Episode Transcript
[00:00:03] Speaker A: Welcome to Your Odyssey Podcast, where your guides, Tara and Karen, invite you on a transformative journey toward wholeness and personal growth. Each week, we'll discuss topics related to the human experience and offer insights to help you along the way.
Please note, this podcast should not replace medical care or advice. We are not licensed healthcare professionals or mental health therapists.
If you enjoyed today's episode, subscribe so you don't miss out on our future discussions.
So, explorers, let's dive into today's episode.
Welcome, explorers. It's Tara here, and I'm so excited to have you join Karen and I. Today. We're talking a topic that's both universal and deeply personal. We're talking fear. We all feel it. Whether we're starting a new job, moving to a new city, or pursuing a passion, there's that familiar knot in our stomachs. That's fear creeping in, and it's completely normal. But what if we told you you could transform this fear into a powerful force for personal growth? That's exactly what we're going to do today. So let's dive in and explore how to turn our fears into a catalyst for change.
[00:01:35] Speaker B: Stay tuned, because we're going to be dropping the bombs on this one. There's so much to say about it. Having come through fear cycles, that's part of the growth cycle.
Sure, there's still more to come, but I think I have a different perspective on fear. Fear doesn't mean the same thing to me, and it doesn't carry the weight that it used to carry.
[00:01:55] Speaker A: Ooh. Okay. Okay, Karen. Okay, Karen.
[00:02:00] Speaker B: Snap, snap, snap, snap, snap.
[00:02:02] Speaker A: Wow. All right. She said two minutes. We ain't even make it a whole.
[00:02:06] Speaker B: I just gave my leg.
[00:02:07] Speaker A: I was like, what?
[00:02:08] Speaker B: Yeah, it's true.
[00:02:09] Speaker A: Yeah, I love that. All right, so fear is a natural instinct. It's been hardwired into us since the beginning of humanity. It was crucial for our ancestors to have a little bit of fear when confronting unfamiliar situations. They needed to know whether they were fighting or flighting.
[00:02:29] Speaker B: Fighting or fighting. Yes, exactly.
[00:02:31] Speaker A: They needed to react quickly to whatever danger was there.
[00:02:35] Speaker B: And our nervous system supported that and kicked in to support that. Now it kicks in. Sometimes it's the opposite of support.
[00:02:43] Speaker A: Beyond being a survival mechanism, fear is a powerful catalyst for our personal growth. Each instance of fear presents an opportunity to push our boundaries and explore new avenues for development. We can understand fear's role in our lives by recognizing it as a natural response.
[00:03:01] Speaker B: I love how you said that. You really went, natural response.
[00:03:05] Speaker A: You like really natural response? It is natural. It is natural, natural response.
Instead of letting fear dictate your choices, you can use it to inspire change.
[00:03:19] Speaker B: It's a signal. Fear is like the thing train. Things coming down, red lights are flashing, warning. Pay attention. There's something happening. There's either a wound that you're getting close to that needs to be uncovered and healed, or there's an experience that you think you can't have. Fear is an indicator. Right? It's that red flag. Pay attention to me because I've got something to show you or teach you.
[00:03:39] Speaker A: Both. Both. And. Both.
[00:03:41] Speaker B: And exactly.
[00:03:42] Speaker A: I wonder if we can take a step back because we are at a place where, as you said, fear does not have the same weight that it used to have. But, you know, envision a situation. We don't have to share it if you don't want to share it with all of the explorers, but the situation when you have stepped out of your comfort zone and moved into that challenging uncertainty of the fear zone and you feel that drop in your stomach, you look around and everything is unfamiliar. What did you do or what do you do in that space?
[00:04:18] Speaker B: I'll tell you what I used to do. I used to push it down and ignore it. I wouldn't pay attention to it in a healthy way. I'd stuff it down and I'd go do something that felt better, that had nothing to do with what the fear was showing me. I didn't want to look at it, and I didn't want to dive into it. I just wanted it to go away.
[00:04:38] Speaker A: You would just stuff it down. I think my response in that space, I didn't stuff it down. I just ignored it. Like, I pretended like it wasn't there exactly. Like, I'm gonna keep moving or I'm gonna go back into where it's safe and familiar, but that I'll get to it when I get to it, if I get to it. Yeah, there's. Whoo. There. That, that. That. That's. That's heavy.
[00:04:58] Speaker B: And then how is it different now? Or even just more recently? Maybe not in this very moment. But how has that changed for you?
