Episode Transcript
[00:00:03] Speaker A: Welcome to youo Odyssey Podcast where your guides, Tara and Karen invite you on a transformative journey toward wholeness and personal growth. Each week we'll discuss topics related to the human experience and offer insights to help you along the way.
Please note this podcast should not replace medical care or advice. We are not licensed healthcare professionals or mental health therapists. If you enjoy enjoyed today's episode, subscribe so you don't miss out on our future discussions.
So explorers, let's dive into today's episode.
[00:00:54] Speaker B: Welcome explorers. It's Tara. Today, Karen and I are diving into a universal experience. Failure. Failure doesn't exactly have the best reputation. It often feels like a dirty word, something we try to avoid at all costs.
[00:01:09] Speaker C: It's a four letter F word.
[00:01:11] Speaker B: In fact, think about this. Karen's acronym for fail stands for first attempt in learning. When we frame failure this way, it can shift our perspective entirely. Failure is not just the lack of success in achieving a desired goal. It's a stepping stone to growth and understanding.
[00:01:31] Speaker C: Yeah, you gotta start somewhere.
[00:01:33] Speaker B: You gotta start somewhere.
[00:01:35] Speaker C: You're not gonna go from zero to 60.
[00:01:37] Speaker B: There has to be somewhere to start.
[00:01:39] Speaker C: You have to have somewhere to be able to go and end up successfully.
[00:01:42] Speaker B: So grab your favorite drink, get comfy, and let's think about how this perspective shift can unlock possibilities in our lives. Think about your own experiences with failure and how they might shape your future now.
[00:01:55] Speaker C: Oh, I like that. A retro but present.
Yeah, because we can go back and reframe what we deem to be epic fail in our lives and just be like, actually, when that happened, I pivoted or I regrouped and I did this and that's what led me to the next thing. And then look how happy I am.
[00:02:16] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:02:16] Speaker C: There's a lot of trusting, the process, and it's all well and good to have goals and define goals, but we also have to have the flexibility, the ability to adapt.
[00:02:28] Speaker B: In our society, failure often carries a stigma. For many of us, failure is something to be ashamed of, a mark against our character or our abilities. We hear phrases like failure is not an option or success is the only option. These phrases can create a pressure cooker environment where making mistakes feels catastrophic. This societal perspective shapes our mindset in profound ways. When we're bombarded with images of success and perfection, it's easy to feel disheartened when we stumble.
However, a closer examination of many successful individuals reveals a stark contrast. For them, failure was not a setback, but a crucial stepping stone on their journey.
[00:03:11] Speaker C: Yes, and I want to note that There's a difference between success and perfect. Like, perfect is not real.
[00:03:19] Speaker B: It's not actually attainable.
[00:03:21] Speaker C: You can be successful as you move along the path of growth and of adaptation and of having a vision.
[00:03:28] Speaker B: Yeah. All right, so I found some people. We're going to do a little quizlet. Tara knows how much I love playing games, so let's. Let's look at how many do I have? Four. All right.
[00:03:40] Speaker C: Better get on my game.
[00:03:42] Speaker B: What individual faced early failures in printing but later became known for his contributions to American society and governance?
[00:03:52] Speaker C: That's throwing me off printing. Does he become the president?
[00:03:55] Speaker B: No.
[00:03:56] Speaker C: Oh, okay.
[00:03:57] Speaker B: Think chitin, string and lightning.
[00:04:00] Speaker C: Edison.
Wasn't that Thomas Edison? I thought it was.
[00:04:04] Speaker B: No, this person is Benjamin Franklin.
[00:04:08] Speaker C: Oh, my God. Yes. I knew that.
[00:04:10] Speaker B: Oh, I could have said almanac. Oh, my gosh. That would have been another really good clue.
[00:04:13] Speaker C: Yeah. Why did I not? Of course. It's Benjamin Franklin. Yes. That is the story.
[00:04:17] Speaker B: Yes, he experienced failures early in his career, including a failed printing business and other unsuccessful, unsuccessful ventures. However, his resilience led him to become one of the founding fathers of these United States of America, a respected inventor and diplomat.
[00:04:35] Speaker C: And just noting that most inventors. I mean, Einstein. Including like hundreds of iterations, so many hundreds of iterations of the thing until they get to the thing that works. It's the not giving up, and it's the noticing and trying something slightly different. Yeah.
[00:04:50] Speaker B: As you mentioned, Edison. There is a quote from him. I didn't fail, but I just found 10,000 ways it didn't work.
[00:04:57] Speaker C: Yes, that's exactly right.
[00:04:59] Speaker B: All right, this is a current figure who is known for being fired from their first television job, but went on to create a successful talk show.
[00:05:11] Speaker C: Oh, I feel like. Is that Oprah?
[00:05:13] Speaker B: It is. I didn't want to go too far. I'm like, now she's a media mogul. So she faced numerous challenges.
