Bridging the Gap Between Now and Next

[00:00:03] Speaker A: Welcome to youo Odyssey Podcast, where your guides, Tara and Karen invite you on a transformative journey toward wholeness and personal growth. Each week we'll discuss topics related to the human experience and offer insights to help you along the way. Please note, this podcast should not replace medical care or advice. We are not licensed healthcare professionals or mental health therapists. If you enjoyed today's episode, subscribe so you don't miss out on our future discussions. So, explorers, let's dive into today's episode. Hey explorers, it's Tara. Karen and I are so glad you pressed play. Today we're talking about the space between where you are and where you're going. Before we dive in, let's take a moment, a breath, a hand on your heart, a reminder. You don't have to have it all figured out to be on the path. Let's get into it. [00:01:19] Speaker B: You don't have to have it all figured out. Be on the path. Path. Don't repeat that because it's real good advice. You gotta tuck that right there in your heart. [00:01:30] Speaker A: Yeah. Okay. So we're talking about how to build trust when doubt is loud, when timelines don't make sense, and when next feels very far away. This conversation is for those of us in the middle. We all experience that in between the space, between the yes and the outcome. [00:01:52] Speaker B: And I feel like we're all in the middle. It's just sometimes you're closer to this side or sometimes you're closer to that side. But we're all in process. [00:01:59] Speaker A: Yeah. After the decision, but before the result, after the ending, but before the beginning, when the dream is planted but not yet seen. [00:02:09] Speaker B: That gap that you're talking about where it's like a fertile soil and you've planted the thing but can't see it yet in the physical world, it's planted, the energy is moving towards it. [00:02:24] Speaker A: Trusting that space can feel foggy, frustrating, and sometimes terrifying. But like Karen said, it's absolutely fertile. It's in this space where our self trust is forged. Not the loud fake it till you make it kind of confidence, but a quiet, grounded knowing. I can trust myself here. I can keep going even when I can't see it. [00:02:51] Speaker B: Part of that trust is becoming aware. If you don't know this already, how powerful you are, that you are, creative energy that you can create, make reality manifest. Anything that you continually envision and set your mind on, set your purpose on, your attention on. And you begin to move with small steps of intention and attention to that outcome. [00:03:23] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:03:24] Speaker B: And there's a lot of like you said, gray area. There's a lot of space. There's a lot of space. A lot of time for you to think. Did I? Do I? [00:03:33] Speaker A: Yes. So we're going to talk about how to build trust with yourself even after a history of overriding your needs. And. And how to move through this gray uncertainty without abandoning your voice. Let's start with where we are. [00:03:48] Speaker B: Goodness me, I feel like I jumped in preempted because it's just such a powerful concept, what you just said about feeling. How did you just. [00:04:00] Speaker A: How to build trust with yourself even after a history of overriding your needs. [00:04:03] Speaker B: Even after you've sort of disrespected yourself or left yourself out or behind. It's like, how do you trust someone. [00:04:11] Speaker A: Who does that to you? [00:04:12] Speaker B: It's like you're rebuilding trust of yourself. [00:04:15] Speaker A: Yes. [00:04:15] Speaker B: And it happens with intention. I love that. [00:04:20] Speaker A: We talk a lot about vision, goals, about where we're headed, but not enough about the space before that clarity arrives. The middle place where things feel undone. That middle place is where so many of us want to rush through. We want answers, we want closure, we want a five step plan. But more often than not, right, Growth happens in the fog. [00:04:41] Speaker B: Growth happens in the fog, in that soil, in that dirt. You can't see anything. [00:04:48] Speaker A: Doesn't mean it's happening. Yes, it's disorienting to not be who you were, but not yet who you're becoming. To feel you're waiting, but you're not sure for what. This space feels like failure. It feels like stuckness. [00:05:04] Speaker B: It's definitely uncomfortable, right? For sure. It does not feel great sometimes to be in that. Sometimes it's like super exciting. You're like, oh, potential, you know, and possibility and all those things. And sometimes it's like, oh, I'm neither this nor that. How do I be now? [00:05:25] Speaker A: The gap between who you were and who you're becoming can feel like freefall. There's grief, hope, uncertainty, and sometimes silence, y'. [00:05:36] Speaker B: All. [00:05:36] Speaker A: But what if the in between isn't a problem to fix, a phase