Episode Transcript
[00:00:03] Speaker A: Welcome to youo Odyssey podcast, where your guides, Tara and Karen invite you on a transformative journey toward wholeness and personal growth.
Each week, we'll discuss topics related to the human experience and offer insights to help you along the way.
Please note, this podcast should not replace medical care or advice. We are not licensed healthcare professionals or mental health therapists.
If you enjoyed today's episode, subscribe so you don't miss out on our future discussions.
So, explorers, let's dive into today's episode.
Welcome, explorers. It's Tara. Karen and I are so excited to have you joining us today.
I. I am beyond geeked about this miniseries that we're kicking off. We are going to radiate C H A R M in this social wellness series. We're looking at five essential elements of healthy relationships. Connection, honesty, acceptance, respect, and mindfulness. Today, we're focusing on connection, y' all.
[00:01:24] Speaker B: She loves a theme.
[00:01:25] Speaker A: I love a theme.
[00:01:26] Speaker B: She loves a theme. She loves a good. What is it called?
[00:01:28] Speaker A: Acronym. Makes my life easier. And especially as we are recording these episodes in a very, very busy season for both of us, it helps provide a bit more brain space for those things.
[00:01:39] Speaker B: Kind of grounds it. It gives you that. That sort of scaffolding, right? To be like, okay, this is what we're discussing the full month and we break it up. I love it.
[00:01:46] Speaker A: Yeah. Okay.
[00:01:48] Speaker B: Beautiful.
[00:01:48] Speaker A: In the context of social wellness, connection can be referred to as those meaningful bonds that foster a sense of belonging, support, and understanding.
Mm. Let's look at how these different connections show up in our daily lives.
First up, our personal connections. Those are the connections with our friends and our family that provide us emotional support, love, and an overall sense of belonging.
[00:02:15] Speaker B: Sense of belonging is a big. Is a big piece. I was just reading an email that came from Jay Shetty, and Jay Shetty had Simon Sinek on, and they were talking about amazing people. Yeah, two amazing people on the podcast this week. And they're talking about pain and how pain can be a catalyst for things. They are also talking about how something you can do to combat that is to be contributing, to be out in community, to be of service.
Service is a great way to feel connected to something beyond yourself and to feel like a part of something bigger, which is tied into purpose and fulfillment. As human beings, it's a basic need for us.
[00:02:54] Speaker A: We are wired for a connection.
So it only stands to reason that those connections that nourish our mind, body, soul, spirit are parts of the things that keep us more engaged and fulfilled in life.
[00:03:07] Speaker B: It's like a plus B equals C. You know, I mean, transit property. I don't know. It all relates. Yes.
[00:03:13] Speaker A: Yeah. In our formative relationships with our family. Been doing the research for this episode. They're saying how your attachment styles show up in your adult relationships and the lack thereof. What happens if those formative relationships aren't exactly the examples of connection? What if we have those unhealthy attachment styles, but somehow we still show up as adults that are on our healing journeys and then we change the trajectory of, like, our entire family history because we are healing our connections first with ourselves and then with other people.
[00:03:47] Speaker B: Healing it forward. Dr. Anita. I love it.
[00:03:50] Speaker A: So, yes, when we talk about these connections, that goes to Karen. You hinted at about the community connections, like out in society, contributing, servicing others, healing forward. I think there are three things that really show up in building stronger connections. First is your favorite. Active listening.
[00:04:11] Speaker B: I love it.
Yep. People love it.
[00:04:15] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:04:16] Speaker B: You're interested and you're asking questions and you're mirroring.
[00:04:19] Speaker A: And when you do that, I feel seen, I feel heard, I feel valued.
[00:04:23] Speaker B: Loved, I feel supported. And that will strengthen it immediately, just by itself.
[00:04:28] Speaker A: And then the second is sharing of our experiences that helps us relate to each other.
So often we hear that, we feel like we're the only one going through a thing until you start talking about it, and you're like, oh, this is more common than I thought it was. And if you've gone through in the past, then maybe you can give me some tips and tricks to help me through it right now.
[00:04:48] Speaker B: Exactly. And I think for a lot of people, there's a stigma around vulnerability and wanting to sort of be perfect. And especially in, like, this social media error, there's like, you know, everybody's spotlighting what's going well and what's going right. And then you think, how come it's not like that for me? I'm sure a lot of people in their 20s and teens feel that way. But if you begin sharing, like in the real world with the real people that you actually really know and trust, you're like, oh, yeah, I totally dealt with that. Yeah, absolutely.
