Episode Transcript
[00:00:03] Speaker A: Welcome to youo Odyssey Podcast, where your guides, Tara and Karen invite you on a transformative journey toward wholeness and personal growth.
Each week we'll discuss topics related to the human experience and offer insights to help you along the way.
Please note, this podcast should not replace medical care or advice.
We are not licensed healthcare professionals or mental health therapists.
If you enjoyed today's episode, subscribe so you don't miss out on our future discussions.
So, explorers, let's dive into today's episode.
Hey, explorers, it's Tara. Karen and I are so glad you pressed play.
How are you feeling as we slip into December?
Can you believe we're slipping into December? This is insanity.
[00:01:07] Speaker B: What are months? What are months? What is time?
It's all fake.
[00:01:12] Speaker A: The end of the year can stir up both gratitude and exhaustion. That sense of I've done so much mixed with I'm not sure how much I have left to give.
And if you're anything like me, you might be carrying a mix of accomplishment and a quiet desire for a reset.
[00:01:33] Speaker B: And you know what else this time of year holds is that heaviness, that really intense external doing energy, like producing and making it happen.
And you just don't have to take it on.
[00:01:49] Speaker A: No.
So before we talk about what's next, what the year ahead or the month ahead or the week ahead is even looking like, let's check in.
Are you giving yourself permission to breathe?
When was the last time you truly paused?
If you can't remember when, that's okay. Today's episode is your gentle reminder to stay. Stop moving long enough to hear yourself again, to let your nervous system exhale, to remind your soul it is safe to rest.
[00:02:27] Speaker B: Especially in busy season or a transition time.
We do disconnect from that. We do forget that it is so important to pause in the stillness. We think, I don't have time to rest. Which is hilarious, because that is exactly what you must make time for when those are your thoughts.
[00:02:51] Speaker A: Yes.
And there are absolutely moments in our lives that call for that stillness. Like you were saying, Karen. Not because we've failed or lost our momentum, but because our minds, bodies and our hearts need space to integrate everything that we've been carrying.
And if you don't already explore, we hope that you learn to honor those pauses.
[00:03:17] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, life is in the pauses. It's where we settle and internalize, process and, and choose what is best for us moving forward. That settling, that pause, that stillness gives us time to notice what we've been experiencing and whether we want to continue.
[00:03:38] Speaker A: Experiencing that in this episode are going to talk about why we resist or push back so hard on slowing down, why we need it, and how this pause, this stillness, creates space for healing and clarity to rise up and offer you a gentle rest. Reframe. Sometimes that pause isn't a detour. It's actually the direction you're supposed to go. And the more we can trust that rhythm, the inhale, exhale, the pause and the movement and the stillness, the more we allow life to work with us instead of constantly pushing through it.
[00:04:17] Speaker B: Yeah. And I'm gonna say it's not always.
I love how gentle you were being.
[00:04:21] Speaker A: You're like.
[00:04:22] Speaker B: And perhaps consider sometimes I'm like, always.
Pause will always have something for you.
You need to allow it to breathe and to expand and to speak within you. The power of the pause.
[00:04:37] Speaker A: All right.
We, as hustle culture Americans, have been conditioned to equate rest with laziness. I remember. And you let me borrow Glennon Doyle's Untamed in that. She was talking about how it used to bother her when her wife would sit on the couch and do nothing. She couldn't figure out why that was triggering her so much until she realized she'd spent her whole life believing that stillness meant she wasn't valuable or productive. That right there?
[00:05:06] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:05:06] Speaker A: Not.
[00:05:07] Speaker B: Yes. And for some of us, the doing. Kate Northrup talks about this, too. Like the doing and the striving and the busyness is. We feel we are establishing our value, our worth, our importance, our validity for existing, when in fact, we are in nervous anxiety trying to control external influences and conditions so that we don't actually need to look inward to do the actual healing, which is in the rest.
[00:05:36] Speaker A: And the being just stomped over everybody's toes. Thank you for that, Karen. That was great. That felt good.
Jesus. Next time, maybe give us a warning.
