Episode Transcript
[00:00:03] Speaker A: Welcome to youo Odyssey Podcast where your guides, Tara and Karen invite you on a transformative journey toward wholeness and personal growth.
Each week we'll discuss topics related to the human experience and offer insights to help you along the way.
Please note this podcast should not replace medical care or advice.
We are not licensed healthcare professionals or mental health therapists.
If you enjoyed today's episode, subscribe so you don't miss out on our future discussions.
So explorers, let's dive into today's episode.
[00:00:53] Speaker B: Hey explorers, it's Tara. Karen and I are so glad that you pressed play today.
Last week we explored how many of us didn't lose self trust overnight, but slowly learned to doubt ourselves.
Which raises another question.
If there are so many voices, fear, expectations, old beliefs, other people's opinions, how do we know which one is actually ours?
[00:01:23] Speaker C: How do.
[00:01:24] Speaker B: How do. I want you to imagine that you are standing in a crowded room and everyone is talking at once. This sounds like it could be a nightmare for Karen, but stay with me.
[00:01:35] Speaker C: It is a virtual sensory nightmare.
[00:01:38] Speaker B: Stay with me. And in this room, there is one person that is giving you well intended advice. Another one is warning you about what could go wrong. Someone else is reminding you of what you should do. And someone else is telling you what everyone else will think about the thing that you're about to do.
Now imagine somewhere in the corner, you hear a whisper. Someone is speaking very quietly. They're not demanding your attention, they're not in your face. They're not trying to persuade you. They are just waiting.
And I use this crowded room, quiet corner talker analogy to, to get you maybe to realize what it feels like, what our inner knowing feels like. It's not weak and misinformed, but it's never needed to shout to get you to do the thing that you are called to do.
[00:02:33] Speaker C: The hardest part, right?
[00:02:35] Speaker B: Yeah. And like the hardest part isn't like that we've lost that quiet inner knowing. It's that we've forgotten how to recognize it beneath all of the other noise and all of the other voices.
[00:02:48] Speaker C: That's a great analogy. I love that image because it is not going to demand.
Right. It's like your heart is like, yeah man, I know what's best and it's cool. And at some point, hopefully you'll hear me, you'll listen, you'll kind of reconnect.
But I'm not gonna force you to do it. You know, I'm just sort of quietly, patiently, persistently hanging out over here, speaking the truth.
Yeah, just chill, just cool.
[00:03:25] Speaker B: Just like, you know, you can, you can, or you can, but I'm still over here saying the things. In the last episode, we mentioned how information is everywhere, but the information isn't really the problem. But what I feel in all of this consumption of all of the voices, all of the things, that we aren't really checking that information against what is true for us. We're just going off of like, well, somebody said, you know, I needed to read this book, or someone said that this was, you know, super duper impactful for you. And this information is abundant, but discernment, not so much. I feel like discernment is extremely rare with all of the information overload available to us.
[00:04:09] Speaker C: Discernment is what needs to get pumped up in the gym of your life so that when all these things come, you know, like, oh, that one. Yes to that one. Right. You could just sit there and just be like, yep, yep. Maybe put it on the shelf, maybe. But you don't get sort of distracted by all of it.
Just give yourself a minute, sit with it. How does it feel in your body?
How does it feel in your body?
To me, that's the ultimate, like, yeah, that's the thing. To me, that's the motivation when I'm like, oh, that feels right. I can't even explain why, and I don't even understand who on earth would recommend this and why, but something about that is saying yes in my body. And then when it's a no, I am very clear on that as well. And sometimes the no comes through so clearly, but I do it anyway. And then I learned, oh, that was a no. Damn it.
Funny
[00:05:11] Speaker B: feeling. All he's like, I know I wasn't supposed to do that.
I know that wasn't it.
[00:05:15] Speaker C: I knew, like, I knew it. I knew it. And I still want to do. I still do.
[00:05:21] Speaker B: Was thinking through our conversations for this episode, I was reminded of something that we went through when we had Mary Graham on the pod about the.
[00:05:31] Speaker C: The.
[00:05:32] Speaker B: Is it the. What is it? What does she call it? The critic. The language.
[00:05:35] Speaker C: I was talking about the language of self awareness. But the critical parent.
[00:05:38] Speaker B: The critical parent and the critical parent.
[00:05:41] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, right, right, yeah.
[00:05:44] Speaker B: And it got me thinking about, like, the inner voices and the exercise that we went through with her and how not every voice, not every thought is.
Is our inner voice. Some of those voices were inherited. Some of them were learned. Some of them were actually developed to protect us.
