Episode Transcript
[00:00:03] Speaker A: Welcome to youo Odyssey podcast, where your guides, Tara and Karen invite you on a transformative journey toward wholeness and personal growth.
Each week, we'll discuss topics related to the human experience and offer insights to help you along the way.
Please note, this podcast should not replace medical care or advice.
We are not licensed healthcare professionals or mental health therapists.
If you enjoyed today's episode, subscribe so you don't miss out on our future discussions.
So, explorers, let's dive into today's episode.
[00:00:53] Speaker B: Hey, explorers, it's Tara. However, you're arriving today, maybe hopeful or fiercely determined, Karen and I are so glad you're here.
It is January when this episode is being released, and January carries a certain je ne sais quoi energy, a fresh start feeling. And there are all these conversations swirling about resolutions and quiet pressures to polish ourselves up and arrive a little bit flawless.
This is the time of year when the world really tells you, hey, you need to become a new you, right?
[00:01:29] Speaker C: What you gonna do to get better, to improve?
[00:01:34] Speaker B: Yes. But what if that pressure of becoming a new you is actually keeping you from becoming the truest you?
That's what we're gonna talk about today.
[00:01:45] Speaker C: Yeah, let's unpack. I was thinking about that as we were starting. I was thinking excitement in the new year, Right. A lot of people feel, okay, fresh start, clean slate, all of those things. And y. All of that.
And the back end of that is pressure to make something happen, to create something new or to be something different. And it's like change, even if it's forced change. And that's a weird, you know, seesaw, right?
[00:02:11] Speaker B: Mm. And every January, the message is really loud. Who we are or who we were isn't quite enough.
You need to reinvent yourself, fix yourself, upgrade yourself, improve yourself, work out more, drink more water, do all of these things. We internalize all of those messages, and we absorb this narrative that says growth can only happen if we reject all of the versions of ourselves that got us here.
[00:02:36] Speaker C: Oh, my goodness. Something to say about this. So all of the messages, I just want to say, like, 97.5% of those messages are fabricated. Fabricated by an industry that wants you to spend the money to improve the things to attain something that you're really not even looking for.
If we look at it right.
[00:03:01] Speaker B: Yes. Because the truth is, we want permission to return to who we actually are. Permission to be ourselves. The OG we want.
Yeah, the OG You. We want joy, but not the hype, performative kind. We want joy as a discipline. Joy that is practiced, believed, and Lived and joy that meets us right where we are. We want renewal, not a rebirth, reinvention. Because we don't really want to abandon ourselves.
We want to tell ourselves the truth about where we are and where we're going.
[00:03:33] Speaker C: Yeah. And honestly, I think January for sure is still meant to be rest time, right? The darker, longer days, we're still hunkering down, we're still quiet, going within being okay with stillness and. And slowing down.
And I just hate that there's this air of what's your list look like? What are your resolutions? What are you gonna let go of? What are you gonna make more of? Ah, just bull. We're still.
[00:04:01] Speaker B: We'll start.
[00:04:02] Speaker C: We're still ruminating and marinating in the darkness. Like, leave me alone, leave me alone.
[00:04:08] Speaker B: Can I hibernate a little bit?
Too much goodness.
And let's be honest, this new year, new you narrative fuels a certain level of self rejection.
Yes, but this reinvention that we crave is beginning with judgment and not joy. We start with all of the ways that we are wrong, not enough, instead of how we actually are and how it's real. And we are minimizing all of the growth, all of the healing that we've already lived.
[00:04:42] Speaker C: We got a little microscope, right? We'll nitpick it. We're like, oh, look at that thing. Not as where I wanted it to be. Just be you, man. Just be you.
[00:04:49] Speaker B: Be you.
Right? Because it's this idea that our current self isn't worthy of continuation. Like somehow when the calendar year flips over from Dec. 31 to Jan. 1, that this version of us that we were the day before, hours and minutes before is not worthy, that we have to erase everything that we did in order to grow.
And if we do that, if we're always erasing ourselves in order to grow and be well, always be chasing ourselves.
[00:05:21] Speaker C: We'Ll always be embryonic, for crying out loud. Like, you just gotta go back. How far are we gonna go back? How far should I race to where I can start building? No, thank you. I'm gonna work with the mo. The thing of clay I have, and it might look like a hunk of whatever to you, but this is what I got. And I'm gonna start here.
[00:05:38] Speaker B: This is mine.
Me, you know?
Yes.
And the reality is that our nervous system doesn't thrive on replacement. It thrives on int.
And our identity shift isn't in great leaps. It's in layers, small agreements and little bite sized bits of becoming little tiny.