[00:05:48] Speaker B: There will be a warning label.
[00:05:50] Speaker A: But you know what I'm saying, right? Yes, we do.
[00:05:52] Speaker B: It's our nervous system is why, like, culturally. Yes. There's this energy, this anxiety, this feeling like we're not doing enough, we're not producing enough, we're not working enough. We're not. We're not making enough or money or acquiring enough things. And it could not be more of a falsehood to think that that is really where our value and our identity lies.
[00:06:16] Speaker A: It's like we said, the value, the worthiness. It's almost as if the motion equals meaning. So the more we move, the more we do, the more we mean. And it's like, no, not really.
And that leads to that right. Because the motion equals meaning, leads us. It's like to think that if we slow down, we'll lose our edge, we'll lose our purpose or maybe even our worth. And the story sounds a little bit different for other people. It might sound like me raising my hand, that if I slow down, everything will fall apart.
[00:06:53] Speaker B: Isn't that a story that a lot of us experience?
Things will fall apart because you are under the impression for a long history that you are the one that has to handle things right.
[00:07:08] Speaker A: You are the majority of my life. If I don't do it, it won't get done.
[00:07:12] Speaker B: And there's this fear. This.
[00:07:13] Speaker A: That's what I was gonna say, thanks to therapy. And that Gentle. It won't. Gentle, y'. All. That mess. Hurt. Gentle exploration. That there was a fear hidden beneath all of that desire for constant motion.
[00:07:26] Speaker B: Yeah. There generally is a fear attached. Anytime we look outside of ourselves for meaning or validation, there is a fear. There's something to notice and look at and say, well, where is that coming from? It's really all just unprocessed fear. Yeah.
[00:07:40] Speaker A: Yeah, right?
[00:07:42] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:07:43] Speaker A: And when we stop, we are afraid of what might surface. The fatigue we've been ignoring, the grief we've been avoiding, and the uncertainty that we don't quite know how to hold yet. And here's the truth. Explorer slowing down doesn't mean you're losing progress.
It means you're finally making space to process it.
So maybe, correction, the pause isn't what derails you. It's what has actually been missing.
[00:08:17] Speaker B: Mic drop. Just like me. You know, I love that you were like. Maybe you're like, no, it's actually this concept ties in really well to this whole FOMO culture.
[00:08:28] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. Get y' all some Jomo. Because I'd be like, don't invite me. Don't put me on a group chat. I have joy in missing out. Joy of missing out. I don't gotta be in there.
[00:08:35] Speaker B: Joy of missing out.
[00:08:36] Speaker A: I love a Jomo.
[00:08:39] Speaker B: Anytime you think you are missing something, whatever you're missing, the clue is inside.
Has nothing to do with the party invitation or the whatever.
It's telling you something. It's pointing you to something inside that would love a little attention.
[00:08:58] Speaker A: Okay? So explore. Here's a challenge. How you feel. Feel when you're still.
Can you do it?
Does that piece feel a little foreign?
Does the silence make you fidget?
If so, that's okay. It just means that your body and mind are learning a new language after years of survival Stillness can feel unsafe at first, especially. Especially for those of us who've lived in constant go mode. But that discomfort isn't a sign you're doing it wrong. It's a sign you're healing something deep inside.
[00:09:37] Speaker B: Right. It's actually a sign you're doing it right. Because knowing the space for that to surface amidst all of the noise and all of the external distractions, you're allowing that to come up and say, hey, I need this, or hey, would you like to take a look at this?
[00:09:55] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:09:56] Speaker B: Perhaps we can join hands and explore this together.
[00:10:00] Speaker A: Yes.
And when we pause, something subtle but powerful happens.
Your nervous system finally gets a chance to recalibrate.
I don't know how many episodes we've talked about it. Survival mode. The impact on our physical, physiological being in that recalibration. Our breath deepens, our shoulders lower, that tightness in our jaw loosens. And her brains and bodies begin to register safety again. Not because the world has gotten any easier, any softer, or has changed in any way, but because you did. And this is like that crucial part of the healing process that we sometimes miss or overlook or feel like we're not doing it right. This is actually right. These things that happen within us physiologically, that is our parasympathetic nervous system, one of Karen's favorite systems.