[00:05:17] Speaker A: Vulnerability is definitely that crucial component to connections. Can you think of a personal experience where a friendship or family relationship, connection or disconnection strongly impacted your life?
She was like, how much time we got on the podcast, Sarah? Not that much, Karen. So pick your favorite.
[00:05:38] Speaker B: I'm just going to go more present. Honestly, our relationship, you and I post Puppygate Me beginning to share more vulnerably helped you to see a different version of me. Than you had seen or known. Becoming more open and vulnerable and transparent and honest in. In who I am, in totality, in wholeness and fullness of my quirks and flaws and all of the challenges and not just sort of spotlighting. No, I'm good. I got it. I'm good. You know, and once I became vulnerable with you and others in my life began asking for help or sharing things that felt really scary, close, scary vulnerable, that shifted. That shifted the relationships.
[00:06:24] Speaker A: Okay, so that's friendship, friends that turn into family.
I am very close with a few aunts in my family, and there's always been this idea like a hierarchy or an appreciation of the role of aunt and niece, Especially as I think about the ways that my aunts helped mother me and shape me. As I get older, I realize I've taken the shiny pieces of their personality, which makes me uniquely me, because I'm like, oh, I like that. Oh, that didn't work out for them. So maybe let me not do that. But now in adulthood, having honest conversations with them about what's good, what's bad. Can you help me with this? Goes back to the connection because of the investments that they made. I think about my oldest friendship. Like, we've been friends for 30 years, but we've made investments where we can draw on now. Like, oh, you're going through this girl.
Come knock on my door, my shoulder, come talk to me. And even if we don't talk for some time, when we get together, it's like, oh, hey, how you doing?
[00:07:27] Speaker B: Right.
[00:07:28] Speaker A: What's new this week? And it's really good to see you, to spend time with you.
[00:07:31] Speaker B: I mean, present moment when you have those historical friendships. I agree. Like, those people that have known you since, let's say, second grade, fourth grade, whatever, they're just there for you. Like, they're just there and ready. It doesn't matter if years go by even. It's just like, it falls right into place as soon as you make the time to spend time together.
[00:07:48] Speaker A: And then I think, expanding beyond to community. Like friendships made in adulthood. Some of the people that I spend the most time with, I met through work.
Is there some level of. We are surviving this hailstorm together. So there's strength in numbers, I think, to the ones that I see, like, there is a affinity that exists where it's just like, hey, you know me. You seen me on the days at work when I wanted to not do this.
[00:08:13] Speaker B: The shared experience, positive or negative, whatever it was, you had that shared experience. And when you work in a place 40 hours a week. That's like more than my own family.
[00:08:23] Speaker A: Absolutely. And then having those people that you grab lunch with builds the community and support because they experience the same.
What is the word I want to use?
[00:08:34] Speaker B: Dysfunction.
[00:08:35] Speaker A: Most likely. Dysfunction. And they know that this person who is like a captain of dysfunction, it's like. Yeah, because they just did it to me like three days ago.
[00:08:44] Speaker B: Right. Like if you're in a toxic workplace, even temporarily, you're sharing that with other people and you're like, what is happening? You can check in about what's real and what's right.
[00:08:53] Speaker A: Is it me? Am I the problem?
[00:08:55] Speaker B: Right. Exactly.
[00:08:57] Speaker A: Okay. We talk about connections with our friends, our family, our co workers, our community, but I feel like the most important connection is the one that we have with ourselves.
[00:09:07] Speaker B: Absolutely. Because none of it can be authentic and vulnerable and real.
If you haven't done that work, having those inner conversations and noticing what's happening inside of you, regardless of all of the things that can be in. In the experience of growing up.
[00:09:24] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:09:25] Speaker B: If you haven't reconciled that in yourself, if you haven't gone inward and been there for yourself, encouraged yourself to be loving, kind and compassionate towards yourself, then anything that you're extending is not from that deep grounded place of love and acceptance. It doesn't feel rooted.
[00:09:46] Speaker A: Yeah. It's almost fake. Like it's inauthentic. Not rooted, as you said. So that anything comes along and it'll just whoop whole connection right in the wind.
[00:09:56] Speaker B: Right.
[00:09:57] Speaker A: Is it really there?
[00:09:59] Speaker B: Yeah. I think it's so important to have that deep connection with yourself, to spend time with yourself, to be aware of how you talk to yourself, how you be with yourself, and just how you allow or don't allow parts of yourselves to exist and be loved.
