Can You Love Your Life and Still Want More?

[00:00:03] Speaker A: Welcome to youo Odyssey Podcast where your guides, Tara and Karen invite you on a transformative journey toward wholeness and personal growth. Each week we'll discuss topics related to the human experience and offer insights to help you along the way. Please note this podcast should not replace medical care or advice. We are not licensed healthcare professionals or mental health therapists. If you enjoyed today's episode, subscribe so you don't miss out on our future discussions. So, explorers, let's dive into today's episode. Hey [00:00:53] Speaker B: explorers, it's Tara. Karen and I are so glad that you joined us for this episode that is kicking off a month where we are exploring some seemingly contradictory truths that coexist in our lives, in our relationships and our emotional experiences. We can be grateful and grieving. We can love someone and still need our space. We can feel settled and still sense that something needs to shift. So today we're starting with a question that might sound simple, but can stir up a whole lot of stuff underneath it. The question is, can you love your life and still want more? [00:01:35] Speaker C: I think that's so profound to think about it in relationships, right? Because I think sometimes as humans we enter into relationships and I'm speaking of long term partner relationships, necessarily thinking we know what it is and what it wants. But that relationship and you individually are each going to evolve and grow. So can you be like, okay, this is what it is now and allow room. And it's the same in our own lives. Like for us, right? Whether we're exploring a creative project or we're deciding some parenting issues, whatever it is, like, can you hold both? Right? There's that duality. And can you be okay with surrender and action. [00:02:15] Speaker B: We touched on this a little bit in our last episode. You can look around at your life and think like, I have so much to be thankful for. I have this great family. I have this career, these relationships, these routines. All of these things that feed me and fuel me. But I still feel like there's something missing. And I believe the something missing is that we've gotten so caught up in the things that are familiar that we've forgotten to dream new dreams. We've forgotten to ask ourselves what our desires are now. Because we, as you said, we're changing, we're growing, we're evolving. And you I don't want the same things that I wanted five years ago. If I did, y', all, please pray for me. Because what are we doing? We're stuck. No one should have this life where they're stuck and wanting the same things over and over again, you are allowed to evolve and change and grow in your desires and dreams and all of the things around. You should also be doing the same thing. [00:03:13] Speaker C: Right. Like, you're allowed to be satisfied and happy with your life and still want more. It doesn't mean that you're ignoring the abundance and the gratitude of what you already have. It just means you want to experience more things. That's why we're here, to experience more and more and more. To love more, to laugh more, to dance more, to expand more, to grow. That's why we're here. So it's our natural instinct to want more. It doesn't mean we. Something's [00:03:42] Speaker B: missing or lacking. Right? Right. It [00:03:44] Speaker C: doesn't mean that we're experiencing a deficit in some way. No. It just means that we're a little stuck. Right. It's okay to want to expand and want to experience more. And I do [00:03:53] Speaker B: think we're [00:03:53] Speaker C: creatures of comfort and we do get a little bit, you know, like that little divot in the couch that you maybe have [00:04:00] Speaker B: 30 years. Yeah. Like. [00:04:02] Speaker C: Like it gets comfortable. It's like shapes of your body. But, like, what if your body's a little different now? What if you want, you know, there's new things. There's always something new to explore. [00:04:12] Speaker B: And sometimes, like, we confuse this yearning as proof that we're dissatisfied with something. Well, if I want more, then there's something missing or there's something lacking. I should just be happy with what I have. Who am I to want something else? And you've worked hard to get where you are, so why would you want to change anything? But that's not the point at all. Like, all you're doing when you say those things is talking yourselves out of wanting the things that you want. [00:04:36] Speaker C: Right. It's. Yeah, you're moving away from the things or you're staying still. Right. We're allowed to be perfectly satisfied and happy and also think about more and different. [00:04:47] Speaker B: Yeah, [00:04:48] Speaker C: Right. [00:04:48] Speaker B: And when did being grateful become this obligation to stay exactly where you are? When did we decide who said that that's what that meant? It's like, because you're grateful, you have to stay exactly where you are, remain in this place. [00:05:07] Speaker C: Most abundant people that I know, the most blissfully happy people I know are the people that are growing and expanding and moving towards the next thing of the next piece of bliss, the next thing