to rush through? It's a place to be. [00:05:44] Speaker B: What if we could enjoy, right, get to the point where we can enjoy that uncertainty and not fully knowing because those are the little surprises or big surprises. That's where there's so much magic, right, to hold and to discern, to uncover. Can we get comfortable with that? We don't like that in this country. We don't like uncertainty. We don't like that middle ground around. We're like, I'm this And then boop. I'm that. [00:06:07] Speaker A: But discredit the boop boop part. Yes. Our self trust begins in the now. Not when we get it right, not when it makes sense, but when we choose to stay present in the middle of the unknown. [00:06:20] Speaker B: Slowly but surely it becomes more of a practice and it feels more common and more comfortable when you can sit in that and just know that this is the unfolding, this is what it feels like when things are changing and moving. Your physical reality hasn't quite caught up with your hopes and dreams and desires. And I think that's really powerful. [00:06:44] Speaker A: Okay, so here's maybe a reflection question when we're trying to name the now, what story are you telling yourself about where you are right now? Is it one of shame or impatience or one of curiosity and compassion? [00:07:02] Speaker B: And I think the only way to know that is to sit in stillness with that, you know, just to think about how do I feel about this? Do I even feel worthy enough to be on this journey? This process of going to that thing that I see for myself. Right. There's a lot to explore about how we feel about ourselves. Ourselves. Deep down, when we're sitting in this space, it can get slippery. [00:07:29] Speaker A: Yes. And we don't have to love this phase of our journey, but we can honor it. [00:07:38] Speaker B: Yes. [00:07:38] Speaker A: There's something magical and sacred about showing up honestly, even when the path isn't fully available. Like that kind of presence plants the seeds of self trust. [00:07:49] Speaker B: Right. Trust is one of those tricky developmental things. When we come into the world, we've got these people around us that are hopefully going to keep us alive. Trusting that and then trusting the world at large, trusting that it's safe to be who you are, trusting yourself in that. And not a lot of us really develop that early on. It's something to look at now and to be there for yourself and to coach yourself. Right. Just to speak it out loud. You've got this. You can trust yourself. You know what you want, you know what the next step is, you know where you're going, you know what's purposeful and life affirming for you. And then just begin to develop those messages of trust to yourself. Like, dear me, I trust you. [00:08:38] Speaker A: Yes, I love that. So what I'm hearing you say is that self trust doesn't just appear out of thin air. It's more of a mindset, something that we get to practice in the in between. We build it in those quiet daily decisions, especially the decisions that we make when no one else is watching. We stay rooted in that place of knowing, of trusting and believing that what is to come will be right. [00:09:07] Speaker B: Wow. And whatever you have to do to do that, whether that's, you know, comfort yourself with like favorite songs or favorite book that has these messages in it for you, or it's journaling and telling yourself, I know it seems scary, I know you don't know how things are really going to turn out, but I promise you, like, I'm here for you, I'm not gonna leave you. And we've got this like, you know what I mean? Just that really personal, loving, compassionate selft talk. [00:09:36] Speaker A: Yeah, for sure. And for many of us, trust was something we learned to be extended outward to trust the expert, trust the pastor, trust the parent, trust the system, trust all of these external things. But there's a catch to that. Cuz it's very hard to trust yourself when you spent years overriding your own stuff signals, when you've made yourself small, to be accepted, when you've ignored your gut to keep the peace, when you've performed okay while quietly unraveling. Does that sound familiar to anyone out there? And then maybe now, after all of this external trust, there's another layer of grief or guilt about the times that you didn't listen to yourself, when you stayed too long, said yes too often, betrayed your own boundaries. So let's name that part of the. Of practicing self trust is also repairing it. [00:10:31] Speaker B: I love that. Yeah. Because we've definitely, unless you're superhuman, you have definitely lost trust with yourself. We've all done it. We've all detached from this is what I know to be true, or this is how I feel, or this is what I want to express, or this is who I am. We've all detached from that to a certain extent. So yeah, repair and rebuild in order, for sure. [00:10:56] Speaker A: Yeah. And this repair that we're speaking of starts in compassion, not in blame, not