[00:10:18] Speaker A: The connection with, with ourselves involves a certain level of self awareness and self acceptance about like, this is who I am. This is how I can show up and contribute to my family, friends, life, community.
[00:10:33] Speaker B: And also in that space, where I am on my journey is not where I will end up in my evolution. I am a work in progress. And so it's okay to accept this is what I can offer now, here in this present moment, right here, right now. Not past, not future. And then moving forward, how do I bring that and how do I continue to evolve into even more of the wholeness of who I am?
[00:10:58] Speaker A: So what do you use to bolster that connection with yourself in order to project it outward?
[00:11:06] Speaker B: For me, meditation is a huge. I always come back to that because meditation and yoga Help me to take time out of the human busyness and get right down to not even physical stillness, but just like, oh, there you are inside of me. What's happening? What are we feeling? How we doing today? It gives me that time and space.
Same with any other self care that I do. Like a walk in nature. Anything where I am spending alone time writing, journaling and being introspective and curious, expressing how I'm feeling in the moment or what's going on. That's all connection with myself.
[00:11:45] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:11:45] Speaker B: How about you?
[00:11:46] Speaker A: I mean, you just hit like all of them. Because all I was really going to say is journaling and just being aware of.
Sometimes there's like this cognitive distance, like who I am and who I want to be. There's a little gap there. And in those moments I find when I get quiet and still within myself. So that could be journaling, that could be praying. Yeah, just being with myself helps bridge that gap. So it's like how I show up. What my values are, are actually what's being projected, what's being received.
[00:12:18] Speaker B: Mindfulness, like in present moment awareness, I think is really just a pillar of.
[00:12:22] Speaker A: That because especially on the present moment piece of it, so often we get caught up in the history or the what ifs of the future and it's just like all of that is really outside of your control.
[00:12:33] Speaker B: Right.
[00:12:34] Speaker A: Where are you now exactly?
[00:12:36] Speaker B: I mean, you can have a vision, but you're not projecting or having expectations that are concrete. You have a vision of how you'd like to evolve or what you might like to be doing in the next step personally or professionally or in your relationships.
As long as you don't attach to that, you still come back to present moment. Like, where am I now?
[00:12:55] Speaker A: Yeah, okay. I feel like it wouldn't really be an episode if I did not bring any statistics. And I thought what better place to pull that from than my favorite now Surgeon General advisory, the one that we pulled from countless times before, the advisory on loneliness or social connection. But it talks about how social connections influence our physical, mental and emotional health.
Research indicates that those of us with strong social ties tend to live longer. So social connections affect our lifespan longevity.
[00:13:33] Speaker B: Directly related to connection.
[00:13:36] Speaker A: And on the flip side of that, I don't remember if I brought this in our loneliness episode, but loneliness increases the risk of premature death by 26%.
[00:13:45] Speaker B: That's too large. That number is very large. Large, very large. One quarter. That's a very big number. To think about it on that flip side and just be like, well, I'M not going to be lonely. I'm getting out there. I'll make some connections.
[00:13:58] Speaker A: So it's really important, build those connections and then from a physical standpoint, loneliness and social isolation or lack of strong social, social support has been linked to 29 higher risk of heart disease and 32% higher risk of stroke.
If it's not evident by those very alarming numbers about how important social connections are to our well being, let's just consider how strong social connections reduce feelings of loneliness and improves our emotional resilience.
These relationships that we create and cultivate increase our ability to cope with stress and adversity, which means we're probably more than likely more emotionally stable. We're better able to bounce back from all of the life that life's being.
[00:14:50] Speaker B: Able to stay grounded through the storms because of your connections. Right. Who you're.
[00:14:57] Speaker A: And if your connections are not increasing your happiness and satisfaction, I'm gonna need you to check those.
[00:15:03] Speaker B: I'm gonna need you to ditch.
[00:15:05] Speaker A: I'm gonna need you to spend some time with yourself and be like, what is it I value and why is this not fulfilling for me? Can it be fulfilling for me? If not, we're gonna have to make.
[00:15:15] Speaker B: Some changes because you never know with a deep, open, honest conversation.
[00:15:18] Speaker A: Right.
[00:15:19] Speaker B: It could be something that could shift. Yeah.
Also it could be the opposite. And when that's happening, then you're like, okay, I'm gonna take care of myself here.
