Episode Transcript
[00:00:03] Speaker A: Welcome to Your Odyssey Podcast, where your guides, Tara and Karen, invite you on a transformative journey toward wholeness and personal growth.
Each week we'll discuss topics related to the human experience and offer insights to help you along the way.
Please note, this podcast should not replace medical care or advice. We are not licensed healthcare professionals or mental health therapists.
If you enjoyed today's episode, subscribe so you don't miss out on our future discussions.
So, explorers, let's dive into today's episode.
Welcome, Explorers. It's Tara. In today's episode, Karen and I are embarking on a journey to understand loneliness, what it means, its impact, and most importantly, how we can foster meaningful connections.
Back in episode 18, part one of our nurturing Social Wellness series, we discussed the importance of social connections and their impact on our well being.
And we highlighted a startling statistic. Lacking social connection can increase the risk of premature death as much as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.
This status from the Surgeon General's 2023 advisory on the Healing effects of Social Connection and Community.
[00:01:32] Speaker B: That is staggering. Yeah, that really just puts it right in your face. You know, like equating that social condition with a very deadly medical condition.
Yes.
[00:01:47] Speaker A: So why loneliness? This episode coincides with Marmalade Trust's Global Loneliness awareness week.
Their 2025 theme, Meeting Loneliness Together is a call for everyone, including you, explorer, to share your story and raise awareness of loneliness to reduce the stigma around this natural human emotion.
[00:02:07] Speaker B: Especially in this day and age. Right. There's so much separatism and so much isolation and like everybody in their devices and yeah, it's important to acknowledge the fact that we are social beings. And I say that as an introvert, but even I, as we know, during COVID was like, I need people.
[00:02:28] Speaker A: People. People are kind of mandatory.
[00:02:30] Speaker B: Interesting. Yeah.
So, yeah, it's good to look at it and acknowledge that we all play a part, even reaching out. Yeah.
[00:02:39] Speaker A: So what exactly is loneliness?
To paraphrase advisory, loneliness is the distressing feeling that arises when we feel isolated or lack meaningful connections with others.
Emphasis on the meaningful.
This feeling is often due to a gap between what we long for in our relationships and what we experience.
Here we go for startling Fact number two.
Approximately half of all U.S. adults report experiencing loneliness with some of the highest rates among young adults.
[00:03:19] Speaker B: Oh, I don't know whether you got me in the heart or the gut on that one.
[00:03:22] Speaker A: All of the above.
Notably, the loneliness rate among young adults has increased every year between 1976 and 2019.
So I went to the source study from the CIGNA groups. The loneliness epidemic persists. A post pandemic look at the state of loneliness among US Adults.
This number is heartbreaking because we have children in this demographic. Our children's friends are in this demographic. But it said that 79% of adults aged 18 to 24 report feeling lonely compared to 41% of seniors age 66 or older.
79% is crushing compared to people in.
[00:04:14] Speaker B: Their golden years where you would think would be feeling isolated due to, you know, age related, you know, movement or injury or illness.
Wow.
[00:04:26] Speaker A: More than twice as many younger adults 18 to 24. And then there was a specific call out for 18 to 34 versus 55 and older. 42% of people age 18 to 34 report always feeling left out versus 16% ages 55 or older.
[00:04:47] Speaker B: What is happening in those years? You're in college perhaps or trade school or you're out in the world working post high school and you've got options for friends and community either at work or social.
Maybe are people too intensely like dedicated to the work life?
[00:05:07] Speaker A: I think it just pulls back to the original time frame that from night between 1976 and 2019, like that number has increased. The loneliness rate has increased every year. I feel like coincides with technology, the rise of technology.
Because before like we had to connect. We. I wasn't here in 1976 but.
Oh, I digress. Bragging had to connect with people. But even when I was a child, like we weren't on the Internet. Like the Internet was in a fixed place in my home.
[00:05:44] Speaker B: Right, right.