in shame. This repair is in the quiet choice to say, I see why I did what I did. I was trying to survive and now I'm ready to choose differently. [00:11:14] Speaker B: Right. And it's so funny because I keep talking about these developmental milestones that I'm working with in the homecoming book. But there is an element of foundational trust that we begin to either accept and grow or not. And there is really something to going and talking to that little kid who maybe at some point learned to not trust. Or as you said, stop listening, listening to themselves, their gut, what they know is right for them, what they want to do so that they could be safely in a System. It's a family system, a community. So I definitely think there's something about speaking to ourselves at that younger age to let ourselves know that we really are here, we really are doing it together. [00:12:10] Speaker A: I feel like we couldn't fully talk about the practice of trusting yourself, repairing that with compassion, without addressing how we can do it in the small cues, like listening to our body, the tension in our shoulders, our breath that gets stuck, or that sinking feeling in your gut when you override your knowing. Those signals, your breath, your body, your instinct, are exactly how your inner wisdom speaks. [00:12:35] Speaker B: Are you going to trust it or you go up to listen? [00:12:39] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:12:39] Speaker B: And maybe not every time, but maybe now after this episode, you're thinking, okay, I'm going to become more aware when I feel that or I hear that or I notice something in my body about what I want to do or don't want to do or what someone just said, you know? Yeah, that's really important. [00:12:56] Speaker A: And most of us have been conditioned to override those cues in favor of logic, politeness, or fear. And here's the truth. Alignment doesn't always feel comfortable. Sometimes it feels like loneliness or walking away from something everyone else approves of. Sometimes self trust looks like rest when everyone else is hustling, like choosing joy when guilt says you haven't earned it. [00:13:23] Speaker B: Shut up. Guilt. [00:13:26] Speaker A: Yes. So explore. What is it look like to make aligned decisions even when you're afraid? [00:13:33] Speaker B: That is where the power is. And that's why people that we look at like, wow, how did they do that? How did they come up with that idea and just keep going and believing it when no one else did? Visionaries, how do they do that? They listened. And they just kept listening and they just kept being there for themselves and their dreams and that vision. Trust themselves. [00:13:55] Speaker A: Maybe for you it looks like pausing long enough to hear your truth underneath the noise. Maybe it looks like letting fear ride in the back seat, not the driver's seat. Maybe it looks like asking, does this bring me closer to who I'm becoming? Instead of, will they understand? [00:14:15] Speaker B: Yeah, right. [00:14:16] Speaker A: Who cares? [00:14:17] Speaker B: Stop worrying about them. Who cares what they think or will understand? I love what you just said about riding along with those unpleasant emotions. They can be in the car. You can even acknowledge them. You could even invite them to put on their seat belt, but you do not have to let them drive. No, you can acknowledge that sometimes when we acknowledge these unpleasant emotions and characteristics is when that's all they want. They just want to be. Just acknowledge me. Just. Just know that I'm here. And there's a reason I'm here. And maybe you just want to notice me. [00:14:52] Speaker A: And so dress is not always dramatic. Sometimes it's one quiet decision that doesn't need explanation. I don't feel peace here. This isn't mine to carry. That's my favorite. I love that one. Or I'm allowed to want more. [00:15:11] Speaker B: I'm allowed to want more. You are allowed to want more. We are allowed to want more. Unrest, dissatisfaction, that's a signal. That's a cue. [00:15:25] Speaker A: So we honor what we feel. We say the hard thing. We leave when it's time. We stay when it's right. Not because someone told us to, but because we know that is self trust. It's not flashy, it's not always loud, but it is absolutely powerful. Self trust is like a muscle. And like any muscle, it can atrophy, but it can also be rebuilt. One decision at a time, one breath at a time, one honest moment at a time. What if the voice you've been needing most is your own? [00:16:00] Speaker B: I just envisioned the concept of self trust as a crossing guard. Like, she's there all the time. She's there in the rain. She's there when it's super hot. She's going to be at that corner and you just got to show up. She's going to help you cross that street and keep you safe. [00:16:17] Speaker A: All right, so here's our crossing, God cross. Here is our crossing guard affirmation. I can trust myself to make decisions that