[00:15:32] Speaker A: Yeah. So we know that these social connections benefit our well being. But some of us still wrestle with fears that block and hinder our relationships. I wanted us to look at stories that we tell ourselves and then solutions to those stories. The first story is the infamous they. They're going to reject me.
[00:15:54] Speaker B: Who are they and how do you know that? Is that a perception?
[00:15:58] Speaker A: This fear of rejection leads us to hesitate, reaching out and connecting with others. It increases our self discipline, doubt, which does not help us engage and deepen our connections. So what is the solution to this fear of rejection?
I think in those moments a good way to combat that is to recenter to be mindful to come back to the present moment, not the what ifs of this could happen.
[00:16:27] Speaker B: Okay, well, in this moment. Deep breath, deep breath, take a moment. And also, what is your worst fear about it? What are you afraid of? And exploring that and then keep drilling into that until you realize, well, that's not even that bad. If that worst case scenario thing were to happen, I could survive that.
[00:16:48] Speaker A: I think I'll be okay because I have survived it like I'm still here.
[00:16:52] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:16:53] Speaker A: Another story is I'm too busy.
[00:16:59] Speaker B: Is.
[00:16:59] Speaker A: Graduation week in my house, which comes with all of the senior year things, and somehow there's still time to socialize. So often we're like, we're go, go, go, go. And we're caught up in all of things that we have to do that we don't remember, the things that we still get to do.
[00:17:15] Speaker B: And sometimes in those busy times, forget to look at your calendar and your obligations and see where you can cut and trim. Because I can tell you right now, there are five to 10 things that you do not have to do next week you don't have. You can just be like, no, thank you.
[00:17:30] Speaker A: Can't do it.
[00:17:30] Speaker B: So sorry. Apologies, love. You can't be there.
[00:17:34] Speaker A: So that is the solution. Critically looking at what your boundaries are. I know we said yesterday in our meeting about building in margin so we're not constantly running from this thing to that thing. Of course life happens. But if you consciously operate in the mindset of creating that buffer space, you're not rushing through everything.
[00:17:53] Speaker B: Exactly. Which means you're going to be more present in the thing that you're in in the moment and more present for the next thing when it happens. Because you're giving yourself a little time and space to breathe and recalibrate and get grounded or maybe eat something. A walk.
[00:18:06] Speaker A: Yeah. All right. And then the final story is, I don't even like people irl.
[00:18:12] Speaker B: Oh, my God, that's hilarious.
[00:18:16] Speaker A: What I meant by that was we have become so dependent on technology in our lives and the online virtual connections that I really feel we sometimes forget what it means means to be in community in person.
[00:18:30] Speaker B: Be in a room with someone or someone's having eye contact and reading body language and laughing together, building a relationship.
[00:18:39] Speaker A: I'm not saying ditch all of your technology, but maybe we can find balance if your relationship is very heavily focused on the virtual. Let's bring in a little in person. Let's meet for coffee or library or wherever people. Where do people go?
[00:18:53] Speaker B: I don't.
Their own apartments, houses.
[00:18:59] Speaker A: Hang out. I'll go to your house. Don't even have to do anything.
[00:19:02] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:19:03] Speaker A: Open a bottle of wine, we're good to go.
[00:19:04] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:19:05] Speaker A: Yeah.
All right.
That's all. That's it. That's all.
[00:19:10] Speaker B: So, ready to move?
[00:19:11] Speaker A: You ready to move?
[00:19:12] Speaker B: So I'm like, this.
[00:19:14] Speaker A: This episode is about connection, and I wanted a kitschy, poppy reminder.
[00:19:23] Speaker B: What is she doing?
[00:19:24] Speaker A: What?
Yeah. Something that's upbeat, promotes community and unity. And I feel like it's perfect for reminding us what it's all about. So this is from High School Musical. Yes. The song is We're all in this Together.
[00:19:40] Speaker B: Oh, my God.
You had me at high school music. Absolutely. Oh, my gosh. That's gonna be amazing. Let's dance, y' all.
[00:19:52] Speaker A: Check out this week's song on the YO Podcast playlist on Spotify.
[00:20:02] Speaker B: Note to self, revisit High School Musical and learn all the choreography.
[00:20:07] Speaker A: It is so much fun.
[00:20:09] Speaker B: So fun to watch the YouTube video of it while listening to.