[00:05:05] Speaker A: Your response to fear, your recognition, awareness that it is, like you just said, it's here to show me something. Here to heal. Not being afraid of fear, not ignoring it. Like, okay, let me see what a growth is here.
[00:05:20] Speaker B: Not wishing it would go away, but getting curious about why.
[00:05:23] Speaker A: What is the thing I saw recently? I think it was Dr. Anita and it was a clip. If you break a bone and you pretend that you didn't, your Bone is still broken, still broken. It still needs right when we're ignoring it, there is still a wound, it's still there.
[00:05:37] Speaker B: You can choose to look at it, you can choose to actually do something, you can choose to be angry at it. There's a lot of responses we can.
[00:05:46] Speaker A: Have which show up in ways that are not necessarily conducive to growth. And as I've learned to lean into it, to acknowledge it, to sit with it, there is like a freedom that comes from that. No longer am I like bound to this fear response. I'm not stuck here, I'm not frozen here. We going to work on that. We're going to do a little dig in, we're going to talk to the therapist, we going to do what we need to do.
[00:06:12] Speaker B: It loosens its control over.
[00:06:14] Speaker A: It's the freedom when you invite it.
[00:06:16] Speaker B: Have a cup of coffee, have a seat, let's talk. What is it? Let's see what this is about, what.
[00:06:21] Speaker A: We got going on.
[00:06:22] Speaker B: Have the conversation in your mind, journal it out, recognize it and just be like, what are you doing here? Why, why, why? Where did you come from? Why are you here? In this particular instance times, fear or nervousness is like potential or excitement turned inside out. It's feeling of energy flowing and sometimes it's super powerful and that freaks us out because it's that idea that we are so powerful. The fear is like, can I think that? Is that a possibility? Can I go there? And we, we can, we can flip it around oftentimes by sitting with it, recognizing it, having the conversation and feeling it. Where is it in your body? What is it indicating and how can you somatize it? How can you, how can you physically process it and not let it stop you in your tracks or let it block or sit there and fester or continue the wound.
[00:07:14] Speaker A: You may be wondering, what exactly is this fear zone? There is a very real step in our personal growth journeys that is the fear zone where this fear is manifesting itself. And it's that space where self doubt and anxiety creeps in. It's the voice, the very wrong voice in the back of your head saying what if I fail? Am I really capable of this, y'all? That's my question all the time. It's am I really capable of this?
[00:07:44] Speaker B: And I'm like, yeah, yeah, right? Like your closest people are like, yeah, like doy. You know, it's those self doubt moments. It's those things that creep in. You're like, that's fear talking.
[00:07:59] Speaker A: Fear often shows up in our Triggers?
[00:08:07] Speaker B: Heck yeah.
[00:08:08] Speaker A: You talked about our ancestors as survival mechanism and how it shows up today. It's not always we're running from the woolly mammoth. It's we have to get up and do a speech in front of people. We have to step out and we have the sweaty palms, the racing heart, all of those things that served us ancestrally. And I don't know a single person who has not wrestled with fear, who has not had the self doubt and anxiety about who they are becoming, kind of derailed them a little bit like absolutely not even a one.
[00:08:44] Speaker B: Brene Brown talks about this all the time. The opposite of fear is not courage, it's persistence. Feeling fear is normal and natural. It's running from the fear that it's going to really keep you stagnant. Moving towards the fear, unpacking it and getting curious about it and even becoming vulnerable around that fear. Being kind and compassionate to yourself and to the fear. It's there for a reason. It's trying to keep you safe, that's all. It's just like it cares so deeply about you.
[00:09:20] Speaker A: Recognizing that we're in the fear zone is so important. It's like we're turning a light on in a dark room. Knowing we're in this space, we can more accurately acknowledge our feelings, take a step back and remind ourselves that feeling scared is okay. Fear is the signal. So when we get those jitters, remember, you're not alone. You're not the only person in the world to be afraid of this thing that you're trying to do. And you have the power to move beyond.
[00:09:48] Speaker B: And I find so often that for me, when I start to feel that place of fear, which sometimes shows up as panic, sometimes shows up as anxiety, sometimes spectrum shows up as restlessness or nervousness, whenever I'm feeling that, I'm getting better at noticing it and then addressing it. And I don't even necessarily mean healing it in the larger sense, but going down into a squat, getting close to the ground, maybe taking some deep diaphragmatic breaths, things that can calm my nervous system so that I can see it for what it is.
