Episode Transcript
[00:00:03] Speaker A: Welcome to youo Odyssey Podcast where your guides, Tara and Karen invite you on a transformative journey toward wholeness and personal growth.
Each week we'll discuss topics related to the human experience and offer insights to help you along the way.
Please note this podcast should not replace medical care or advice.
We are not licensed healthcare professionals or mental health therapists.
If you enjoyed today's episode, subscribe so you don't miss out on our future discussions.
So explorers, let's dive into today's episode.
Hey explorers, it's Tara. Karen and I are so glad that you pressed play today.
Explore. How many times have you said to yourself, I just need to find a better balance. That balance between work and rest, caring for others and caring for yourself, between productivity and presence.
But what if balance isn't actually the real goal? What if you've been chasing something life was never designed to give us?
[00:01:21] Speaker B: Yeah, cuz balance, right? That picture that we have of like, when I get to this balance, life will be perfect. It is forever shifting. And if we are in balance one day and we stay there, that's called controlling and it's called stagnant.
It's like if we get to a point where we think this is perfection, this is balance.
[00:01:45] Speaker A: I mean, and a life of balance is not even in agreement with nature because nature isn't really striving for balance. Nature moves in rhythms. Morning becomes evening. The tide is high tide and low tide. It comes in, it goes out. Our heartbeat has a rhythm of contraction and release. If we just get in alignment with your heart. Contract, release, contract, release.
[00:02:09] Speaker B: Like phases of the moon, all of it.
[00:02:11] Speaker A: The invitation isn't to try to keep everything perfectly balanced. It's learning to. To lean into the rhythm of the season that you're in right now.
[00:02:20] Speaker B: Yeah. Just dancing to it, rolling with it, allowing. Yes.
Yeah. And I guess on some level, right. There's an element of balance that you may feel internally like things are imbalanced, but it's not. Things are stuck. And staying in one balance, like it's a different balance. It's like it's constantly feeling like you're flowing with all of it.
[00:02:44] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, realistically, who decided that balance was even the goal? Like who. Who said that? Who decided that that was the goal? And I feel like when we have that goal of living in balance, that's when having it all, or having it all figured out, like why that feels so impossible because we're trying to, like you said, control all of the things. And we put this unnecessary pressure on ourselves to have everything Every area of our life at the same time.
Imbalance.
[00:03:14] Speaker B: Yeah. In place, so to speak.
[00:03:16] Speaker A: Right.
[00:03:16] Speaker B: It's all in place. Yeah. That's just another form of control, actually. Balance in nature is a forever moving pendulum. Right. It's constantly. It's like the infinity loop. It's like constantly like, this is here now. And now we're going to balance it, you know, and it just kind of flows and it works that way. And, you know, flowers come up and they grow and then they die off and their seeds drop to the soil. And then there's more. It's like it doesn't all look like the pretty flower for those. That's that you see for two weeks. Right. There's a whole cycle happening. There's a whole thing that goes on. And nature's got it pretty good figured out. Yes.
[00:03:51] Speaker A: And I think too, trying to live in balance. We also tend to feel guilty when this area of our life requires more attention to another because we're trying to balance it all. I think now the vision of the waitress. You've done the food service, like, balancing all over the place. Like, we try to keep all of the stuff on the tray, and it's like. But they got to 20 ounces porterhouse over here and it's a salad over here.
We gotta try to. We can't have it. We're gonna need to give more attention to this piece of our life, and that's okay. And I know as a mother.
[00:04:24] Speaker B: Oh, I was just thinking the mother thing. Oh, my God.
[00:04:27] Speaker A: We feel that tension not just in terms of mentally, but physically, of trying to make sure all of the ducklings make it across the road.
Listen, y' all saw me walk. Y' all saw me come up like,
[00:04:41] Speaker B: oh, my God, girl, your analogies and metaphors are unbelievable today. Un. Like, I can't even.