[00:06:01] Speaker C: Pivots of like, oh, that doesn't work for me anymore. I think I'm gonna tell that person no.
[00:06:06] Speaker B: And then this reinvention myth keeps us performing instead of becoming because we can't actually tell the truth about who we are. Like, we're always pretending or improving to become someone else rather than returning to you. Said the ogu, the original version of.
[00:06:26] Speaker C: You, the demon here freaking fine until the hold of all the conditioning and the messaging. This is how you have to do it. And this you have to be. And the rules, parameters and the guidelines and the blah.
[00:06:38] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, I'm a bit of a science nerd sometimes, so I had to bring in, well, what is the science?
[00:06:47] Speaker C: I'm becoming a science nerd. Did you know that? I am.
[00:06:50] Speaker B: Since when?
[00:06:51] Speaker C: How all of this, like quantum physics, all of this stuff. I'm into it.
[00:06:57] Speaker B: The bit of science that popped out to me was about evolution and how evolution is not contradiction. Like it doesn't completely wipe out its continuity. The evolution of us matches that. Like the truest version of you already exists behind all the masks, behind all the layers. Like the only thing that's happening is you're waiting to meet that version of you in real time. That's it.
[00:07:24] Speaker C: I love that that because is what we're here to do. State is growth and evolution and change towards the truest, best version of ourselves, the truest, highest version of ourselves.
And we move forward knowing that what we need will remain and what no longer serves will fall away. We can trust that evolutionary process. And it is our nature to grow and change and to contribute to the whole.
[00:07:59] Speaker B: This renewal, this January as a month of renewal, is like returning to self and is an act of self trust, this confidence that grows when we honor who we already are. This authenticity that blossoms when we stop earning our belonging and start embodying the truth that we do belong just by.
[00:08:21] Speaker C: Being full body chills. Because what you just said was we are like. You know, when you're experiencing something that feels true and real and authentic for you, feel it in your body and your heart and your soul. You feel it. It's just feels like a little like, ooh, that's.
That's right. Be true for me.
And it's a visceral feeling. And if. If you're not with it, then let's start a little bit more in tune. Let's. The awareness, right? The. Our. Our attention on the fact that our body and our heart is speaking to us at all times, sort of helping us to be like a little this way, a little this way, that Feels good, you know?
[00:09:09] Speaker B: Yes. So let's flip this new year, new you narrative on his head and talk a little bit about what it means to have a truer version of you.
And I have three shifts. I'm back at three.
[00:09:24] Speaker C: She's back at three.
[00:09:25] Speaker B: We love three.
[00:09:26] Speaker C: Say, just for the record, New year, it's like, according to who?
[00:09:30] Speaker B: Like what, what year?
[00:09:31] Speaker C: What. What calendar? What time? What?
[00:09:34] Speaker B: Like what calendar? Right. What calendar?
What?
[00:09:37] Speaker C: Like just. The map's here. Okay. The map is here. The calendar's here.
[00:09:41] Speaker B: Yes. Three shifts to help you anchor. The first shift is from reinvention to restoration.
[00:09:49] Speaker C: Yeah.
Okay. That feels good.
[00:09:52] Speaker B: Yes.
What needs to be restored for you to feel whole again.
[00:09:59] Speaker C: You don't have to make up something. What actually is more aligned with the true.
[00:10:04] Speaker B: Right.
[00:10:05] Speaker C: Og you.
[00:10:08] Speaker B: Shift from fixing to integrating your past self isn't a problem. They got you here. They survived. But what pieces do you need to integrate into who you are now, who you need to be for this next season?
[00:10:23] Speaker C: Right. Integration. When you said that earlier, that word, I was just like, ping.
That was a really powerful word.
[00:10:30] Speaker B: Shift three, Karen, you touched on it a little bit earlier, is moving from performance to presence. Because when we stop performing, we can hear what our bodies are already saying, hear what is already working in our lives and moving from that place, from a place of presence.
It is beautiful to be in a place of presence because there is a lightness that happens when you stop carrying the baggage of what I should do, who I should be, where I should go. And you just be. You're like, hey, this is me. This is literally all of me. And I'm laying it all out everywhere I go, and I'm going to show up consistently integrated in all of these places.
[00:11:12] Speaker C: Yeah. Not hiding any parts or any. Yeah. Not hiding anymore. And those. Yeah, I love the idea of those.
Those moments of awareness that pop in. You don't have to be in the middle of a three hour transcendental meditation thing to be like, oh, look at that. Like, they. These little nudges. These. The voice will pop in and show you. Right, Right. And you. It's. It's a practice of listening and also learning to trust that voice trying to get to you.