And I wanted to do a ter. Terified terror style. Teryle Cuz terrified always sounds like Teresa. Ter style A little tera style of like, what those voices could be and what they might sound like when you are trying to navigate. Is this a voice or is it something else? And I feel like I've done something similar to this before, but if I have, here we are, we're doing it again, whatever.
[00:06:30] Speaker C: And I just want to point out sometimes that voice, it's been there so long, but you've sort of by osmosis, you've taken it in and you think it's yours or you think it's an aspect of yours. And so often when we do something like you're about to lead us through, like that self awareness, that distinction, we're like, oh. Huh. It's actually not mine at all, is it?
[00:06:50] Speaker B: That's actually not mine. So the first voice, I've named this one the inner critic. And it'll say things like, don't try.
Listen. If that is the first thought, that
[00:07:03] Speaker C: is so mean that as soon as you said I was like, that is so mean. Don't try, don't try.
[00:07:10] Speaker B: When you decide or are thinking and the first voice is don't try or don't, period. You might want to do a little. You want to do a little further digging into, like, is this the critics? Yeah. Is this the inner critic talking to me? I know this voice very well. She and I are so familiar. This voice is the perfectionist. And she tells you to wait until you're ready.
[00:07:36] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:07:37] Speaker C: You're looking at her right now over your left shoulder.
[00:07:39] Speaker B: She's like a girl. Ready. What is ready?
[00:07:42] Speaker C: There is no such thing, my friend.
[00:07:45] Speaker B: Ready. Ready is when we're doing it.
[00:07:47] Speaker C: Right.
[00:07:47] Speaker B: We've decided now we're doing it. Not wait until you're ready. Because if you're waiting to get ready, baby, we're never going to be there. And we're going to do it.
[00:07:53] Speaker C: I mean, the most obvious comparison is parenting, right? To say like, well, we're waiting until we're ready. Like, you're not ever going to be ready for.
[00:08:00] Speaker B: Spoiler alert.
[00:08:00] Speaker C: The most ridiculous, life changing, crazy ride ever. Like, you're not going to sign up for that. You're not like, wait, I go, am I tall enough? Am I ready? No, it's. You're just going to decide to do it. So, yeah, it's like, it's not. Yeah, you're not going to be ready for whatever the thing is that your heart is telling you. So don't listen to that perfection piece.
[00:08:21] Speaker B: Yeah. Another voice is the people pleaser.
[00:08:24] Speaker C: I am quite familiar with her.
[00:08:27] Speaker B: They Remind you that you need to keep everyone happy, as if that's your
[00:08:32] Speaker C: first literal, first focus. As if that's like, that's the whole point. It absolutely is not.
No.
[00:08:39] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:08:39] Speaker C: And then keep yourself happy and full so that.
[00:08:43] Speaker B: Keep yourself full and happy, and then everything else will flow from there.
[00:08:47] Speaker C: Like, exactly.
[00:08:49] Speaker B: Right. And then the final voice that I wanted to call, I also noticed one, too. I know this one is over here. This voice is fear. And fear tells us to stay where it's safe.
It's just familiar, comfortable, and, you know, what to expect here.
[00:09:06] Speaker C: It's the fear of change, of growth, of expansion beyond what we know currently.
[00:09:12] Speaker B: Yeah.
So if you recognize any of those four voices within yourself, I want you to gently, kindly ask yourself, what if none of those? Like, this is not my truest voice. I want you to challenge that and really dig into.
What if your inner knowing sounds different?
What if your inner knowing is asking you to pay attention to what brings you peace instead of panic? What aligns with who I am becoming and what would I choose if I weren't trying to earn approval?
[00:09:49] Speaker C: Yeah. And additionally, what brings me joy and what lights me up?
[00:09:54] Speaker B: Yeah. And the last question for me is, like, what would I choose if I weren't trying to earn approval? Like, that for me is, like, the quickest way that I can get to, like, what would I do? What would I do if none of other stuff mattered? What would I do?
[00:10:07] Speaker C: I've heard a lot of coaches say, like, if you had all the time and resources and permission in the world, what would you spend time on? What would you be doing?
[00:10:17] Speaker B: Yeah, that's a good one.
[00:10:19] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:10:20] Speaker B: Gentle reminder, this wisdom, this inner knowing, the quiet voice is rarely competing for your attention. It just is patiently waiting for you to turn your attention towards it.
Right.
[00:10:34] Speaker C: It's always in the room, but you have. It's you turning towards it.
[00:10:37] Speaker B: Right.