Reminds me. Actually, we were just talking about this at Unity last week, how I believe that when we connect to this idea that we're separate, right? That we aren't all in this shared humanity and we think of ourselves as separate, that's when problems arise and that we're all in this together. Just made me feel. I was like, yeah, it's so true. Like, no matter what your background, where you were raised or socioeconomic or race or creed or belief or whatever it is, like, all of the things, we're still all at the very root of it the same.
Taking responsibility for your own experience like that internal awareness and connection and love, and then remembering that everyone else does that as well, and then we're all part of the big picture. I think that goes a long way. If not forgiveness, then at least having patience for others and where they are.
Yeah, we're all finding our way.
[00:21:14] Speaker A: Okay, so I know this episode is about connection, and we talked about how connection affects our overall well being, but for the qotd, I wanted to touch on the loss of connection.
So today's QOTD is how has losing a connection due to distance, conflict, or whatever other reason affected you and what did you learn from that experience?
[00:21:43] Speaker B: So, yeah, you're gonna.
[00:21:45] Speaker A: Yeah, I was gonna say, I need a moment. Answers coming to me for me, like, in those instances where I've lost connection with someone, be it physical disconnection, life disconnection, like they're no longer physically here with me, it reminds me how important it is to lean into the connections that I do have. Especially when I think about losing connection due to death. Like this year I seen a lot more and I'm like, I'm so grateful for the time that I did have with those people.
And also remind me very tangibly, almost like I don't even know how to put in the words, but, like the very, very real.
[00:22:37] Speaker B: Yeah, it's visceral, very present.
[00:22:40] Speaker A: There are people that are here. These people aren't here anymore. What did you learn from them. And how can you use that, Take little pieces of them and apply it to your relationships moving forward? Because these times, these days, these hours are not promised.
[00:22:54] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:22:55] Speaker A: Yeah. The loss of connection reminds me of the importance of my connections.
[00:22:59] Speaker B: That was really well said. I do think that's part of the purpose of loss, of disconnection. One hopes, right, that that helps you to see the connections you do have are so valuable and need to be nurtured. Must be nurtured and appreciated. To be able to have one or two of those special connections is such a gift. I think that's beautiful. We're not always meant to have everyone who crosses our path in our life the whole time, for the whole lifetime.
So I really do love the concept, too. Exploring this idea that everyone we do cross paths with, meet, have even temporary relationship with brings us something, whether it's a different perspective or just a different idea, a different creative solution. Whatever it is, it can be really small or it could be really huge. And to be open and aware when those things are coming your way, not necessarily holding on to the vehicle or the person that it was delivered through, but gaining some gem, some piece of gold from that. Sometimes that's the point of the connection of the relationship.
[00:24:10] Speaker A: Yeah.
Okay, explorers, as we wrap up today's episode, I want to leave you with a beautiful quote from Fred Rogers.
[00:24:20] Speaker B: Oh, Mr. Rogers.
[00:24:22] Speaker A: Yes. Did you know that in addition to being a television host, producer, author, and composer, he was actually an ordained Presbyterian minister?
[00:24:31] Speaker B: I did not know that.
[00:24:32] Speaker A: Mr. Rogers said, the connections we make in the course of a life, maybe that's what heaven is.
[00:24:39] Speaker B: Oh, I love that, Fred.
That intersection, that moment of, like, divine grace, of, like, two souls, individual souls, making some sort of connection.
I love that.
[00:24:55] Speaker A: So Mr. Rogers understood the value of nurturing our relationships.
These connections aren't just beneficial, aren't just superficial. These connections are essential for our wellness.
So explorers this week take one small action to strengthen the connections in your lives.
It could be reaching out to a friend you haven't spoken to in a while, or sharing a heartfelt moment with a loved one.
Or share your favorite podcast episode and schedule a coffee date to discuss it.
[00:25:31] Speaker B: I love how you slipped out in there, y' all.
[00:25:34] Speaker A: And in our next episode, we're diving into honesty and its importance in building trust and authenticity in our relationships. Until next time, be kind and embrace your connections.
[00:25:46] Speaker B: I love it. And remember that sometimes connections are just a mere moment. And be on the lookout for those moments of magic and embrace them and celebrate them.
Thanks for being here with us. We love you. Take good care.
Thank you to Queenies in Downtown Durham for the use of their community podcast studio and for welcoming us so warmly each week.
We'd like to give a shout out to Coco Cinnamon, the birthplace of 1023 Media and the yo podcast. Please support your local women owned minority owned coffee shop in Downtown Durham.
Brought to you by Durham based 1023 Media, a heart centered woman owned multimedia company.