[00:05:19] Speaker C: Why did she get fired? Do you know?
[00:05:20] Speaker B: Oh, I think it was something like her tone, her look. It didn't fit the time in which TV anchors should look and should sound and should be and all of that. But she persevered, and today we know her as a media mogul and one of the most influential women in the world. So much amazing stuff.
[00:05:40] Speaker C: Thanks for not stop. Thanks for keep going.
[00:05:44] Speaker B: All right, here's one. This is fun. Which individual is famous for their secret fried chicken recipe that changed the fast food industry?
[00:05:53] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. I can't remember his real name, but you're talking about the Colonel, and he was like 75 or something. When he. Right. Like, he had lived an entire life before, he was like, nope, this is what I'm gonna do. People probably thought he was half off his rocker.
[00:06:05] Speaker B: So we are talking about none other than Harlan Sanders, also known as Colonel Sanders.
[00:06:10] Speaker C: Harlan, get in here. That is such a good Southern name.
[00:06:14] Speaker B: Oh, my goodness. Face rejection multiple times before finding success with his recipe for fried chicken and eventually founded Kentucky Fried Chicken, a global fast food franchise. Oh, wow. What basketball legend turned a high school setback of being cut from the team into a motivating factor for greatness?
[00:06:33] Speaker C: I want to say Michael Jordan.
[00:06:34] Speaker B: Absolutely. Because if you say basketball and don't think Michael Jordan, I'm like, it's gotta be. He was cut from his high school basketball team. Isn't that funny? That could have discouraged many. However, he used this failure as motivation to. To improve his skills. He is one of the greatest basketball players ever, winning six NBA championships and earning countless accolades, solidifying his legacy in sports history.
So next time you're faced with a setback or something others may deem a failure, remember, you're in great company.
[00:07:09] Speaker C: All of the people who are successful.
[00:07:11] Speaker B: All of the people who you're in company with.
[00:07:13] Speaker C: Because ain't nobody gets there without all those failures.
[00:07:17] Speaker B: First attempts.
[00:07:19] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. I mean, that alone. I wish I'd known that as a kid. I wish I had known that and had that as a guiding principle so that I could develop resilience and that fortitude to just keep going.
[00:07:33] Speaker B: A lot of it, too, has to do with where we are in time now more than most other times in history, we're more open about the journey that it takes to get to where you are now. People so often look at Oprah's story and be like, yeah, super successful. I want that. But are you willing to go through everything that they went through to get it there?
[00:07:53] Speaker C: Right? Like, we used to just know the outcome and be like, wow, they're an overnight success. That was so easy.
[00:07:57] Speaker B: That overnight success was 15 years in the making. So you just found out about it.
[00:08:02] Speaker C: If you're formulating that goal that's on the horizon, and if you are so set in belief that that is where you're going and that's what's going to happen, you're gonna get there. If you just keep visualizing that and believing in that and intentioning that that will manifest in your life, it may take longer, it may be more circuitous, the path. But that thing that you are focusing on, giving energy to will come to pass.
[00:08:29] Speaker B: You just gotta stick it out all right, so how do we change our perception of failure?
The first step, I feel, is acknowledging that it's a natural part of the learning process.
[00:08:40] Speaker C: Yes, 100%. Like from the time our kids come out, be like two years. I'll be like, that's okay. It's a mistake. That's good. Keep mistaking, keep mistaking.
That's how we learn, buddy.
[00:08:50] Speaker B: When we allow ourselves to fail, we grant ourselves the freedom to explore, innovate, and discover our true potential.
[00:08:58] Speaker C: Yeah. And there's such liberation in that you're playing, you're seeing, when you're calibrating.
[00:09:04] Speaker B: And as you talk about our kids growing up, that's how our kids learned. That's how we learned by doing and not getting it right and doing again. In our journeys of a child learning how to walk like, little by little, took one step, fell down. Please hold my hand while I walk through this. Okay, I got it. Now I'm good. Now I'm walking, now I'm running. Sometimes we stumble, sometimes we fall. But as long as we get back up, that's what matters.
[00:09:30] Speaker C: Just get back up.
[00:09:31] Speaker B: I did actually put on my research hat for this episode.
[00:09:35] Speaker C: I would expect nothing less, my dear.
[00:09:38] Speaker B: I found a study by data scientists from the University of Chicago and Northwestern University that supports our first attempt at learning and reframing failure. These data SC developed a mathematical model to pinpoint success by using data from very different disciplines. They looked at data from grant applications submitted to the NIH entrepreneurship startups that received venture capital funding and terrorism using the global terrorism database. The fact that they went to three very different data points data sets is like, all right. And also developed a model that pulls from all of these be able to.
[00:10:21] Speaker C: Find something cohesive from those three very different worlds.