align with my truth, even if others don't understand them. [00:16:33] Speaker B: Beautiful. Write that down, my friends. [00:16:36] Speaker A: Put that on the mirror in the morning. [00:16:38] Speaker B: Get that big post it note out and put that on the bathroom mirror. [00:16:42] Speaker A: Yeah. And on your nightstand, everywhere. [00:16:45] Speaker B: On your car, dashboard, your bicycle basket, wherever it is. [00:16:50] Speaker A: Yeah. Write it out, live it, believe it, breathe it, all of that. Okay, so we've named the now we've started rebuilding trust with ourselves. What about the next? Here's what they don't say. There's no single map, no step by step formula for your becoming. But there is a compass and it's your integrity. [00:17:17] Speaker B: I love that we're acknowledging that it's different for everyone because we are each different and unique. My path is not your path. Your path is not the explorer's path. The explorer's path is not their spouse's path. And so acknowledging that the path is different and knowing who you are and what you value and what you believe and what you choose, being very clear about that, your integrity, that's the compass. [00:17:45] Speaker A: I love it Integrity isn't about perfection. It's about alignment. It's the choice to move forward. Forward in a way that reflects who you are and what you value. Even when that path isn't crystal clear. [00:17:56] Speaker B: Yeah. You're not being of integrity for anyone else. [00:17:59] Speaker A: Right. [00:18:00] Speaker B: Integrity is not a showboat. It's not like, look at me being all full of integrity. It's like I am aligned. This is who I am. This is what I want, this is what I value. This is what I see. [00:18:14] Speaker A: When you move from self trust with integrity, your next doesn't have to impress anyone. It just has to be true. [00:18:21] Speaker B: My friends, you're not here to impress anyone. You are here to be the most brilliant, aligned, true version of yourself and your spectacular, singular self and vision. [00:18:41] Speaker A: Yeah. And yes, explorer people more might not get it. They may question why you left the job, turned down the opportunity, ended the relationship or took the risk, but they not the ones living your life. You are. [00:18:56] Speaker B: They're not going to be the ones at the end going, I wish I would have. Right. No, you are starts now, it starts today. [00:19:04] Speaker A: And your next doesn't have to be loud or dramatic. It can be soft, it can be steady, it can be sacred. Maybe it is a boundary. Maybe it's rest. Maybe it's finally applying or finally letting go. Whatever it is, let it come from within, not from pressure to perform. This is your unfolding. [00:19:27] Speaker B: It comes from the deep inner knowing, that connection with yourself, your greatest cheerleader and companion. Can you you? Yeah. [00:19:39] Speaker A: And when we move with integrity, we don't have to hustle for peace. We walk in it. Our next chapter doesn't demand a new you. It invites the real you and the evolving you. [00:19:55] Speaker B: Right? [00:19:55] Speaker A: I mean, evolving, evolving, evolving. [00:19:59] Speaker B: That's an active. What is that? [00:20:00] Speaker A: Don't English me. I don't, don't remember me me. [00:20:04] Speaker B: She said, don't me. It's been like it's an active part of civil. [00:20:09] Speaker A: I don't know. Someone out there might tell us what it is. [00:20:12] Speaker B: Please tell us. [00:20:12] Speaker A: Yes, it's an action. [00:20:13] Speaker B: It's an action. [00:20:15] Speaker A: All right. Anything else you wanted to share? [00:20:21] Speaker B: I've been working with this concept of self trust pretty intensely this last six months a year. And it is daily work, it's daily noticing. It's the little imperceptible shifts and choices and the aha moments, those things that come up for you. When I was leaving the job that I held at the local university to start my own business, there were people were like, you're what I'm like, yeah, I'm good. Don't worry about it. Why would you walk away from that? Which I'm like, cuz there's something that's calling me that. If I don't listen, there going to be trouble for me. [00:21:03] Speaker A: I love it. [00:21:04] Speaker B: Yeah, that's it. Yeah. [00:21:05] Speaker A: Daily. It is daily. Once you recognize and work that muscle, you're like, okay, I got to do it again today. I got to do it again in this decision. I have to do it again for this. Whatever. Like standing on what you know to be true about trusting yourself. And we don't always get it right. And then we have that moment like, oh, I didn't listen. [00:21:27] Speaker B: That was that right there. Because you know it's gonna happen at least once a year, not multiple times where you get that opportunity to be like, am I gonna trust this? Or. [00:21:38] Speaker A: So we might not get applause for the quiet courage it takes to keep going. We might not get a standing ovation