[00:05:45] Speaker A: It just wasn't with me all the time, like everywhere. So I, I think it's an interesting correlation. And the advisory also goes into details about that awareness of technology, the rise in technology. Like we're more connected but we're disconnected as a people.
So.
[00:05:59] Speaker B: Right.
[00:06:00] Speaker A: It definitely generational. Yes.
[00:06:02] Speaker B: Right. That's when like technology as you said was coming up and increasing and potency of that to that addiction.
[00:06:08] Speaker A: Right.
[00:06:09] Speaker B: If we're going to compare something to cigarette smoking, we can absolutely compare that isolation that happens when we're behind our devices or connecting with those instead of out in what I call the 3D world with other humans.
[00:06:25] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:06:25] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:06:26] Speaker A: I know. 79% is bananas to me. I'm like the babies, they. They're not okay. Loneliness does not necessarily equate to feeling lonely or being alone.
Many find joy and fulfillment in their own company using that time to recharge and engage in self discover recovery.
Solitude can be a powerful catalyst for personal growth. I found this quote from a German theologian, Paul Tillich. Tillich. And he said, loneliness expresses the pain of being alone, and solitude expresses the glory of being alone.
[00:06:59] Speaker B: I can get behind that. Being alone in and of itself is not equal loneliness. Right. It's not necessarily something that we can say, is this negative? There's a lot of benefit to it if you're becoming self aware and introspective and taking care of yourself. But, yeah, feeling lonely. Loneliness is very different.
[00:07:18] Speaker A: As we dive deeper into loneliness, let's talk about some misconceptions that often cloud our understanding of this complex emotion.
Myth number one, Loneliness only affects those who are socially isolated or lack friends.
[00:07:33] Speaker B: I will personally negate that.
[00:07:35] Speaker A: We can feel lonely in a crowded room or even surrounded by loved ones. The disconnect stems from not having meaningful interactions or feeling genuinely seen and heard.
[00:07:46] Speaker B: It's the quality of the connection. Like you can be talking to people all day long.
[00:07:50] Speaker A: Superficial level. Lonely in a crowded room.
[00:07:53] Speaker B: Exactly. That's not a real connection. That's not feeling seen and supported and.
[00:07:57] Speaker A: Heard because you hear too. Or even maybe in your own experience, you have that feeling of loneliness within your own family unit.
[00:08:05] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, right.
Like, am I the only one that you're looking around? Like, am I the only one that feels this way? Am I the only one? Everybody else seems to be swimming along in that. In that swamp of loneliness and. Right. Yeah.
[00:08:18] Speaker A: Loneliness, swamp.
[00:08:19] Speaker B: That's called denial.
Yeah. Interesting.
Okay.
[00:08:26] Speaker A: Myth number two. Loneliness is a sign of weakness or personal failing.
[00:08:31] Speaker B: Oh, goodness.
[00:08:33] Speaker A: So the reality is that many hesitate to acknowledge their loneliness due to its stigma. Loneliness is part of a human experience, not a flaw.
And by acknowledging this loneliness, we are taking a courageous step toward addressing it and fostering those deeper, more quality connections.
[00:08:54] Speaker B: Repeat, it is not a flaw.
It is not a flaw.
[00:08:59] Speaker A: And it also takes strength to confront these feelings.
So it's not weakness.
It's not a personal failing.
[00:09:07] Speaker B: In fact, it's courageous. Right. It's brave to sort of acknowledge, I need more from people. I want more. This does not feel life affirming or soul filling, you know, And I seek those relationships in that depth out.
[00:09:22] Speaker A: Yeah. And then myth number three kind of echoes myth number one. But it is being physically present with others can alleviate loneliness.
Please see myth number one also p.
[00:09:34] Speaker B: S.
A lot of times it makes it worse.
[00:09:37] Speaker A: Oh, my goodness.
[00:09:38] Speaker B: Right there. Isn't like being lonely when you're sitting in your room and doing something and you don't have anybody to talk to or connect to about it is one thing. Feeling that when you're in the middle of a group of people. I don't know.
[00:09:50] Speaker A: Adding more people to that does not. It's like, it's not even more people to make me feel right.