I was thinking too, of motherhood. Like, sometimes I am needed in one way by my eldest child and sometimes a very different way by my younger. And it's like the amount of energy and what they need couldn't be more different.
And it's okay because then this one needs more and then this one needs less. And it's like this. It's just like an organic, just beautiful dance.
[00:05:12] Speaker A: Absolutely. It is. It is a dance. It is 100 a dance.
[00:05:17] Speaker B: Yeah. And it's ever changing. So we have to be okay with change. We have to be okay with shifts and movement and rhythm and flow, because that is the nature of life. When we think it's gonna be like this, and I will be great when this.
That will never happen.
Like, we are forever flow and change. And if we want it to be a set way, a stagnant way, I mean, start thinking about something else, because that is not going to be for fun.
[00:05:47] Speaker A: Full transparency. Like, I have not always been the woman who believed that rhythm is a thing. I would work towards balance. And in those seasons of chasing balance, like, I always felt like behind the eight ball, like, I'm always failing at doing the balance. And then I realized, oh, balance is in the goal. That's not actually a goal, or at least not for me. I want my life to be in harmony, which I feel like nature's rhythm is reminding us.
You only one regular human, so you can only do so much. And trying to do everything and be everything and be everywhere is not sustainable. Easing that balance to stop doing that freed up so much of my bandwidth for so many other things. And I was like, oh, but one. Because I made room for space, made room for rest, made room for room, made room for the room.
[00:06:44] Speaker B: It's so true. Like, we really. It's funny because I could see as you're saying that I'm like, oh, I remember that, Tara. I totally remember that, Tara, because I also was that person, like, being like, okay, who needs what for me, what needs to be done? Task list, balance, energy, income, outcome, all of it. And, like, releasing that and just being in the moment, being very present in the moment, and seeing what needs looking at or feeling into now in this moment, and then rolling to the next thing as my attention moves that, like, that's nature, that's natural, that's rhythm, that's flow. It's beautiful.
[00:07:23] Speaker A: And I think, like, moving from balance to rhythm, your definition changes depending on what season you're in. And I mean this to carry the metaphor into actual life seasons. This book I read recently, this woman, Megan Fate Marshman, she was talking about seasons. And I think that is such a freeing way to think about growth and life and change. Because none of us, none of us. I know this may be hard for some people to hear.
[00:07:53] Speaker B: Like, I love how you just wear.
[00:07:54] Speaker A: Like, I gotta go deeply. This might hurt a little bit, but you are not called to live or meant to live in a life of perpetual summer. It's not always gonna be expansive and growth and things. Because there are seasons like our own life. I think about actually aligning it with four seasons. Fall is asking different questions, and different things are happening. Then in winter, and then in spring and then in summer, like, in fall, for me, it's like what are you releasing? What feels a little uncertain and unsteady. And I think about my own fall seasons, and I'm like, yeah, that was. Going into winter was hard.
Going from fall to winter was hard. Because it's not like not only am I releasing things outside of my control, but in winter, sometimes we tend to focus only on the loss and not in what's actually growing underneath the surface in the soil. Yeah, yeah.
[00:08:52] Speaker B: So things that you can't see that are still. Yes. Right. Marinating and percolating. Right.
[00:08:57] Speaker A: And preparation for spring when the things blossom. If you think about your life now in terms of fall, winter, spring, summer, where do you see yourself right now?
[00:09:08] Speaker B: I feel myself on the edge of winter, heading into spring.
I feel that a lot of the pruning back and the leaves that I've released, that I've let go, that I've shed, the things that don't serve the root and the trunk, the main who I am, have fallen away.
And I am interestingly curious with curiosity and wonder and expectantly just kind of looking around, going, I can't wait to see what's coming. I'm okay with the letting go. And I'm in that space of liminal, like, what is this? What is it going to look like? But I know the idea of what's coming, so that's a really fun space to be in.