[00:10:20] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:10:21] Speaker B: It's like I'm like, oh, this is an involuntary reaction because of the unknown. I don't know what's next or what's happening. And also I can regulate and soothe myself.
[00:10:31] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:10:32] Speaker B: So that I can think more clearly about this and what it is and what it's showing, how I can address it or heal it or move forward.
[00:10:40] Speaker A: So what I'm hearing is that when you recognize it when it comes up, because it comes up, y'all, it's gonna come up. You are changing the narrative around fear. You are not letting the fear control you. You are controlling the fear. Like, you're like, okay, I'm in charge. Thank you. Thank you for that awareness.
[00:11:03] Speaker B: Right? Thank you for that. And I'll take it from here. Right? Yeah.
[00:11:06] Speaker A: Thank you.
[00:11:07] Speaker B: Taking back the wheel, and I think the acknowledgement is so powerful because it's so normal. And, you know, it's not like you have to stay in it, dwell in it, and think about, oh, my God, I'm so afraid. I'm so friends. Just stay there. No. Acknowledging it is the first step in moving through it, but you have to decide to move through it.
[00:11:23] Speaker A: Especially when we're speaking about fear in response to your next step out of the comfort zone. When we are afraid of that growth, of that expansion, it means that you care about succeeding like you care about the outcome.
[00:11:39] Speaker B: To feel the risk of it or to feel the potential. It not working right. You care enough that it makes you want to do it. Helps you to know that this is important to you, that you want to do it. Yeah, it's sort of. That's another signal.
[00:11:51] Speaker A: That's a good reframing. If there is not any fear associated with it, that might not be the next step.
[00:11:58] Speaker B: Right.
[00:12:01] Speaker A: Just a bit. Because we know that nervousness and excitement feel the same. Feels the same. Like, oh, same regions of our brain is activated. It's the same.
[00:12:11] Speaker B: You're flipping the script. You're reframing what that means. You're giving it the definition. You're taking control or responsibility for what you perceive that feeling to be nervousness or excitement, and you can physically shift it in your body. With the right tools and techniques, you can shift that energy, that chemical release of fear.
[00:12:29] Speaker A: Oh, you said techniques. What is a technique that you use to shift it?
[00:12:34] Speaker B: Yeah. Sometimes the feeling of fear makes me want to run. Not even physically, but I'm like, I'm out. I'm good. I'm gonna go before it gets real messy. So for me, responding with stillness, sitting with it and just breathing into it. Of course, you know me. I use my vocal tools too. I hum just try to soothe my nervous system, regulate myself and my chemistry so that I can sit with it and process.
I hug myself sometimes. I rock myself back and forth. That feels really physically good to me and very calming. And it helps me to create safety for myself, I guess, is ultimately what I'm trying to say. Right. When I feel fear, I know now that I can create safety for myself in any moment, in any experience.
[00:13:23] Speaker A: Preach.
[00:13:24] Speaker B: Yeah, I do that. And it works. Even in those real tough ones. I've had some experience in the last few months and I'm like, I can't believe I just faced that and felt the emotions and came out on the other side, like, for, you know, with a bit of ease. Whereas before it was debilitating. Complete shutdown. Run for the hills.
[00:13:45] Speaker A: And then you see me run like. You are an amazing track star.
[00:13:49] Speaker B: I am. I'm really a track star.
[00:13:51] Speaker A: Where are you going?
[00:13:53] Speaker B: You are emotional track star.
[00:13:55] Speaker A: You are a recovering.
[00:13:57] Speaker B: I'm a recovering emotional track star. Yes.
[00:14:00] Speaker A: It was in the 500 relay.
[00:14:02] Speaker B: We're talking long distance.
[00:14:02] Speaker A: We're not talking, like, marathon.
[00:14:06] Speaker B: I'm going far. This does not feel good. I'm out.
[00:14:10] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:14:10] Speaker B: I mean, and I could unpack that and look at my history and the loss and the things I've experienced. That made me feel like emotions weren't safe. Made me feel like it was too big, it was too much. I get why that is my knee jerk reaction because I did it for so many years.
[00:14:27] Speaker A: Oh, my goodness.
[00:14:28] Speaker B: It was ingrained.
[00:14:29] Speaker A: I love that we are on opposite sides in response to fear. You running and I'm about to fight. Like, I'm ready.