And then it's signaling to us that we're seeing safe now. And it's the opposite of the constant fight orf flight mode that we are living in when we're constantly rushing and trying to hold everything together.
[00:11:05] Speaker B: The one that we are conditioned and programmed to live in by literally being birthed into it. Even when we're in utero, we are this soft, squishy substance of potential and possibility. And we are very open, and we come into this energy of striving and doing and pushing and controlling, and we are bound to soak some of that up.
[00:11:26] Speaker A: Right.
[00:11:27] Speaker B: There is no shade and no shame in that. That is sort of what happens. It's. It's being aware of it and connecting to it as soon as you can.
To go back and say, actually, I am here to allow you to feel safe and to be who you are and to notice how you feel, notice what's coming up for you, and consistently be there in safety for your body. Right?
[00:11:55] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:11:56] Speaker B: And then your mind will get the message eventually. At first, it's going to try to really be like, stick with it, because it's chemical as well as energetic, and you absolutely can get jiggy with it. You can fix it, and you can be at peace with it.
[00:12:13] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:12:13] Speaker B: And I say fix, but I mean, you can change your connection to it.
[00:12:18] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:12:18] Speaker B: It doesn't have to always feel threatening.
[00:12:20] Speaker A: Because stillness is medicine. It's the kind that works quietly from the inside out. So this is the part where I'm going to invite Karen to guide us through a short parasympathetic nervous system reset. This is something you can do anytime you need to come back to center. So, Karen, Lovely.
[00:12:44] Speaker B: Okay, so imagining that you are somewhere where you can feel safe and create a bit of a cocoon type space for yourself energetically, that starts with connecting your feet and the base of your spine to the earth energy, grounding energy right to that which fuels us from the earth.
And as you do so, beginning to slow and notice your breath, perhaps adding a number to it, let's say we will breathe in for six counts, breathe out for six counts. Breathing in through the nose.
4, 5, 6. Exhaling through the straw.
2, 3, 4, 5, 6. In through the nose.
2, 3, 4, five, six. Exhaling through the straw through the mouth.
And as you're doing this and you're repeating this pattern, just stay really connected to your breath. Whether it's the counting or the feeling of your lungs and expanding, your diaphragm contracting and doing its bit, whether you're feeling your rib cage expand physically or you're feeling a sense of connection to your heart, whatever it is for you, just stay with that.
Allowing that sense of peace to wash over you and now inviting you to bring up that earth energy that you've connected, to bring it up into your heart space, right around the center of your chest, your heart space near your physical heart, but sort of a comprehensive space in the chest, bringing that earth energy up.
And now inviting you to notice sort of a higher vibration, that consciousness energy, maybe you consider that love or a particular deity, or just the energy field or creation energy, allowing that to come down from above through the top of your head, sort of a golden warm light that also lands, meeting the earth energy in your heart, maybe putting one hand on your heart, one hand on your belly, so you can feel as the diaphragm contracts and does its thing, expanding it's pushing down on the intestinal tract, giving space to your lungs to fully expand to fill the bottom third chamber of your lungs, which is so very healing, connecting to that balloon breath, that belly breath, and just feeling that also with this breath, if you begin creating a vocal breath like an ocean breath, or even on the exhale, that humming sound or a whoosh Sound, moving air and voice through your throat space that activates the vagus nerve.
An additional beautiful way to tell your nervous system, parasympathetic nervous system that it can activate, it can take over, it can release all those good, feeling, calming chemicals, those hormones into your body, telling your body, your physical body, your mind can go offline, the body is safe.
And just noticing how that connection to earth or cosmic energy or both your heart energy, your own energy, vibration, noticing how your breath and maybe your voice, if you're using it to hum, is activating and creating that sense of safety and very peaceful calm in your nervous system.