[00:09:56] Speaker A: I recognize the winter, like you said, the pruning or the loss, so to speak, and then the hopefulness of spring. When I thought through this, I'm also feeling like I'm in between seasons. And I was like, I feel like I'm in between spring and summer. There is absolutely a lot of hope and joy and curiosity and things like the beauty and beginnings of spring. But I feel like there's even more coming, even more vibrancy, even more abundance. And in this, in between, in this Brummer season, I, like, I'm not as fearful about, like, well, you know, if I'm in full summer, like, surely, like, the other shoe is gonna drop. Like, there is still the hope and the joy. It's like, no, I am enjoying this season. I am enjoying sprummer for however long it lasts. And I know, like, when the other seasons come, I have survived them all before.
Why would I be afraid of it now? Like, why would I limit myself to only the good stuff?
[00:11:00] Speaker B: Because there's so much growth in what we consider to be the challenging stuff. Right. There's so much goodness and growth there for us, and I don't think we ever need to be afraid of what's coming. Right? Because at least I believe that all of the things that are unfolding in my life are happening so that I grow into who I really am, meant to be, and how I'm meant to project and present and show up in this world and serve in this world. So, like, great. Bring it on. What do I have to learn? Let's go.
[00:11:31] Speaker A: And the appreciation of this season removes you from the question of balance. You're not asking, how do I balance everything? But you're asking, what is the rhythm that this season that I need right now? Not the routine or whatever, what is the rhythm? And rhythm says this supports who I am and who I'm becoming. Balance is just like, I need to do all the things I need to control and do all this stuff. No, this supports who I am and who I'm becoming.
[00:11:59] Speaker B: Okay. I got a vision when you first started saying balance and rhythm. So I'm picturing, like, you know, I'm picturing the balance beam, right? That hard, varied. And then there's like. You have to make very certain steps on it. And even if you're doing a backflow, you're like, very. It's very controlled, right? And then I'm picturing rhythm as just the floor dance, you know, where, like, you're like. There's like, backflips and cartwheels and, like, dancing, and it's all just this expansive, joyful thing.
And that's what it feels like to me. That's. I feel like that's such a great visual. Either you're stuck on this cold, hard balance beam or you're out on the floor just laying it all into the rhythm.
[00:12:42] Speaker A: What rhythms in your life have become, like, non negotiables for you?
[00:12:47] Speaker B: My daily morning practice happens, no matter what, to steady me for whatever the day is going to bring. So my daily morning practice, which is always in flow, sometimes it's silent meditation, sometimes it's silent and active meditation. Sometimes it's journaling, sometimes it's reading something that feels inspirational and uplifting. Whatever it is, there's that time of filling my well so that whatever's coming, I can remember who I really am, and I can remember to. To dance with it and to be in rhythm with it. So I would say to me, that's an important, flexible constant that is in my life that helps me manage the wind flow and the waves and all the things that are happening in my day and helps me to stay really grounded and present in what I know to be true, which Is I am safe, you know, all is well and I'm. I'm good. I'm solid, you know?
Yeah, I don't know if that. Did that really answer the question? I don't know.
[00:13:47] Speaker A: But yeah, the. Your morning practice, that is the non negotiable, like, it happens and it's how you stay in rhythm throughout the day. That's what I heard.
[00:13:56] Speaker B: Thank you for rephrasing that. Because I was like, I know, like, because rhythm can be right. Because we can be on the dance floor too long and start to want to pass out and get hot and sweaty and like, things are happening and lights are flashing and like, it's, you know, it's good to be in that and we have to sort of flow on the other side of it too and just like steady ourselves. Right.