[00:14:38] Speaker B: You're like, rolling up your sleeves.
[00:14:39] Speaker A: Let's go on out in the street.
[00:14:41] Speaker B: Let's go.
[00:14:42] Speaker A: Listen, we take it outside is what a girl's like. Catch me outside. How about it?
We're gonna go like.
And I get really defensive.
[00:14:52] Speaker B: Digging in.
[00:14:53] Speaker A: Yes, very much.
[00:14:54] Speaker B: I wanna understand why that's your M.O. compared to what my M.O. is and maybe how that's manifested or was created. And then what do you do with it? How do you. How do you.
[00:15:05] Speaker A: You have to channel it for good. I had to retrain my brain. We need to take that moment, that pause, and be like, okay, what am I actually responding to? I'd just be fighting. And this is emotional fighting, not actually physically fighting. Just to clarify, I'm doing that. Especially when the fear is brought on by someone else. Like when it's triggering a thing. Yes. Like when it's like, oh, there's this fear of inadequacy, this fear of being not enough, not good enough. And it's like, oh, wait a minute. So if I'm not good enough, we gonna fight about it like this. We're gonna have words.
Because let me tell you, I am. I know that now. Like, I forgot for a second.
[00:15:43] Speaker B: Right. Just for a brief moment.
[00:15:45] Speaker A: But I'm back, and now we're fighting.
[00:15:47] Speaker B: So how dare you? Right? The head starts and it's a whole thing.
[00:15:52] Speaker A: Whole attitude problem.
[00:15:54] Speaker B: Yeah. Because you're defending yourself.
[00:15:56] Speaker A: You're defending your words and then realizing, like, oh, I don't have to defend.
[00:16:02] Speaker B: Because I just are.
[00:16:04] Speaker A: Exactly. If I am firmly and securely attached to who I know I am.
[00:16:10] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:16:11] Speaker A: Either you get it or you don't. And that's not my problem.
[00:16:14] Speaker B: Your value and your worthiness, if that is stone cold solid in you, then there's no need to defend. It's like, I'm good. I know who I am. I know where I stand.
[00:16:24] Speaker A: There have been those moments, of course, where it's the flight and that's when I pull away. Like, I retreat in on myself and it's like, it's not safe out there or no one's listening.
[00:16:36] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, that resonates. He kind of just lone wolfing, like, nope, I can't.
[00:16:40] Speaker A: This only me for me.
[00:16:42] Speaker B: I'm gonna keep protecting.
[00:16:44] Speaker A: Yeah. And it's always rooted in childhood is beautiful.
[00:16:49] Speaker B: And then what happens?
[00:16:50] Speaker A: Childhood is beautiful. And then you have all of these things and you're responsible for the little child who was afraid and she show up all the time. Be like, girl, go sit down. Like, we already dealt with this.
[00:17:01] Speaker B: Like, you're good. You're saving money.
[00:17:03] Speaker A: Exactly right.
[00:17:05] Speaker B: You're like, what are we doing? And she's like, but did we. I just had this vision of when we talked about going inside. It's like one of those roly poly bugs.
[00:17:13] Speaker A: Oh, yeah.
[00:17:14] Speaker B: Like you're like your ass or a turtle.
[00:17:16] Speaker A: Like, I'm pulling everything. Just like, nope, in the shell. No, leave me alone.
[00:17:20] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:17:20] Speaker A: Which is better than the porcupine reaction? Spike up.
[00:17:24] Speaker B: A spike up. Hurt everybody in your path. Everybody just be like, yeah, turtling for sure. And roly polying just into yourself for protection. Right. We do that for protecting the soft underbelly, if you will, of our emotions.
[00:17:37] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:17:37] Speaker B: But we can learn, even though we might have learned the opposite in childhood for various reasons, we can learn to create that safety for ourselves in this moment and even go back and grab that little kid and pick him up and bring him into this safety.
[00:17:54] Speaker A: Yeah. And there is a wonderful empowerment when we face our fears head on by not fighting, running away or freezing and sitting with it. Just. I tell you that we sit with it. There is this new achievement unlocked in self discovery.
[00:18:13] Speaker B: Oh, my God, I love that. So much for making personal self discovery.
[00:18:17] Speaker A: There's a new achievement unlocked.
[00:18:19] Speaker B: Yes.
It's A very satisfying and new feeling when you discover that, when you decide to sit with it and to explore or wonder and just meet it and just listen to. With compassion and grace and really, ultimately love. Right.