[00:10:38] Speaker C: It's you sort of navigating and honing in on. That's the thing.
[00:10:42] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Turning inward is not saying that every fearful thought will be magically eliminated. What we are inviting you to is creating space to notice,
[00:10:59] Speaker C: and may it be compassionate space to just notice and be kind and gentle and loving with yourself as you are noticing.
Don't notice and go, oh, dang, and run the other way. Or don't notice and just be like, yeah, that's cool. I'm not doing that. Like, just notice, period. Just notice and be okay with being in the Noticing. Yes.
[00:11:22] Speaker B: And not, like, noticing, like, oh, it's just, you know, another thing on Your to do list, like, oh, Tara and Karen told me I need to notice today. Did I notice today? Like it's not another task on your to do list, but really an invitation to reconnect with yourself. And it's not extravagant. Maybe the spaciousness and the noticing for you is setting that 1 hour, 30 minutes, 5 minutes, whatever it is. Before I start my day, I'm not going to be on my phone or today I'm choosing to walk without any external manufactured noise, or before someone asks me a question, or before I ask someone else, I'm going to sit with myself and ask myself, what do I want? What do I think?
And the biggest one is like, when you make a decision, notice how your body responds. Check in with your body.
[00:12:11] Speaker C: Yeah, those are all great tips. And you said, you know, you said an hour, then you said half hour, then you said, or five minutes.
[00:12:16] Speaker B: Because I know everybody.
[00:12:17] Speaker C: Yeah, just start with five minutes. Just, just five minutes. Just notice.
Maybe your mind will go to immediately, well, I need to be doing this, this and this. But eventually, if you do that five minutes every day, every morning to set the tone for your day, eventually it's going to become 8 minutes and then 15 and then 22. And you're just gonna be like, oh, I like starting my day sort of grounding and noticing calmly where I am and just giving myself this lean back time. You know, as we said in the last episode, to just be with myself and give myself that deep breath.
[00:12:56] Speaker B: Yeah. And we're not trying to force the answer or force clarity, because what I know to be true is that clarity comes after, after you sat in the quiet, after you've made the decision was like, oh, okay. And clarity, by definition, clarity is not in competition with all the other voices.
[00:13:16] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. And I think it's really wise to point out that when you start setting this time aside, especially if there's been a lot of interference your whole life, depending upon what your amount of years are on this planet, it's not going to happen right away.
But stick with it.
Just stick with it. You gotta trust Tara and Karen. You gotta trust us in this moment that your inner voice and your self trust will gain competency. It will get louder, you will connect to it. I do love that you pointed out the way that critical voice comes out. And I'm sure explorers, you will be able to comment and note, let us know all the other ways those voices come out. I'm sure there's 79 million more types of voices that want to rear their head and their Opinion, but really coming back to noticing, like, is this true for me?
Is this true for me? Yeah, in this moment or ever, is this true for me? And if it's not, maybe where did it come from just to understand it, maybe intellectually, but don't let the brain get too involved in the process and then just ask it to kindly leave. It's like, that's cool. Thanks and bye.
Thanks. And I don't need you anymore. You don't belong to me. You belong to you.
[00:14:41] Speaker B: Oh my gosh. I have found like not even just the inner voices, but external voices. I'm reminded of this phrase, you take the meat and leave the bones. So if someone is giving you this information, and that is like even me and Karen, if it don't work for you, then you don't gotta eat it. If you on a vegan diet and baby, by all means take. Take what works for you and run with that. Not every critical voice, every fearful voice is going to be a voice that comes from you. Because sometimes you have people in your life that will also project their fears and their criticisms onto the decisions that you are making for your life. So just be mindful of that as well and what Karen does. Thank you. But I'm going to move.
Thank you. But I'm going to move in this direction. Thank you so much for sharing your opinion.
[00:15:30] Speaker C: Yes. It's been a lovely meal with you and I've got to go. Yeah, I think there's, I mean, honestly, so often those critical voices and those fear based voices are taken on, but not even just from people around us. It's from like general sort of view of the world when we don't really understand how the, how things actually work, you know, energetically. And I think that fear is a very real facet in people's lives. Right. You know, it's. And it likes to creep in and it likes to stop us really from pursuing our joy and our wholeness and bringing whatever it is we're here to bring.
Because fear is very closely associated with amygdala and primal response of survival.
And we also now have the discernment and the. I guess it's the frontal lobe.
[00:16:22] Speaker D: Right.
[00:16:23] Speaker C: That will sort of be like, let's, let's hold on there a minute.