[00:14:20] Speaker A: I feel like the rhythm for me is going for a walk and it's outside. I'm now adding in other layers years of the health wellness routine. But there's something about taking a walk outside and being in nature, appreciating the beauty of nature that allows for all of the other things that happen throughout the day to not be as overwhelming. Because I had this time to recenter. Another non negotiable practice for me is my rest and my Sabbath. And I'm like, y' all were doing a whole bunch of stuff, but I'm not like, I need a break from that mentally. I need to just sit on the couch and. And watch however many episodes of this show that I found that I'm a watch because that's what I need to do because I can't be on all the time. Like, that is not a sustainable rhythm.
[00:15:08] Speaker B: And I think what we're both saying is that, right, you set yourself up in whatever way in the beginning of the day feels good and grounding and supportive and connecting for you. Filling your cup, filling your well.
And you also can notice throughout the day when enough is enough.
[00:15:26] Speaker A: Yes, yes.
[00:15:28] Speaker B: And it is time for the pause.
[00:15:30] Speaker A: You know, this is important. Like, you're not trying, at least not me. I'm not trying to figure out, like, how can I fit everything in. Like, I literally did this last night. So I sit down once a week to like, these are all the things that need to happen and add stuff to the day. But I sat there and I looked at the end of the day and I was like, oh, this stuff can absolutely wait until tomorrow and I'm going to bed. Like, I don't have to do it all just because it was there. Like, no, because Then I'm gonna be up and then my sleep's gonna be thrown off, and then that's a whole thing. Consequence that I gotta. No, I'm not doing that. Like, I'm choosing what can go. Like, this can go this.
[00:16:03] Speaker B: And that requires that. Yeah, that requires that presence. Right. That I think we can only have when we are taking care of ourselves.
[00:16:10] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:16:10] Speaker B: Right. Being able to be present enough to be like, I don't. I don't have to do that.
[00:16:14] Speaker A: Things that have to happen right now,
[00:16:16] Speaker B: it's on the list. I mean, where's it gonna go? Is it gonna run away? It's not gonna run away. It's gonna be on the list. So it plug.
I have not been great at that this past week. I've been up late listening to these audio books, these things that I'm getting into, and I'm like, all right, Karen, you have got to like. Because I had to sleep in this morning. We need to figure this out. Because, like, yeah, even the good positive input, like, has a time and a place. Right? You need to, like, there's many things that go into the recipe.
Do all the things.
[00:16:48] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. What are the things that I want to get done today? What are the things that. Absolutely. Because there's some deadline or whatever attached to it. And even in writing, I. It was like the 20th of July, and I was like, oh, my gosh, I have not posted on my sub stack. And older version of me would have been like, oh, my God, we have to get it done now. And then this one is like, yeah, we'll pick it back up in August. And we may or may not do what we plan for July ever, at any point. But I don't care because I'm not about to bend over backwards to force creativity because this was some deadline or schedule that I imposed on myself. I'm not like, writing for the New York Times and the editor is breathing down my neck telling me, this thing needs to happen. This is a nice to have. But it was also really wonderful to take time away and off, so to speak, from it. To just be in community and be on vacation and do the things that refill me instead of.
You have to create.
[00:17:47] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wasn't July so good for that?
[00:17:50] Speaker A: It was amazing.
[00:17:52] Speaker B: So I don't love the idea of looking behind me and going. Because in my mind, this is the timeline, right?
[00:17:57] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:17:58] Speaker B: Of looking behind me and going, ah, I wish I couldn't. And then I didn't fit that in. Like, no, that is past.
In this moment. What is feeling to come through? And what. What. Where are my efforts best focused?
[00:18:13] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:18:14] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:18:15] Speaker A: All right.
[00:18:16] Speaker B: Well, it's really funny that you just said substack because I. Right before you said that sentence, I thought, I'm start opening up myself. I start writing my thoughts.
It's going to be a. No pressure. It's going to be like, here we go. Like, I'm looking at this big. Like, I'm waiting for this talk that I'm developing for next Sunday. And I'm like, okay, well, I'll put part of that on there or this amazing whatever's come up for me. And I'm going to write about that in such great detail.