[00:18:38] Speaker A: We talk about fear, and love is.
[00:18:41] Speaker B: One opposite of love. Love is the opposite.
We can love ourselves back into wholeness, and we can love ourselves back into fearlessness into. I mean, we'll never be completely fearless, but we can create that sanctuary for ourselves, and we can support ourselves through the fear. Hold space for us to experience it, but also to heal it.
[00:19:01] Speaker A: All right. I wanted to make sure I said these things about transforming our fears into fuel for growth. First thing, embracing fear teaches us resilience.
[00:19:12] Speaker B: Mm.
[00:19:13] Speaker A: We learn to cope with discomfort and uncertainty when we face our fears.
Each time we step outside of our comfort zones, we build our mental and emotional muscles, preparing us for future challenges. And they're gonna come.
[00:19:27] Speaker B: Can I just share a great example of.
[00:19:29] Speaker A: Absolutely. Please do.
[00:19:30] Speaker B: My daughter getting on a plane and crossing the Atlantic Ocean has some anxiety and fear of flying, and she just jumped in. Her resilience just went from, like, 0 to 50 in one event. So blown away.
[00:19:45] Speaker A: Very empowering. When we embrace that resilience, like, okay, I did it. Fear. 0me1.
[00:19:52] Speaker B: I did that thing. Yeah.
[00:19:54] Speaker A: Number two, fear often signals that we're on the brink of something important or transformative. We may uncover deeper insights about ourselves and our desires by embracing them. Fear can give us clarity and purpose.
[00:20:09] Speaker B: Yeah. It's not just the bad guy. It's a catalyst. It's a fear of the carrier. Right. And I have compassion for myself and fear because it's really the ego's panicking. The ego's like, oh, my God, no. This is who we are. This is what we do. This is how we have always done it. Don't change it. It's scary out there. The forest is dark. The tunnel is long. I don't see any light. You know, I'm not doing it. And you're like, it's okay. You can trust me.
[00:20:37] Speaker A: Just take the next step.
[00:20:38] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:20:39] Speaker A: And number three, sharing our fears with others fosters deeper connections and a sense of community.
When we discuss what intimidates us openly, we create space for vulnerability and authenticity that strengthens our relationships. This shared fear experience empowers us and encourages others to share and confront their fears.
[00:21:02] Speaker B: No one has to go it alone. We're so guarded about our fears in the general societal sense. It's like, everybody's got to be like, I'm good. I'm all together. I Got it figured out. I don't have fear. Literally everyone feels fear. Most successful CEO or whoever feels fear. It's the walking through it. It's connecting with it, facing it, and moving through it. That's what they've learned and what they've done. They've developed resilience.
[00:21:28] Speaker A: Embracing fear is not just overcoming it. It's about transforming it into a powerful force for empowerment. When we shift our perspective to see fear as a companion on our journey, we equip ourselves with the courage and resilience to pursue our passions, connect with others, and ultimately live our lives more fully and authentically. Authentically. Authentically.
[00:21:53] Speaker B: Authentically.
[00:21:53] Speaker A: That's it.
[00:21:54] Speaker B: I had a visual of skipping down a trail, holding fear's hand on one side and resilience's hand on the other side and just skipping, just skipping along. Just three happy little campers. I see you. I feel you. I appreciate you. And now I've developed a relationship with resilience. We're just doing it, just moving along.
[00:22:12] Speaker A: All right. I think we should take our fear and resilience into our song and dance break. And the song is hello, Fear by Kirk Franklin.
Check out this week's song on the YO Podcast playlist on Spotify.
[00:22:37] Speaker B: What I love so much about that song, first and foremost is it's like the sexiest love song. It's like. It's like. It's like we creating a mood here to break up with fear. It's like, hello, fear. This conversation's been coming for some time. I'm gonna replace you with love, with grace. If we're operating from a place of love, there's no room for fear. You'll have to sit outside at the picnic table. Cause this table's full of love.
[00:23:05] Speaker A: I wanted to look up the lyrics because there was something that I wanted to remember. Like, there were so many pieces of it that I was like, ooh, that's the thing. Let's see, where did it go? Never again will I love you. My heart, it refuses to be your home. And then the next line. No longer your prisoner. Today I remember apart from you is where I belong. That is the thing that fear does. It holds us hostage. We are its prisoner. When we don't remember the possibilities of love.
