Episode Transcript
[00:00:03] Speaker A: Welcome to youo Odyssey Podcast where your guides, Tara and Karen invite you on a transformative journey toward wholeness and personal growth.
Each week we'll discuss topics related to the human experience and offer insights to help you along the way.
Please note, this podcast should not replace medical care or advice. We are not licensed healthcare professionals or mental health therapists.
If you enjoy enjoyed today's episode, subscribe so you don't miss out on our future discussions.
So, explorers, let's dive into today's episode.
[00:00:54] Speaker B: Welcome, explorers. It's Tara. Today, Karen and I are talking about what it means to reclaim the parts of yourself you were once told were too much.
Maybe you've heard it before. Too emotional, too loud, too ambitious, too sensitive, Too opinionated.
But what if all of that was never too much? What if it was your becoming?
You know when that's the only thing I ever say?
Before we jump in, I want you to think about a moment in your life where someone implied or maybe even told you directly that you were too much.
[00:01:31] Speaker C: They just said it straight out.
[00:01:33] Speaker B: That moment left an imprint, didn't it?
And often we respond by shrinking, by editing ourselves, by making our joy, our brilliance, or our truth a little smaller, a little quieter. This episode is a bold reclamation. Today we're making space for the parts of you that no longer want to play small. Let's dive in.
[00:01:56] Speaker C: I love that because that is human nature. To try to fit in, be connected and be like, approved of.
So if someone says you're too much, this instead of telling them to increase your capacity, increase your capacity, we limit ourselves. We start cropping, making ourselves smaller. And that is not the answer. I can tell you that from full on life experience.
[00:02:23] Speaker B: So many of us learned early on that being good meant being small. Don't rock the boat, Karen. Don't take up space. Tara, can you please not make anyone uncomfortable?
[00:02:35] Speaker D: No, thank you.
[00:02:37] Speaker B: But here's the thing.
When we constantly water ourselves down to fit other people's comfort zones, we lose access to our fullness.
Shrinking doesn't actually make us lovable.
It just makes us invisible.
This is your reminder, explorer. The world doesn't need a quieter version of you.
It needs the real one.
[00:03:00] Speaker C: And when we start listening to these messages and respond without thinking about it, without believing in ourselves and our value as we are, who we are, who we bring, then we begin to develop what John Bradshaw calls the false self. I gotta tell you, I think I was my false self. Probably until my breast cancer diagnosis. I got so good at it, so removed from who I really am.
And was so good at masking as well that it had to just blow apart. Yeah, it's hard to come back from that. You start doing it and you start internalizing those messages and changing how you move in the world and how you behave and how you think, and you start sort of censoring yourself before you even have the idea of the thought or the sentence.
[00:03:53] Speaker B: All of that was like, we've been taught to shrink and not shine.
[00:03:59] Speaker C: I heard someone say it was a random thing I was watching on TV with my son and my mother. And he said, trying to dim my light isn't going to make yours brighter.
[00:04:11] Speaker B: And I was like, okay, yes, but this shrinking comes at a cost.
So many of us learn to dim our light because somewhere along the way, we've thought it would keep us safe. If I just tone it down, they'll accept me. If I don't speak up, I won't rock the boat.
If I stay quiet, I won't be judged.
[00:04:34] Speaker C: Jesus. Were you in my life the first.
[00:04:36] Speaker B: 10 years I was in my life, girl?
But here's the truth. Shrinking doesn't protect you. It erodes you. It chips away your identity. It teaches you to hide instead of healing. And slowly you lose touch with who you really are.
[00:04:51] Speaker C: It's, oh, my God, I have 79 examples of this, probably times 100. Sometimes we just do it. We're trying to. People, please. And in that 0 to 5 range, we're doing it because we want to survive. These are our people. We have to be cared for and nurtured and accepted by them or we'll literally die. We won't have food. So there's that panic, and then that gets ingrained and the brain is just like, okay, this is my belief now. This is what we have to do to survive. And then you carry it forward.
[00:05:19] Speaker B: Explorers, if no one has told you this, let Karen and I be the first to tell you that your voice matters.
Your feelings are valid, and your presence alone is powerful.
[00:05:32] Speaker C: Yes. You don't need to prove anything, and you also don't need to dim anything.
[00:05:36] Speaker B: This letting go of the shrinkage is not about becoming someone new. It's simply remembering who we were before the world told us to be less.