Just like, it doesn't have to be that big. It doesn't have to be.
[00:18:44] Speaker A: That does not have to be that big.
[00:18:48] Speaker B: It can be creative and light and joyful and important to you.
[00:18:54] Speaker A: And sometimes it is that big, and you are creating your. What is it? Magnum opus. And that's great. Like, you know, like, it doesn't have to be. Everything does not have to be 19 layers. Everything has meaning. Sometimes I just wanted to say the thing that I said, and that's it.
[00:19:12] Speaker B: Sometimes I just thought about this thing. Like, I've been thinking last couple weeks, I haven't been working on the musical as much. Like, I haven't. But I know it's coming, and I know I've already put the request in. Okay, where's the story going next? And I'm not gonna freak out every morning. I'm just like, okay, I'm just waiting. It's just gonna be. I mean, there is part of me that wants to panic. Like, I want to get this done, but this is, like, a huge work, and I'm. I don't need to rush any of it because it's all. All in good time, my sister. All in good time.
[00:19:43] Speaker A: Absolutely. Well, yeah.
[00:19:45] Speaker B: Well, well, well, well.
[00:19:47] Speaker A: All in good time. I feel like it's a good time to dance.
[00:19:50] Speaker B: I feel the same. I feel like our energy was so up, so we.
[00:19:54] Speaker A: I don't even jump right in and roll.
[00:19:57] Speaker B: What did we even say? I have no idea.
I don't know.
[00:20:02] Speaker A: There was gymnastics. When you said, like, the floor, I'm like. I thought, like, when they have ribbons and stuff, like, that's how I'm on the floor, like, just everywhere. Doing all of this.
[00:20:12] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:20:15] Speaker A: All right.
[00:20:15] Speaker B: It's a great picture. Yeah.
[00:20:17] Speaker A: And in all unseriousness, this is. This song is a beautiful reminder that life isn't asking for us to hold everything in Perfect balance. But it is inviting us to find a rhythm that honors and supports the season that you are in. And maybe that rhythm is a little bit slower than you expected or wanted. Maybe it's fuller of all of the joy and beauty. And maybe for me, this season, this rhythm is more rest.
And the song is Follow the Sun by Xavier Rudd.
[00:20:54] Speaker B: Love it already.
[00:20:59] Speaker A: Check out this week's song on the YO Podcast playlist on Spotify.
Wow.
[00:21:12] Speaker B: I found myself using my hands in a way that I don't know if I've ever used them before. It kind of reminds me Hawaiian hula dancers. Like, things were happening.
[00:21:22] Speaker A: Oh, no, stop, stop, stop. I literally did this while I was dancing, and I was like, I am hula dancing, right? I don't have my grass skirt on right now, but I'm absolutely hula dancing.
[00:21:37] Speaker B: You know what's funny is I was doing all these other things, and then all of a sudden, maybe when you were having that thought, all of a sudden I was like, oh, let me see. What?
And then I did that, and I was like, yeah, this is kind of what's happening. Like, my hands. I just moved it to her. I, like, honored all the directions. Like, I did things with my hands, like, in, like, a compass. Like, I. It was wild. It was wild. What was that thing he said at the end? He said something like, there's, like, four lines before the end.
[00:22:06] Speaker A: Which way is the wind blowing? And what does your heart say?
[00:22:10] Speaker B: That was it, because I was in another place. But at the very end, when I heard, I was like, which way does the wind blow? And what does your heart say? I'm like, that's literally what we're talking
[00:22:18] Speaker A: about here two thirds of the way during this song. And when he said, what does your heart say? I realized there was like, what's the drum that you use? The little thing? Like, I heard that. And I was like, has this been going on the entire song?
[00:22:30] Speaker B: The pulse.
[00:22:31] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:22:32] Speaker B: Against the bass. Yes.
[00:22:33] Speaker A: I was like, is.
[00:22:34] Speaker B: Has this.
