Episode Transcript
[00:00:03] Speaker A: Welcome to Your Odyssey Podcast, where your guides, Tara and Karen invite you on a transformative journey toward wholeness and personal growth.
Each week, we'll discuss topics related to the human experience and offer insights to help you along the way.
Please note, this podcast should not replace medical care or advice.
We are not licensed healthcare professionals or mental health therapists.
If you enjoyed today's episode, subscribe so you don't miss out on our future discussions.
So, explorers, let's dive into today's episode.
[00:00:53] Speaker B: Hey, explorers, it's Tara. Karen and I are so glad that you're here with us today.
I have a question.
What do you do when your voice shows up before your confidence does?
Because if you're anything like me, there are things that you know, things that you've been circling, things that have been tapping you on your shoulder, whispering in your ear, saying, hey, it's time.
And still you hesitate. Today we're talking about that moment where you know what you want to say but don't quite feel ready to say it. The words are there, but your confidence hasn't quite cut up yet. And this episode lives in that space in between where we're inviting you to say it anyway.
Say it between. Say it. Is that a song? Say it in. No, I feel like it is an episode. It was. Say what you need to say. That was something else.
[00:01:48] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, that's right.
[00:01:49] Speaker B: That.
[00:01:49] Speaker C: Gone. Lies.
[00:01:50] Speaker B: So this episode lives in that space between knowing and speaking, clarity and courage and truth and timing. And I keep coming back to this idea that my coach has.
She planted in me about speaking from the wobble, speaking from that place where, you know, our confidence hasn't fully shown up, but the words are still there. And we feel like we're supposed to be solid or grounded or secure and so 100% sure before we say this thing.
But that's not actually how it works. Oh.
[00:02:24] Speaker C: How are we supposed to be professional if we've never done it before? Like, we gotta practice this skill, right?
[00:02:30] Speaker B: Why did that just remind me, like, someone graduating college and is, like, trying to get their first job? And it's like, we want you to have this degree, and we also want you to have 12 years of experience. But they're like, well, I. And you're like, but this is how I actually get the experience. Like, doing the thing, the circle, the
[00:02:48] Speaker C: crazy circle of, like, we need you to have experience, but I'm just out of.
[00:02:52] Speaker B: That's what I'm here for. That's what I'm coming to you for.
So, Karen, when you Think about something you've had to unlearn about the idea of being fully ready to speak. What first comes to mind for you?
[00:03:06] Speaker C: My book, for sure.
I was like. I was like, what?
I'm not writing a book. And I just kept getting nudged, and I'm like, okay. I mean, I guess there's something
[00:03:21] Speaker B: like a whole book, y'. All.
[00:03:22] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. And I was like, well, you're gonna have to write it.
[00:03:25] Speaker B: Whoever suggested this, this is your big idea.
[00:03:30] Speaker C: I definitely didn't feel ready for that. But then I. By the time I. You know, it took me a little couple weeks or months to get my head around, and then I'm like, okay, we'll see what happens.
That's definitely, like, a big one for me, because anything that I've recorded, like, you know, musically or talks and everything, I always felt and ready, like the book thing that came out field. And I was like, I don't think so. I think you dialed the wrong number.
Yeah. What about you?
[00:03:58] Speaker B: I don't know. I'm amped up on one today because when you said dial wrong number when my brain was like, okay.
[00:04:05] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. I say, we're sorry.
[00:04:07] Speaker B: The number you reach is no longer. No longer in service. Did that still happen? Probably. I don't know. But for me, like, something that I've had to unlearn is like the.
It's not the power. It's the allure of perfection. Like, the idea that you have to feel 100, that you have to have all of the words figured out that you have to, like. It has to look. Sound again. We talked about this before. Like, I thought podcast Tara had to sound a certain way.
Not saying that early podcast Tara is not me. But this. This one. This Rawer.
[00:04:45] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:04:45] Speaker B: Most raw.
[00:04:47] Speaker C: The most is rawest.