[00:09:55] Speaker B: To make my island get smaller and smaller. Yeah, yeah.
[00:10:00] Speaker A: So we can create pathways for more fulfilling connections and a greater sense of belonging within our communities by dismantling these misconceptions.
It's not about the number of people around us, but the depth of our relationships that truly enriches our lives. Let's honor our feelings and take proactive steps toward finding our desired connection.
[00:10:23] Speaker B: Even just uttering like, even just the connection to yourself of that awareness, of that feeling is like, I feel lonely. I'm feeling lonely. Feeling things aren't fulfilling relationships, whatever, work in this way. And, and then maybe sharing that with someone who feels safe, including but not limited to a therapist or you know, some, some confidant or coach, someone you trust, and then moving from that place, like the awareness and then talking about it, the connection, the sharing and then, you know, moving towards a solution. Right. A reconciliation of that.
[00:10:58] Speaker A: So we're diving deeper into the reality, the impact of loneliness. And let's talk a little bit about its impact on mental health as you may have picked up from this episode. It's not positive. It's.
[00:11:12] Speaker B: It's not looking great.
[00:11:13] Speaker A: It's not.
[00:11:13] Speaker B: It's not great. It's not great.
[00:11:15] Speaker A: It's not.
[00:11:18] Speaker B: It's not great.
[00:11:19] Speaker A: Loneliness can have a profound effect on our mental health, influencing our thoughts, emotions and overall well being.
These feelings of isolation lead to increasing anxiety and depression.
It's important to recognize that loneliness isn't just a momentary feeling. It can become a persistent state that affects our daily lives.
[00:11:40] Speaker B: I wonder.
[00:11:41] Speaker A: Okay, what's your wondering?
[00:11:44] Speaker B: I. I had a, I had a brilliant thought. I was like. It's so interesting that it can expand.
[00:11:51] Speaker A: Yeah. The feeling becomes the state.
[00:11:53] Speaker B: Right. And it. And it like.
And it almost folds in on itself.
Yeah.
[00:11:58] Speaker A: I think that could be the case with any emotion. Like if you. I feel angry and you're dwelling on the anger, then your anger grows because you're feeding the anger monster. This is how we show up.
[00:12:10] Speaker B: Yeah. I agree that that can happen with any emotion.
[00:12:13] Speaker A: Research shows that individuals who experience chronic loneliness often find themselves in a cycle of negative thoughts, making it harder to connect with others and seek support.
This can diminish our self esteem and heighten feelings of sadness and despair.
[00:12:28] Speaker B: Yeah, there's that programming, programming on repeat. Right. Like once you become that loneliness or you identify, it's Part of your identity, you identify so deeply with it, then it, you just get kind of wrapped up in it and then all of a sudden that's your reality. Because those are the thoughts that you're thinking. I'm not saying it's easy to stop thinking those thoughts, but it's easy. It's important to notice, become aware when those thoughts come up and consider how you might challenge that thought or reframe it or do something differently.
[00:13:03] Speaker A: Ongoing loneliness can even affect our physical health, contributing to issues such as increased stress levels. So our heart and all of those bodily functions are not at peak performance and a weakened immune response.
[00:13:18] Speaker B: Physiological repercussions.
[00:13:20] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:13:20] Speaker B: Mind, body, connection.
[00:13:22] Speaker A: Recognizing loneliness is the first step towards healing. Engaging with others can help shatter the isolation barriers leading to deeper emotional connections, more self love and a collective journey towards authenticity and resilience.
[00:13:37] Speaker B: Be discerning about who you choose to spend time.
[00:13:41] Speaker A: We do not want lonely loneliness amplifiers.
[00:13:45] Speaker B: You want loneliness diminishers. You want someone that you can feel a sense of connection with something.
Start small. Just one person. All you need is just one person that you can feel like you can connect with.
[00:13:55] Speaker A: So we've talked a bit about the doom and gloom and the horror of loneliness.
Let's turn our focus toward practical strategies for fostering these meaningful connections.