[00:22:34] Speaker A: Has it always been a bass drum here? How did we get here? I'm like, what, the whales and the harmonica and apparently the bass drum win your heart? I was like, this is. This is a rhythm, and I hear it. And then I started, like, tapping my foot along. Like, I'm the one controlling the bass drum. I don't.
Xavier. Mr. Rudd, listen.
[00:22:51] Speaker B: Magical, spiritual. Beautiful.
[00:22:53] Speaker A: Thank you. Thank you for taking us on a journey, wherever it was. We just went to Hawaii.
[00:23:00] Speaker B: At least, I feel like, are there whales? Part of it. We were in Hawaii. I know. That for sure.
Yeah. That was beautiful. That felt so good.
[00:23:08] Speaker A: That was so good. So it's just like whatever the season you're in and whatever it holds. Holds for you, like, trust that you don't have to force. That's what I felt listening to that song and even that conversation before. You don't have to force because what's meant to unfold and be will be in its own time.
[00:23:26] Speaker B: Exactly. It's the allowing. Right. And that just the allowing and the releasing, then observing, the noticing. And for everyone.
There's a new moon and a new sun every day. You know, that's. That's for everyone. That's not like, just for some people. That's not just for the artists. It's not just for the entrepreneurs. It's for everyone. We all are on the same playing field.
[00:23:52] Speaker A: Yeah.
That's great. The question of the day, what's one season you have learned to appreciate more with time?
[00:24:02] Speaker B: The season of rest, without a doubt.
The season of ma'. Am. Allowing nothingness and not doing anything to be not just okay, but freaking perfect.
[00:24:15] Speaker A: Yeah.
Yes. That's been this entire year. But the season of restoration and allowing myself to be filled not by me actively doing anything.
You don't have to. You won't have to go to the gas station to fill up. If you just for a second, I promise you'll be refilled. So, yeah, I absolutely understand. The season of rest and restoration, like allowing that to be and being good with it. So.
[00:24:45] Speaker B: Right. Like, be the receptacle. Right. Just be like, here I am.
[00:24:49] Speaker A: I'm here.
[00:24:51] Speaker B: It's great. Yes. And I think presence is the key to that. And sitting the hell down, not being in everything.
[00:24:59] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh.
[00:25:01] Speaker B: Let it go.
[00:25:04] Speaker A: Sit down. Our life will sit you down.
[00:25:06] Speaker B: Yeah. Right.
[00:25:07] Speaker A: I have a quote from Irish poet, author, priests and philosopher John o'. Donohue. He says the beauty of nature insists on taking its time. Everything is prepared. Nothing is rushed. The rhythm of emergence is a gradual slow beat always inching its way forward.
[00:25:28] Speaker B: My brother, that is some. Just some download from the cosmic consciousness right there.
[00:25:35] Speaker A: So true.
Everything is prepared. Nothing is rushed.
[00:25:40] Speaker B: Like, it's all. It's all figured out. It's all here. Just allow.
[00:25:45] Speaker A: Just.
[00:25:46] Speaker B: Just breathe. Just rest. It's okay.
[00:25:49] Speaker A: Yes. And that's. That's. That's. That's the hope and the dream for you to explore.
Until next time.
May you find a rhythm that brings you back to yourself over and over again.
[00:26:04] Speaker B: Yeah. May you allow the rest and the rhythm and the unfolding.
Thanks. For joining us Explorers. We do love you so much and we will see you back here next time.
[00:26:17] Speaker A: Take good care.
[00:26:21] Speaker B: Thank you to Queenies in Downtown Durham for the use of their community podcast studio and for welcoming us so warmly each week.
We'd like to give a shout out to Coco Cinnamon, the birthplace of 1023 Media and the yo podcast. Please support your local women owned minority owned coffee shop in Downtown Durham.
Brought to you by Durham based 1023 Media, a heart centered woman owned multimedia company.
Sam.