[00:10:25] Speaker B: Yeah. And their findings shed light on the importance of navigating failure thoughtfully and constructively. With that understanding in mind, we can explore strategies to reframe failure as a valuable learning opportunity. Simple four step process. I say simple, but going through it is very, very difficult.
[00:10:44] Speaker C: But I do have to say I love me some steps. Let's define the steps. Let's do it. Let's put a little BO next to it so when I get through that step, I can do a little check mark.
[00:10:53] Speaker D: Steps.
[00:10:54] Speaker B: Step one, reflect on the experience. Take some time to think about what happened. What were the circumstances leading up to the failure? What were your expectations? Reflecting helps us understand the situation better.
[00:11:08] Speaker C: Because we can be objective. Yeah, right. Get outside of the personal and just be like, oh, well, these things, you know, facts Just the facts.
[00:11:15] Speaker B: Just the facts, ma'am. Just the facts, ma'am. All right, so we are reflecting on the experience. Then we are going to identify specific lessons, break down the failure into specific components. What went wrong? What could you have done differently? Identifying the lessons helps us have clear takeaways from the experience.
How do we identify? One way would be to seek feedback. Sometimes it helps to get an outsider perspective. Talk to trusted family, friends, or mentors about the situation. They might have insights that you haven't considered.
[00:11:55] Speaker C: What I love about breaking it down is then you can keep some of the points similar and just change one aspect and then try that recipe, and then if that doesn't work, try changing one of the other aspects. It's just like a big science experiment.
[00:12:07] Speaker B: Big science experiment. And then the fourth step is to create a plan. Moving forward, as Karen said, we can use the lessons and the feedback we've garnered to formulate a new strategy. What changes can we implement to mitigate risk or similar failures? Set concrete, achievable goals that help us transform these lessons and the feedback into proactive steps. Repeated failure doesn't equal success, but how we fail does.
[00:12:34] Speaker C: Ooh, say that again.
Say that again, sister.
[00:12:39] Speaker B: Repeated failure doesn't equal success, but how we feel does.
Try, try again. Try, try again. But if you doing the same thing over and over again, baby, you not.
[00:12:49] Speaker C: There's that quote definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome. If you're doing the same process, one piece of it at least has to shift or switch. Please, for the love of me.
[00:13:01] Speaker B: And then in the research study, some of the people who failed went back to the drawing board completely. They didn't take any of the good stuff from that failure and started over like.
Like there is some pieces. So if you already created this thing, edit out the pieces that don't quite fit.
[00:13:20] Speaker C: I get the desire to just, boom, throw it all out. Try a completely different approach. And I would say maybe in extreme or certain circumstances, that might be the best thing, but in general, taking a piece of it and tweaking it a little bit and seeing how that affects the whole project. Oh, I love that.
[00:13:38] Speaker B: Anything else you wanted to share with our explorers as they think through their first attempt in learning?
[00:13:44] Speaker C: Well, I do want to say that anytime that we're moving towards something that is a creative idea, a passion, an invention, something new, a different way of doing something or looking at the world, different perspective, I guess, is what I want to say. We, first of all must give ourselves grace because we're actually thinking about the thing and moving towards it and doing something as opposed to doing nothing. So that's really important. And I also want to say, not only do we need to give ourselves grace, but this is a really important, impactful quote that I read recently that I think is helpful in life in general, but specifically when we're going for a goal or creating something. True growth begins at the end of your comfort zone.
So anything you're doing, if it feels a little uncomfortable, that's great because that means you're onto something. You're right on the edge. Just keep going through that discomfort and see what kind of enlightenment is right on the other side of that.
[00:14:49] Speaker B: I have a song that encourages us to strive for greatness rather than perfection. And it is by the Script featuring Will I Am and it's hall of Fame.
Check out this week's song on the YO Podcast playlist on Spotify.
[00:15:16] Speaker C: I have never heard that song.
[00:15:18] Speaker B: Well, now you have.
[00:15:19] Speaker C: And now I have. I loved it.
[00:15:22] Speaker B: It's such a beautiful reminder to not give up.
[00:15:28] Speaker C: Yeah. And. And to also know that there are so many avenues in so many things that you can do and can be. Yeah. That's just such a positive message.
[00:15:37] Speaker B: Are you ready? I am for you. Think you are?
[00:15:42] Speaker C: Well, I think methinks I am. But then when you just said that.
[00:15:46] Speaker B: I was like, ooh, the question of the day, how has failure shaped who you are today?
[00:15:54] Speaker C: Wow. Well, you know, if I'm gonna be completely honest and say that there were many years of my life that I wouldn't even let myself attempt the thing so that I couldn't fail.
[00:16:07] Speaker B: Ooh.
[00:16:08] Speaker C: So in essence, it's only affected my life recently.
[00:16:12] Speaker B: The absence of failure. The absence of failure.
