Episode Transcript
[00:00:03] Speaker A: Welcome to youo Odyssey Podcast where your guides, Tara and Karen invite you on a transformative journey toward wholeness and personal growth.
Each week we'll discuss topics related to the human experience and offer insights to help you along the way.
Please note this podcast should not replace medical care or advice.
We are not licensed healthcare professionals or mental health therapists.
If you enjoyed today's episode, subscribe so you don't miss out on our future discussions.
So explorers, let's dive into today's episode.
[00:00:53] Speaker B: Hey explorers, it's Tara. Karen and I are back again with Mary Graham for the third part in our leadership series. In the first episode we explored the leadership skills most of us were never taught. In the second episode we talked about why those skills are showing up so clearly or the lack thereof showing up so clearly in our world today. And today we're looking at what it actually takes to bring those ideas into real organizations and communities. We're looking ahead to the future.
[00:01:23] Speaker C: Buckle up. I say.
Oh Mary, it's so good to have you back again. This I really have been reflecting on our sessions together and it's just been first of all really powerful and enlightening, but second of all, such a joy to be in conversation with you about something that is clearly so purposeful and meaningful for you and the world and to soak that up and feel a real sense of hope in another otherwise maybe not as shiny time.
So I'm just grateful for your time and you're sharing your expertise with us.
[00:02:03] Speaker D: Thank you. Great to be back again and I think that's a great bridge between last time we were talking about the present. We are in a series of human made crises so we're in lots of discomfort which has been predicted and coming up in the future we're all going to get the opportunity. So we spoke about how visionary leaders have already put the whole person curriculum into many organizations and we require more.
So coming up in the future once there's a little bit of time in the next 12 months where we are sitting in the letting go of what isn't serving us and some of that will be uncomfortable and some of it we're like oh thank goodness I can let go of that in order for us to step into what am I going to stand for in my community, what am I going to preserve and what am I going to invent. So in the rebuild that's coming, when there's a letting go, there's a massive glorious opportunity for a rebuild. And that's the opportunity that's been given to all of us and finding each of our unique.
There is a Karen shaped jigsaw piece in the world for you to inhabit fully. The satara shaped jigsaw piece and there's a merry shaped jigsaw piece. And what's coming is for each of us to find our unique jigsaw piece. Because at the moment we have inhabited half or 20% or followed somebody else. I mean, I've had some very moving and intense conversations this week where a lot of people are wanting to let go.
Spoke with a, with a wonderful leader in our health service who said, you know, I really don't think that I've been inhabiting who I really am. I've lost who.
Yeah. And how can I find myself again and find pieces of myself I didn't know existed?
And what's a good way to do that? Yeah, that was really the question for our cup of tea conversation is give me some signposts. They said, what would be good? And you know, this is what I say to get through this present crisis and this opportunity to open up and let go and remeat ourselves or meet ourselves for the first time in who we really are.
My recommendation from what I've seen in the last 35 years is enter some kind of program where there's a beginning, middle and end, learning more about who I am and my emotional and spiritual skills in this world.
Yeah. Because when there's a clear skills building program and that reads a lot of safety in a crisis, that you're going to enter something in this state and then you're going to see yourself growing, coming out in a different, more whole.
And I also met a wonderful lady this week who is an accountant, came into this world as an accountant and loves making order out of chaos, loves being handed a bunch of numbers and complete chaos for an organization and sorting out and getting them safe and grounded. And Love absolutely loves it. And she also loves exploring the inner world. So she has a qualification in psychology that she did for her own benefit 25 years ago. She's done a qualification in kinesiology for her own benefit.
She's going to be 60 next year. And we had a very brief conversation this week and she said, I know what my place is going to be in the rebuild.
She said, I am going to set up a holistic care home for elders because our current model in the UK is absolutely not working.
The state funded is just crawling along the bottom. The private sector is where everybody has focused on the old one dimensional profit, profit, profit.
And so both are unraveling and she said, I know exactly why I've got this beautiful range of skills from finances to psychology to kinesiology and nutrition. And she said, I just woke up super clear with what would be provided for the elders. And she said all I need to work out is a couple of how to's, you know, with good people around me and then a small safe experiment to do a good quality pilot test and I'm good to go. Yeah.
So she's already seeing in the future where her jigsaw shaped piece.
[00:07:13] Speaker C: That's powerful. It made me cry. That's how I know it's powerful.
[00:07:16] Speaker D: Yeah, that's how I received it when I spoke to her on Wednesday afternoon.
[00:07:23] Speaker B: That is so beautiful. Like her story, I'm sure she doesn't introduce herself as an accountant, kinesiologist, psychology certified person.