[00:05:48] Speaker C: Before the world and our culture and our families started shaping us into they could handle.
[00:05:54] Speaker B: And one of the safest places is in the full truth of who we are.
Yeah.
[00:05:59] Speaker C: I think when that inner child feels safe and seen and recognized and nurtured, we can safely be all who we are. And we create that safety, that safe Place for ourselves.
Yeah. As a friend of mine said, once you're 25 years old, if you didn't get the things you needed, it's time to parent your own wounded inner child. It's our responsibility. If we're walking around wounded and playing small, it's time to take a look inside and to nurture and create and provide safety for the fullness of you. For the wild child inside you.
[00:06:39] Speaker B: Yes.
Okay. So we talk about healing and not hiding and processing our pain, but at a certain point, like at 25, we're responsible for that.
There is an inherent amount of truth telling that is required in order for you to become.
[00:07:01] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:07:02] Speaker B: You gotta tell the truth to yourself first, and then you can tell it to everybody else.
How do you do that?
[00:07:08] Speaker C: You, like, connect to your truth. Like, if it's been so buried. Get in there.
[00:07:12] Speaker B: Therapy.
Therapy. But it starts with, like, you saying, I'm not okay with how I show up in the world anymore. I'm not okay with this cycle that I'm repeating in my life. I'm not okay with that anymore.
[00:07:27] Speaker C: I'm not okay with that feeling in the pit of my stomach when I decide not to say the thing I really want to say. Mm.
[00:07:34] Speaker B: Those kinds of.
[00:07:34] Speaker C: Those, Right? Those little cues.
[00:07:36] Speaker B: Those are the cues. And it's reminding us and teaching us to use our voice, stand on our boundaries, celebrate our beauty and our brilliance, and not shrink and hide to make other people comfortable.
[00:07:49] Speaker C: Celebrate our differences. Like, my God, you can still be in community and have differences. Like, that's the whole point of this beautiful stew.
[00:07:57] Speaker B: Everybody's braising their only potatoes.
[00:08:00] Speaker C: Exactly.
[00:08:00] Speaker B: How boring.
[00:08:00] Speaker C: I mean, I love some potato soup.
[00:08:02] Speaker B: It doesn't only have potatoes in it. It's not just potatoes.
[00:08:06] Speaker C: Exactly.
[00:08:08] Speaker B: A word of caution. This truth telling might shake the ground.
[00:08:12] Speaker C: There's going to be people real close to you that will not like it.
[00:08:16] Speaker B: They will be disappointed.
[00:08:18] Speaker C: They will stop talking to you perhaps.
They will avoid you.
They will perhaps even be derisive in some way.
[00:08:29] Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
[00:08:29] Speaker C: Who do you think you are?
[00:08:31] Speaker B: You have to be okay with that disappointment. You have to be okay with that ground shaking. Because the cost of shrinkage is too high. To remain hidden, to remain stuck, to remain unaware of your potential to not own and live in your truth. Like, your freedom should be worth that.
[00:08:51] Speaker C: Absolutely. And anything that anyone tries to tell you to derail you from that, they're like the little barnacles that hang on a boat. You know, it's like, I'm going out to sea.
You know, you can either get with me or you can get lost.
[00:09:04] Speaker B: Right? This train is moving. It has left the station. Either get on board or get out the way. Those are your options.
Yeah.
[00:09:12] Speaker C: And the people who truly love you and admire your bravery and encouraged to go there and really bring out and express all of who you are, they're gonna stay with you.
[00:09:24] Speaker B: They will make room for your growth.
[00:09:26] Speaker C: Exactly.
[00:09:26] Speaker B: They will absolutely make room for you.
[00:09:28] Speaker C: Their container is big enough for you.
[00:09:33] Speaker B: All right. I ain't got nothing else to say on that. Check to make sure the people around you got a container big enough for you.
Is your container big enough?
[00:09:41] Speaker C: Oh, my God. My community.
[00:09:42] Speaker B: Did you want to share any personality story as it relates to the cost of shrinkage, how that showed up for you?
[00:09:48] Speaker D: Oh, yeah, absolutely.
[00:09:51] Speaker C: I can recall on more than one occasion being told that I was too sensitive, too emotional, just like out there. I was super creative and open as a kid. I'm talking little three, four, five. I can remember sometime in middle school, maybe late middle school or early high school, where, I mean, basically I was told, just stop it. Yeah, just stop it. It's just too much. You're too much.