Remembering that you are the sky, you are not the clouds, those thoughts that are passing through your mind, you are the sky, the blue sky that is always there. You are not the clouds, the thoughts passing by, you don't need to attach to the thoughts. You can just watch them and let them go.
And let's do a few vocal sighs together.
One more.
Feeling your chemical shifts in your body like it is a palpable feeling in my chemistry right now.
And we will do one more with a little bit of a hum.
Mmm, Yes, you are safe.
You are creating that love cocoon, that really beautiful, safe space for yourself, when you just take even less than five minutes to connect in this way. And then coming back as you reconnect with the physical sensations of movement, hands, feet, wrists, maybe shoulders, rolling, maybe head, doing a little movement, tapping your feet on the ground, perhaps just connecting, getting back into, right, this human physical experience, noticing that those two energies can coexist.
You can contain and hold that calm energy, those chemicals that you just released in your physical body, and you can take that with you throughout your day. Whatever is coming, just bring that sense of presence and mindfulness and calm with you and see how things shift and flow differently.
[00:18:59] Speaker A: Thank you, Karen.
That was great. Explore it. If you notice. Yummy, yummy, not yummy.
Perhaps you notice yourself softening a little during that exercise. That's your body remembering safety, and that is that medicine of stillness that we talk about.
[00:19:23] Speaker B: Your body knows exactly what to do when you provide the right circumstances. When you tap into the breath, creating some simple sounds and being in stillness, your body's like, oh, we're safe.
[00:19:37] Speaker A: Do you remember this?
[00:19:37] Speaker B: And the more you practice that, the more that you'll be able to access it almost instantaneously.
[00:19:43] Speaker A: Yeah, your body softens, your mind begins to untangle the noise. I know for me that I began noticing the things that have been draining me or have been quietly calling out for my attention.
And you may also realize how much energy you've spent managing, proving, performing, and just how natural it feels to stop.
[00:20:08] Speaker B: It feels natural to stop. I love how you said that. Because it's like tending to the fire, tending to that inner fire, stoking and being like, yeah, Things do clear from the mind. Things come into focus. Like, what's really important for you and what's present, something for you to maybe choose to take action on will become apparent without all of the push, move, stripe. It's just like, oh, this is the next right.
[00:20:35] Speaker A: Yes, the next right thing. Because pausing isn't the end. It's the preparation for what's next. And we tend to think that when we rest, when we're still, when we're paused, that we're stepping away somehow, or discrediting our purpose, when we're actually just getting in alignment with it. Because when our minds are so jumbled and all of the things are happening, we. We can't actually listen and hear our intuition. We're not giving it room to speak because we should not be in the driver's seat.
[00:21:06] Speaker B: Because, yeah, when you're noticing your mind spinning like that, it's literally interference. It's like a radio signal interference.
[00:21:14] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:21:14] Speaker B: And sometimes there's 5, 6, 7, and you're like, holy cow, there's a lot coming at me. Turn your dial to stillness.
[00:21:21] Speaker A: Just turn your dial.
[00:21:22] Speaker B: Breath.
[00:21:22] Speaker A: Turn your dial to stillness so all of the external noise, that interference can simmer down. And then, like you said, the next right step, charity often comes when we do that.
Like, you didn't have to do anything but be still.
[00:21:36] Speaker B: You don't. All you have to do is create that environment. Right. It's like we were talking about the other day, the barnacles or the leeches, all these things that are pulling at us when we shift our energy into that peaceful, calm stillness state.
They're like, well, this isn't exciting.
[00:21:51] Speaker A: It does not taste good anymore.
[00:21:53] Speaker B: This isn't fun. And they just start to drop naturally because they're a very low vibration. And you can get to the heart of the matter. Right. You can get to what is truly vitally important for you.
[00:22:04] Speaker A: Yes. Because you can't build from depletion.
You really can't.
[00:22:10] Speaker B: You want. You want to pour water from an empty container.
[00:22:13] Speaker A: It's not. You can't actually, like.
[00:22:14] Speaker B: No, it's actually drying and cracking right now.