[00:23:40] Speaker B: If we don't remember that we have the key to the lock, right? And the key is love.
[00:23:45] Speaker A: The key is love. Oh. So, fear, we see you. We acknowledge you. We sometimes even appreciate you.
[00:23:53] Speaker B: We appreciate and see that you serve a purpose.
[00:23:56] Speaker A: You serve a purpose at times. But we can't Stay there.
[00:23:58] Speaker B: But we're not getting married.
[00:24:00] Speaker A: No, we did not doing this long breakup. We just done.
[00:24:03] Speaker B: I choose love over fear.
[00:24:05] Speaker A: That's it. I feel like I'm about to end the episode right now. I don't even care about the question of the day. Nothing.
[00:24:11] Speaker B: Be like, let's just swim in this pool, love, and just be like, here.
[00:24:15] Speaker A: Explorers feeling good in this place of love and possibilities.
[00:24:21] Speaker B: Love and possibilities. I choose love. We choose love.
[00:24:24] Speaker A: Okay, so I have a question. I don't even really have an answer for it.
[00:24:28] Speaker B: I'm still floating from the songs. I'm like, dude, it was like five minutes of just gold and love. And I was just like.
[00:24:34] Speaker A: It was very empowering.
[00:24:35] Speaker B: It was like. It was, like, soothing. It was like. It was like balm to the wounds or something. It was like. Was like, okay, I've pulled fear out, and there's this little hole, and I'm just gonna fill it up with this love and then move on. Okay, that felt really good.
[00:24:50] Speaker A: All right, well, I'm so happy that that song happened to be the song for this episode that we didn't know was gonna be the song for this episode. But it was very appropriate. Very appropriate.
[00:24:58] Speaker B: So good.
[00:24:58] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:24:59] Speaker B: All right. What is it?
[00:25:00] Speaker A: So there's a question that I guess we gotta.
[00:25:02] Speaker B: I don't know if I'm gonna be.
[00:25:03] Speaker A: Able to not do a QOTD question. What did you love most about this song? Just. It was beautiful.
[00:25:10] Speaker B: Hilarious.
[00:25:11] Speaker A: What fear have you faced and how did you overcome it? I purposely didn't write an answer because I wanted to be like, what's gonna come to me in this moment? It's bordering on imposter syndrome. But not really, because it's never really full on that. Because I feel like I belong in every space that I end up, but it's somewhere near the neighborhood. Maybe, like, a little bit of inadequacy or unworthiness. Like, when people see things in me that I, for fear, have denied about myself. It's like, who told you that? Like, I didn't tell you that. Like, who.
Who you talking to about me?
[00:25:53] Speaker B: Oh, my God. I just saw you're younger in your face.
[00:25:55] Speaker A: How do you know these things about me? Because I thought I did a good job of hiding them, and now people are calling them out, and I'm like, I. I don't know if I want to be that big. Big and powerful. And it's like, oh. And I don't want in my Rugrats voice, Tommy Pickles responsibilities. I don't want them the fear of not really being enough for that role.
[00:26:25] Speaker B: Not being able to rise to the occasion, not being able to fill that role.
[00:26:28] Speaker A: And then something switches in your head or in therapy or in journaling or meditation or prayer, and you're like, well, duh. You don't actually have to fill the role 100% of the time, all the time. Because if you fall, if you stumble, if you do, that's okay. You are a human.
[00:26:46] Speaker B: Right. And you don't have to do it. All right?
[00:26:48] Speaker A: Now, today, it's the steps that we talk about taking towards love and grace. Like, hold on to that vision. Hold. And you. Like you.
[00:26:56] Speaker B: There we go.
[00:26:57] Speaker A: I'm like, how you testify over here?
[00:27:00] Speaker B: Raising my hands. Sweet Sister Frances speaking the truth. She's preaching so hard right now. Yes. Holding that vision of possibility.
[00:27:07] Speaker A: And I can do that very well for other people. It just becomes uncomfortable when I have to do it for myself. And I'm like, well, it's only uncomfortable because you not doing it enough.
[00:27:18] Speaker B: Right.
[00:27:19] Speaker A: Okay. Thanks, Tara. Good job. All right. So, yeah, so I'm glad I didn't. I was like, I don't know. Let's see what happens. There's also a time when I'm like, I don't have fears. I'm not afraid of anything.
Lies, child. Those are lies that you tell yourself.
[00:27:34] Speaker B: You wouldn't be human if you didn't have fears. It's just a natural part of the experience.