[00:11:48] Speaker B: Yeah.
So it may be like, okay, Tara and Karen. That sounds all well and good. I'm ready. This renewal and joy practice of the truer version of me. But how do I do this? Like, what are the practical ways that this can show up for me? I got four. Okay, four, Four practical ways that starts with naming. What's Already working.
[00:12:13] Speaker C: Naming what already feels right and good.
[00:12:16] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:12:17] Speaker B: Removing from that judgment to that acceptance. It's not like what I'm lacking, what I miss, but what I already have. What's already working, what's already suffic for the life that I am living now.
[00:12:28] Speaker C: Right. What feels good right now for me, by good, I mean because I think we have a North Star. Right. Like, what feels good for us is not going to be something that feels good for us. It's what feels good for you in your authenticity, in your truth.
[00:12:43] Speaker B: Another practice is to choose one area you want to nurture, not perfect. So I'm thinking of joy points instead of pressure points. Like the things that light me up, the things that move me closer to who I know that I am versus who society tells me that I should be or how I should show up.
[00:13:04] Speaker C: Yeah. There's joy points. I love that. You know, there's this big. There's this. I don't know if you.
I know we've talked about it, but there's this idea what civilization, the standards dictate we are to be are a crock.
Like, it's a big lie.
So you get to decide, right. Like, what you're gonna nurture.
[00:13:32] Speaker B: And then third practical way is to practice micro renewals. One way that I think about that is naming how you want to feel before choosing what you do.
So I want to feel. Yes.
[00:13:47] Speaker C: Reverse engineer that shit. Oh, my God, yes.
[00:13:50] Speaker B: So this goes back to the joy. Like, I want to feel joyful, then I move from that place. And so instead of. I don't have this, like, oh, oh, yeah, right, right.
[00:14:00] Speaker C: Not focus or anything that we. That is absent. We're focusing on what we want to feel, and we can create that feeling. What is it that will bring me closest to that feeling quickest?
The more you do that. Right, the more your joy and your gratitude and your vibration overall just rises, and then it's a lot easier to do.
[00:14:19] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:14:19] Speaker C: It's all a practice.
[00:14:21] Speaker B: All of this is a practice. It is all a practice that finally wraps up with asking yourself what is the truer version of you asking for in this moment, in this season, in this year, and letting that become your guide.
[00:14:37] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. I love that.
[00:14:39] Speaker B: Really.
[00:14:39] Speaker C: Giving yourself time to journal or reflect in some way. Or maybe it's a spiritual service, or maybe it's a meditation, something that can help you get to a place of quiet and stillness so that you can hear what that little voice is saying. The voice will get stronger.
[00:15:00] Speaker B: Right?
[00:15:00] Speaker C: The voice you need to pay attention to it and nurture it, and that's how it amplifies.
[00:15:06] Speaker B: Because this renewal, this blooming, isn't a makeover. It's revealing who you are stepping out of what didn't serve you and stepping into who you actually are. This version of you already exists. You're just waiting to meet them in real time. And as you lean into these practices that honor that version of you, you begin to trust yourself a lot more.
[00:15:32] Speaker C: And my guess is, if you're listening to this podcast at all, but especially this episode, you already have a little inkling that something's afoot, because there's some things that are shifting and moving, and you already have a. You already actually know.
So just start envisioning and journaling and see where that leads you, because there's going to be a lot of information in there for you.
[00:15:57] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, I know you're a big.
[00:15:59] Speaker C: Journaler, but I've gotten back to journaling with this. This new meditation hour that I do every morning. And it's like where you go from meditation, like transcendental meditation, into active meditation is where you're visualizing, actually seeing that you. You want to.
It's in your life that you want to be like your new movie.
[00:16:18] Speaker D: Right.
[00:16:19] Speaker C: And then you.
Another 15 to 20 minutes reading or listening to a speaker, inspirational speaker, somebody that you feel kind of lights you up rationally to return to yourself. Right. And to trust. Trust that truth. And it's really beautiful.
[00:16:38] Speaker B: I like that flow. Like, you start with yourself first. You get in stillness, you get quiet, you invite in the divine, the creative Creator to come through you, and you're like, oh, well, this is the vision that I'm holding true for myself. And then you listen to or read something that reinforces that.
[00:16:54] Speaker C: Yeah.
Sweet recipe. It's a pretty sweet recipe because then also your. Your creativity, your imagination to take part. Right. Whether you're envisioning. Now, a lot of people for active meditation envision in great detail the scenes I was the other day that it was helping me to actually write it as I'm seeing it, because even more detailed and even more real and visceral. You know, I was physically writing, and I was like, oh, there's something picturing it. I'm describing it and I'm writing it. So it's kind of all happening at the same time. Yeah. Then at the end, like, I. This is what I would like to see. But also, I'm open to even better.