Let's just take a breath and figure out if that's a real fear.
You were referencing Mary. The work we did with Mary in the Visionary Leadership series back in God. Was that May?
Back in May. And there were so many beautiful jewels. So explorers. If you have not checked out, out that three part series. Please do yourself a huge favor and check that out. Mary's brilliant at what she does and what she teaches. And I think it's just as important to note, yeah, there's the critical parent and there's the wise self, but there's that half skilled child who sometimes goes in and like, yeah, I know what to do. I got. I can do it. Like, you know, that impulsive spontaneity, which I love, I love that idea of. I don't want to squash that.
But it is important for us to be aware if we are missing a skill or two or five in whatever relationship or communication we're having or whatever actions we're wanting to take. Just notice.
Not with critical tone, just notice, oh, I could use some skill building or some help, some assistance, some support in this area and then go get it. Like, no shade. Just like none of us have all the skills we need at all times.
So just, you know, go learn it, go get it, get some support, pick it up, hone it, practice it.
[00:17:48] Speaker B: I love that.
[00:17:49] Speaker C: Yeah. Bottom line is we love the heck out of you.
[00:17:52] Speaker B: That's it.
[00:17:54] Speaker C: Right? That's why we're here. We just want you to be happy and fulfilled and joyful and we want you to understand how brilliant and amazing you are. Explorer. So, I mean, at the end of the day, I think that's the message that we are toting.
[00:18:09] Speaker B: That's the goal.
[00:18:10] Speaker C: Do we have some music?
[00:18:11] Speaker B: I do. I found a song for this episode that captures the tension between the voices and versions of our shelves. The voices and say something else of ourselves that have been shaped by fear and expectation versus the truest self that's been waiting for our attention. And it is a reminder that reclaiming our voice sometimes oftentimes begins by remembering your truest nature.
This song is by Milk Animal.
[00:18:57] Speaker A: Check out this week's song on the YO Podcast playlist on Spotify.
[00:19:05] Speaker C: I didn't know you meant the artist Milk. Thought you were saying the song was called Milk Animal.
[00:19:12] Speaker B: Milk Animal.
[00:19:14] Speaker C: No, it was Milk, who is actually one of my favorite artists.
Absolutely love Milk. That's hilarious. I was like, that sounds like Milk. I looked at the video, I was like, oh my God, Milk. So undeniable, so great.
Beautiful. Such a beautiful vibe. I mean, all our music is so vibey. We are animal. We have those instincts. We are powerful and we know what is true for us.
[00:19:37] Speaker B: We do. And I love is like, I'm an animal. I am a miracle and I'm a mess. I'm going to get that. Put on a T shirt.
[00:19:45] Speaker C: Oh. Order to girl. Order to sister.
[00:19:49] Speaker D: All right.
[00:19:49] Speaker C: Actually, we should just have that be like, our neurodicy.
[00:19:52] Speaker B: Listen, I'm a. I'm an animal, and
[00:19:56] Speaker C: I'm a miracle, and I'm emancipating.
[00:19:58] Speaker B: That's.
[00:19:58] Speaker D: That's it.
[00:19:59] Speaker B: All right, it is time for the question of the day.
I feel like there should be, like, a bump up. I know.
[00:20:07] Speaker C: Be nice to have a little sound effect there and question some percussion or something.
[00:20:11] Speaker B: Yes, Wind chimes. Oh, not wind chimes.
Which voice tends to get the microphone in your life? And what would it look like to turn the volume down just. Just enough to hear your inner knowing? Unless your inner knowing has the mic and you're good.
[00:20:30] Speaker C: I mean, I think there's moments throughout my day where I'm like, if they're just passing the mic around, like, it's.
[00:20:36] Speaker B: Just unplug it. Like, what are y' all doing?
[00:20:40] Speaker C: Yeah. I'm like, wait, who's. Who's talking? If you don't have the talking stick, you can't talk.
The talking stick. What is happening?
Oh, that's hilarious.
Yeah.
Okay, baby.
[00:20:54] Speaker B: To the default voice.
Oh, baby. Mine is gonna be that perfectionism. Wait until you're ready. Because she wanted to be just right and ready and beautiful and amazing. And then when she doesn't. When she has a microphone and she's in charge of the cast and it goes sideways, because it's probably gonna go sideways, she throw a temper tantrum and be like, well, you had to have done something wrong. Like, there was one piece that won't that you didn't salt. If we go stick with cooking. You didn't add enough salt and season into the thing, and it's you. You did that. Like, I gave you all the steps and the ingredients, and somehow your souffle failed. But when it doesn't, like, she is the default and just like.