that lights them up. And they're not just sort of being like, well, I guess I did it. I [00:05:26] Speaker B: guess I'm here, [00:05:26] Speaker C: I've arrived. So this is all I get, you know? No. And it's just such a beautiful thing to sit in the idea of that abundance, of that ever expanding abundance in whatever way feels good to you. [00:05:41] Speaker B: There are oftentimes these expectations about being a quote unquote good partner, parent, professional, whatever that influences what we allow ourselves to want. A good parent wouldn't do this. [00:05:56] Speaker C: 100%. [00:05:57] Speaker B: A good partner wouldn't do this. Like [00:06:00] Speaker C: who says [00:06:00] Speaker B: this after? This is usually the thing that you want to do. It's like I. A good whatever would not put themselves first. Then why, when we get on the plane, they telling us to put our dag on oxygen mask on first? Like what, how, why is, why is good like this? Like I have to sacrifice myself. Like I have to like put my stuff way, way, way in the back and then maybe someday come back and pick it up or maybe someone will pick it up for me and then remind me like, why is that? Why are those expectations always taking precedence over what it is? Because what I found personally is like when you are living in your, like you just said, the abundance of life in the expectation everyone else comes along, everyone else who was supposed to be there comes along. [00:06:51] Speaker C: There will be people and experiences and aspects of your life that will fall to the wayside. But, but that's because they weren't ever going to go that place with you. They weren't ever going to experience [00:07:03] Speaker B: the more and [00:07:05] Speaker C: the joy, you know, so that's okay. We have to be okay with allowing conditions of our life to shift as we move towards whatever's next for us. And it's so interesting that you bring this up because I have had this exact thought pattern and conversation with myself more over the last six months in relation to am I a good mother? If. And it's been real and I've been like, why do I think, like why do I think that? And you know, granted, yes, come from a whole line of self sacrificing women mothers. And I was just like, well but if I'm miserable, if these are the things I want to do, I'm not doing it because I want to be able to answer their phone call if they call me in distress. Like I can still do that from wherever I am in the world. I can still be there for them. My love will never ever stop. It's only growing. It could look different. That's okay. I've had to actually talk, had that talking to myself multiple times over the last six [00:08:13] Speaker B: months [00:08:14] Speaker C: to allow myself to dream and to imagine the life that I Do desire and that I am working towards creating. That I am creating. But we have to give ourselves that permission. Because if that stuff is staying under the radar and it's staying in that unconscious, subconscious realm, if you don't bring it up and have that conversation with yourself and sort of deal with it and look at it and get some aha moments about that awareness, you're just going to keep yourself in that cage. But now I'm like, wait a minute, why do I even think that? Like, this is obviously the life that I want and that I'm destined for. My children are not going to suffer because of it. In fact, they are going to gain so much from it in [00:08:53] Speaker B: so many ways. But it's going to look different. It's going to look different by seeing their mother pursue the life of contentment over the good mother. Complacency. [00:09:05] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:09:05] Speaker B: You enjoy being a mother, but you refuse to be complacent. And you do have dreams and desires that exist outside of being a mother because you was a whole woman before you were a mother. So. And those dreams and desires doesn't mean you have to settle for. I don't know if it's a dissatisfaction or if it's just the settling in life. Being a mother does not mean you settle for anything. [00:09:27] Speaker C: Right. That's not [00:09:28] Speaker B: what that means. [00:09:29] Speaker C: Right, right. And I know you speak to that all the time within your. [00:09:32] Speaker B: All the time. Like there was a whole person that existed before them kids started calling you mama. But anyway. [00:09:38] Speaker C: Yeah. Well, what about you? [00:09:40] Speaker B: Like, [00:09:40] Speaker C: do you [00:09:41] Speaker B: before? What about me? What is the question? [00:09:43] Speaker C: Well, I was just curious if. Are there aspects of your life that you have thought about, oh, that would be great. And then sort of stopped yourself or at least just thought, oh, maybe [00:09:52] Speaker B: not in a very long time. [00:09:54] Speaker C: Great. Yeah. [00:09:56] Speaker B: Not. I know most recently, like, when I chose to go back to school, it's also the same time that we were sending a child off into the world. And it's just like, well, you know, there was never a point of like, well, I can't do this because I need to be here for her. I'm like, I don't know how I'm going to do it, but it's all going to be fine. Because I've done a lot of things at the same