[00:17:33] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, better, Better. Even better than talking about this renewal. This joy is dancing about it. Dancing. Let's do it. And this is a song that I is like a gentle encouragement, and it carries with it the spirit of resilience even in the seasons of growth and tenderness and identity work. You can lift your chin, you can breathe deeper, and you can keep going without rushing yourself. This song is Keep youp Head up by Andy Grammer.
[00:18:09] Speaker A: Check out this week's song on the YO Podcast playlist on Spotify.
[00:18:21] Speaker C: How much I love that song.
[00:18:23] Speaker B: It's so much fun.
Oh, my goodness. What did he say? Always rainbows after rainbows after rain.
[00:18:32] Speaker C: Sun is gonna come again because it's a circle. I looked up and I saw we were both doing the same thing. We were both like, hell, yeah.
[00:18:41] Speaker B: Yes. Keep your head up there. This. This journey to the truest version of you. We're not saying that it's easy or that it's in this straight line. Like, once you're on that path, you're always on that path to the version of you, because there are always stories and noise. But remember, like Andy told us to keep your head up. Right? You're gonna be fine. You're actually going to be fine. Yeah.
[00:19:06] Speaker C: I mean, how boring would it be if it were actually straight line? There's twists and turns and you have more energy. You have less energy for it. But ultimately, we all want the same thing, don't we?
[00:19:17] Speaker B: Joy. I want joy. I want peace. I want presence. I want being like. Yes, that's what I want. More joy, please.
[00:19:27] Speaker C: Loving, gratitude. Gosh, yes. All those beautiful things we get to experience.
Really noticing how you feel, how differently you feel when you focus on the love and the gratitude and the joy.
It's gonna change your life.
[00:19:44] Speaker B: Yes. Karen, do you have a question that you want to ask about, you know, myth, the new year, new you. Because I thought I had one, and that is not it.
[00:19:52] Speaker C: Yeah. I want to know what is your first memory of feeling that pressure to create a list or even one thing that you had to change about yourself because it wasn't good enough or acceptable?
That's my question.
[00:20:09] Speaker B: My goodness, the question. The pressure. When did that show up and how did that look? For some reason, this memory has been coming into my mind lately. I remember being a very pregnant, young, young woman. I don't want to say girl, because I was of the age of majority and I was in a church service around the same time of year that we're recording this. So around the holidays. And I remember sitting there, I'm like, one. I don't even want to be in this place. And this societal expectation of what that should look like. I don't know what I'm doing, y'. All. The person giving the message said, it's very serendipitous that we talk about this Virgin Mary during this time of year. And we have a pregnant girl in our audience right now. And I was like, hold up. First of all, first of all, what are we talking about? I felt myself shrinking on myself. Cause I'm like, one. Don't look at me. Why would you say that? It was so bizarre. I felt this pressure externally about, like, well, now I gotta live up to daggone Jesus, Mom. I don't even know what I'm doing when this child gets here, what that's gonna look like. And creating this identity around someone who has it all figured out. I really feel like it was really cemented and solidified, this pressure to become new, to become more than what I actually had in that moment. If I don't get it, I'm a get it. And then I'm going to figure it out, and it's going to look amazing.
Wow. Yeah.
[00:21:42] Speaker C: That is impactful.
[00:21:43] Speaker B: Fast forward through the journey of motherhood. And I realized over time that I already had all of the tools, all Everything that I needed within me. Like, I actually know how to do this. I'm not, you know, we're not gonna say we're on the poster for best, best mother ever, but I feel like I am absolutely 100% the best mother for my children. Because I've taken all of my experiences and turned it into something beautiful and amazing and really leaning into who my children are and who I am and how I can best show up for them. A lot of the decisions I've made in motherhood have been a result of who I want my children to be. Like, the example I want to set for them, not by telling them to be someone else, but being that person for myself.
One December sermon, it shifted things. But over the course of time, I realized, like, girl, you don't gotta be anybody different. You being you is enough.
[00:22:43] Speaker C: Wow, that is really powerful.
And it made, you know, inspired me to think back to. I was always in high school, and I was like, oh, my identity is like this. I'm a musician, I'm in the bands, I'm a songwriter. And I held onto that, and I went off to college thinking, this is what I want to do. This is a big part of who I am. Retrospectively, that was a very small sliver of my full identity. But for me at that time, it felt like, the whole Monty. It felt like who I was and how I was appreciated or special, and that got reinforced. Right. And so I'm like, okay, well, I'm just gonna keep doing that thing because that felt safe and that felt good. And then to go to college and be like, do this, but you should have a plan B. And that kind of messaging, and I was like, oh, that just kind of pulled the rug out. So just leaning into the idea that your identity that you think you are might not actually be who you are at all, or it might just be a sliver, or it might be a response to survival and trauma.