[00:14:07] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:14:08] Speaker A: Building a strong support network doesn't happen overnight, but we can nurture relationships that enrich our lives with intention and effort. It's intention and effort.
[00:14:17] Speaker B: If there's no moving, there's no action behind it, then you know it's going to kind of stand still.
[00:14:24] Speaker A: So one way is to reach out regularly. Make it a habit to check in with friends, family or acquaintances. A quick text, phone call, coffee date can reignite connections and show others that you care. Consistent communication helps maintain relationships over time.
[00:14:41] Speaker B: It's that idea of banking that. Right. If you're putting time and effort in, right. So you're making a deposit in that relationship, in that account. And then you know when you need someone checking terms.
[00:14:54] Speaker A: I saw in the research for this episode when they were talking about social capital. So when you say banking it like that's an investment.
[00:15:00] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
[00:15:02] Speaker A: That's an investment that pays dividends.
[00:15:04] Speaker B: And sometimes you have to, you have to be that person. Maybe the first, maybe doing the first time for a while and then at some point it's okay to ask for the people.
[00:15:14] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:15:15] Speaker B: To check in with you. It's not one sided.
[00:15:18] Speaker A: Another way is to volunteer in your community. Serving others is a powerful way to bond.
Look for opportunities to volunteer in your community as working alongside others cultivates a sense of purpose and connection.
[00:15:31] Speaker B: The two big pieces right there.
First of all, you get out of your house or your little world, you get out of your needs and deficits as you might perceive them and you go out into the world to serve other people. And not only are you feeling a sense of purpose and feeling better about yourself, you're connecting with either the people you're serving or the other people who are serving those people. And you have that common goal, that common vision and that goes a long way in creating something.
[00:16:02] Speaker A: And I know outside with people is not necessarily for everyone.
So you do also have the option to join online spaces.
That would be a great alternative if we face challenges connecting in person. So seek out forums, social media groups or online workshops focusing on topics you care about. You'll interact with like minded people, which eases the social connection piece.
[00:16:27] Speaker B: It eases you know what you might have in common or the conversation.
I'm going to also add, lean into your joy. What is what lights you up and then those things that light you up. Let's say you have two or three things.
Do those things like out in the world or in the book club. In the virtual world.
[00:16:44] Speaker A: Yeah, fitness. Because some of y' all really do that together.
[00:16:49] Speaker B: Apparently Tara doesn't know that's funny.
[00:16:52] Speaker A: I'll do it. One you do.
[00:16:53] Speaker B: You're better at it than me. I'm super lone wolf if I'm doing it at the gym or something. But yeah, there's that. If you already have an arena that you love and that you feel comfortable in, then go there.
[00:17:06] Speaker A: Reach out to the people.
[00:17:06] Speaker B: And the people will. Yeah, that like the people will come.
[00:17:10] Speaker A: And one of the biggest ways is to share your story. Opening up about your experiences is incredibly powerful. Whether through writing, social media or in person conversations, sharing your journey encourages everyone to do the same.
[00:17:28] Speaker B: Yeah, there's just something about just being real, raw and authentic and transparent, honest about the challenging times social media is for. My life is glorious. Everything is roses all day, every day and I never have to take a shower.
Real life is like this is what's going on.
[00:17:46] Speaker A: I didn't even take a shower today. Right now. I did today. Sorry.
[00:17:49] Speaker B: But some days, yeah, maybe not. We still love each other. I don't, I don't feel like showering today.
Yeah. So there's something to that. The rawness and the vulnerability of that I believe will attract people who either understand it viscerally themselves or have experienced it or just like that. Sense of empathy and compassion. Humans in general, I think humans in general care.
[00:18:16] Speaker A: Humans care.
And there's something very holistic or well rounded when you balance the.
I woke up like this with.
I almost didn't even come out like this. Like, there's something beautiful in sharing both sides of that that people can see, maybe glimpses of their story and the moments when they were like, yeah, I'm not. I'm not today. I can't today. I just can't.