But like it's beautiful how she sees all of those pieces, all of those callings are pulling her to something for the future. And that reminded me of something that you talked to us about a little bit earlier about the accurate skills story. What I want you to get clear about for I explorers is like why it's really important to move from those labels to the skills when we're talking about under understanding people and moving forward in whole person education in the future.
[00:07:57] Speaker D: Absolutely. And you reminded me of a fantastic book I read in the 90s, you know when I said that, you know, pre Internet and there were three books and it was called it was on Fire when I lay on it. That was the title. It was on fire when I lay on it.
[00:08:17] Speaker C: Oh God, this episode.
[00:08:19] Speaker D: I think his first name was Robert. I'm pretty confident the surname is Fulgram.
And he absolutely was in the mid-90s describing how he wouldn't introduce himself as a label. You know, I'm a CEO, I'm an accountant, I'm this, this, this. And lots of funny stories about what he would have on his card to introduce himself.
Hilarious book.
And you know, absolutely.
But I've always found, you know, a label unhelpful, you know, so what I've always preferred is to say I'm Mary and this is what I do in an average week. So this is what you'll see me doing and whatever label you want to put on it, that's fine by me.
You know, there's not a label out there that, that sits comfortably with me. I'm okay with that because. Absolutely. I don't need a label to go through, through life.
[00:09:25] Speaker C: You know who you are, you know what your skills are.
[00:09:28] Speaker D: Yeah, absolutely. I had another beautiful conversation this week with a chap around, around 40ish. He's a senior leader in a big sports club and a very prestigious sports club.
And he said, and I love it when a conversation starts with, I've been thinking about, not sure I really want to do it.
But, you know, now that you're here, I'll have a bit of a chat about it. You know, it's that beautiful, ambivalent place. It's half an idea. I'm probably not going to do it, so don't take me too seriously.
[00:10:07] Speaker C: A bit of an opening.
[00:10:09] Speaker D: Yeah, absolutely. So leaving some wiggle room and I love it when it starts like that. And so as I was asking questions about, you know, what he was passionate about, what he was seeing happen in the way that this club was being run. And we did the accurate skill story of the sports club. What's the sports club staff? 120 of them doing brilliantly with their skills. What's four or five missing skills it would be great for the staff to develop? And what are some unhelpful behavior patterns that the club falls into? It's a culture. Yeah, same as, you know, all of the little cultures. Microcosm of cultures.
[00:10:49] Speaker C: Yes, exactly.
[00:10:49] Speaker D: Same as my, my culture.
And what we got to through a series of conversations was him going, at the end, I'm taking on this mission.
So he's then seen his unique jigsaw piece and what he's going to do is to ensure that the 120 staff are all fit with the problem solving skills, the proper emotional and spiritual problem solving skills to be able to work together better and put some success measures on what we are going to save wasted energy by not sharing, by blaming, by getting in a clique, by, you know, chatting behind people's backs. He said, I can see myself putting these success messages on the table so that we can. Then there's a new CEO coming.
He said, what I want is to be able to tell the CEO of what we've done over six months and how we've moved ourselves from wasted energy, stressed, underperforming, you know, 20% of the time, and how we've transformed that by the words we use when we problem solve and the processes that we use when we problem solve. And he said that's I'm ready to do that. And I think that's the question for us today, is he's ready, how is he going to get fully properly prepared?
Yeah. So we may be finding where our piece is, we may know where it is and say, yeah, I'm ready to go for that piece. And the bit we're all going to be asked to do in the next 18 months or so is get really fully prepared for the rebuilt because there are skills that I know that I'm going to be asked in the rebuilt when we can really create organizations and cultures in society that can really sit together and problem solve.
There's going to be some areas where I can tell you straight away it's going to be good if I get stronger at that. Oh, I'm going to wobble there.
Oh, I'm going to hide and avoid there when that happens, you know, so I'm already, you know, get that list and see. Right. Where can I set myself some opportunities to be brave and have those conversations in just enough bite sized chunks as we spoke to. So I'm not going to terrify myself and try and eat a whole elephant but. And I am going to get the skill. So I'm going to really write my focused goals.
So I was wondering whether this is. This is. Was an opportunity to actually ask the questions about what we're all wishing for in the rebuild.
[00:13:35] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:13:37] Speaker D: And how we're going to get ourselves ready. So how about we do those questions now and then we'll see what, what falls out of that.
[00:13:44] Speaker B: Okay, perfect.
[00:13:45] Speaker C: That would be great. I wanted to point out too, for anyone listening that Mer Mary mentioned this idea of letting go. Right. And sometimes that feels uncomfortable.