[00:23:55] Speaker B: Right, right.
[00:23:56] Speaker C: So the pivotal moment of who even am I? And then I just rode that train long enough to breast cancer station.
That was a real powerful. Oh, my God. This is just a small part, and this requires some healing.
[00:24:11] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh.
What I heard in that version of you is like, you had really limited who you are into this very clear box of you are a musician, singer, songwriter, and desi.
[00:24:26] Speaker C: And that was it.
[00:24:26] Speaker B: You can't go too far out of it, but also with the underlying message of that's who you are, but it's not quite enough.
[00:24:33] Speaker C: Oh, my God. Really? Exactly. Whatever I said with all of those words, that's exactly what I was trying to say.
[00:24:40] Speaker B: I just wanted to make sure that was here.
[00:24:41] Speaker C: Such a limited identity, and it was my whole identity. It felt like 100%, and it wasn't good enough. All of that.
[00:24:50] Speaker B: That's a whole episode in and of itself. This is who you are, and guess what? It's not enough. We're saying it's the opposite of that. In this episode, who you are, the truest version of you, is absolutely enough. And that's what I got from my story, too, is like, okay, yeah, you are this. But that's not enough. You got to do more, be more. I ain't never mommed before. How am I supposed to know how to mom, right?
[00:25:14] Speaker C: Show up, do all the sacrifice, do all the things, do it my way.
[00:25:20] Speaker B: Listen, the only way that I really actually know how to do it. And it's been great. It continues to be great. All right.
[00:25:29] Speaker C: Love it.
[00:25:29] Speaker B: So thank you for giving us a question of the day, because.
[00:25:32] Speaker C: You're welcome.
[00:25:32] Speaker B: Was from the other day, and that.
[00:25:34] Speaker C: Was literally me just ask you because I wanted to know.
[00:25:38] Speaker B: I love it. All right, so as we close, I have a quote from poet and playwright T.S. eliot, whose work explored transformation and longing and the quiet, interior shifts that continue to shape our lives he wrote for last year's words belong to last year's language.
And next year's words await another voice.
[00:26:04] Speaker C: Oh, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. More chills.
[00:26:09] Speaker B: I saw this quote and I was like, yes. This becoming the truest version of ourselves isn't a performance. It's a conversation. A conversation between who we've been, who we're becoming and who we will be. And the voice we choose to lead with now, this new language, this new vocabulary that will carry us forward.
And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, T.S. elliot.
[00:26:32] Speaker C: All right, T.S. i was like, that carries us right back to who we really are.
[00:26:36] Speaker B: You know, explore. Maybe the stories you told yourself last year no longer fit. Maybe the expectations you carried were written in a language you've outgrown.
Maybe the voice you're stepping into, the truer, steadier, more honest one, is already rising inside of you.
And if you needed a reminder, you don't need a new you for this new year.
[00:27:02] Speaker D: No.
[00:27:03] Speaker C: There's a grounding, calming, peaceful feeling in that deep self acceptance.
Just knowing that you are who. Who you are meant to be and where you are meant to be in this moment and that you get to choose moving forward, how you want to nurture parts of yourself.
[00:27:22] Speaker B: It's just, oh my goodness, it's so beautiful. And when you said peaceful, I really felt that peace. Because this calendar year that we are recording this episode has definitely stretched me in ways that I could not have imagined on January 1. I am excited to see the growth and the honesty that emerges in 202026 with a voice that is clearer, kinder and rooted in truth.
[00:27:45] Speaker C: Yeah, the voice rooted in truth. I love that.
[00:27:47] Speaker B: So let this be the year you speak from who you are, not from who you think you have to be.
Until next time, explorer, stay true, stay tender and keep listening to the voice.
[00:28:00] Speaker C: Of your life, that small, still voice that is you. That is your authentic, beautiful nature.
And we love you for it. We're here to support you. Thank you for joining us. We love you so much. Take good care.
[00:28:16] Speaker D: Thank you to Queenies in downtown Durham for the use of their community podcast studio and for welcoming us so warmly. Each week we'd like to give a shout out to Coco Cinnamon, the birthplace of 1023 Media, and the yo podcast.
Please support your local women owned minority owned coffee shop in downtown Durham.
Brought to you by Durham based 1023 Media, a heart centered, woman owned multimedia company.