for trusting ourselves again. But that doesn't make it any less powerful. Sometimes the biggest shifts happen in the in between. In the showing up, the saying. No, the resting, the trying again. [00:21:59] Speaker B: I dare say those are the only shifts. You know, I say it's all happened in that dank middle, friends. [00:22:06] Speaker A: Yeah. Oh my goodness. Yes. If no one's told you lately, you are doing a good job right here, right now in the becoming fact that. [00:22:18] Speaker B: You'Re listening to this and that you're even considering, like, do I trust myself? What does that mean for me? How do I show up at that every day? Yes. [00:22:26] Speaker A: So I have a song that I want you to use to remind you that your presence, your progress, and your process all matter. It's Good Job by Alicia Keys. Check out this week's song on the YO Podcast playlist on Spotify. Wow. [00:22:58] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:22:59] Speaker A: Wow. You're doing a good job. [00:23:01] Speaker B: You're doing a good job. Like, we all need to hear that from other people. Yes. But also from ourselves. But man, it does. It's really nice when someone else. [00:23:11] Speaker A: The world needs you now. [00:23:12] Speaker B: Recognize someone else recognizes in you and says, man, you're. You're doing a good job. You're kicking butt, doing great. I see you. [00:23:24] Speaker A: You matter. [00:23:24] Speaker B: You matter. [00:23:25] Speaker A: You matter. All right. [00:23:28] Speaker B: Oh, that was perfect. [00:23:30] Speaker A: I feel like, yes. I feel like those lyrics are just beautifully stirring the things like settling in and reminding us like, yeah, you know what? We doing all right. We're doing a good job. Like, we still showing up, we still doing the things that matters. [00:23:45] Speaker B: It does put that song on whenever you're feeling a little self Doubt. You need to kind of tweak the self trust. Right? Listen to that song. Holy cast of grape. [00:24:00] Speaker A: It is now time for our question of the day. What's one decision, step or boundary that would show your future self? I trust you. [00:24:18] Speaker B: I've been making so many of those lately. It was like left and right probably like, well, you better know what we're doing. I'm like, I trust you. [00:24:25] Speaker A: Yeah. Okay. How about you let me be a little lighter cuz I feel like you about to bring the heat. I don't even know what I'm Okay. All right, well maybe you, you might so a little bit lighter. A while ago, I think I've mentioned a few times, like I've become the 6:30am Girly, which means I'm starting my day a little bit earlier, which magically all these hours and things open up for me to do things. Where did this come from? Where did that come from? They've always been there. Tara. Stop being silly. All right, so the decision to wake up earlier has afforded me the opportunity to establish a morning routine that incorporates self care and reflection. That just reminds me I trust myself now. I trust future me to continue to prioritize my well being. And spoiler alert, it also sets like this positive tone for my entire day when I start off with the full routine. I've said before how much I cherish my slow mornings and I found out by waking up a little bit earlier, my morning has more space to be slow and not rushed. Yes, it gives me morning time to take a walk with my husband if we're both feeling that. And it also gives me that space to have my devotional time that provides focus and gratitude for the day ahead. I'm like, I love it here. This is amazing. I'm like, why? Why ain't nobody telling me about the magic of being a 6:30am girly before now. I had to find this out on my own. It was just a decision. My husband and I wanted to get back into a walking routine. He has this meeting that happens earlier. So if we want to get the full hour in, I have to be willing to get up earlier. And I love that time, especially when we do go for our walks together because like, it allows us to connect and also embrace the stillness of the early morning together. So that's my decision to lean into and really hold sacred that morning morning routine that I've built for myself. [00:26:32] Speaker B: And I love that that has allowed you all of that. You know that one. [00:26:38] Speaker A: Yes. [00:26:38] Speaker B: Seemingly small, a little sacrifice to get. [00:26:42] Speaker A: Up A little bit early. [00:26:43] Speaker B: I'm gonna get up an hour and it will say 90 minutes earlier instead of 8, 6:30. And it has all these wonderful waterfall repercussions. [00:26:52] Speaker A: Yes. [00:26:52] Speaker B: Really expanding and leaning into time for yourself. I really do believe that those early hours in the morning are so important for setting up our day and also just being with ourselves and just like spending time with this person who is so wonderful and. And then you really get to connect with who you are and start your day off calmly and