time before, and this is not no different. Like, yeah, we can do that. Or like supporting people around me when their dreams and desire shift. It's like, oh, well, that's not quite what I thought we were doing, but if that's what you want to do then baby, by all means, you figure it out. Like, cool, I'm here. That, that's great. That's awesome. [00:10:32] Speaker C: I'm. [00:10:33] Speaker B: I don't feel like every desire, every, every. I love my life and I want something else means that we have to totally uproot everything that is in our life because some seasons of our life require us to stay. Some seasons will require that you rest. Some seasons will require that you tend what's here. And that's like what I look like now. Like when you have minor Trujan, there's a season of tending that has to happen. Like you can't completely neglect the garden and then wonder why you ain't got no blossoms. [00:11:05] Speaker C: Absolutely. And there are a myriad of different ways to tend a garden. You know what [00:11:10] Speaker B: I mean? Absolutely. [00:11:11] Speaker C: There's so many different ways. [00:11:12] Speaker B: Hire a gardener. [00:11:15] Speaker C: Like, there's so many ways to do the things [00:11:18] Speaker B: that we want to do to look different. Yes. And it's going to require a little bit of creativity. My life needs to exist here. This piece still needs to be tended to. So I got to get creative in how I make this tending work. [00:11:29] Speaker C: Exactly, exactly. [00:11:33] Speaker B: The whole point of like recognizing the end and where you need to go, not necessarily that everything needs to change, everything needs to be whatever and wanting more is to be curious rather than dismissive. It's like, well, if I'm here then I can't want this. Or if I'm doing this, then I possibly no get curious. We explored it a lot bit in our last episode about being open to the possibilities. Live in the and and is very powerful. I don't know about you, Karen, but I know there have been times in my life when I felt like things, something was deeply aligned and it needed to shift. Like if we kept on this trajectory, then it would be okay. It would be fine. But not necessarily great. It would not necessarily be excellent. So this thing is like, like, oh, maybe I was operating from the information that I had available at the time and now I have more information. So now what I understood has to change. It needs to evolve, it needs to grow, it needs to shift. [00:12:36] Speaker C: And the other side of that is also that dream could still be real for you, but maybe the timing is just not quite. [00:12:41] Speaker B: There's [00:12:42] Speaker C: still little things that you can do to sort of bring that in. Right. But it might like the full blown. It takes time, Right. [00:12:49] Speaker B: To [00:12:49] Speaker C: go from idea or dream to reality, to matter, to experiencing that. There is a little bit of a time shift and that's great. That's okay. [00:12:58] Speaker B: Yeah. And the expansiveness, the. The end of it all doesn't necessarily mean you want more material things, more possessions, more titles, more accolades, more success, more whatever. But maybe your life is asking you for more freedom to actually be you or more meaningful connections, more creativity, more adventure. So those are the more that we could also be talking about more. For me right now, the biggest more that I am finding and leaning into is more space for the person that I'm becoming. I have made a lot of shifts and changes [00:13:42] Speaker C: in [00:13:42] Speaker B: how I structure my days, my time, all of the things that I can influence, and all of that has been in service of the person that I'm becoming. All of it has been in service of the life that I am leading in the very near future, not necessarily as it is right now, because that would just keep me right here, and I'm not gonna stay right here. [00:14:03] Speaker C: Right. You're nurturing the building blocks. You're setting things up. You've got things in place so that when it does start to bloom and the time comes for fruition, then you have created that. Yeah, it's just like a natural step. Right in step right [00:14:21] Speaker B: up. Here we go. [00:14:22] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah, I think that's a really good point, is that we can love and appreciate where we are. And I'm telling you, the more seasoned I get, more wisdom I gain, [00:14:34] Speaker B: the more season, [00:14:35] Speaker C: the more trips I take around the sun. I realize that true wealth and abundance doesn't actually necessarily have a whole lot to do with money. [00:14:47] Speaker B: It actually has very little to [00:14:49] Speaker C: do with [00:14:50] Speaker B: that recognition, really. But, I [00:14:52] Speaker C: mean, I feel like money is an effect of getting to a place of happiness and joy and bliss. Is that, like, that'll come because you're actually, as you said, becoming or being all of who you are. You know, you're getting closer and closer to your full expression. [00:15:10] Speaker B: That's a whole episode right there. The new success narrative. It's not financial. [00:15:16] Speaker C: Yeah, [00:15:17] Speaker B: just. [00:15:17] Speaker C: Yeah, [00:15:18] Speaker B: just. We'll bring that back around later. [00:15:20] Speaker C: Right. [00:15:21] Speaker B: So how do you find yourself honoring the you that has built the life that you live now, while also acknowledging that there's more, that there's more to be? [00:15:32] Speaker C: Well, for me, I. I do a lot of future casting, a lot of visualization, and, you know, really seeing in my mind's eye where I'm headed and knowing that I love my life. Like, I'm good. I love my life. I love where I live right at. I love my relationship with my kids. I have so many just amazing, supportive, loving friendships and relationships. I have work that I feel really great about. And I have more fulfilling work on the horizon. And ultimately it's all coming together, and I can feel that. So I don't look at that as, oh, that's where I'm supposed to be. You know, this is. I'm just like, this is great. This is great. And you know what? That's going to be great, too. Maybe greater or as great. I don't know. But it's going to be great. [00:16:23] Speaker B: It's going to be great. There is a foundation of worthiness, of value that exists that I feel like allows you and your wanting to be bigger than. Just like, because you're not using the wanting more because you feel like you're not enough or there's no value. You're like, no, there's a foundation here of worth and value and. And beauty. And the wanting more of it is because it genuinely makes us more alive, so to speak, versus this is my ambition, and it's rooted in insecurity because I need all the other people to know just how. How much I have and how much I achieve. I was almost written really hard the other way, but I'm calling back. Y' all about to get raw. Raw. Tara, sometimes not every ambition needs to be. Not every ambition is rooted in security because it really. The things that I don't necessarily have anything to do with anybody else. A lot of the things that I find myself being called to is kind of like just proving to myself that I can. I can do it. I am capable of doing the thing, and then I can do more, and I can do more, and I can do more. And in that along the way of doing all of those things, all of the other external things come along with it. But it's really me, me. For [00:17:46] Speaker C: me, it's about you being more and being more you. Right. Showing up as more you than you've ever been before. Like assimilating all the pieces and adding even more. [00:17:56] Speaker B: Yeah, [00:17:57] Speaker C: right. Like in a giant headway, like, we're all so much bigger than we realize, right? [00:18:05] Speaker B: Yeah. And [00:18:06] Speaker C: I think that acknowledging that and still being happy and okay with where you are, and I [00:18:14] Speaker B: love my life and want more. I love it, love it. And I. I love the life that I'm creating. I love the life that I'm working towards. I love that. And you. What did you said about ask about adding more? Sometimes in this creation process of the wanting more, I found it doesn't always mean that I'm adding stuff. [00:18:32] Speaker C: Speak to [00:18:32] Speaker B: that, sister. Listen, as a recovering energizer bunny, who packed everything in and did everything for everybody at all times. Sometimes the expansion and the other side of the end was releasing things, releasing expectations, roles that didn't serve me. Changing up a rhythm that you've always done. And by releasing and simplifying things, I've made room for the things that really matter, the things that bring me joy, the things that this bigger life has called me to. I can't be perpetually busy and then also be available to more people that they don't line up. [00:19:14] Speaker C: Yeah. It's like that balance beam. Right. You're walking on it and there is this much with. Right. You can move a little this way, this way. But you have an openness like towards where you're going. You're like I'm good here. Also I do need to [00:19:29] Speaker B: trim a few [00:19:30] Speaker C: things. Yeah. And it's okay to cut things out of your schedule and [00:19:34] Speaker B: out of your life to make room. We talk about making things. Yeah. It is necessary to cut those things. And a lot of it doesn't have anything to do with productivity. I have made room for rest and let me tell you it's been, it's become the non negotiable. It's like what you doing? Nothing. I'm not. I'm doing. I read a book. That's what I'm doing. Because I can't be on all the time because I'm gonna burn out and I don't like that. [00:19:59] Speaker C: Gotta feel the well. Nothing better than a nap to fill the well. Or lying with a good book. [00:20:05] Speaker B: Yeah. So to bring this conversation all the way back around to the power of and the invitation is to replace but with and it's like I have all of the things but I can't do that. I have this and I want this or I am doing this. [00:20:25] Speaker C: Right. Wanting that doesn't make you ungrateful for what you have. Right. [00:20:31] Speaker B: It's going to sound like it don't make sense but I promise they really do make sense. To allow yourself to be self settled and satisfied with the life you have while still searching for the life you want. [00:20:46] Speaker C: While still allowing for more you get