I still hear family members say, well, you know, Karen, she's so emotional. She's so sensitive. Like, you have to be careful. Like, I'm the one that had to walk in. I am not the one that had to walk on eggshells around. There was plenty of dysfunction in my household that had nothing to do with me.
[00:10:40] Speaker B: So, like, if I.
[00:10:42] Speaker C: Like, I was the one who was backing off, probably if I spoke up as I wanted to, I felt really called to do, then things could have shifted for the better.
[00:10:56] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:10:56] Speaker C: But I didn't.
[00:10:57] Speaker B: Out of fear.
[00:10:57] Speaker C: There was definitely a lot of fear for me many times being called too much, too sensitive, too much emotional. Now that I know a little bit more about my neurospiciness and how I operate and choose to be in the world, I can validate myself, know that there are many gifts that come with that. It happened many, many times for me, and every time, I would take it, just sort of rub off the corners of that a little bit, race a little bit, until I really didn't recognize myself anymore.
And it happens really slowly, and it's tricky. You know, you're like, well, not just this time. I'll do what everybody says. I'll do what they want.
I'll be a little quieter, a little bit more under the radar.
And it, like you said, it erodes. That's a great word for it. It erodes. Your true self, it erodes your truth and you create this Persona that is not you, but that is pleasing and acceptable to your family, society, culture, whatever. And it's not even you. It doesn't even look like me.
[00:12:02] Speaker B: Right.
It's interesting that your story is from childhood.
My conformity came a little bit later as I think through the types of relationships that I would entertain, where it's like, oh, where you're being dramatic or oh, you're overreacting. And I'm like, am I though? Because there are certain things that I know to be true. Like whether you tell me the truth or not, it's my gut. And you're not going to be able to argue with that because I know, because history.
But as you said, it was like a gradual process over time. Was like where you let this slide and you take this in and you become this. And then you're molded into a person that you don't even recognize. Like, who is that? And then you wake up and it's like, oh, that's not me. Who is that? And also, I don't really like her that much, who she was.
[00:12:51] Speaker C: Right.
[00:12:52] Speaker B: The awareness that comes when you're like, I'm actually not too much. You just can't handle all of who I am.
[00:13:00] Speaker C: I'm just gonna get new, different people in my life.
[00:13:03] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:13:03] Speaker C: I think that's interesting because once you realize you're at that place, it's a matter of disrobing or unbuilding her.
[00:13:11] Speaker B: Yeah. In a down, negative way. But just little by little, like, you.
[00:13:15] Speaker C: Know, a lot of famous sculptors say they see it piece of marble or stone, and they're like, it's in there. I'm just going to keep going. I'm going to keep listening to that little voice, the nudges in my gut and know and trust that I'm in there. That's who I am. And that's what we're all heading towards. Getting back to our authentic, original, self untainted and unchained explorers, let's take a.
[00:13:41] Speaker B: Breath because this episode also needs a moment to land. So wherever you are, breathe in.
We are going to listen to a song.
You are free to check it out on our playlist. And so this song, let it be a reminder of who you are.
It's a radical self acceptance standing on truth Anthem. It is Born this Way by Lady Gaga.
[00:14:10] Speaker C: Awesome. It is definitely time to move.
[00:14:18] Speaker A: Check out this week's song on the YO podcast playlist on Spotify.
[00:14:27] Speaker C: Yes, Lady Gaga.
[00:14:30] Speaker B: I don't know about y' All.
I'm on the right track, baby I was born this way I'm on the right track, baby I was born to survive I'm on the right track, baby I was born to be brave.
[00:14:50] Speaker C: That's.
Yeah. And don't be a drag. Be queen.
[00:14:54] Speaker B: Don't be a drag. Just be a queen.
[00:14:57] Speaker C: It's true. We're born this way. It's given me pause about being a parent. Do my kids know this? Do my kids know that they're perfect as they are with all the of their incongruities and misperceived faults?
[00:15:14] Speaker B: Beyond all the noise. God.
[00:15:16] Speaker C: Beyond all the noise. They know deep down, Just be who you are. Tell them today.
[00:15:21] Speaker B: Okay.
We are most definitely born this way. And it is now time for the question of the day.