[00:16:14] Speaker C: I would not take the risk. And I didn't believe enough in myself to even. And I didn't understand that that's not the end of the world. Right. So I think knowing that now, I would go back to that teenager and 20 year old and just say, do the things and don't worry about the outcome because it's all in process.
So I guess my point is the idea of failure was not okay with me and I was not willing to take the risks in my younger years.
Now that I understand what failure and first attempts in learning are, I'm much more graceful and forgiving with myself, much more compassionate with myself in whatever I'm attempting to do.
[00:17:02] Speaker B: So often we spoke earlier about how society stigmatizes failure. What you said about not even taking the risk, like, that's so many of our stories. It's like, well, if I'm not going to be perfect in doing, then I'm not even gonna try. And for me, part of it is trying to do the thing and getting stuck in the fact that it didn't work out.
[00:17:26] Speaker C: Ooh.
[00:17:27] Speaker B: Because you have this dream, this vision of it going amazingly, and when it doesn't, you're like, oh, this failure. And I use the failure to define who I was being defined by that catastrophe, that big moment of I didn't get it right. So that eliminates all future possibility of me even ever doing it again, because I didn't get it right.
[00:17:51] Speaker C: It's just like, well, if it's not perfect out of the gate, then I guess it's not meant to be for you.
[00:17:54] Speaker B: Not for me. It's not for me.
[00:17:56] Speaker C: That is a crazy message that society gives us or that we internalize. I don't know. Imperfectionism. I mean, I see it all around me every day.
[00:18:04] Speaker B: So there is a freedom that comes when we allow ourselves to fail, when we give ourselves permission to try it. Let's see what happened. Oh, that didn't quite go right. Let me try again.
[00:18:15] Speaker C: To not take it quite so seriously. To just be like, I don't know. Let's just see.
[00:18:19] Speaker B: Let's just say I might get hurt, I might get bruised, I might get banged up a little bit. But you know what? I'm resilient. I can take it.
[00:18:27] Speaker C: Voter liberation.
[00:18:29] Speaker B: And then there's also the other side of it. When we have this idea in our mind about when we feel like everyone's looking at us. Oh, my gosh, why didn't anybody tell me I had spaghetti sauce on my shirt? Like, and then you ask the people, they, like, we need sleep.
[00:18:43] Speaker C: And they're like, what?
[00:18:44] Speaker B: But when we embrace failure and centralize ourselves from it and realize that everyone is not focused on our failure. We love a good success story, but could we handle what it took to get there? All of the sleepless nights and the broken pieces. That reminds me of our episode we did on Kintsugi. Like that we put it all back together in this beautiful story of our lives that had ups and downs, twists and turns, but we made it.
[00:19:12] Speaker C: And it might not look like your original vision, which is so pristine and perfect and not at all real. It becomes this warm, sort of worn, leathery element. The patina is just unique. It's so beautiful.
[00:19:24] Speaker B: The goal is the patina life. Yeah, get some weathering about yourself.
Sun faded. It's okay.
[00:19:32] Speaker C: Can we just give ourselves permission. Not only permission, but like really absolute green light. Like go for it. To fail and to fail many times over and to just know that that's actually the norm. More often, it's the other little pieces along the way that lead us to.
[00:19:49] Speaker B: The, to the picture, the hole in one, the image. I'm like, just try to get on the green, make it through the fairway, just make it close. You might get in the trees, you.
[00:19:57] Speaker C: Might get in the sand, you might even end up in the lake.
[00:19:59] Speaker B: Just pick it up, start over.
[00:20:00] Speaker C: But it's okay. Just get it, move it to where you can move it. I love it.
[00:20:04] Speaker B: Explorers, let's be honest, failure can be uncomfortable, but as Karen said, it's in that discomfort that we often find the most growth. We hope you found a little bit of inspiration in reframing your experiences with failure. As we wrap up today, I invite you to consider this quote from English business magnate and founder of Virgin Group, Sir Richard Fransen.
He said, do not be embarrassed by your failures. Learn from them and start again. This quote perfectly sums up the heart of our conversations today. Failure is not the end, but a valuable part of our journey and can propel us forward. Until next time. Keep embracing your journey, learning from every experience and never shy away from the lessons that failures can teach you.
[00:20:54] Speaker C: Every step is one step closer. My friends, thanks for joining us today. We love you so much. Take good care.
[00:21:03] Speaker D: Thank you to Queenies in downtown Durham for the use of their community podcast studio and for welcoming us so warmly.
[00:21:10] Speaker C: Each week.
[00:21:12] Speaker D: We'D like to give a shout out to Coco Cinnamon, the birthplace of 1023 Media and the yo podcast. Please support your local women owned minority owned coffee shop in downtown Durham.
Brought to you by Durham based 1023 Media, a heart centered woman owned multimedia company.