Sometimes the sitting in it feel is. Well, sitting in it doesn't feel great. I could say right now. But just be aware when something comes up for you and if it feels uncomfortable, it doesn't mean it's wrong for you. It just means it's new. It just means that there's something there for you that you just haven't looked at yet. And just be really gentle and kind with yourself as you do the exploration.
[00:14:22] Speaker D: Yeah, I love it. I think, you know, if we think about what we all want to be saying to each other in the future, there's one of the things that you highlighted I want to be saying to you. Karen, I'm in some discomfort.
I trust myself to navigate through it and I also trust myself to ask my help. If I get to a point where I think I don't know how to deal with this piece.
[00:14:49] Speaker C: Right, right. That real agency.
[00:14:51] Speaker D: Imagine if we could all say that.
[00:14:54] Speaker C: Yeah. If we all were in a place of awareness where we knew when we when the difference between having agency and feeling like I can work through this. I trust myself and Knowing where and when to ask for help, even just that discernment is a. Is a beautiful skill.
[00:15:10] Speaker D: Yeah. Yeah. And that's what this era is asking us to get really skilled at. So in the future we can all say, yeah, I'm in some discomfort and I'm moving through it and I know when to say a little bit of support or just leave me with it. I'm on it. It's moving through it.
[00:15:31] Speaker B: Learning.
[00:15:32] Speaker C: I think learning emotional regulation is a really key piece of that, because as you're experiencing emotions that are coming up, there's so much information when we're experiencing emotions, and if you tend to suppress it or shut it down, then you're not really going to get to the piece of the information. What is that? What is that? Why do I need to know this? What is this pointing to? How is this serving me? What wound is this protecting or trigger? Is this covering? And how can I move through that? So the next time I'm aware of it and I know where I can look and the skills that I need to build and could do that with compassion for myself and trust in myself.
[00:16:10] Speaker D: And I love what you said that one option we have is to shut down, go into a bit of a freeze. The other option is to flood ourselves, you know, and somewhere along that scale, I can do a bit of both. I can shut down, I can flood myself.
Had some experience of moving through both of those places. And I'm. I'm aware. I'm obviously, I'm really aware when I'm flooding myself. Right?
[00:16:34] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:16:35] Speaker D: You know, because I get a headache and my adrenaline's pumping.
[00:16:39] Speaker C: Yeah, right.
[00:16:39] Speaker D: And I punch something.
So that's. That's pretty.
Just ignore that.
But the slightly disconnected place is the bit where a little bit more awareness on my part when I get into that slightly disconnected place. But the great opportunity for me when I'm in the slightly disconnected, just go out and have a dance. And as soon as I hit the dance floor, the thing that I've been ignoring or disconnected from just comes in like, okay, here we go. I got it.
[00:17:11] Speaker C: The body always knows. I'm realizing that more and more. The body always knows. And then you can move it through the body. And once you get in your body, there's so much information there for us.
[00:17:23] Speaker D: And that's certainly on my wish list for the next stage. The first stage of the future is making sure we're all really skilled in our emotional and spiritual intelligence. And then can we have some little dance rooms at work that we can just go into when we want some healing, soothing and ideas.
That's big on my agenda. I love that.
So let's get the skills first. So a question to us. There's a rebuild coming. We, every single one of us, have an opportunity to take our jigsaw shaped piece in the rebuild. So first question, in the rebuild, what do you wish for yourself? And again, pen and paper, write it down. In the rebuild, what do you wish for yourself?
[00:18:14] Speaker C: Great question.
[00:18:15] Speaker D: So in the rebuild, we want to be able to vision and wish. What's my soul yearning for? What's my biggest wish?
What do I really want to step into? Who do I want to become?
And then followed by the important accurate skill story question is therefore, what is that asking me to develop in terms of a skill in order to bring the wish for myself to reality?
What's the biggest skill in there for me to develop?
[00:18:44] Speaker C: My third eye was buzzing, so I knew there was something coming through that I wasn't quite getting to. I was like, okay, yeah, let me just.
[00:18:51] Speaker D: Okay.
[00:18:52] Speaker C: Oh, there it is, there it is.
And that'll be number one. Because I had listed a few other things, I was like, oh, now, nope,
[00:18:59] Speaker D: that's not getting to the root of it. Let's go to the question around what kind of society do you want to take your part in? Yeah. What kind of culture do you want to lead?
So what's your wish for an area of the culture, an area of society that you're drawn to?
What's the wish that you would love to take your one part in bringing to reality?
[00:19:37] Speaker C: So the dream vision for the culture itself?
[00:19:40] Speaker D: So when you look at the culture and society and communities, what are you drawn to? Yeah, because there's an area that you'll absolutely be drawn to. Obviously mine's education and leadership.