[00:18:44] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:18:45] Speaker A: And then the other side, like, today was amazing and I battled a lion or whatever. Like, I overcame this thing today and I'm still here.
[00:18:54] Speaker B: You know, it's such a big piece of connection is being vulnerable enough to. To communicate that, to connect, to share with somebody those things, those feelings, those states of being.
Yeah, that goes a long way.
[00:19:08] Speaker A: Speaking of, share your story, do you have a loneliness story to share?
[00:19:15] Speaker B: Thinking of different periods of my life.
If you have one, please feel free to jump in.
[00:19:19] Speaker A: I know this question just popped up, so I'm like, oh, okay.
[00:19:23] Speaker B: There have definitely been times in my life, post divorce when my kids weren't with me that I've thought, huh, I am alone in this moment.
I am alone and sort of teetering on the. Am I lonely or am I just alone in this moment?
You know that it's that questioning. There's a. There's a feeling in my body, like, in between, like my middle torso and my heart that is. It's like a longing.
[00:19:54] Speaker A: Yes, right.
[00:19:55] Speaker B: There's that feeling of longing. And it's such an interesting feeling because for me to feel that, knowing how many people I actually do have in my life and how many sometimes relationships and conversations that I have, like, my brain knows I'm not alone, but that feeling can still come in. It can still come into play. It's so interesting.
[00:20:20] Speaker A: It's definitely the awareness, like, when you feel that first twinge of loneliness and you're like, oh, I need more quality people time.
Or for me, like, it shows up, like when I've been busy, busy, but I haven't had a chance to really thoroughly and deeply connect with anyone. That's when I'm like, oh, there's a gap. Mind the gap. Yeah, right.
[00:20:40] Speaker B: Yeah.
And sometimes for me, actually, as I'm reflecting on, the feeling of loneliness comes when I actually need more alone time. And I'm sort of zapped. Just kind of my container feels empty. And so I sort of go to that aspect of it when actually if I focus on this is like, I need this time. So Desperately. I need to fill my well doing things with one of my favorite people, me in the world. Right. We all need to have ourselves as a best friend and just enjoy what that space does offer.
[00:21:16] Speaker A: Right?
[00:21:16] Speaker B: Right. Sort of just looking at it in a different light.
And sometimes when I'm in that feeling and I can't get to that state, that's when I know to reach out, connect with my people.
[00:21:27] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:21:27] Speaker B: It's like bring.
Hello, Tara.
[00:21:33] Speaker A: I heard your phone ring like that in a while. Have you?
[00:21:37] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:21:37] Speaker A: So as we talk about connecting with our people for this episode, I didn't want to focus on the problem or the epidemic of loneliness and focus more on the solution, which is connection. And this song is a bubbly reminder that life is better when it's shared with others and it is better together by Jack Johnson.
[00:22:00] Speaker B: Yes. So we gonna stand up and dance it out.
[00:22:06] Speaker A: Check out this week's song on the YO podcast playlist on sp.
[00:22:15] Speaker B: Oh, Jack, what a sweet little song.
Nicely done.
You know, the thing that came to mind for me was thinking about 5 years self employed, doing everything myself and.
[00:22:29] Speaker A: Then now.
[00:22:32] Speaker B: Us in as business partners. And part of that is the podcast and thinking about it's just so much more fun. It's more delightful, there's more sharing. The challenging times. You each bring your skills and then on the ten foot wave, you're like celebrating together and it's just, it's so much better together.
[00:22:52] Speaker A: Yes. The challenges aren't as heavy when you have someone to share them with. That's for sure.
[00:22:58] Speaker B: Somebody's holding the handle on the other side.
It's so great.
[00:23:03] Speaker A: What came to mind was like, it's a storm or whatever. We're in the ship and like, I don't know why. It's the big ship wheel. Like, get on the other side of the wheel.
[00:23:10] Speaker B: Hold steady.
[00:23:12] Speaker A: Yes. That's what. That's.
[00:23:16] Speaker B: Hilarious.
