:00] Speaker B: I'm still in like a kind of.
[00:27:02] Speaker A: I give her enough time to transition from the meditation to the song for my transition.
All righty.
Okay.
[00:27:11] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:27:11] Speaker A: All right.
[00:27:12] Speaker B: I'm more present in my body now.
[00:27:13] Speaker A: Let me. Let me pull up.
[00:27:14] Speaker B: Well, really going to get present in the body now, cuz we going to dance.
[00:27:18] Speaker A: Yeah.
The song is Safe and Sound by Capital City.
[00:27:24] Speaker B: You've shown me a Capital City song before.
[00:27:26] Speaker A: I don't know.
[00:27:27] Speaker B: I think you.
I know when she's just like, boom.
[00:27:36] Speaker A: Boom, boom, boom, okay, explorers, let's dance.
[00:27:40] Speaker B: Let's dance.
[00:27:44] Speaker A: Check out this week's song on the YO Podcast playlist on Spotify.
[00:27:53] Speaker B: I love the dancing on that video. It was amazing.
[00:27:56] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:27:56] Speaker B: That was the fun.
[00:27:57] Speaker A: That was a fun thing to do.
[00:27:59] Speaker B: That was a fun.
It wasn't, like, wimpy savings. I was, like, celebrating. Like, I will create safe and sound.
[00:28:07] Speaker A: Yes. And I'm gonna do that by being mindful in this relationship. I'm gonna appreciate our connection. I'm gonna bring some honesty into it. Respect all of that.
[00:28:16] Speaker B: Some attention, sometimes forethoughts and afterthought.
Yes.
[00:28:21] Speaker A: All of that.
[00:28:21] Speaker B: So I'm envisioning my. My next partner. That's all.
I was just speaking that into.
[00:28:27] Speaker A: Okay, you bring it. Call it down, make it real. Karen and I danced it out. And now it is time for this episode's question of the day.
[00:28:35] Speaker B: Oh, here we go. Oh, boy.
Okay.
[00:28:41] Speaker A: What is a challenge you face when practicing mindfulness in your relationships, and how do you overcome it? You talked a little bit about.
Go ahead.
[00:28:53] Speaker B: I have a different answer. An immediate answer.
My challenge is keeping my emotions out of it. Like, enough so that there can be clear, open conversation and to not be reactionary, but to give a lot of space and to.
And. And also to not take on someone else's experience, to not get defensive. If someone's coming to me, you know, about something, we need to address something I've done or said, disconnecting a bit from the reactivity, the emotion of it so that I can be present with what's being said without feeling threatened or defensive.
[00:29:33] Speaker A: That's my thing. Yeah, that's a big thing. One of the challenges that I face about being mindful and present in a relationships especially, I'm thinking, like, in a intense conversation is letting go of, like, past stories and not bringing them into the present into the conversation, and not letting the person that was hurting and unhealed and wounded in that situation respond in the present moment.
[00:30:02] Speaker B: Oh, my God. Not bringing your unhealed former self to the conversation.
[00:30:07] Speaker A: Like, girl, get out of here. Can you go back. Go back in your corner because you don't belong in this conversation right now. And one of the best ways I, you know, use the process that is I go to therapy out, like, therapist. And my therapist. Is she on the team?
[00:30:23] Speaker B: Team Tara?
[00:30:24] Speaker A: Yeah, she is on the team. And, you know, we. We've done, like, a five senses grounding technique, especially after, like, a heavy session. My homework for my most recent session was to build a grounding playlist. So she Played a song at the end of session and like, invited me to, you know, like, come back and do, like, what is it? Is it progressive?
Whatever you do with your muscles. Progressive relaxation, like, of your muscles. Like that. She. So she played the song and told me to do, like, progressive relaxation before I left. She's really good at closing up, like I said.
[00:30:53] Speaker B: Especially experiencing, like, grounding after intense processing.
[00:30:58] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:30:59] Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
[00:31:00] Speaker A: It's awesome.
[00:31:01] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, that's great.
[00:31:03] Speaker A: All right, so I found a Queen quote by Monk, Peace activist, prolific author, poet and teacher Tik Nhat Hanh.
The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention.
When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.
[00:31:23] Speaker B: Oh, that's. I just feel like weeping like a baby.
It is so true. Right? What a gift to bring that to someone, to your relationship, to bring that presence, that mindfulness.
There's nothing like it. It's true. You can see how someone changes.
[00:31:40] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:31:41] Speaker B: And how they're received by you and how you show up for them. And. Right. And body relaxing. Right. Body language is apparent.
And we can only bloom and grow when we don't feel threatened. We're not in primal survival mode. So if someone is giving us that gift of surrounding us, helping us feel safe and sound, that's when we can release the old and the feeling of threat and we can just step into the growth, the evolution, the beauty, the joy.
[00:32:08] Speaker A: Amen to that. Explorers, as we wrap up this episode and this series, let's carry this reminder that being present is a gift not only to ourselves, but to those around us. Thank you for joining us. We look forward to hearing your stories and insights about how mindfulness has impacted your connections. Until next time, stay present and stay radiant.
[00:32:33] Speaker B: Thank you for being here with us.
For your presence, for your attention, for your love. We're grateful. Take good care.
Thank you to Queenies in downtown Durham for the use of their community podcast studio and for welcoming us so warmly. Each week we'd like to give a shout out to Coco Cinnamon, the birthplace of 1023 Media and the yo podcast. Please support your local women owned minority owned coffee shop in downtown Durham.
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