[00:04:48] Speaker B: Exactly. That shows the most realist.
[00:04:51] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:04:51] Speaker B: Yes. Wit. Notice I said wit. And not with, like, with all of the sass and all of the knowledge. Like, all of the things that I know that I know that I don't have to justify or over explain. So it's like being secure enough in identity to let my voice lead, to let my heart lead, to let my soul lead, to let what I know be enough. So, yeah.
[00:05:17] Speaker C: Yeah. Trusting that. Right, Exactly.
[00:05:20] Speaker B: It's been a beautiful, unlearning process.
[00:05:23] Speaker C: Yeah. Right. I mean, because we talk about it. Conditioning. Right. Culture conditioning and family conditioning is like, you don't know what you're talking about. You're just a kid or whatever. And then it continues. You're like, but I'm trying to Learn. But I think I know what I want. You know what I want to say. And I. And, you know, it's. It's tricky to find your footing.
[00:05:41] Speaker B: And I think a big part of that, like, finding our footing, is that there is this pervasive lie of I'll say it when I'm ready. That before.
That's like having kids when you're ready, right? Like. But the lie of, like, you need to have this clar. The lie is that clarity leads to confidence, and confidence leads to the expression of the thing. But that's not actually the order. It's like, you say the thing, then clarity comes, and then you get confidence, and then the more you repeat that, the quicker that iteration, that turnaround time is. And then you just, you know, I'm saying the things, and I'm very confident, and I'm clear about what I'm saying. Saying, which shifts how you show up. Right.
[00:06:20] Speaker C: When you start speaking it, you. You're able to hear it, and then you're able to refine it whether you. You're like, oh, that's not really exactly. How did that come across? That's not really exactly what I'm saying. And then you sort of tweak, use a different word, whatever it is, you know, and then you become a more effective communicator.
[00:06:36] Speaker B: You're not using, like, I'll say it when I'm ready as. Like, this. I'm so wise. Like, I'll say, all of the wisdom will come and flow when I'm ready. But for real, though, what I know to be true is that sometimes when we say that's just fear dressed up into this cute little outfit, like, this is just the habit and the mode that we've operated in. And another thing that is, you don't find your voice by waiting for it. Like, that's not like. I feel like it's like the Little Mermaid. Like, we gave the sea witch our voice, and then it's, well, you know, I'll get back around to it. But it's like, no, you actually find it when you use it. Like, the more you practice the skill, the more you build that habit of showing up messy, showing up in the wobble, doing it scared, saying it anyway, that's when you find your truest voice.
[00:07:25] Speaker C: Absolutely. Such power in.
In giving yourself that space and that time and those allowances to be messy and to do it anyway. You know, I think, what a beautiful gift.
Yeah, we can give ourselves.
[00:07:40] Speaker B: But if it's hard to say the thing, hard to use your Voice in that way, hard to unlearn the live. Like, waiting until you're ready. That doesn't mean, like, something's wrong with you. That doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. That doesn't mean you don't have a voice. It probably means that whatever it is, you're softening, you're swallowing. Like, it probably matters all the more when you feel that little, oh, oh, hold on. Like, I could have said this, or I need.
[00:08:05] Speaker C: You know, the significance of it and the importance, the weight of it when your reaction upon suppressing it is like,
[00:08:15] Speaker B: right. It's like you're asking yourself, like, question, like, if I say this, like, what. What does that mean?
Does that mean that they will misunderstand? Does that mean that people will change how they see me? Or am I being too much? Or is this not enough? Then you get to the point, you're
[00:08:30] Speaker C: like, it's so funny because our job is to say the thing. It's not to be, like, in the background, like the peanut gal, like the judge and then the censor, and then there's the critic, and then there's the editor and then the other editor. You're like, the. Just say the thing. Just say, what is it? Hold your heart and say the thing. Because that's what connects you to, like, your truth and helps you sort of regulate. Just take a deep breath, you know, and just like, be like, well, this is how I see it, or, this is what I believe or, Right.