You know, what are you drawn to? And a good question when we go to more of a macro vision, so, you know, there's the microvision of how I'm going to grow myself and my wish for myself. And then when we step into a little bit bigger, stretchier goal and this, I could feel some vibration of my fear coming through. Like a really good question to ask at this point is where am I in a state of readiness to step forward and take my one part? Where am I right now today in my state of readiness? Which of course brings me back to my accurate skill story stuff. I am ready missing skill that it would be really good for me to develop because I just really. I wrote down in big letters my fear explanation mark.
So there's A skill there for me too.
And then I wrote down bite sized pieces. Hold it lighter, Merry. So where are you in your state of readiness?
You can put a grade on it. You can say 4 out of 10. This is not a judgment, it's a statement of fair objective assessment which allows me to go, okay, so if I'm 4 out of 10 today, then I've got some steps to take myself to seven. Eight. Good enough.
And I can then manage my emotions down into.
As we were speaking earlier about elite athletes who go into. The wise adult is break the elephant down into bite sized pieces, put it into a six month training program and take myself from four out of ten to seven.
So where am I in my state of readiness today?
Naming the truth of the starting point.
Create success on the journey.
[00:21:40] Speaker C: Yeah. It was interesting because the culture piece, for me, it's kind of where I am already.
So I just sort of look at that as am I taking the easy way out? Because I'm already doing those things. I was like, no, it's, it's, it. I'm in the wheelhouse. Which is great to know. But there are skills. Yes.
[00:21:59] Speaker D: To obtain the thing that I really loved that Marianne Williamson has been saying a lot the last two or three years, you know, because she's been at. Right at the vanguard for, for many a decade is I love it when Marianne's super clear.
Speak louder, do more, do better.
If you've already started something. Yes, I've started something. I've been doing it 30 years. But I can do more.
Speak it louder, clearer with, with my message. I can do better. And then it's about joining up. Yeah. Because I am not, you know, last century was all about one person's going to save the world.
It's only in the joining up and doing it together.
[00:22:46] Speaker C: Be a heck of a lot for one person to try to handle.
Gotta share the load. I mean that's sort of, you know, we are communal society connection being. So let's all connect in our highest.
At our highest. Jigsaw piece.
[00:23:03] Speaker D: Yeah. And we are really magnetized and attracted to he. She's gonna save us.
[00:23:11] Speaker C: Sure.
[00:23:12] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah. She's gonna do it for us.
[00:23:14] Speaker C: That's a whole lot easier. Right. If you don't have to claim responsibility for your part.
[00:23:18] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know, I, I often think, oh, there's somebody, you know, maybe they're going to create the breakthrough and I can have a rest.
Oh, and back to me again.
[00:23:31] Speaker C: You're like, oh, oh, I see what I did there.
[00:23:35] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:23:36] Speaker C: I think that fair, objective assessment is really helpful because. Because you can know approximately what your vision for the culture is, where you fit in, what your wish is for, your wholeness and still be okay with like, but I'm in like a 5.3 or something, you know, just know that. Just be like, okay, that's cool. It's, you know, we don't have to do this overnight. But the awareness and having a bit of a compass pointed in the direction of where I want to go and where I'm needed and then building the skills to effectively go there and to do better and to speak louder.
[00:24:14] Speaker D: Yeah. The question is, what is the skill missing skill for me to really start inhabiting and embodying, to take my part in the culture change, the rebuild the community bit that I'm drawn to. I never ceased to be impressed by how well crafted questions, and these are all questions I've had said to me and collected and how a well crafted question just goes right to the heart of the issue and right to the root of my next piece of my emotional and spiritual development.
[00:24:56] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:24:57] Speaker D: Awesome.
[00:24:57] Speaker C: I just think like that is the basis of clear, powerful, effective communication is knowing the questions to ask. Right. Asking better questions, active listening, paying attention with focus, but asking better questions, but especially of self.
Like sometimes I don't know the questions to ask myself, you know, but this, this boy, this just kind of just got right down to it.
[00:25:26] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I absolutely, when I was talking to this guy with the passion for rebuilding the sports club and I did the where are you in your readiness and what are the skills?
And he was focusing on his energy and his leadership style. And then I said, in terms of giving people a different experience of problem solving together, that's where the preparation is to reach out and get some really structured questions.
Because what won't work is just going in and saying, right, we're going to do a better problem solving process.
You know, tell me what's working and tell me what's not working that's going to invite our parent and child to start going, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ba. Yeah. So when we craft the questions, it's that beautiful spiritual commitment of doing the questions beforehand and thinking that the questions are going to activate the wisdom in the room, not the fear and the screaming and the anger and the blame.
One of the things is to do a debate about a topic that you're passionate about without blaming somebody from the past, without saying they got it wrong and they should have. But to say there were things that happened in the past that weren't working and weren't skillful enough. And now this is what I'm ready to do and what I'm inviting you to do.