lovingly. I love that. I love that so much. Oh, wow, that's good. No, I really do love that. It doesn't seem like deciding to wake up an hour late to go for a walk could be that pervasive. [00:27:33] Speaker A: Right. But it's literally everything. [00:27:36] Speaker B: And I do feel like when we started the podcast a couple years ago, we were talking about self care and morning time. I was talking about all my rituals and the gratitude journal before bed at night, then get up in the morning, meditate. It was funny because you were just like, who on earth has time to do that? I'm like, nat, you do? [00:27:52] Speaker A: Yes, I do. Like my morning routine, wake up song. I can still do that. And all these other things. And all these other things. I remember being on a walk with my aunt and we were talking about like meetup time or whatever. Like when we would walk. I was like, yeah, I don't think I could ever get up earlier to go walk. Okay, fast forward. Look at me leading the charge. Let's do it. Yes. [00:28:19] Speaker B: I love it. I think the decision for me of working on this digital course, committing to bringing together my knowledge and experience into a tangible product or format with your amazing input in partnership, has just been a really beautiful self trust move. Because I could have just been like, oh, I don't know if this matters. I know it. I do know it matters. And I do know it's powerful and I do know everyone needs to know this information to have these tools. And so here we are putting it out in less than a month and we're actually few weeks. I'm just so glad that we decided to move forward and trust that and that I sat with it for almost two years working with it and still trusting this is going to be good. It's going to have an impact. It's important. I'm meant to share this. We're meant to put this out in the world and that's just something for me that came up. [00:29:25] Speaker A: I love that. All right, explorers, we challenge you with the same question. And, and when you Think about this answer. We really want you to let it rise up slowly. Don't force it. Don't try to make it be something that it's not. Let this answer, decision, step or boundary guide you and let it remind you that you're already on the bridge. You're already there. You're already on the way. You're already doing these things that say you trust yourself. You just have to remember them. You are in motion already. [00:29:59] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:30:00] Speaker A: Trusting yourself is a daily decision. Not a destination, not a performance, not something you earn once and keep it forever. It's really a relationship with yourself. And like any relationship, it's built over time. In these small choices, in these decisions, in these quiet pauses and bold beginnings. [00:30:20] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:30:22] Speaker A: So sit with it, journal through it, carry it into a conversation with a trusted friend. What would change if we all trusted ourselves a little bit more in the in between? Not five steps ahead, not when everything's figured out, but now. [00:30:36] Speaker B: It's very powerful, right? [00:30:38] Speaker A: Yeah, for sure. All right, so I have a quote. I told you this quote. I was like, there is no other quote that would really be a bridge for an episode about bridging between now and next. And this quote is from the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. You don't have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step. [00:31:01] Speaker B: Really feel that. Just feel that there's one step in front of you. Are you gonna take it or not? The rest will be revealed. [00:31:09] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:31:10] Speaker B: One step at a time. Trust that, that. Trust the process. Trust yourself. Trust your knowing. [00:31:16] Speaker A: We don't have to have the full plan. We just need the courage to begin. So take the step. Let your becoming unfold one moment at a time. If this episode gave you a shift, a pause, or a little permission to believe in your becoming, share it with someone else. Navigating the in between. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review and meet us right, right back here next week. Until then, keep listening inward. Keep choosing alignment. [00:31:45] Speaker B: Explorers, we're so glad that you joined us. We trust you to be all of who you are. We trust your evolution, your exploration and your becoming. And we're so excited to meet you on this journey. Thanks for listening. Take good care. Thank you to Queenies in downtown Durham for the use of their community podcast studio and for welcoming us so warmly. Each week. We'd like to give a shout out to Coco Cinnamon, the birthplace of 1023 Media and the yo podcast. Please support your local women owned, minority owned coffee shop in downtown Durham. Brought to you by Durham based 1023 Media, a heart centered woman owned multimedia company.