[00:08:57] Speaker B: You're not trying to convince someone that what you say or what you believe or how you feel is like the holy grail or the way to be. And when you said, hold it in your heart, what came to mind is, like, pay attention to when you don't say the things.
What happens in your body, like, if your chest gets tight, your shoulders all scrunch up, your jaw and all this. Or your brain, stomach starts, yet all of these things happening. Like that is your body trying to tell you, like, not later, not differently, not. Don't say it. It's like, there's something here that we really need to say. And I really wish that you would
[00:09:31] Speaker C: just go ahead and say it exactly right. And when you feel those cues from your body, the more you become aware of that, the easier it gets and the more efficient you are at it. When I first started, it was like, three days.
Something feels funny, and I'm just gonna go back and address it in three days. And now it's much more immediate, but it is. It's a skill and when you feel that in your body, just pause. I mean, you could just be like, hold the phone, please.
Like, to whoever's waiting for you to say whatever the thing is. I mean, it works. It's like, this is what I want to say.
[00:10:05] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:10:05] Speaker C: Nobody, like, have it, like, right on the end of whatever they're saying. You can take a moment, you can process, you can pause, you can allow
[00:10:12] Speaker B: yourself to have that and that, that processing, that pause, like noticing the resistance in your body. Like, that's not the stop sign, it's like the signal. Like we were saying that the real, most pure truth is trying to come through you. And like, for whatever reason, conditioning lies that we believe, like, you're getting in the way of that.
[00:10:34] Speaker C: Your nervous system is brilliant. And if in the past you stopped saying things because you felt like it was really dangerous in some way. Right. That was your perception, then you know, when you see that flashing yellow light in your mind, you're like, wait a minute, I think I need to just pause at this intersection. Look both ways, maybe twice.
You can still go through, but, like, there's still that desire to pause, you know?
[00:11:01] Speaker B: Yeah. And I know for you and I, Karen, like, we both lived in that space where our body knew the words.
[00:11:09] Speaker C: Oh, yeah.
[00:11:10] Speaker B: Before we ever felt like it was safe to express the words. And that's a really big piece of it. Like the safety.
Yeah, the safety and the permission. Yeah, right. Say that.
[00:11:21] Speaker C: Which I want to just add for our explorers and for ourselves.
The only person that needs to give you that safety and permission is you.
So whatever that means for you in terms of regulating your nervous system, taking some self care time, whatever it is, you're. You're in the driver's seat on that one. So that is up to you. And that is down to you. You know what I mean?
[00:11:46] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:11:47] Speaker C: Just be aware of that.
[00:11:49] Speaker B: So let's dive into this. Wobble, speak, wobble, speak.
Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down. Okay, There's.
[00:11:59] Speaker C: Okay.
Hello.
[00:12:01] Speaker B: I'm an old lady today. Okay.
[00:12:05] Speaker C: Oh, my God, this is hilarious.
[00:12:08] Speaker B: So you don't have to be steady in order for your words, your clarity, your expression to be honest and to be truthful. I know there have been plenty of instances in public settings where my voice is still shaking. I'm super nervous.
But what I'm saying is still true to me. What I'm saying is still important. What I'm saying still matters. And I've learned that courage in speaking isn't the absence of fear. I've Learned. Learned how to turn that fear into fuel for whatever it is. Like, using the momentum, the movement of the fear to actually say the thing, right?
[00:12:44] Speaker C: Yeah. Like, it's like lighting the match. You know, it's like you could just stand there and hold it, let it burn down to your fingers, or you could actually do the thing, Light the candle, light the fire, and let it be what it's gonna be.
[00:12:56] Speaker B: Let it be what it's gonna be. And there have been so many moments, y', all, like, recent moments where I've said something and thought, I don't even know what I'm saying or what did I just say? And that's been most recently, Karen was Thursday when we were out in Graham, and I'm like.
And you were like. You said, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, I did?
Yeah.
[00:13:23] Speaker C: It was beautiful. It was.