[00:23:18] Speaker A: It's very, very beautiful to be reminded that, you know, things are easier. Life is just a little bit sweeter.
[00:23:27] Speaker B: A little fuller, a little more joyful.
[00:23:30] Speaker A: Okay, it is now time for our question of the day.
Today's question, how do you differentiate between solitude, loneliness in your life?
[00:23:43] Speaker B: There's a slightly different feeling in my body when I'm like, yes, I have some alone time. I have some solitude so that I can spend time with myself or take a bubble bath or go get a massage or read a book and have just some tea in the morning.
It's a much different feeling when so. And I'm alone in those scenarios.
[00:24:05] Speaker A: Right.
[00:24:05] Speaker B: But there's a much different feeling when I am alone and feel lonely. Like it's just.
It's not a fun feeling in my gut, in my belly.
And it's a signal for me, it's like maybe it's taken a while to get there, but for me that's a signal of, oh, you need to do your part in reaching out. Connection. Right?
Yeah, yeah. Can't expect everyone else to always reach out with you.
Also, you don't need to be the one doing it all the time. But that's, you know, another conversation for another day. So yeah, it's just a different feeling. Solitude feels comforting and self care when I'm in that mode of like, yeah, cool.
And loneliness comes when I am already feeling a lack of connection or that piece of life is feeling deprived. Right?
[00:24:58] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. At its base or at the base of each solitude is voluntary and loneliness is involuntary, like it's in response.
And my brain, I love that. Yeah. My brain of course, went and leaned into the solitude side of it. And what came to mind was Superman and the fortress of solitude. Like Superman goes there to like it's headquarters, home base or whatever. So I equate the same thing with ourselves when we go into solitude. It's to find a bit more peace, a bit more calm, to do some reflection, to recharge.
And what I wrote was I understand Superman's desire to escape the pressures of being a superhero and the desire to connect with yourself.
So I understand that we all, every now and then, need that time in solitude. And if for whatever reason you are shying away from that, I encourage you to try it for yourself, to just reflect and recharge recenter and spend a little bit of time with yourself by choice.
[00:26:03] Speaker B: Right. Getting to know yourself, different aspects, experiencing some feelings. And I get that that seems daunting for some people. But all you extroverts out there, you also need solitude. You think you can just keep go, go going.
You do need some downtime. You do need some reflection time. We all do.
[00:26:21] Speaker A: Yeah.
Okay, I found a quote for this episode.
The person who did this quote is physician and former u. S. Surgeon general Vivek murthy said while loneliness has the potential to kill, connection has even more potential to heal.
[00:26:43] Speaker B: There it is.
Yeah, it comes to mind, like our relationships are at times veritable lifelines.
[00:26:52] Speaker A: Oh, absolutely.
[00:26:54] Speaker B: Absolutely pulsing life. And all the things we need to survive physically. Like our relationships, our connections are like that.
Yeah.
[00:27:05] Speaker A: Explorers remember when we meet loneliness together, we're reminded that we're not alone in our experiences. By acknowledging our feelings and reaching out, we create a supportive community that nourishes our total well being, that embraces self compassion.
Please, please, please share this episode with anyone who might benefit from it. Together we'll continue to raise awareness and reduce the stigma surrounding loneliness.
Until next time, keep healing and exploring the power of your connections.
[00:27:41] Speaker B: Yeah. I want our explorers, our listeners to understand that loneliness is, I believe it's temporary, it's conditional and it's very human.
And if you're feeling it instead of pulling back as you might sort of naturally want to do, lean in, connect, make an effort and and take care of yourselves in that way. Keep the connections going. My friends, thanks for joining us for this. Take good care.
Thank you to Queenies in Downtown Durham for the use of their community podcast studio and for welcoming us us so warmly. Each week we'd like to give a shout out to Coco Cinnamon, the birthplace of 1023 Media and the yo podcast. Please support your local women owned minority owned coffee shop in Downtown Durham brought to you by Durham based 1023 Media, a heart centered woman owned multimedia company. Sam.