I don't even remember the question I.
[00:27:41] Speaker A: Was about to say. Did I answer the question?
[00:27:42] Speaker B: That was the face. Went on that trip so hard with you.
[00:27:46] Speaker A: She was at the workshop, y'all.
[00:27:47] Speaker B: I was so in.
[00:27:48] Speaker A: You were at the workshop. A fear you have faced and how did you overcome it? Okay. Overcome it. Talk to your people. I pray about it. I go to therapy about it. I go to therapy.
[00:27:57] Speaker B: Yeah, right. Isn't everyone?
[00:27:59] Speaker A: If not, you find a person that will give you sage counsel.
[00:28:05] Speaker B: Yes. And it doesn't have to be paid therapist. You know this, but there's wisdom keepers in our lives. Okay, I'm just going to drop the big bomb. I would say the fear of being alone. The fear of being alone with myself. Yeah. So when I was going through divorce, I didn't want to be alone. I w. I was afraid of what I would find.
[00:28:27] Speaker A: Ooh.
[00:28:28] Speaker B: I was afraid I wouldn't like what I would find. I was afraid that I wasn't enough or I'd be disappointed I couldn't handle life or the things that would come my way. And from high school, I Was serious in serial relationships like dating or always wanting to find my value in how someone else saw me. Facing that fear of being alone and learning how to be graceful and compassionate with myself, to recognize my humanness, my fallibility, my messiness and my imperfectness and still love myself. To be on the ground sobbing because I didn't actually know until I was experiencing this alone time, this aloneness, this diving deep. It's so important for someone to do when they're in this phase journey. When coming out of a significant relationship or a life transition, it's important to be there for yourself and to acknowledge that you have those feelings. Like, I was like, oh my gosh, all this time I was running because I didn't feel I was worthy of my own love. Perhaps right of my own. Recognizing my divinity, my beauty, my brilliance, and slowly step at a time, I rebuilt the connection with myself and the trust in myself and the love for myself. I have deep love and compassion and pride for myself that I did not have and would not have or had the experience to garner if I had stayed. If I had just stayed in a place of fear or stayed safe and small. That was a really long answer. But I felt like this is this. This one.
[00:30:19] Speaker A: This one, yeah.
[00:30:21] Speaker B: Now a lot of. A lot of soul searching, like truth and vulnerability. We're sharing the ways that we have struggled with our own power and in loving ourselves, like for all of who we are. Yeah. And that is a process that will continue throughout our lives, our journeys. But having come even to this point, I look back and I think I'm so grateful that I had that time and space to reconnect with myself on a really deep level. I'm just so grateful that I had that experience, that time and space, and that I gave myself that gift. And I think everyone deserves that gift.
[00:31:00] Speaker A: You didn't to know yourself every day, over and over again.
[00:31:05] Speaker B: You are the only one of you. There is no one like you. If you aren't loving you, then who's going to? You cannot love another person or have them love you. If you do not love yourself, it is worth that deep dive. And it is scary and hard sometimes, but I promise you, you will not regret it.
[00:31:22] Speaker A: X4S we hope you feel renewed courage to embrace the fear in your life. Fear is not the enemy. It's a guidepost nudging us to expand our horizons and pursue personal growth. I found a quote by American writer, humorist and essayist Mark Twain. Courage is resistance to fear. Mastery of fear, not absence of fear. Don't let that sink in. It's perfectly okay to feel afraid. What matters is how you respond to your fear.
[00:31:57] Speaker B: Fear is something that brings you closer.
[00:32:01] Speaker A: To love if you let it.
Until next time, be brave and keep embracing your fears, turning them into fuel for your growth.
[00:32:12] Speaker B: I've loved this episode so much and thank you for listening and witnessing us as we share some about our personal lives and fears and ways that we've.
[00:32:25] Speaker A: Commised it and allowed it to lead.
[00:32:28] Speaker B: Us back to love. Explorers Speaking of love, we love you so much. We're so glad you're here with us on this journey. We thank you for sharing your time and space and hearts with us. Take good care.
Thank you to Queenies in Downtown Durham for the use of their community podcast studio and for welcoming us so warmly each week.
We'd like to give a shout out to Coco Cinnamon, the birthplace of 1023 Media and the yo podcast. Please support your local women owned minority owned coffee shop in Downtown Durham.
Brought to you by Durham based 1023 Media, a heart centered woman owned multimedia company.