[00:13:25] Speaker B: Yeah. So that was like. Like, that was the most recent moment that came to mind. And then I'm thinking back to. To Savage Daughter is like, a lot there. There was this loose outline of things, you know, they were going through, but there were moments where the words came, and it's just like, wow, you have to say this thing. Like, don't wait until. Oh, it's not like I'm going off script. Like, no, there is no script.
[00:13:47] Speaker C: Because the whole point, like, don't wait until section three. You're like, right.
[00:13:51] Speaker B: Right now is when this needs be to. To be said. And then just like, showing up and saying something before I fully made sense of the something that I'm trying to say, because I'm like, I know historically, like, I'm like, oh, well, is this the right time to say this? Or whatever. Because what I've found is, yeah, we're
[00:14:08] Speaker C: looking for the right time.
[00:14:10] Speaker B: The right time to say the things. It's like, I'll say a thing. I don't even know what I'm saying, because sometimes it's just a vessel, and it's like, oh, I needed to hear that. Oh, you did. I'm glad. Well, I'm glad I said it.
[00:14:20] Speaker C: What did I say? You're like, that's cool. Cool, cool, cool. What did I say then?
[00:14:24] Speaker B: Run that back for me.
[00:14:27] Speaker C: Oh, it's so true. So often when you're, like, in that mode of, you know, you're sort of conducting, if you will, channeling, like, the wisdom, the healing wisdom, and. And you just say stuff that you know in your body feels right to say, and then it's gone as fast as you said.
It happens in coaching all the time. You know, all the time, people be like, oh, wow, I never thought about that. And I was like,
[00:14:54] Speaker B: what did you never think about? Because I've never thought about it either. Who said.
[00:14:58] Speaker C: Who said it? Who said that?
It's wild.
[00:15:01] Speaker B: But all of that is, like, we're hoping. It's like, encouragement to you. Explore, to say it. Messy.
Say it. Unsure. Say it with your voice.
[00:15:10] Speaker C: Shaking, shaking, trembling.
[00:15:12] Speaker B: It's okay, just say it.
[00:15:14] Speaker C: And if it helps, like a trick that I use sometimes when I'm feeling, you know, really, my nervous system is like, whoa.
Know if I'm in a, you know, a family conversation that could maybe previously been triggering, I, like, sometimes just hold, like, hold, like, I just kind of, like, rub my arms, hold myself, like, give myself a little hug. Just kind of arms crossed over, just kind of. You got it. You just say, you know exactly what you want to say. You just say, it's okay.
[00:15:40] Speaker B: That just reminded me of something my therapist said to me. She was like, if you have this big thing that you're super nervous about where you have to speak up and say something, she was like, wear something. Be like a bracelet or like a necklace or. Or something. Something that'll touch you and send you a fidget, so to speak, but something tangible that you can put your hands on. So when you say, like, hugging yourself, that's the reminder like, oh, I'm here in this moment. I'm safe in the things that I have to say. You know, it'll land how it land, but I know the way that I'm delivering it is from a place of love, and that's going to be enough.
[00:16:14] Speaker C: Right? And that's really all that is necessary because you're being authentic to you. Now, I'm not saying go around, like, be disastrous and say, you know what I mean?
[00:16:24] Speaker B: No, don't be. Don't be that person.
[00:16:26] Speaker C: Don't be like, sorry, but if there's something that you. Is on your heart that you want and need to say, like, it's.
It's important.
If it comes up as important, it's important.
[00:16:37] Speaker B: It's important for some reason.
[00:16:39] Speaker C: Yeah.
Trust that. Right.
[00:16:42] Speaker B: Well, since I'm on one today, just breeze right on through everything that I had to say that I thought that I wanted to say.
[00:16:48] Speaker C: I mean, I. We're good. I could say more about, like, there's all kinds of tools and techniques that you can use to practice and public speaking and Toastmasters and the National Speakers Association. All of those kinds of places have places you can practice. But really, what it comes down to, in my opinion, is giving yourself time and space to feel into what is right and true for you. That something that you want to say in the moment. Give yourself whatever safety and permission you need. Then just open your mouth and make the words.