So being able to debate without doing blame and shame of the past is a really important spiritual commitment, and that requires crafting the questions.
[00:27:01] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:27:01] Speaker D: I would get us to a place,
[00:27:03] Speaker C: I would imagine going through this in whatever the leadership group is or whoever is going to be involved in the new paradigm of problem solving and coming together and communicating, getting you through these questions. It does make it very clear, as opposed to just jumping in and saying, okay, let's fix this. You know, what's wrong? How can we make it better? Like, it's. That's just so. Feels so superficial and not at all gonna really address the root.
[00:27:33] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah. And that's the shift.
Yeah, yeah.
So how was that process? Classic post questions. Writing is how was the process? What did you notice while you were activating your whole self?
[00:27:53] Speaker B: I noticed a lot of things. Like, the question is, like, what kind of culture do you want to lead? The same thing that Karen was feeling. It's like we are actively creating the culture that we want to lead, and it's how we show up in the different spaces that we are invited into.
So it was really good. Like, a.
A warm, fuzzy confirmation of, like, the path that you're on, the.
The space that you're in and the space that you're creating as your unique jigsaw piece is exactly where you're supposed to be. Which means the future is shifted and changed because like you, you, I, me, we, Karen, have embodied our contribution to creating the future that we see.
[00:28:33] Speaker D: Yeah. Yeah, brilliant. And then if you're working with people who say, how did you get started and how did you get rooted in your purpose? You can tell them how you got there, what skills you developed to get there, and what exercises you went through.
[00:28:50] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:28:50] Speaker D: Because there's going to be a lot of people in the next two years are going to come forward and say, like, I've lost myself. I have no idea where to go right now.
So please give me some really clear signposts and skills for me to develop. Because when we're lost, we need a map and a compass.
[00:29:05] Speaker C: Yeah. And I do think a lot of people are feeling that way just in. Just in social conversation. You know, it's starting to come up more. You know, where. Where do I want to focus my energy? I just had a conversation with someone the other evening who is, for instance, going to this event that's happening here in the States tomorrow. Right. There's a lot of people gathering, protest. What's going on.
Okay, you've got one as well. I wasn't sure. So.
And the person asked me, so are you going to be there on Saturday? And I said, no, actually.
And he was like.
He was curious. He wasn't judging at all. He was like, oh, so. And like, you know, why. Why is that? What are you. I said, well, first of all, I don't listen to mainstream media.
And second of all, it's not my lane.
I know that there are people who feel strongly and want to gather and want to do this in a group and want to protest.
I personally don't feel like that's. I feel like it's everyone's right, and I feel like it's wonderful and beautiful for them. For me, I feel like cleaning up my own house energetically, spiritually, emotionally, and exampling and helping people to create shifts and changes. That's where. That's my lane. And I'm clear about that. And he was like, okay, I. I like. Because I think he's, like, asking people, because he wants people to be there and he wants people to get out. And I'm like, it's.
It's not. It's not my lane, actually. It's not. I said, I know exactly what I'm supposed to be. You know, I'm gonna. I will bless it all day long. I will bless it. May it. May it fuel something positive. May it help the people who are gathering. May it be something that's heard, you know, across the entire globe. And also, actually, my piece. That's not my Jigsaw piece.
[00:31:08] Speaker D: Yeah. And I think you're speaking out. One of the really important life skills and leadership skills is being able to say no and being able to say, I'm okay with being different on this issue. Yeah, we're together. I'm together on this issue. I think we mentioned it before as well, because it's really important is I'm okay with being different on this issue. And. And that's a no. But. And that. That's really great.
[00:31:35] Speaker C: It felt really good.
It felt really good. It was. I was so clear about it, and I knew exactly, you know, who I am, and that's not for me, and that's okay.
[00:31:46] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:31:46] Speaker C: Yeah. And not judging who it is for saying, like, that's the wrong way or who am I to say? I'm. I'm just talking about my wheelhouse, my.
[00:31:55] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:31:55] Speaker C: My soul. Yeah. Mary, you had asked us a question. What was the question specifically that you
[00:32:01] Speaker D: said, what did you notice?
What came up for you? What did you notice? You. You, Tara said beautifully. It confirmed that you have found your jigsaw piece and you're serving it and it's absolutely you taking your part your way. Yeah.
And then I started talking about people who may not know that right now, but will get it pretty quickly with some good guidance and direction from yourselves and the people that I talk to.
And then we're already starting to do the joining up and our voices are clearer because there are many, many pieces. And I think that's the other skill at the moment. There's so much in the rebuild.
I check in and then I come back and focus on the one piece I can do. So I'm not going to flood myself with how big the job is.