to h, have, be and do more you get to. That's your right. That's your [00:20:57] Speaker B: natural. It's a really simple two sentence invitation. I am grateful for X about my life right now and I'm curious about why. And then you live with that. [00:21:10] Speaker C: Yeah. Just let that simmer and sit for a little bit right on the back burner. Just let that be on low heat right there. I'm [00:21:17] Speaker B: curious About, [00:21:19] Speaker C: Right. What are you curious about, Explorer? What are you curious about adding to your experience? What are you curious about exploring? What are you curious about? What do you desire more of? [00:21:30] Speaker B: We have been talking about wanting more, not meaning that there is something missing or lacking or wrong with what you have. Now, sometimes the more is just more beauty, more freedom, more space to experience it all. And I have a song from another one of our most visited artists. This song is from India. Ari. Beautiful. [00:21:59] Speaker A: Check out this week's song on the YO Podcast playlist on Spotify. [00:22:08] Speaker C: I mean, come on with that. Just that low range of her voice. Come on. It's like I can't even. It's like butter and like molasses. Just. Oof. So [00:22:24] Speaker B: good. A lot of soul in there. I want to go. That was amazing. [00:22:29] Speaker C: Yeah. Thank you, India. That really just kind of speaks to being so grateful and happy for where you are. And knowing that there's more that you want to experience doesn't mean you have to blow up what's on the other side of the bridge. You get to have all of it. You get to be doing have all of it. [00:22:50] Speaker B: There's a part when she says, I think it's near the end. She's like, please understand that it's not that I don't love you. I love you more than I love life itself. And I envision that as a mother speaking to her child or children, but also speaking to yourself. Speaking [00:23:04] Speaker C: to yourself. [00:23:05] Speaker B: I love you. I love you more than life itself. And we gotta go to Beautiful, like, [00:23:12] Speaker C: right? This [00:23:13] Speaker B: is. Like, this is lovely. And let's continue. Let's go to Beautiful. So. [00:23:17] Speaker C: Right. Right. Remember your nature. Remember who you really. Yeah, yeah. Love it. [00:23:23] Speaker B: All right, question of the day. What's something you want more of that has absolutely nothing to do with achievement? [00:23:34] Speaker C: Well, dear Tara, would you like to go first? I [00:23:37] Speaker B: will go first. [00:23:39] Speaker C: That. You're [00:23:39] Speaker B: gonna [00:23:40] Speaker C: go first, Tara. What is something [00:23:43] Speaker B: that I want more of that absolutely have nothing to do with the achievements, slow mornings, meaningful conversations, and simply having absolutely nowhere to be and nothing to do. [00:24:00] Speaker C: Total freedom is what I'm hearing. [00:24:02] Speaker B: That that's. That's it. Slug mornings, meaningful conversations. And nothing. [00:24:07] Speaker C: Yeah, and nothing. I love it. I was thinking about peace is really peace in all of the areas and aspects of my life. And that includes giving myself time and space to rest. That includes allowing myself to be financially free and allowing myself to explore new and current deep, meaningful connections with people. It's all of the things that, to me, make up just a blissful, lovely Peace filled life. [00:24:48] Speaker B: Yeah, I love that I have a quote from Austrian born German language poet, novelist Rainer Maria Rilke. [00:24:59] Speaker C: Okay. [00:24:59] Speaker B: Yeah. Let us to a young poet. Live the questions now. [00:25:07] Speaker C: What if? How could not how. [00:25:11] Speaker B: Don't [00:25:11] Speaker C: worry about that. [00:25:11] Speaker B: Right. What if. Live the questions now. Like having a comfort in uncertainty rather than demanding that you have all of the answers to all of the questions that we gotta. Yeah, the how one. That one really trips us up and like well how is that gonna work? [00:25:29] Speaker C: Like live the questions. Be in the uncertainty. Be okay in the uncertainty. Because it's going to be amazing. It's going to be magical. It probably exceeds your expectations. So just like let it, let's sit in the question. [00:25:43] Speaker B: Yeah. I think living the questions is how we discover what matters. Well, until next time explore. [00:25:53] Speaker C: I mean nothing else to say [00:25:55] Speaker B: by your job. Until next time explorer. Remember that there's room for contentment and possibility for all that you are and all that you are becoming. [00:26:07] Speaker C: Remember our friends and listeners that this life is an ever expanding adventure and we get to be do and have it all. Until next time, take good care. We love you. Thank you to Queenies in downtown Durham for the use of their community podcast studio and for welcoming us so warmly each week. We'd like to give a shout out to Coco Cinnamon, the birthplace of 1023 Media and the yo podcast. Please support your local women owned minority owned coffee shop in downtown Durham. [00:26:48] Speaker D: Brought to you by Durham based 1023 Media, a heart centered woman owned multimedia company. Sam.