[00:22:18] Speaker A: And when you give yourself that space to breathe, to process, to reset, we are refueling our souls and our spirits so we can move and lead from Clarity instead of urgency.
Oh.
[00:22:34] Speaker B: My goodness.
[00:22:35] Speaker A: Clarity instead of urgency.
[00:22:37] Speaker B: Clarity instead of urgency.
[00:22:39] Speaker A: That is the lesson. So if you need to give yourself permission, this may be the holiest, most sacred thing you can do, is to just be.
And the most productive thing that you might do after listening to this episode is to pause.
[00:22:56] Speaker B: And it might feel very counterintuitive to how you have been processing or living most of your life. Just notice that and be like, I'm gonna do it anyway.
Lie down on the bed, lie down on the floor, sit on the chair and just connect with your breath.
[00:23:13] Speaker A: All right. I want to connect with my body and dance a little bit.
[00:23:16] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:23:17] Speaker A: I don't even know if we gonna dance. I think this song is one of those swaying songs. I feel like cappuccin's the heart of this conversation that we've been having.
A reminder that sometimes, sometimes the clearest voice we can hear is the one that speaks when everything else gets still. The song is Quiet by Elevation Rhythm.
Check out this week's song on the YO Podcast playlist on Spotify.
[00:23:50] Speaker B: The stillness is an act of reverence, right? The stillness is an act of reverence. Specifically, you are honoring yourself, your truth, with stillness. That is the offering, right? You are kneeling at your highest self when you offer that quiet, that stillness, that reverence, right?
[00:24:13] Speaker A: Yes. I'm in a season. I know how powerful music is in words. This time, as we're recording and dancing, what stuck out to me was the lyric, and I had to scroll it back. I was like, what? What did they say? I don't need to know what comes next.
And I'm like, that's literally what I said to my coach earlier this week. That's how I've shifted from the gratitude and the grounding to leaning into leading without the map. Not having to have it all figured out. Not having to have the super plan that I've been telling people, you can plan, but don't be tied to the plan. While I was mean while shackled to said plan.
[00:24:51] Speaker B: And I'm like, it sounds like you're talking about the word trust.
[00:24:55] Speaker A: I mean, a little bit.
A lot more trust, a lot less control.
And I don't need to know what comes next. And we've said it before.
All we have is our yes. All we have is the yes. We don't have to have the how figured out, the when figured out. We don't. That's not our job. Like, that's none of our business, actually. Because when we say yes, let go of the control and trust that that the vision, the plan. Not even the plan. It's the vision that has been given to you will actually happen. Okay, I'm done preaching for this episode because we do actually have a question of the day.
[00:25:28] Speaker B: I love it because it is in the yes that you surrender. How yes?
Say yes and you surrender, and then things will come to you.
People and circumstances.
[00:25:42] Speaker A: It actually works itself out. And then the other line that really spoke to me was, I don't need the noise. I just need the courage. Quiet.
For me, in that stillness, I've found the answers that noise and striving and doing could never teach me, which is the essence of this episode. That peace isn't found in doing more, but being present enough to notice what's already here, what's already shifted, what's already changed, what's already transformed.
That exhale today, this is your reminder. The pause is not a waste of time.
[00:26:16] Speaker B: The amount of healing that I have done, literally sitting in stillness, like generations of it, is mind blowing to me. I could have worked 17 lifetimes and not done all of that healing as I have done in the stillness.
[00:26:34] Speaker A: All right, so today's question.
When was the last time you gave yourself permission to pause?
Not because you earned it, but because you needed it?
Yesterday. Literally yesterday.
[00:26:54] Speaker B: That's my answer.
[00:26:58] Speaker A: That was my answer yesterday. I was like, I have all of these things that I do, but my body is not quite weary. But if we keep going, we're gonna be weary, so maybe we gonna wipe, wipe, wipe, clean the board, clean it all off and not do any of it and be okay with it. I'm like, that gave me so much space.