[00:32:57] Speaker C: Right, right.
[00:33:00] Speaker D: I'm aware of it. And then what I want to get is super skilled at keeping in the bit that I can fix to be of service and giving myself lots of rest and rewards.
[00:33:13] Speaker C: I put that in there as well. About the consistency of leading and being visible and also knowing that I will need compassionate, graceful rest and understanding where, you know where that is. It's funny because I think Tara and I are both sort of learning the steps to that dance.
And, you know, it keep. It comes up for either one of us in different ways. Okay. So we know big picture and we have, we have steps. And then also sometimes you forget to rest when you're so excited about your jigsaw puzzle piece and you want it maybe to happen faster, but it's that striving that do more, that doesn't really serve when you're in this EQSQ realm of, of skill development.
It's how you do. How do you stay consistent and committed without pushing or forcing. I guess that's really what's coming up for me.
[00:34:17] Speaker D: Great. The balance. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Under and over.
And what does that balance?
And for me, it's a.
It's a. It's a drop of that and then it's a drop of that and a drop of that and. And, and it's like molecules and it's that fine, you know, one drop that way and I'm in the under and one drop that way, I'm in the over.
[00:34:38] Speaker C: It's a very well balanced recipe of.
[00:34:41] Speaker D: Absolutely. I mean, just this week, because I've been teaching early, I've missed two pickleball sessions. My whole body and psyche is thrown by missing two 90 minute pickleball sessions, which is Where I get my fun and my rewards, you know, the joys. Because there are so many joys still to be had in the crisis and the hard work of the beginning of the rebuild. There's still the simple joys around.
[00:35:12] Speaker C: It's really important to focus on that.
[00:35:14] Speaker B: Yeah, we were just talking about that yesterday, Karen, with the women that we met with, about leaning into the joys, doing a joy inventory, figuring out where the glimmers are. Because like you said, Mary, there is so much crisis, so much transition. And that can feel a little like, ah, but remembering like the joy. So it's pickleball or dance in the kitchen or dance at work, wherever you're dancing, like movement and leaning into those things is going to be really important as you work out your molecular balance on all of the aspects of your whole self. And in different seasons it might look a little bit different. You're like, well, now I need a little bit more, more of the sq, A little bit more of the deep work in the EQ or some knowledge building for the iq. It's going to look different. And that's okay. As you adjust and move through the vision of the future. I love that.
[00:36:01] Speaker C: Yeah, for me, like taking a walk and looking at the flowers that are coming out, it sounds so.
[00:36:08] Speaker B: It sounds.
[00:36:08] Speaker C: I mean, it brings me so much joy. It brings me so much joy. I'm. I am super simple when it comes to joy. I'm like really basic stuff. Hearing the birds, literally.
[00:36:20] Speaker D: Yeah. I was separated from my favorite piece of joy for two days because the cat wasn't speaking to me.
Because Sunday was flea drop day.
So when I deliver the flea drops, I'm the bad guy. So for two days he won't even eye contact me.
That's hilarious.
And so when it's usually day four, so it was yesterday, he's over it. He's moved into the forgiveness space.
And then that's just that simple joy of being woken at 3am with the cat bouncing on my head. Oh, he loves me again.
[00:37:04] Speaker C: That's hilarious.
He was not pleased with you whatsoever and then decided to forgive.
[00:37:12] Speaker D: So when what you were saying, Tara, about, you know, being able to say where I am and what I need, that's the future that every leader in every organization can create that education for everybody.
Yeah. So if every leader said great. When people arrive and join this organization, whether it's the gardening community or it's the, the sports club or it's the workplace, the induction program holds these skills so that everybody can say with wisdom, this is how I'm looking after myself. If we've got extra work this month, which I've chosen to say yes to, this is how I'm going to take care of myself. So we move from the, you know, the blaming and the victim and the powerless. It's so busy. I'm so stressed to actually saying I've chosen to say yes to this extra. Here's how I'm going to look after myself and this is what I'm doing. So it's a real, real culture change in the way that we speak to each other and that's just in how we look after ourselves, let alone how we sit down and solve some complex issues together. I will get hot and bothered about because I've got some favorite opinions on that issue and how I dial down that heat and become present to take part in the problem solving from my wise estate. And I think one of my wishes for the future, I'll be really clear is I think that any big leadership role asks the leader in that position to have a psychological assessment.
And I think a society that I want to be part of is I want the leaders with the big jobs to say I'm absolutely up to do the EQ and the SQ tests and be assessed absolutely, yeah, 100%, not a problem.
I'm proud of what I'm great at. A couple of things I'm missing a couple of unhelpful behaviors that I'm working on.