Today's question.
What?
[00:15:32] Speaker C: All of a sudden, I was like, just like, oh, man, we've already talked about so many something.
[00:15:38] Speaker B: What part of yourself have you been told is too much?
And what did it look like? Does it look like. Would it look like to reclaim it fully too much. Tara, girl, your attitude is too big. Your personality is too much. You a lot.
And to that I say, y' all can't see the gestures that I'm doing, but, you know, I'mma keep it.
[00:16:08] Speaker C: You keep it fairly clean.
[00:16:10] Speaker B: I can keep it clean.
There is a challenge that I issue back to the people who can't handle the too much. The too big, the too bright.
That's not my problem. It really isn't. It is not my job to make you feel comfortable with who I am. Like, I have to be okay with me first and foremost.
So it's like we limit our interactions together.
Maybe that looks like me putting some more water in my moat.
[00:16:42] Speaker C: That person's moat.
[00:16:43] Speaker B: Maybe that looks like.
Yeah.
[00:16:49] Speaker C: I mean, it might be just ending.
[00:16:53] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly.
[00:16:54] Speaker C: Because I can't even picture you having.
[00:16:56] Speaker B: Someone in your life now. No, not here, not here, not now.
No. There was a time when I would entertain that. Now I'm just like, I know I'm not for everybody, and I'm perfectly fine with that.
[00:17:12] Speaker C: I love that I've been saying that the last couple years. I'm not for everybody. It's all right. I'm for me.
[00:17:17] Speaker B: That. That's Love me.
[00:17:21] Speaker C: Yeah, that's a good answer.
Thinking that the part of me that was probably most squashed and silenced is really my potential. Potential that I had and have to be really, like, 360 degrees to be all of who I am, to even consider other lines of work. Having my own business that I'm so passionate about. And that feels so fulfilling to just believe in my dreams. I've been called a dreamer. I've been called emotional. I've been called scatterbrain. All these things indicate there's a lot going on. I have a lot of interests and things clicking around in my brain, but I love these things, and I love that about me. I am never bored. And so if somebody can't ride on that, then I just don't have time for it anymore. You either get me or you don't.
It's cool either way. If you're not my people, that's okay. Yeah, we're not for everybody.
[00:18:27] Speaker B: I love that. Explorer with this question of the day. We invite you to write it down, speak it out loud. Let's this week be the week that you stop hiding. Okay, I found a quote by one of our. We've quoted this person before, but this quote was perfect for this episode. And it's a quote from an.
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
[00:18:56] Speaker C: That is one of my favorite quotes of her. I live on Ice. And I love the way she wrote, that's beautiful. At some point, you'll feel that pull. You'll feel that call to something's not right.
I'm not comfortable. Something feels off. Right. It's like a little nudge at first. Sometimes it's a big blast.
Usually it's like a series of little nudges. And explorers, as Tara was saying, really reflect on this and think about this, because we want all of you, we want. We want to see who. We want to know and see who you really are. Deep down. That person inside has had to mask or build walls or mold themselves various shapes. A shapeshifter.
[00:19:42] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:19:43] Speaker C: We love you and accept you as you are. We want to see you and hear.
[00:19:47] Speaker B: From all of you. This quote, and hopefully this. This episode is a reminder to you that staying small isn't safe. It's actually painful.
You are absolutely allowed to outgrow who you used to be. You're allowed to take up space, and most importantly, you are allowed to blossom. So here's your final reminder for today. You're not too much. You are exactly enough for the life you are meant to live.
Until next time, explain explorers. Keep growing, keep trusting, and keep coming home to the truth of who you are.
[00:20:21] Speaker C: Oh, I love that. Yes. You have a choice. You don't have to continue being that same person.
That doesn't feel true. That feels like a costume.
You can make a different choice and we love you and we support you. So thanks for being here with us for this pretty big episode. Take good care of.
[00:20:44] Speaker D: Thank you to Queenies in Downtown Durham for the use of their community podcast studio and for welcoming us so warmly.
[00:20:51] Speaker C: Each week.
[00:20:53] Speaker D: We'd like to give a shout out to Coco Cinnamon, the birthplace of 1023 Media and the yo podcast. Please support your local women owned minority owned coffee shop in Downtown Durham.
Brought to you by Durham based 1023 Media, a heart centered woman owned multimedia company.