[00:17:17] Speaker B: That's simple. One, two, three.
[00:17:19] Speaker C: Three.
[00:17:19] Speaker B: Just like one, two, three. That's it.
[00:17:22] Speaker C: Complicated. And then that's what keeps holding us back. Right.
[00:17:26] Speaker B: Just give yourself that space and that safety.
And then you just say it. You don't gotta do too much.
[00:17:33] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:17:33] Speaker B: There is a song. Listen to the words that capture this feeling better and explain it. The moment where your voice is, like, right there, but everything in you is trying to quiet it, and then something shifts and changes and you're like, I'm not going to be silent anymore. This song, I believe, is from the Aladdin Live Action if that's a Thing soundtrack. It is Speechless by Naomi Scott. I think that's right. We'll go with it.
[00:18:05] Speaker A: Check out this week's song on the YO Podcast playlist on Spotify.
[00:18:13] Speaker C: Dang it. I'm not a sucker for musicals.
[00:18:16] Speaker B: It'll get you every time.
[00:18:18] Speaker C: So great.
So great.
[00:18:21] Speaker B: Oh, my goodness.
I'm looking to see what the lyrics were because, oh, my gosh.
[00:18:29] Speaker C: The bridge, which you said, like, float across the sky.
[00:18:32] Speaker B: I refuse to be silent. Like, I won't let you silence me. And there are these things that I need to say that I have to say that. Like, I'm going to say them.
[00:18:40] Speaker C: Yeah. Like they are burning within me and I will say them now.
[00:18:43] Speaker B: So that's it. That's all okay.
[00:18:45] Speaker C: But I'll tell you, that's like 10 man of the population, like most. Most of us and think, especially women, but most of us, we censor. You know, we.
We edit. We sort of cut short. We don't allow ourselves the time and space and safety to say what we really mean and say what we feel.
And it's.
[00:19:05] Speaker B: It's.
[00:19:05] Speaker C: It's like physically important, you know?
[00:19:08] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:19:09] Speaker C: There's such a connection between how the truth we speak. Right. And who we are.
[00:19:13] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. When you talk about women, I think about how your vocal cords are tied to your pelvic floor. So when you don't say the things. And you're wondering why, like, all of these issues, like, oh, my cramps are worse. It's like, because you're there, your body is holding on to all of the things that you did not say.
[00:19:28] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. Sacral chakra, second chakra, and the. And the throat chakra are just so closely linked.
[00:19:35] Speaker B: And it's all related. Come back to that whole Vegas nerves. I bet if you activate some things.
[00:19:40] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, exactly. Because it's taking care of both of those parts. Yeah.
[00:19:46] Speaker B: All right, so today's question is, where in your life are or were you waiting to feel ready instead of just saying it anyway?
[00:20:02] Speaker C: I mean, I feel like the dog for me is, like, I kept waiting so that I could approach the idea of rehoming him with the kids when, like, are they in a good headspace?
[00:20:19] Speaker B: Right, right.
[00:20:21] Speaker C: Homework going on, like, you know, being able to talk with them about how I was feeling.
And granted, it was a long time in the making, but the last few months, it felt so good to just speak my truth about it, that it was just not something that I wanted in my life at this moment. And that felt really good.
[00:20:40] Speaker B: But it was, I would say, for me, like, there's been this content awakening. So not just in writing, but, like, in social content as well. Especially when it comes to, like, coaching.
This awakening that happens. Like, there are things that I believe, things that these values and things that I held onto or things that I softened or edited until it was just, like, so watered down and diluted that it's like, whoa. What were you eager to say?
[00:21:09] Speaker C: What was your point?
[00:21:10] Speaker B: You done polished it so much, baby, it's gone. It wasn't like I was unclear about what I wanted to say. It was like there was this visibility risk that I didn't really want to take in saying the things. Like, I was waiting to be more confident, waiting for this confidence to match the things that I know to be true, knowing all along that there are things that I know to be true that I can't tell you why, that I know that they're true. They're just things that I know.