Nothing to hide, I'm good to go. And I think that's, you know, one of the things that I think is really going to transform us if we're brave enough.
The bigger the jolt, the more the demands on the emotional and spiritual intelligence and Absolutely, yeah, start that ball rolling. Somebody out there is already thinking about setting that ball rolling.
[00:39:41] Speaker C: And it's a big red flag when someone in the position says absolutely not. It's like, what are you afraid of? What are you hiding? You know, it's a covering of, of the, the undeveloped skill set. Right. I think I, and probably a lot of humans go to the place of, well, I don't want anybody to know that about me because that looks like a negative thing. And then, then I will, it won't be worthy and then they'll think less of me or whatever it is that people go through. Right. In that ego mind state.
I think it's really important to notice that and to have that sort of trained out, trained out of idea.
[00:40:21] Speaker B: I'm looking at it.
Oh we now there's like a greater opportunity if the leader if the CEO of the organization is like, this is a skill I need to develop or an area that I'm not so strong in, then as you're building out your team, you can find someone that can complement that area. So like, it's a greater awareness of the opportunity available to create the culture that's being hopeful and like, oh, that sounds amazing.
[00:40:44] Speaker C: Yeah, right. Because not everybody, not every leader is going to have every skill all the time. Like we'd all, we would not be where we are. So just knowing where their support is needed allows for the opportunity for support to show up and for that to shift. Yeah, absolutely.
[00:41:00] Speaker D: Yeah.
And there are leaders out there doing it in their organizations. I worked with an organization that went through a big merger and the, the two CEOs said, you know, while we go through this merger, there are going to be some challenges and this is the behavior I might do, please give me some feedback. And the other CEO said exactly the same. That was groundbreaking.
They're not the only ones because you know, when I share with you, if you see me going into this behavior or that behavior, I'm available for feedback.
That then takes away this old fashioned definition of power, which is power to manipulate and power to hide.
And then we move into all sharing from our inner power.
And that's a big step and many organizations and leaders have done that. Where we are is let's do more. I have no idea where we're going to get to in the rebuild in the future. But what I know is I'm really committed and excited to keep myself fit and healthy, to take my one part and that, that's all that I can say for myself and that I will eat well, sleep well, exercise well, have fun and gain more skills and show up to take part in the rebuild. There's lots and lots of us out there doing and there's lots of people who are ready to be found and ready to join in and ready to speak more clearly about what really is the issue we've got here, which is our inner education.
We've not been given it. I truly believe that we collectively have let down a lot of people by not providing them with the education.
And that's not a blame. I was part of it because I was busy over here or I was completing my own missing education.
And I'm ready to keep doing the next steps so that we can really give every citizen, wherever their destiny is in life, their authentic passion, the education they absolutely are craving for and that they deserve. That's what I'm here to do and that's what I'm going to stay focused on. And it's lovely to hear the other pieces, the other bits that are happening and that we can reach out to each other. I can reach out to you when I'm overwhelmed, like, oh, I'm on a day where I've lost my sense of hope, I'm not trusting myself and I feel overwhelmed and then we can reach out to each other for, oh, I've got half an idea. Can I be brave enough to put it out there to a few more people?
[00:43:49] Speaker C: Right, right.
[00:43:51] Speaker D: That's the joining up and the connecting that, that we're about to enter into.
So that's been great to go through these three parts with you.
[00:44:03] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:44:05] Speaker C: I have so much goodness in each of you.
[00:44:07] Speaker B: I have one more question, one forward looking question.
What gives you hope about the future of leadership?
[00:44:16] Speaker D: What gives me hope is every single human being that I connect with, leader or non leader, is doing their absolute best without the resources, without the education, without the support.
So imagine what's going to happen when we give each other the right education, the right support, the right resources.
And of course there are people out there who are do not want to hear, of course they are. But there are millions who are really ready and that's what keeps me going and gives me hope is I've only had one leader that I've worked with that I've had to say, sorry, we're done.
Wow. Yeah. There was only one in the thousands that I've worked with. Yeah. And of course there are some out there. Of course there are. And we're working with what we can fix.
[00:45:15] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:45:16] Speaker D: The hunger, the wow.
[00:45:20] Speaker B: Yeah. This has been amazing. This journey past, present and future has definitely been inspiring for me and I hope for our listeners as well. Mary, thank you so much for sharing the depth and breadth of your knowledge, your passion and your purpose with us on these episodes Exploring visionary leadership. We really appreciate it.
[00:45:41] Speaker C: Mary, if someone, a leader or non leader of any organization or in private sector or self is wanting to reach out to you and access your expertise, is there something that the way that they can reach you or find you? Is there a resource or place that you have that they can go to?