And what I have learned in living with her big mouth is such a big mouth. Got a big mouth. What I've learned, when I turn the volume down or even take the microphone out, it's like, it's going to be fine.
I have everything that I need. I have done all that I can do everything that, you know, I don't want to.
[00:21:58] Speaker C: You prepared some.
[00:21:59] Speaker B: I have. I've prepared. And it's like, I don't want it to be perfect, but have I given it everything that I have? Have I done this thing with excellence? Like, I don't want it to be perfect, but I want to have done the best that I can.
[00:22:12] Speaker A: Right.
[00:22:12] Speaker C: Like, you train for the moment, you practice, you do the skills, you acquire the skills. And at some point you have to let it go and just do the thing, be the thing.
It's not going to be perfect. We're a mess and we're a miracle.
[00:22:23] Speaker B: We're a mess and we're a miracle. And she just go and sit down and soak a little bit and be like, well, I mean, it worked out, I guess. Like, yeah, I guess it looks fine. I mean, you look fine. It looks fine. And, you know, okay.
[00:22:35] Speaker C: I guess neither one of us bled out, so that's concerning because I was pretty sure one of us was gonna bleed out if that happened, and it didn't.
[00:22:44] Speaker B: Yeah. Turning the volume down gives me freedom and interestingly enough, invites the clarity when I let it go.
[00:22:54] Speaker C: Yeah. So mine.
[00:22:56] Speaker B: My who Your friend?
[00:22:58] Speaker C: I was gonna say my companion is a conservative naysayer who likes to say, well, are you sure?
Maybe we should just stop and do something else.
Maybe this isn't going to pan out.
I think you should just maybe not reach for the stars. Maybe just reach for, like, that tree limb over there.
She's a conservative naysayer, and I'm so tired of her. I'm like, you're wearing on my last nerve. I'm not gonna listen to you anymore. What I'm gonna listen to is that inner voice, that creative spark that's like, yeah, let's do that. Yeah, let's do that. And I'm just going to keep following that. So I do have to ask her, tell her to stand down because I'm not listening to her anymore. And I'm so tired of her. She wears me out. She's exhausting. Just like, trying to be like, self doubt. Self doubt.
[00:23:54] Speaker B: No.
[00:23:54] Speaker C: Maybe second guessing. Second guessing. Maybe look over here. No. I am determined and I am creatively forging my path.
Thank you very much. Goodbye.
[00:24:06] Speaker B: Bring it all the way back around. Thank you for that. It's a no for me.
[00:24:09] Speaker C: Yeah, I'm not listening to you anymore.
[00:24:13] Speaker B: Yeah. I have a quote from Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung.
[00:24:18] Speaker C: We love us some young.
[00:24:19] Speaker B: We do.
Carl said, who looks outside dreams, who looks inside awakes.
Not carry on going like Confucius on this. Wait, hold on.
[00:24:33] Speaker C: Like, damn.
[00:24:34] Speaker B: Oh, philosophical goodness.
We dreaming. But inside I'm awake.
[00:24:39] Speaker D: Oh.
[00:24:40] Speaker C: The outside, the outer world is the dream. What's happening in here is the truth. It is the awakened truth that creates the dream that you see and participate in.
[00:24:51] Speaker B: It's just an invitation to awaken to the answers. The clarity, the knowledge, the trust, the confidence, whatever it is that is already, already inside of you. Like it's already there. And when we look inside, we're not looking inside to get all of the answers. It's recognizing the ones that have already been there.
[00:25:13] Speaker C: Yeah, and we're cheering on that for you. Like, we're cheering on that voice. Like, to just get stronger and more determined and louder, more present, more connected. Yeah, we want that for you and for ourselves. Yes.
[00:25:27] Speaker B: Reminding ourselves every day. So until next time, explore. May you find a little more quiet in a world that's always asking for your attention. And may you grow more familiar with the voice beneath the fear, the expectations and the noise.
[00:25:46] Speaker C: What she said.
We love you, explorer. Until next time. You take good care.
[00:25:54] Speaker D: Thank you to Queenies in downtown Durham for the use of their community podcast studio and for welcoming us so warmly. Each week
[00:26:02] Speaker C: we'd like to give a
[00:26:03] Speaker D: shout out to Coco Cinnamon, the birthplace of 1023 Media and the yo podcast. Please support your local women owned minority owned coffee shop in downtown Durham.
Brought to you by Durham based 1023 Media, a heart centered woman owned multimedia company.