[00:27:19] Speaker B: It's funny because I can't remember if it was Wednesday or. Yes, both. There was a moment where I was thinking, why have an hour here? And I could, you know, X, y, Z. Like, trust me, there's always the list, right? And I was like, this, this, and this. And I just went. My body was like, I think we'll take a nap.
[00:27:35] Speaker A: That's. And that's what I did yesterday. I was like, oh.
[00:27:38] Speaker B: And I was like, oh, thank you.
[00:27:39] Speaker A: That was great.
[00:27:41] Speaker B: And now I have more resources to do things with more clarity and alignment. Things are more like, tick, tick, boom.
[00:27:47] Speaker A: Boom, boom, boom, boom. Happens because.
[00:27:50] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. When it lines up, you will be.
[00:27:53] Speaker A: Amazed, you really will be amazed at how the pause actually does snap you back. Snaps you back, back into alignment. Every time. The life chiropractor. Be still, gone somewhere, and sit down.
[00:28:05] Speaker B: Stillness is the chiropractor of life.
It's the tender to your chi, your life for your energy. Go to the stillness.
[00:28:14] Speaker A: Run to it. Just run. Run to the stillness. And just be still.
[00:28:18] Speaker B: And then be still.
[00:28:19] Speaker A: Yeah, get there as quick as you can. Good.
[00:28:20] Speaker B: And then be still. So good.
[00:28:22] Speaker A: This is for fun. All right.
[00:28:24] Speaker B: You can see how clearly we are proponents of the stillness of the pause and noticing, practicing it. Right. Consistency. Practicing giving yourself time and space, and also practicing that connection to your body. When your body's like, ooh, that's a lot, or, ooh, I'm a little bit anxious or stressed or worried or I'm out. I'm in another moment in time. I'm either in the past or I'm in the future. I'm not right here, right now. And that is your clue to say, okay, take five, baby. Take five.
[00:28:55] Speaker A: That's it. And so many of us move through life in a constant state of doing. We're producing, we're performing, we're pushing forward. Somewhere in all of that pushing, performing, we forget to check in with the person behind all of the progress.
And the challenge. The gentle challenge that I issue is like, what if the healing that you've been craving, seeking, and desiring isn't actually in more effort, but in less noise?
What if the clarity you've been searching for can only be found in the quiet?
[00:29:24] Speaker B: Then it's a thought. Have you considered.
[00:29:28] Speaker A: So I.
Yeah. Have you considered it?
[00:29:30] Speaker B: Because it's.
[00:29:30] Speaker A: It's a thing. So I have a quote from Anglo Irish poet and philosopher David White.
Rest is the conversation between what we love to do and how we love to be.
[00:29:47] Speaker B: Oh, I felt that.
[00:29:52] Speaker A: Yes. David is reminding us that rest isn't the interruption. It's the relationship.
It's that dialogue between movement and meaning, between doing and being.
Dang.
[00:30:07] Speaker B: That's the audiogram right there, sister. Yes.
[00:30:10] Speaker A: So, explorer, as you move through your week ahead, your day ahead, I hope you let yourself rest in that conversation to remember that the pause isn't pulling you away from your purpose, it's bringing you closer to it.
And if this episode spoke to you, share it with another expl. Explorer who might need permission to slow down, too. Until next time.
[00:30:35] Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
[00:30:36] Speaker A: May you find peace in the pause and wisdom in the whisper.
[00:30:43] Speaker B: Thank you, explorers, for joining us. We adore you. We cherish you. We love you. We want you to feel so happy and loved. And go to the stillness, my friends. Experience the stillness. Allow yourself to feel that loving silence, that moment of peace, that moment of quiet that nurtures your soul and reminds you who you are.
Thanks for joining us. Take good care.
Thank you to Queenies in Downtown Durham for the use of their community podcast studio and for welcoming us so warmly each week.
We'd like to give a shout out to Coco Cinnamon, the birthplace of 1023 Media and the yo podcast. Please support your local women owned minority owned coffee shop in Downtown Durham, Brought to you by Durham based 1023 Media, a heart centered woman owned multimedia company.
Sam.