[00:46:00] Speaker D: Yeah, absolutely. Anybody that wants to reach out can email me at Mary M E r m e rr yp eu so that is my email, Mary. VisionaryLeadership EU and there's a little website called light-the way.co.uk Great, beautiful email. Is is the best way to contact me.
[00:46:29] Speaker C: I think you are doing Amazing, beautiful, important work. And I'm so grateful that we cross paths, and I'm grateful that you have spent this time with us, Mary.
[00:46:41] Speaker D: Thank you. And I have been fed by amazing, visionary leaders out there. So, you know, I've just sucked up and then added my own little flavors to it. So I'm delighted that we're on the same path, doing the same journey. Yeah.
[00:47:01] Speaker C: The wavelength is, is resonant for sure. Yeah, I think it's powerful. It's a great sort of self awareness inventory. It helps deepen self awareness about, you know, just your inner dialogue and how the things that we think we're lacking, sort of, we end up defending and just communicating from that place and how to shift that. And I just think there's just, just, oh, so many benefits to working this process.
[00:47:32] Speaker B: Definitely. Definitely.
We've been sitting for a while.
[00:47:37] Speaker C: We have been sitting for a while.
[00:47:39] Speaker B: We've been sitting for a while. And what you said about, like, working through the process and Mary's reminders like that, you know, this, this future, this culture shift that we are working towards as individual jigsaw pieces rarely begins with like this grand gesture. Like, all of a sudden, everyone wakes up and everyone on the same page. Everyone's in harmony with their whole self. It actually begins with you, me, Jack and Jill being willing to practice something different together. And there is this song that comes to mind that is very hopeful, very future focused by two amazing artists. And the song is Glory by Common featuring John Legend.
[00:48:30] Speaker A: Check out this week's song on the YO Podcast playlist on Spotify.
[00:48:38] Speaker C: It just echoes what Mary was saying, right?
[00:48:40] Speaker D: That it's.
[00:48:41] Speaker C: It's not going to happen individually. I mean, we start with the individual. Right. But there's a coming together.
Yeah. Like, we need, you know, we need to link arms and. And walk up that mountain together.
[00:48:53] Speaker B: For sure. For sure. I'm like, I know the song before I've listened to it. But listening to it in reflection and context of the conversations that we've had with Mary, it's like, listen, one individual can't win the war, but all of us together, we are absolutely able to shift the culture. And I love where the conversation went today. It's like, this quote is like, okay.
[00:49:19] Speaker C: Oh, boy.
[00:49:21] Speaker B: Today's quote is from cultural anthropologist, author and speaker Margaret Mead.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world.
Indeed. It's the only thing that ever has.
[00:49:40] Speaker C: Let's go.
Yeah. It's true. Right?
Like, it's. It's got to start somewhere. And every One of us in our microcosm, in our community, and even in our family has the opportunity to begin this education, to begin this awareness, and then to teach it and example it, live it, and that will ripple out. And then at some point there's a tipping point, right?
[00:50:10] Speaker D: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:50:11] Speaker C: And it's definitely. And that is on its way.
[00:50:14] Speaker B: It's on its way. And the culture and the vision, the future that we hold dear, it rarely begins with like an institutional change. It begins with us as individual people willing to lead and move and live differently. So this has been amazing. This has been.
And better than my wildest dreams for what this episode, what these episodes, what this leadership series could even be. And I am again, deeply appreciative and grateful for Mary for sharing all of her knowledge with us, being open and courageous in how she chooses to lead us as well. So.
All right. I don't, I don't know what else.
[00:50:57] Speaker C: I don't think there's anything else to say because it's just sort of like, yeah, it's been.
Yeah. A beautiful ride.
[00:51:05] Speaker B: So until next time, explore. Remember that leadership isn't only about titles or positions. It lives in the way that we show up, the courage we bring to difficult moments and the cultures we quietly continue to shape each and every day.
[00:51:20] Speaker C: Oh, beautiful. Yeah. And explorers, it is a process where you move towards your vision and your goal of wholeness, of becoming the Jigsaw piece, doing your part, and also treating yourself with compassion, with kindness, with love, with grace, with forgiveness even, and just take the next step. We love you so much. Thank you for joining us for visionary leadership and you take good care.
[00:51:51] Speaker E: Thank you to Queenies in downtown Durham for the use of their community podcast studio and for welcoming us so warmly.
[00:51:57] Speaker C: Each week
[00:52:00] Speaker E: we'd like to give a shout out to Cocoa Cinnamon, the birthplace of 1023 Media and the yo podcast. Please support your local women owned minority owned coffee shop in downtown Durham.
Brought to you by Durham based 1023 Media, a heart centered, woman owned multimedia company.
[00:52:29] Speaker D: It.