So I was waiting for my voice to lead and hoping that trust and confidence and expression would follow through. And it's like, no. The more you do it, the more it's going to come, the more secure and grounded you are in what it is that you have to say. Like, it'll translate. Like, you don't got to polish it into perfection. Right.
[00:21:55] Speaker C: And resistance will show up in tricky ways, like polishing it until it's literally dust.
[00:22:03] Speaker B: Where did it go?
[00:22:04] Speaker C: I was just like, you know, a little pearl, and all of a sudden
[00:22:07] Speaker B: you're like, now it's back in sand.
[00:22:10] Speaker C: Yeah, right. Exactly. That's funny. Yeah.
[00:22:13] Speaker B: So I found a quote from one of our favorite quotable people. This quote is from poet, feminist, and civil rights activist Audrey Lord, your silence will not protect you.
Excuse me, ma'.
[00:22:31] Speaker C: Am. Mic drop.
Wow. I was like, is there more? And I was like, no, there's no more. Is literally, period.
[00:22:41] Speaker B: Silence will not protect you.
[00:22:45] Speaker C: Man. If you can really take that in, then there's no need to ever silence yourself, because it's not going to protect you to be silent.
[00:22:54] Speaker B: No.
[00:22:54] Speaker C: It's only going to do something for you if you speak it, you know?
[00:22:57] Speaker B: Yeah. Like when something true is asking to be spoken, like, choosing to say the thing and trusting it. Like, again, you don't have to make it perfect. It doesn't have to be fully formed, but you have to say the thing,
[00:23:12] Speaker C: even if it's in, like, a primitive form. Like, you can say the thing and then you can revisit it. Even in that conversation, you can refine as you go and sort of get more to the heart of it or the root of it. Like, if it feels better in your body, but start somewhere.
[00:23:26] Speaker B: Yeah, right?
[00:23:27] Speaker C: Just start somewhere.
[00:23:28] Speaker B: Yeah.
Even if it feels better in your development to say, like, I don't really know where this is going yet. If you need to qualify it in that way before you say it, until you get in the habit of, like, letting the thing do.
[00:23:41] Speaker C: Hang out there without having to.
[00:23:43] Speaker B: But if it feels more comfortable at first to do that, then, like, that's you reminding yourself that it doesn't have to be perfect or polished. Like, I'm not sure where it's going, but this is where I am right now. Cool.
[00:23:53] Speaker C: Right? Exactly.
[00:23:54] Speaker B: You've opened up the window to change it later.
[00:23:57] Speaker C: Yeah. It's like a little disclaimer. And if that makes you feel more safe, rock on. Let's let it happen. For sure.
[00:24:03] Speaker B: But, yeah, your silence will not protect you.
[00:24:05] Speaker C: Oof. That is so powerful.
[00:24:08] Speaker B: I just.
I love her so much.
[00:24:10] Speaker C: There's nothing else we can say?
[00:24:12] Speaker B: No, we want to close it out right now.
[00:24:14] Speaker C: I mean, it's like, how do you follow that?
[00:24:16] Speaker B: Let it land. We're going to take our own advice. At least let that land, because Audrey said it best. So until next time, explorer, may you trust the voice that's been trying to reach you, even if it feels early, even if it feels imperfect, and even if your voice shakes, say it anyway.
[00:24:35] Speaker C: I love this advice. I really. I. I don't have anything else to say, but thanks for joining us. We love you and take good care.
[00:24:44] Speaker D: Thank you to Queenies in downtown Durham for the use of their community podcast studio and for welcoming us so warmly.
[00:24:51] Speaker C: Each week.
We'd like to give a shout out
[00:24:55] Speaker D: to Coco Cinnamon, the birthplace of 1023 Media and the Yo. Podcast. Please support your local women owned minority owned coffee shop in downtown Durham.
Brought to you by Durham based 1023 Media, a heart centered woman owned multimedia company.
